Your Voice
Dylan.
I sat anxiously at my desk, waiting for Kade’s response. I knew he wouldn’t text me that he missed me out of the blue for no good reason. Or maybe he would…he probably would. But I just sensed that something else was going on. When my phone vibrated, I immediately checked the screen. In English Lit. some people were obviously talking about me but no one was signing and I felt so uncomfortable... I felt myself stiffen. Kade was upset. My fingers hovered over the buttons, unsure about what to say. It was times like that that I wished I could call Kade. It would be so much easier and I’d be able to gage how truly upset he was. I didn’t like not knowing. Texts were so ambiguous. He could be on the verge of crying, or I could be reading too much into it. Part of me just wanted to get a list of names from Kade and go talk to the school about it. But I knew Kade wouldn’t like that, he didn’t really like drawing attention to himself in a positive way so I knew if it was something negative he would distance himself from it as much as possible. Instead, I took a deep breath and texted back saying, I’m sorry, baby, that sucks :( Try and have a better afternoon and don’t let it bother you. We can talk about it later if you want xx
I didn’t get a response but I guessed he’d had to put his phone away or go to a lesson or something. I bit my lip as I returned to my work, trying not to obsess over what had happened with Kade. John asked me to attend a meeting with him and take minutes, which I was perfectly fine doing. We had a meeting with WHSmiths advertising department who were looking for a company to join with for the Christmas campaign. It wasn’t this year’s of course, that was already appearing on television, but the following year. It still amazed me how in advance these things had to be done. In October we were having meetings about Christmas advertising that was still over a year away. It turned out that we were competing for their business along with 5 other advertising agencies. And it was falling into John’s lap. He had to create the design and the concept and all that. I could see he was excited but at the same time…it was an awful lot of pressure. I didn’t really envy him that, but I wasn’t exactly creative and he really was. He’d attended university and done graphic design, so this was right up his street.
When we got back to his office, John asked me to call Mark and tell him that he wouldn’t make it that evening. Even though I wanted to try and convince him to keep his date – which I knew it was – I didn’t think it was my place. John put his work first, he always had ever since I started working for him, so Mark would understand. I phoned his number and he picked up almost instantly. “Hello?” he said into the phone.
“Hi, Mark,” I smiled. “It’s Dylan, John’s assistant.” I heard a heavy sigh on the other end of the line.
“He’s cancelling tonight isn't he?” he asked and I felt a stab of guilt even though it wasn’t me breaking an actual date.
“He says he’s sorry,” I said, even though those words hadn’t actually come out of John’s mouth. “A new project’s come up at work that he wants to get started on.”
“Okay,” Mark said quietly. There was a small silence before he spoke again. “Thanks for letting me know, Dylan.”
“No problem,” I smiled weakly, feeling really sorry for him. He was obviously used to John letting him down like this, which honestly, didn’t make me feel better about letting him down once again. If anything, I felt worse – a boyfriend shouldn’t have to get used to being let down by the man he loves. “Bye,” I said and ended the call. I glanced into John’s office but he was already focused completely on his computer screen. I wondered if I should tell him that Mark was upset, but surely he would know. John should realise that breaking a date would cause him to be upset. I just sighed and my thoughts returned to Kade and whether he was okay. I had to hope that his afternoon had gone better than his morning.
I got home at just gone 6, thankful once again that I didn’t have lectures on a Monday. I just wanted to find out what was going on with Kade. He hadn’t texted me back after I texted him and I wasn’t sure whether it was because he didn’t want to or because he did like I said and was waiting until later to talk about it. Either way, my initial thought when getting home was to go on my computer and Skype him.
Once I saw Gemma sitting in the living room, though, my plan changed. “What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting on the sofa next to her.
“Nothing,” she said, blinking out of her thoughts. “Why?”
“You’re sitting in here staring at a blank T.V.” I said, motioning the black screen.
“Oh, yeah,” she said with a shrug and I frowned.
“Gem,” I said, shooting her a look which made her sigh.
“I’m just thinking,” she said and I rolled my eyes.
“About?” I pressed and she shot me an irritated look.
“Don’t make me take my processor out so I can avoid you nagging me,” she said and I frowned with concern.
