Your Voice

My heart pounded in my chest at the blush on Kade’s face. I hadn’t really known how he’d react to me calling him baby…but I hadn’t expected this. I’d had to say it over 50 times before Kade felt comfortable enough to recognise it. But every time the word left my lips, it just felt like an endless term of endearment. Like I was just conveying my feelings in that one word. And I kinda liked it. People around us probably thought I was completely nuts, like a broken record just stuck on that one word. But I couldn’t care less what they all thought; I was making my boyfriend happy and I was damned if I was going to stop.

But then that waiter, Chris, came back over and my smile dimmed. It didn’t vanish, because I knew that would upset Kade, but it definitely faded slightly. “Here are your drinks,” he said, placing the cokes in front of us. “Are you ready to order?” he asked, looking from me to Kade, whose gaze was locked on his lips. I knew he was lip reading but still – I should be the only person whose lips Kade looked at. Kade looked at him blankly for a moment and Chris smiled slightly, motioning with his pen over his pad to mimic taking our order, and Kade smiled and nodded.
“Are you ready?” he asked me, shooting me a look like he knew what I was thinking.
“Yeah,” I said, looking down at my menu a final time. “I’d like the chicken and pesto pasta, please.” Chris nodded and jotted it down before turning to Kade, who signed for a chicken and mushroom calzone. Chris looked at him with concentration before turning to me helplessly. “Chicken and mushroom calzone,” I repeated and he smiled and wrote it down.
“Sorry,” he signed to Kade with a wide smile before taking our menus and heading back to the kitchens. I watched him go, my eyes narrowed in suspicion. Who was he to be all charming and flirty with my boyfriend? Did he think I was blind, I could see how nervous he got when I came back to the table. He kept glancing at me and looking away, shifting from foot to foot. I wasn’t stupid, he was clearly anxious about something. And what else would it be other than he’d been flirting with my boyfriend?

Kade suddenly kicked me, firmly but not so hard that it hurt, under the table. I turned my gaze back to him, but he was just staring at me. He’d called me a caveman. Maybe I was but I didn’t care. I’d only just got Kade and I was crazy about him. I wasn’t going to let some teenager take him away from me. “He’s just a friend from school,” Kade signed again and I nodded even though part of me knew there was something more going on. Kade was super innocent and naive, maybe he just didn’t notice it. Maybe I’d ask Gemma about it…she would tell me if some other guy was hitting on Kade wouldn’t she? “Have you ever had a boyfriend before?” Kade signed out of the blue, distracting me from my thoughts.
“Ugh, not exactly,” I said with a frown. “I mean, nothing official.”
“But you’ve been with other guys?” he asked and I thought I could see a bit of jealousy in his eyes. Which was ridiculous, no guy would ever compare to him.
“I guess,” I said. “Like I used to go out partying and stuff. And I’d meet guys when I went out. But I never had a serious relationship.”
“What about with a girl?” he asked and I snorted.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Never seen the appeal.” He smiled at me gently and I sighed. “I guess I’m not really very good at this boyfriend thing yet, huh?” I said and Kade frowned at me.
“You’re an amazing boyfriend,” he said and I rolled my eyes even though it felt good that he was saying that. “You are. I promise. You just don’t need to worry about Chris or other guys, I’m not going anywhere.” I smiled at him and reached for his hand. “I think we’re both new to this whole relationship thing and it’s just gonna take a while to get used to.” I gazed at him and nodded.
“When did you get so smart?” I asked with a smile.
“Get?” he asked with a smirk. “I’ve always been this smart.” I rolled my eyes but grinned anyway. I wanted to just lean over the table and kiss him, but several things stopped me: first, we were in public and it was kinda awkward, second, the table between us was just too wide and I wasn’t all that sure I’d be able to reach across. So instead, I just settled for holding his hand and looking into those blue eyes that I loved.

