Your Voice

Was it bad that I kind of wanted that hug to last forever? Probably, but I don’t care. It was hard letting Kade go, it was hard driving away. I smiled as I thought about it, about how shy and adorable he was. He hadn’t hugged me back and though it had worried me at the time, thinking about it now just makes me smile tenderly. I knew he wasn’t really close to his parents, so the sudden caring gesture probably caught him by surprise. Well, if Gemma and I had anything to do with things, he’d get used to being hugged. And more, a part of my brain thought, though I quickly shook the thought away. I’d settle for hugs right then, that was enough. Maybe part of me wanted more, despite the fact that he was only 17 and still underage, but I wasn’t going to act on it. Kade needed friends and I was more than happy to fulfil that role.

The phone at my desk rang, snapping me out of my thoughts. “John’s Watkins office, how can I help?” I said automatically, trying to focus my thoughts on the phone call and away from a certain blue-eyed, dark-haired boy.
“Hi, Dylan, it’s me,” John said and I frowned; I hadn’t even realised John had left his office… God, how long had I been daydreaming?
“Hey,” I said, holding the phone between my ear and shoulder as I opened John’s calendar, knowing that he was most likely phoning to check something.
“Do I have anything booked this afternoon?” he asked and I smiled to myself as I checked.
“Yes, you have a team meeting at 3pm,” I told him and I heard him sigh.
“Okay, thanks,” he said. “I’ll be back at the office in about half an hour.”
“No problem,” I said before ending the call. I glanced at the clock and realised it was 1.30 – John was probably just at lunch and I’d missed him leaving. I shook my head and went to the staff kitchen to get my own lunch out of the small shared fridge. I pulled out my tupperware box with a ham sandwich inside and went back to my desk to eat. Yeah, it was kind of sad eating lunch at my desk, but I didn’t really care. 1) it was less effort than actually going out and finding food, 2) it was cheaper, and, 3) I could get on with some uni work during my 45 minute break.

A shadow fell over my desk about 15 minutes into my break, and I looked up and silently groaned. “Hey, honey,” Grant said and I smiled stiffly.
“Hi,” I said, lowering my gaze back to my business text book, though I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus again until he left. It irritated me beyond belief that he’d interrupted me; I’d just got into the flow of reading and he’d broken it.
“How’re you doing today?” Grant asked as he perched on my desk. I glared at the spot where he was sitting before neutralising my expression and raising my gaze to his. Camp guys didn’t usually bother me, I had nothing against guys expressing their feminine side, but when its thrown my way every single day it does get a bit tiring.
“I’m good, Grant, just trying to get on with my uni work,” I said, motioning to the book lying open on my desk.
“Yeah, I saw you were eating while working, so I just thought that maybe tomorrow we could go to the café down the road for lunch,” he said. “It’s not good for your posture to sit at a desk all day and night, you know.” Grant had asked me out several times before, and in the past I’d been able to say no because I didn’t want to. But this time, I wanted to say no because going out with Grant felt like some sort of betrayal of Kade’s trust. Not that I had promised Kade anything, or he had any idea about the thoughts I was having towards him. But Kade was my first thought when a guy was hitting on me…that had to mean something, right?
“Thanks, but I’ve got too much to be getting on with, I don’t really have time,” I told him. “I have a mock test tomorrow evening that I need to study for.”
“Okay, well how about we go out tomorrow evening after your test?” he suggested. “Like a mini celebration that it’s over?” Kade might be coming over tomorrow, I thought, I definitely don’t want to miss that…
“I think I might be seeing someone tomorrow night,” I said and when Grant’s face fell, I realised how that sounded. How I wanted it to sound. I was about to add that it was a friend I was seeing, but letting Grant think it was someone more just helped me in the long run, so I decided to just bite my tongue.
“Oh,” he said slowly, his always upbeat personality dimming slightly. I wanted to say something, to explain or something, just to end the awkward moment, but I didn’t want to give him any false hope.
“Sorry,” I said and he just nodded before smiling weakly and walking away. I let out a breath and ran my hand over my face.
“He looks like a kicked puppy,” a familiar voice said and I cringed as I looked up at my boss, who was watching Grant.
“Yeah…” I mumbled.
“Did you tell him you’re not interested?” he asked and I shrugged.
“I told him I was seeing someone tomorrow evening so couldn’t go out with him, and he just misinterpreted it,” I told him and he nodded.
“Well, at least that’s got him off your back,” John said and I couldn’t help but agree. “He’ll get over it soon enough, don’t worry.” I just smiled and nodded. “So, ready for this afternoon’s meeting? You’re still okay to take the minutes, right?”
“Yep,” I smiled. It was 2.15 now, so I had about half an hour before I had to head down to the meeting room to check there was enough seats and table space for everyone.

The rest of the day past as it usually did, the meeting was slow but it did eventually come to an end and it had covered everything that needed to be covered. As John’s assistant, I technically didn’t need to be at the meeting, as it was mostly for heads of department and people in charge of specific projects, but I’d attended a couple in the past and was used to the set-up so it was easier for me to take the minutes than a new person.