“Gem, what’s going on?” I asked and she sighed again and resituated herself on the sofa to face me properly.
“Okay, just don’t overreact, okay?” she said and I rolled my eyes. I wouldn’t overreact; in fact I like to think I’m pretty calm about most things. “We were all partnered up for a project in English Lit today,” she said and I nodded, thinking about the text Kade had said. If she was going to tell me why he’d been upset, I was even more desperate to listen. “And, well, Mr Roberts just…he was just kinda rude about Kade.” I stiffened and took a deep breath to calm myself down. I wasn’t going to overreact.
“What did he say?” I asked and Gemma frowned at me anxiously.
“Well, basically, he paired us together because he didn’t want to force other people to have to work with Kade, because it would put them at a disadvantage and it wasn’t fair that he would hold them back,” she said and I gritted my teeth to keep from swearing. “And Mr Smith stopped signing because of what Mr Roberts was saying and I knew Kade was annoyed because he didn’t know what was going on, but I just couldn’t tell him what Mr Roberts was saying.”
“I know,” I said gently, resting a hand on her arm. “It’s not fair that you’re in this position. Kade texted me at lunch, he seemed kinda upset. And he hasn’t replied to my message yet.”
“I didn’t want to upset him,” she said quietly. “I just…he doesn’t need to know what Mr Roberts said, that would just hurt him even more.”
“Gem, do you remember how frustrated you got when people didn’t tell you what was going on when you were deaf?” I asked gently and she sighed.
“I know,” she nodded. “But I don’t want him to be upset with what Mr Roberts said. I can hardly believe he even said it, I mean the whole class was listening, it wasn’t just me.”
“That’s pretty unprofessional,” I said with a frown. A teacher really shouldn’t be handing the deaf kid over to the only student who knew sign language, he should be helping them to make other friends and work with other people. It’s an opportunity for others to grow and develop, not just Kade. Even though I knew Kade would probably prefer working with Gemma. “Are you sure he meant it in the way it sounded? Maybe you just interpreted it as rude?”
“No,” she said definitely. “He apologised to me for having to stick me with Kade and that he’d take into consideration that I’m at a disadvantage.” I shook my head as I processed this whole situation.
“What disadvantage?” I asked, standing up out of annoyance. “Kade is just as smart as any kid out there! Maybe even more considering how much he reads!”
“I know that,” Gemma said, standing up too. “You said you wouldn’t overreact.”
“I don’t think I’m overreacting,” I said impatiently. “I think I’m reacting just fine considering my boyfriend’s teacher basically called him stupid.” The fact that Gemma stayed quiet made me wonder what words the teacher had used, precisely. If he’d used the word stupid, I swear I would march right into that school and demand he be fired. I wasn’t going to stand for my boyfriend being victimised by his teachers! Other kids picking on him was awful, but marginally more understandable. But a teacher? That was not okay. “Did you say anything to anyone?” I asked Gemma and she nodded.
“I went to see our English Language teacher,” she said. “He really likes Kade. And they both work in the same department so I thought maybe he could say something to Mr Roberts.”
“And?” I asked.
“He said that as it was a one-time thing that he wouldn’t get involved just yet,” she said and I groaned in annoyance. “He said that if it happens again I should report it.”
“If it happens again, I’ll bloody well go in there and report it,” I said angrily. It wasn’t fair that Kade couldn’t stand up for himself because he didn’t know what had been said. “What was his translator doing?” I asked and Gemma shrugged.
“He stopped signing,” she said, “but he didn’t say anything to Mr Roberts…he just kinda stood there. I think he was shocked.”
“He should have said something,” I said and Gemma nodded.
“Yeah, but what could he say?” she asked with a shrug. “I mean, he doesn’t even work at the school full time, he only comes in to help Kade, so Mr Roberts is higher up than him…”
“Still, he could have said something,” I said and Gemma sighed.