Our food arrived about 10 minutes later and I saw Kade’s eyes practically pop out of his head at the size of his meal. And in fairness, it did look pretty big. I was tempted to tell him not to worry about eating it all, but after he got over his initial shock, he picked up his knife and fork and dived in. “Thanks,” I said the Chris, who smiled and nodded before heading away to serve other tables. I looked at Kade, who moaned when he took his first bite. “Good?” I signed and Kade blushed and nodded.
“It’s so creamy,” he signed. “Wanna try it?”
“Sure,” I smiled and Kade cut me off a sizeable piece before skewering it onto his fork and holding it out to me. I grinned at him before leaning in and eating it off his fork. I kept my eyes on him and watched him swallow nervously. Who knew eating off someone’s fork could be so erotic? I shook off my thoughts and I smiled. “It is good,” I smiled and Kade grinned and nodded. I then tried my pasta which was just as good. “Wanna try this?” I asked him and he blushed but nodded. I quickly got a piece of pasta on my fork and held it out for him and he quickly leant forward and ate it. My stomach tightened as I watched his lips and I realised why he’d got nervous a moment ago because my jeans suddenly felt way too tight. I shifted in my seat as I brought my fork back, trying not to blush too much.
“That’s really nice too,” he signed, fighting his own blush. “We should come here more often. Everything on their menu is probably awesome.” I smiled and nodded, making a mental note to bring Kade back here in the future.

The rest of dinner past in a relatively happy blur. I couldn’t help that I got irritated whenever Chris the waiter came back over, especially when he signed for Kade and made him smile like it was the best thing that had ever happened. So sue me, I’m a jealous boyfriend. I knew that Kade liked me, I did. I just wasn’t a fan of good looking guys flirting with my boyfriend.

The drive back to my house was pretty relaxed, though I could sense Kade getting slightly nervous once we pulled into the driveway. “You okay?” I asked him and he smiled and nodded.
“Yes,” he signed and I smiled and leant in to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss and I brought my hand up to his cheek to hold him there longer. God, I could kiss him for hours and never get bored. Eventually though, we parted and caught our breath. I brushed Kade’s hair back from his eyes and pressed a kiss to his forehead before we both got out of the car.

Gemma was in the living room watching Catfish, a show I’d never really been bothered by, but Kade seemed to like it as he sat down on the sofa. I just smiled and sat next to him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He cuddled into my chest as we watched the show, though I did tune out after a few minutes. “So how was your date?” Gemma asked once the adverts came on.
“Good,” I said and signed and Kade grinned and nodded.
“Chris was there,” Kade signed and I looked down at him, begging for him not to continue. “Dylan thought he was flirting with me…” I groaned and closed my eyes, hiding in Kade’s hair as Gemma laughed.
“Dylan, they’re just friends!” she said and I groaned again.
“He was being overly friendly,” I said, lifting my head from Kade’s shoulder. Gemma just rolled her eyes, but I thought her cheeks were slightly redder than they had been a moment ago.
“He’s just a friendly guy,” she said. “I promise, he’s really nice and definitely not into Kade like that.”
“I told you,” Kade signed and I rolled my eyes.
“I dunno, I’m not entirely convinced,” I muttered and this time Kade rolled his eyes.
“Let it go, Kade likes you so it doesn’t matter if someone else hits on him. Not that Chris was, because I can guarantee he wasn’t. But just because someone hits on him doesn’t mean he’ll jump them,” Gemma said and Kade’s cheek turned bright red as he hid himself in my chest. I couldn’t help but smile at him and pressed a light kiss to his temple. “He’d much rather jump you.” I looked up at Gemma in shock, but she hadn’t signed it and Kade didn’t appear to have noticed as he was still cuddled into my side.
“Shouldn’t you be going to bed already?” I asked her as I signed and she snorted.
“It’s like 9.30,” she replied and I shrugged. “I guess I’ll go do some homework or something…leave you love birds alone.” I just grinned at her as she handed me the remote and headed upstairs to her room.

Kade resituated himself slightly, putting himself back in what I was quickly learning was his favourite position; sitting between my legs with his back to my chest and my arms wrapped around his waist. I shuffled so I was sitting sideways on the sofa and we could stretch out. I smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek, making him turn towards me so I could reach his lips. After a few gentle kisses, Kade sighed in content and rested back against my chest and I was more than happy to just sit there and hold him.

