The Unforgettable

I lie quietly in bed tears streaming down my face next to Carlo as he snores in deep slumber. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do, what to say when he wakes up. His snoring stops and I tense up, he stretches then tightens his arm around me pulling me close to him.

I sniffle staring out of the window at the night sky across the room, I don’t know what time it is my phone died last night and I think I left it downstairs. Hopefully it’s hours from morning. I start to tear up again, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe he won’t remember that even happening, maybe he just proposed because he was drunk. . . But what if he does remember and that’s what he meant to do? Maybe that’s why he seemed a little off. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him but I’m no good for him if this is what he wants. I wish we could just disappear together. . . Who am I kidding? Even if I was given the chance I probably wouldn’t take it, I’d find any excuse not to. What’s wrong with me? I start sniffling and choking on my cries and breath, after having a quiet coughing fit I calm myself down, close my eyes and force myself to go sleep.

“Shit!”

There’s a loud crash and I jump sitting up in the bed, I look around crazily and I don’t see anything. How long have I been asleep? I begin looking around for my phone soon remembering it's dead downstairs. Then I hear Carlo’s voice cursing in the bathroom again, my heart sinks and I bite my lip. I start to get up and check on him, but then I hear him growl and decide against it. I debate whether I should pretend I am still asleep but decide against that too because I’m too late and he’s returned to the room. He has a hand in his hair, wiping his eye woth the other then he looks at me and he doesn’t smile like he usually does which strains my heart even more.

Quietly he walks to the bed, moves the covers and gets underneath lying on his back and he stares at the ceiling. Is he not going to say anything? Is he just going to awkwardly avoid it, does he remember, what’s wrong with him?

I chew on my lip thinking of what to say then I start to speak and I can’t because there’s phlegm. I clear my throat and his eyes shift to me, I shrink into myself and decide not to speak. He’s reading me and I want to tell him to stop because I don’t feel like he should go fishing for hidden cues or analyzing body language. I sigh and close my eyes, that’s when he speaks.

“What’s wrong love?”

I bite my lip, a tear rolls down my cheek, thankfully he isn’t on that side of me to see.

“Nothing,” my voice is raspy. “Are you okay?”

“I am. . . I feel a little ill, I can’t recall the last time I drank that much. I don’t regret it I must say, I had a lot of fun.”

I smile a little, it seems like he doesn’t remember.

He takes a breath then sits up, “I’m uh- I apologize for that one part in the night.”

I gnaw on my lip again not wanting to respond, he doesn’t press for a response.

“I don’t remember much, but I know the major thing I did do. I don’t really know what to say. . . I’m sorry for upsetting you, it wasn’t my intention. I know it’s a sensitive subject for you, your relationship whereabouts. . . But,” he looks at me. “I need you to know that this is difficult for me too.”

My eyes are glassy when I look at him, “is the ring for me? Did you buy that ring for me?” I ask in a barely audible voice.

Please say no, please say it’s your great grandmother’s or something, just don’t say you bought this damn wedding ring for me!

He takes my hand in his, “I did.”

I burst into tears.

He shakes hos head, “Sweetheart I’m not trying to rush things or scare you or pressure you. When I bought this I didn’t have any plan to propose to you this week, I was drunk.”

“But you knew!” I blubber. “You already know that you want to marry me!”

“Well of course Gianna,” he looks at me dumbfoundedly. “I knew from the day you told me that you wanted to pursue things with me that I was going to marry you.”

I stare at him not knowing how to respond. I’m blown away, a little creeped out, I’m speechless but most of all, I’m very sad. I feel hopeless and helpless.

I stare at the side of his head, he’s not looking at me and he kisses my hand.

He chuckles a little, “I hope I didn’t frighten you too much. I get a little passionate when I drink.”

Hm.

When I don’t reply he looks at me, I force a smile upon my lips. He takes a deep breath and kisses my forehead.

“Would you like some coffee?”

I nod, he nods too then gets up, slides his sweatpants on and leaves the room padding his way down stairs. I start to feel queasy the moment he leaves. I groan a little and then my mind starts churning along with my stomach. I’m flattered, but the fact that he bought me a wedding ring a few weeks in is a little weird, right? Maybe he’s some hopeless romantic that knows love when he sees it? I shake my head, but he can't pull moves like that. This isn’t a show or some Disney movie, sadly it’s real life.