--
Later that evening, I finally texted Kade to ask if he was okay. I wasn’t really sure what to do, whether I ought to tell him what had happened at school. I didn’t know if he’d be annoyed that Gemma had told me and not him. The last thing I wanted was for him to think the two of us were talking about him behind his back. That’s obviously how he felt about this teacher and I didn’t want him to feel that way about me too. My phone vibrated with his reply only a minute or so later. Can you go on Skype? Xx
I quickly went into my room and logged onto my computer and loaded up Skype, still going back and forth with what I was going to tell him. But the second I saw his face and those wide, innocent and yet far too knowledgeable eyes, I felt my resolve crack. I quickly pulled up the chat section to type a message.
Me: Hey, baby :)
Kade: Hey :)
I looked at him for a minute, taking in the sad tilt to his mouth and his slightly red-ringed eyes.
Me: Are you okay?
Kade: I guess. I’m just sick of people not telling me things because they think they’re protecting me.
I frowned and bit my lip, wishing that the camera wasn’t on so that I could hide a bit better. But Kade frowned immediately.
Kade: You know something don’t you?
I looked away from the screen for a minute, needing a break from looking at his hurt expression.
Kade: Dylan, tell me what’s going on.
Me: Gemma just said that one of your teachers was a bit rude about you.
Kade: What did he say?
I hesitated in replying and Kade noticed and he glared at the screen.
Kade: Tell me!
Me: It’s not that important, Kade.
Kade’s expression changed to reflect a million emotions all at once and I could hardly name one of them.
Kade: Tell me or I’m signing off right now.
Me: Okay, it’s just…he said you might hold other people back if you worked with them.
Kade didn’t respond for a while once I’d pressed send, he just stared at the screen, his expression unreadable.
Me: I’m sorry, Kade. He’s a twat for saying that. Anyone would be lucky to work with you! If you’d been in my class I would have jumped at the chance to work with you.
Kade: You’re just saying that because we’d just make out and not actually work.
I couldn’t help but grin and I saw a small smile tug at Kade’s lips.
Me: So sue me if I think you’re hot and I want to make out with you…
Kade: Thank you for telling me.
Me: You’re welcome. I wish you were here, I just want to hug and kiss you and make you feel happy. I hate seeing you so sad.
Kade: It’s not just that…my parents are kinda being…I dunno. I wish I was there too.
I frowned in concern at how he’d skimmed over his parents. I knew there were issues there, obviously, and I wanted to ask but I didn’t know if he wanted to tell me.
Me: You know if you need to talk to me, about anything, you can. Just text me and I’ll be over there in 5 minutes.
Kade: I know. Thank you <3
Me: So how was your day besides that dick of a teacher?
Kade: umm…it was fine, nothing much else happened.
I smiled and nodded, glad that he’d at least had a better afternoon than morning.
Me: I miss you.
Kade: I miss you too.
I gazed at him on the screen, wishing I could touch him or kiss him. I just wanted to make him smile. I wanted to make up for the crappy way his teacher had treated him and make him feel like the most important person in the world. But I wouldn’t be able to see him properly until the weekend. I wished I didn’t have lectures, I wished I didn’t have work. I wished I could just steal Kade away from school and have him all to myself. We didn’t get enough time together, I knew that, I just wished there was something I could do about it.
Kade: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, course. I’m fine.
Kade: Gemma and I are working on this project again this week. So I might be over in the evenings. I’ll try to make sure we get the work done by the time you get home so I can spend some time with you.
I smiled gently, my feelings for this boy just surging through my body. He was just amazing, nothing was big enough to get to him. Not that stupid teacher, not his parents. He was so strong.
Me: That sounds great, baby. I can’t wait to see you.
I didn’t get a response but I guessed he’d had to put his phone away or go to a lesson or something. I bit my lip as I returned to my work, trying not to obsess over what had happened with Kade. John asked me to attend a meeting with him and take minutes, which I was perfectly fine doing. We had a meeting with WHSmiths advertising department who were looking for a company to join with for the Christmas campaign. It wasn’t this year’s of course, that was already appearing on television, but the following year. It still amazed me how in advance these things had to be done. In October we were having meetings about Christmas advertising that was still over a year away. It turned out that we were competing for their business along with 5 other advertising agencies. And it was falling into John’s lap. He had to create the design and the concept and all that. I could see he was excited but at the same time…it was an awful lot of pressure. I didn’t really envy him that, but I wasn’t exactly creative and he really was. He’d attended university and done graphic design, so this was right up his street.