“Dylan?” My heart jumped when I heard his wonderful voice once again, saying my name. He hadn’t pronounced it quite right, but I couldn’t care less. He’d still said my name. I just smiled like a crazy person, but then Kade sat up out of my embrace and moved to sit on the sofa next to me. “Can we talk for a sec?” he asked and I frowned with worry.
“Of course,” I said, sensing that he was upset about something. God, if I’d upset him…I would do anything to make it up to him. Upsetting him was the very last thing I wanted to do.
“About Chris,” he said and my face fell slightly. “Look, Dylan, I’m crazy about you. You know I am.” I nodded because, yeah, I kinda did.
“I’m crazy about you, too,” I added and Kade smiled tenderly.
“I know,” he signed, “you just don’t need to worry, okay?” I bit my lip and nodded. “I like that you’re protective of me…but you really don’t need to go over the top and scare people off.”
“I don’t mean to…” I said, my heart sinking slightly. Had I really been that bad? “I’m sorry.” Kade smiled at me warmly and crawled back into my lap, facing me this time.
“I agreed to go out with you, you’re my boyfriend,” he signed and I smiled down at him. “You don’t need to apologise for being you. You just don’t need to worry about other guys, okay?” I nodded but didn’t know what to say, I was just so overcome with emotions. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him tightly into my chest. God, this boy was going to be the death of me. Two weeks we’d been together and I was already convinced I was falling for him.

Kade pulled back after a minute and smiled at me, cupping my jaw and placing a tender kiss to my lips. Yep, falling hard. “I’m gonna go see Gemma for a bit, okay?” he signed and I smiled and nodded, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Ok, I’m gonna lock up and everything. I am sorry about how I acted in the restaurant,” I told him and he just smiled.
“Don’t be. Possessive Dylan is…” he paused for a moment as he thought about the right word. “hot,” he grinned, his eyes twinkling. “Just don’t go over the top.” And with that, he headed upstairs to see Gemma. Hot? Me being all ‘caveman’, as Kade had put it, was hot? Okay, now that I knew that, I just had to make sure I didn’t take it too far. I liked that Kade thought I was ‘hot’. I was biting back a grin as I moved from room to room switching off the lights and locking the front and back doors. Kade thought I was hot…it was kinda a hell of an ego boost.

When I got upstairs, I heard Gemma giggling and I smiled to myself. I liked that Gemma had such a good friend – don’t get me wrong, she’d had friends since we moved here, but she and Kade just connected. Obviously they bonded over their shared experiences, but they were just so alike in so many other ways. I was glad she had him and I was glad he had her.

I knocked on Gemma’s bedroom door and opened it, smiling when I saw the two of them sitting cross legged on Gemma’s bed. Kade’s hands were in mid-gesture and he blushed and lowered them when he saw me. I so desperately wanted to know what they’d been talking about but I knew better than to ask. Best friends gossiping and all that… “I’ll be in my room, okay?” I said and Gemma nodded while Kade blushed. I smiled one final time before closing the door behind me and heading across the hallway to my bedroom. I quickly changed into a pair of pyjama bottoms and flicked my television on, changing the setting so subtitles would come on. I lay back on my bed on top of the covers and flicked through the channels, hoping something decent might be on. Catfish was on MTV and I cursed Gemma for getting me hooked on that bloody show. I stubbornly changed the channel and decided to watch Scrubs until Kade came in.

Not much later, there was a gentle knock at my door and then Kade opened it slowly. He was obviously nervous, so I just smiled at him, making him blush. He closed the door behind him and dropped his bag beside the bed before crawling over to me. I smiled and held my arms open and he happily lay over me and pressed a kiss to my lips. My hands went to his sides and rubbed his ribs gently over his shirt – which I was dying to pull off him, but I resisted. Kade’s hands slid up my chest and around my back to rest on my shoulders. Kade placed a dozen or so tender kisses to my lips, making me grin, before moving position so he was sitting on my hips instead. I looked up at him, my heart racing because hello, my gorgeous boyfriend was sitting so close to my dick. I gazed up at him, almost holding my breath, as I waited for him to do something. I mean, it was completely up to him what happened now. We could just go to sleep…or we could do something else.