At 4.30, just as I was starting to think about packing up for the day, the phone rang. “John Watkin’s office, how can I help?” I answered.
“Can I speak to John?” a voice asked that I recognised as Mark’s.
“I’m afraid he’s out of the office at the moment,” I said cautiously, sensing that Mark was either upset or angry…or maybe both.
“Tell him to phone me when he has a moment,” he said icily. “Make sure he actually phones, I don’t want another crappy text message.”
“Um, okay I’ll let him know you called,” I said gently. I heard him take a deep breath and exhale shakily.
“Thanks, Dylan,” he said before hanging up. I held the phone to my ear for a moment longer, kind of stunned by the whole conversation.

A minute later, when John got back from wherever he’d been, he paused at my desk. “You can head off now if you want,” he said and I smiled.
“Thanks,” I said. “Um, Mark just phoned…he, um, asked for you to call him back.” I decided against using the exact words Mark had actually used; I couldn’t be so rude to my boss even if I was just relaying a message he’d received. John grimaced, though, and ran a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, I’m sure he asked…” he said, shooting me a knowing look. I just shrugged and looked away. “Thanks, I’ll go call him. You can go now though, do you have lectures this evening?”
“Yeah, just one,” I said and he nodded.
“Well enjoy,” he said around a grin and I rolled my eyes as I smiled.
“Thanks,” I said. I wanted to make a comment back, to extend the banter, but I didn’t feel like teasing him about Mark was quite appropriate. After all, he still hadn’t told me what Mark was to him, so it was silly of me to announce the assumptions I’d made. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said instead, before shutting down my computer as John headed into his office and closed the door behind him.

My evening lecture past as usual – I sat making notes and managed to follow everything Dr Stephens said. When the lecture finished – about 9 o’clock – I was knackered and I still had the long journey home.

I’d been home for maybe a minute, flopped out on the sofa, before I heard Gemma’s voice. “Dylan?” she asked from the doorway and I groaned, throwing my arm over my eyes to block out the light. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said without moving. “Just tired.” I lowered my arm after a second a rolled my head towards the doorway where Gemma was standing, with Kade just behind her. Once I saw him, I seemed to find energy from somewhere and sat up properly.
“Do you think you could check our presentation at some point?” Gemma asked and signed.
“Now?” I asked and she shook her head.
“No, there’s no rush,” she said as she and Kade came to sit on the sofa as well. “It’s due Friday, so any time before then.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I smiled and they both smiled back, though Kade’s smile seemed to imprint itself in my brain.
“Don’t think I can stay awake for an episode of Game of Thrones tonight,” I told him and he smiled and shook his head.
“I don’t mind,” he signed. “You do look pretty tired.”
“I hope that doesn’t mean that I look bad…” I said with a small smile and I watched as Kade’s cheeks turned red and my smile widened. “I’m kidding, Kade.” Kade’s blush only deepened and he looked away from me. I looked over at Gemma who was smiling gently as she looked between us. “Just let me know when you’re ready to go home and I’ll drop you,” I told him, already kind of looking forward to driving him home. Gemma hadn’t come last time and I sort of hoped she didn’t come this time; I liked it just being the two of us, even though we don’t say much. I like sitting close to him, close enough that our arms brush when I changed gears.
“You don’t have to drive me home, I don’t mind walking,” he signed but I waved him off.
“Don’t be silly,” I said. “It’s not far, it’s not a problem.”
“If you’re sure…” he signed and I nodded.
“It’s fine,” I smiled and he smiled back.

About 20 minutes later, after watching an episode of Friends, Kade decided to head home. I bit back a smile when Gemma gave him a hug at the door and headed to her bedroom, secretly jumping for joy that it would be just the two of us. The drive was silent, but that was okay, and when I pulled up outside Kade’s house, I turned the car off and turned to him. “So how are you finding school and everything now you’ve had time to settle in?” I asked him and he smiled and shrugged.
“I like it,” he signed. “Gemma’s awesome and all her friends have been really nice.”
“I’m glad,” I smiled. “And the teachers?”
“They’re okay,” he signed. “I think they get a bit impatient, but they’re not too bad.” I frowned with concern but then nodded. Gemma was there if a teacher ever yelled at Kade for not being able to keep up because he was deaf, and I knew she’d tell me if that happened. I didn’t want Kade to suffer any more than he obviously already had. “Thanks for the lift, I’ll, um, head inside now and you can go get some sleep.” I smiled gently, deciding that I would definitely sacrifice sleep if I were able to spend more time with Kade.
“Thanks,” I said instead and then leant forward and pulled Kade into a hug. This time, he was obviously expecting it and he leaned into me as he wrapped an arm around me, too. I grinned and then pulled back. “I’ll see you soon probably,” I said and Kade nodded, his cheeks a shade redder than they had been a moment before.
“Thanks, bye,” he said before getting out of the car and waving before heading into his house. I smiled to myself the entire drive home, and I was still smiling long after I’d climbed into bed and attempted to fall asleep. But for some reason, I suddenly wasn’t all that tired.