Kade’s hands rested on my stomach and my muscles tensed under his hands at his gentle touch. My breathing suddenly kicked in and my chest rose and fell quickly. Kade’s hands moved higher, brushing over my nipples and I swallowed thickly. My hands moved to Kade’s sides again, desperate just to touch him. Kade’s exploration moved to my arms, where his hands rested on my biceps. He then leant down and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes slid shut and my hands slid from his sides to cup his arse. He didn’t pull away, just moaned into my mouth. I ran my tongue along his lower lip, begging for entrance, which he granted immediately. Kade’s tongue met mine, drawing a moan from both of us, which made me smile. I loved how vocal Kade got when we made out. I loved how much I affected him. He gradually lowered himself onto me properly, his clothed chest pressed against mine. He was no longer kneeling and he moved to straddle my right leg instead – lying half on top of me with one leg between mine and the other lying across the bed. I loved feeling him like this, feeling the length of his much smaller body against mine. It felt so good, having him fit with me like this. I could feel every inch of him, from where our tongues met down to where my foot was pressed against his.

God, I loved his kisses. It didn’t matter if they were light and sweet or deep like this, with his tongue playing with mine. He just drove me crazy and I felt like I’d never get enough. One of his hands moved to my hair at the back of my neck and he tugged at it gently, sending a wave of pleasure down my spine. How was it that he knew exactly how to press my buttons? I rotated my hips, desperate for any additional contact and couldn’t help but squeeze his arse, making him squeak and grind back against me. I gasped when I felt the obvious hardness in his jeans and God if I thought I was just going to burst into flames right then. Having Kade so obviously turned on and grinding against me was just the hottest thing I’d ever experienced.

But then Kade was gone. I frowned and opened my eyes, confused and shocked by the sudden lack of contact. I looked to my right and saw Kade sitting with his knees pulled to his chest, his cheeks bright red. “What’s wrong?” I asked, forgetting to sign but still trying to catch up with the sudden change. My breathing was still coming in gasps and I was more aware than ever of how hard I was in my trousers.
“Nothing,” Kade signed, bringing my attention back to him. He’d clearly read my lips and I looked at him in confusion as I sat up awkwardly and crossed my legs, looking at him with a frown.
“Did I do something wrong?” I signed and Kade immediately shook his head.
“Not at all,” he signed and I just frowned more.
“Then what’s wrong?” I asked and his blush only darkened as he ducked his head to his knees. I moved closer to him cautiously and rested my hand on his head, running my fingers through the soft strands. He raised his head eventually but wouldn’t meet my eye.
“I just got too excited,” he said and I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing. Could I help it that a smile escaped anyway, making him groan and hide behind his knees again?
“Kade,” I said with a smile, coaxing him to raise his head again. “Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you I promise.”
“It’s embarrassing,” he signed and I frowned and shook my head.
“Why?” I asked. “It’s natural. Plus, I find it kinda flattering.” I grinned and he rolled his eyes but uncurled his body just a little bit.
“I didn’t meant to get…you know,” he signed and I smiled.
“I know,” I signed. “I got excited too, you know.”
“Really?” he asked and I rolled my eyes. I reached out for his hand and brought it to my crotch, where my hardness was trying to fight its way out of my trousers. Kade just gasped and took his hand back.
“Do you think I wouldn’t when you were lying on top of me like that?” I asked and he just blushed again but shrugged. “You don’t need to be embarrassed in front of me, Kade,” I told him and he bit his lip and nodded, uncurling from his position to sit cross legged opposite me. I smiled at him, leaning forward to kiss him tenderly. Kade returned the kiss just as enthusiastically but he didn’t crawl back into my lap and that was okay. He’d obviously taken a sizeable step and that was going to take some getting used to before he went there again. I cupped his cheek and ended the kiss, smiling at him tenderly. “How about we watch a film?” I asked and he nodded with a gentle smile.
“Thank you,” he signed and I frowned slightly.
“For what?” I asked and he shrugged.
“Just being so understanding and great,” he said and I chuckled.
“I think every guy has been in a situation when they get an inappropriate hard on,” I said and his cheeks flamed up again. “But you’re with me and I don’t care. I actually kinda like that I turn you on so much,” I said with a massive grin and Kade threw a pillow at me. I laughed and pecked his lips. “So what film do you wanna watch?” I asked and he shrugged. I grabbed my remote from where it had fallen on the floor at some point – I wouldn’t have noticed a hurricane outside while Kade had been kissing me like that, so I sure as hell didn’t notice dropping the remote – and pulled up Netflix to scroll through the movies.
“Do you like scary movies?” Kade signed and I smiled and nodded, going to the horror genre.
“Anything specific?” I asked and Kade shook his head as he read through the list.
“Wait,” Kade signed and I paused. “Go back up two – can we watch that?” It was a film that I hadn’t seen but vaguely knew it was about a haunted family or house or something, so I nodded and pressed play. Once it started, though, I paused it so we could properly get ready for bed. Kade quickly pulled his shirt off and while I tried not to be overly obvious and gawk at his chest, I kind of couldn’t help it. Kade caught me staring and quickly pulled a read jumper over his head.
“Sorry,” I said, even though I really wasn’t. “You’re just so gorgeous.”
“Thanks,” Kade signed, looking at the floor. I quickly crossed the room and took him in my arms.
“You really are,” I told him. “Like, I just wanna stare at you 24 hours a day.”
“Shut up,” he signed, his blush back.
“It’s true,” I grinned and he just shook his head and hid in my shoulder. I kissed his cheek and then pulled away and turned my back, letting him finish changing in peace.

A minute later, I heard him sit back on my bed and I turned around and smiled at him. He looked so cute in his red jumper and black and white pyjama bottoms. “Won’t you be too hot?” I asked and he shook his head.
“I normally get cold at night,” he signed and I nodded. I went and turned the light off, letting the light from the television illuminate the room. I got back in bed, this time under the duvet and held it open for Kade to get in beside me. He smiled and did so, cuddling into my side immediately. Even though I had a double bed, I already knew that half of the bed wouldn’t be used. And I wasn’t going to complain about that. No freaking way. I wrapped my arm around Kade’s shoulders as we settled back against the pillows and the headboard and pressed play on the movie.

I think not being able to hear scary movies definitely detracts from the scariness – I mean, an awful lot of the jumpy moments are due to the music. But Kade still did jump a couple times when things suddenly appeared on screen. When the film finished, Kade sighed in content and snuggled down into my arms. I smiled gently and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Tired?” I asked and he nodded. I found the remote and turned the television off, plunging the room into darkness. I sighed as well and shuffled down so I was lying flat instead of propped up against the headboard. I couldn’t sign to Kade anymore and I couldn’t see if he was signing to me, so instead I just wrapped my arms around him tightly and closed my eyes, basking in those few minutes before I fell asleep while I held my boyfriend close.

The next morning, I woke up before Kade but I guess that was to be expected, seeing as I was used to waking up at the crack of dawn – sometimes even before then. But I didn’t move, I didn’t want to wake Kade up, he just seemed so peaceful, so content. I lay happily for several long minutes, the house still silent around us, until Kade shifted in my arms slightly. I looked down at him as he groggily lifted his head from my chest and peered up at me. I smiled tenderly, brushing his hair from his face. “Morning,” I signed and he smiled before flopping back down onto me. I just grinned, running my fingers lightly through his hair. Kade took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he brought his hand up and drew patterns on my stomach, bringing goose bumps to my skin.

While I was more than happy to just lie there all day, I knew that we needed to have breakfast. Kade didn’t need me encouraging him to skip meals… I tapped Kade on the shoulder and he slowly sat up, allowing me to do so too. “Breakfast?” I asked and he smiled and nodded. We climbed out of bed and I pulled a hoody on and looked over at Kade who pouted. I grinned and winked at him, making him blush.
“I’m just gonna go brush my teeth,” Kade signed and I nodded as he grabbed his backpack and headed to the bathroom. I straightened my duvet and opened my curtains while I waited for him to be finished so I could go use the bathroom myself.

Once we were freshened up, I took Kade’s hand and we headed down to the kitchen. I knew Gemma wouldn’t be up for a while yet so I took the opportunity to just be able to be with Kade without any interruptions. Not that Gemma really interrupted us, but it was good to know she was still asleep. I put the kettle on to boil and tugged Kade in closer to me, pressing a kiss to his lips, his minty breath mingling with mine. My hands slid down to his arse once again and pulled his hips closer to mine, drawing a squeak and a moan from him. But he didn’t pull away, just pushed his tongue against my lips. I grinned against his lips as my tongue met his.

We broke apart when the kettle boiled and I pulled out two mugs. “Tea or coffee?” I asked and Kade smiled.
“Tea,” he signed and I nodded and grabbed the tea bags while he got the milk.
“Sugar?” I asked and he shook his head. That was easy to remember; we both took our tea the same way. I filled the mugs with water and let the tea bag sit for a minute before stirring it and taking it out. Kade then poured in a fair amount of milk before putting it back in the fridge. “What do you want for breakfast?” I asked him and he shrugged.
“I’m not all that hungry,” he said and I frowned slightly. “Maybe a little later,” he added and I nodded. We went into the living room and I flicked the television on and found reruns of The Bing Bang Theory, which I decided to have on in the background. Kade and I watched the show for a few minutes while we had our tea and then Kade shifted closer to me and rose my arm to wrap around his waist before settling against me. I smiled at him and kissed him softly.

We spent the rest of the morning watching television, and Kade did eventually agree to breakfast, though I didn’t go all out like I had the week before. We had buttery toast and jam as we watched TV and I swear I could really get used to it. Waking up with Kade, having a lazy morning in front of the TV…sounded pretty damn close to perfect to me.

At about 2 o’clock, Gemma asked Kade if he wanted to go for a walk to the park. I found it an odd request, but I guessed she wanted to talk to him without me being around. And that was fine, I’d had him to myself for nearly 24 hours. Kade decided that he would walk home from the park, so he quickly went to change and pack his stuff to go home. I desperately wanted him to stay for longer, for forever, but I knew he had to be getting home at some point. About half an hour later, Kade and I were standing at the front door, with Gemma huffing and puffing about how long we were taking. I ignored her and I knew Kade did too. I pulled Kade in for a deep kiss, unsure of when I would next see him, though hoping I’d see him the next day. “I’ll text you,” I told him and he smiled and nodded, pecking my lips a final time before heading out with Gemma. I sighed as I watched them go, the two most important people in my life.

I decided to get some house work done; I cleaned up in the kitchen, hoovered the hallway and the living room, and just generally made things neater. Once I turned the Hoover off in the living room, I looked around to see if anything else needed doing, and my gaze landed on the photos on the mantel and hanging on the wall. My good mood vanished as I looked at photos of my parents and my throat suddenly felt clogged. I missed them so freaking much. Too often I found myself wishing they were still here. So I could tell them about uni, about my job, about how proud I was with how Gemma had coped with losing her hearing and moving schools. Mostly, I wished I could tell them about Kade, about how amazing he was and how he made me feel. I usually made a conscious effort to stop myself thinking about them; it was safer that way. But sometimes I just couldn’t help it. Sometimes, I found myself thinking about them without realising it. Part of me wanted to know how Kade would react if I told them what had happened. But I knew I’d never tell him. I couldn’t bear to actually say the words out loud.

I jumped when something touched my hand and I realised that Gemma was back as she links her hand with mine. We didn’t say anything, but tears filled my eyes. God, I missed them so much.