When we got back to his office, John asked me to call Mark and tell him that he wouldn’t make it that evening. Even though I wanted to try and convince him to keep his date – which I knew it was – I didn’t think it was my place. John put his work first, he always had ever since I started working for him, so Mark would understand. I phoned his number and he picked up almost instantly. “Hello?” he said into the phone.
“Hi, Mark,” I smiled. “It’s Dylan, John’s assistant.” I heard a heavy sigh on the other end of the line.
“He’s cancelling tonight isn't he?” he asked and I felt a stab of guilt even though it wasn’t me breaking an actual date.
“He says he’s sorry,” I said, even though those words hadn’t actually come out of John’s mouth. “A new project’s come up at work that he wants to get started on.”
“Okay,” Mark said quietly. There was a small silence before he spoke again. “Thanks for letting me know, Dylan.”
“No problem,” I smiled weakly, feeling really sorry for him. He was obviously used to John letting him down like this, which honestly, didn’t make me feel better about letting him down once again. If anything, I felt worse – a boyfriend shouldn’t have to get used to being let down by the man he loves. “Bye,” I said and ended the call. I glanced into John’s office but he was already focused completely on his computer screen. I wondered if I should tell him that Mark was upset, but surely he would know. John should realise that breaking a date would cause him to be upset. I just sighed and my thoughts returned to Kade and whether he was okay. I had to hope that his afternoon had gone better than his morning.
I got home at just gone 6, thankful once again that I didn’t have lectures on a Monday. I just wanted to find out what was going on with Kade. He hadn’t texted me back after I texted him and I wasn’t sure whether it was because he didn’t want to or because he did like I said and was waiting until later to talk about it. Either way, my initial thought when getting home was to go on my computer and Skype him.
Once I saw Gemma sitting in the living room, though, my plan changed. “What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting on the sofa next to her.
“Nothing,” she said, blinking out of her thoughts. “Why?”
“You’re sitting in here staring at a blank T.V.” I said, motioning the black screen.
“Oh, yeah,” she said with a shrug and I frowned.
“Gem,” I said, shooting her a look which made her sigh.
“I’m just thinking,” she said and I rolled my eyes.
“About?” I pressed and she shot me an irritated look.
“Don’t make me take my processor out so I can avoid you nagging me,” she said and I frowned with concern.
“Gem, what’s going on?” I asked and she sighed again and resituated herself on the sofa to face me properly.
“Okay, just don’t overreact, okay?” she said and I rolled my eyes. I wouldn’t overreact; in fact I like to think I’m pretty calm about most things. “We were all partnered up for a project in English Lit today,” she said and I nodded, thinking about the text Kade had said. If she was going to tell me why he’d been upset, I was even more desperate to listen. “And, well, Mr Roberts just…he was just kinda rude about Kade.” I stiffened and took a deep breath to calm myself down. I wasn’t going to overreact.
“What did he say?” I asked and Gemma frowned at me anxiously.
“Well, basically, he paired us together because he didn’t want to force other people to have to work with Kade, because it would put them at a disadvantage and it wasn’t fair that he would hold them back,” she said and I gritted my teeth to keep from swearing. “And Mr Smith stopped signing because of what Mr Roberts was saying and I knew Kade was annoyed because he didn’t know what was going on, but I just couldn’t tell him what Mr Roberts was saying.”
“I know,” I said gently, resting a hand on her arm. “It’s not fair that you’re in this position. Kade texted me at lunch, he seemed kinda upset. And he hasn’t replied to my message yet.”
“I didn’t want to upset him,” she said quietly. “I just…he doesn’t need to know what Mr Roberts said, that would just hurt him even more.”
“Gem, do you remember how frustrated you got when people didn’t tell you what was going on when you were deaf?” I asked gently and she sighed.
“I know,” she nodded. “But I don’t want him to be upset with what Mr Roberts said. I can hardly believe he even said it, I mean the whole class was listening, it wasn’t just me.”
“That’s pretty unprofessional,” I said with a frown. A teacher really shouldn’t be handing the deaf kid over to the only student who knew sign language, he should be helping them to make other friends and work with other people. It’s an opportunity for others to grow and develop, not just Kade. Even though I knew Kade would probably prefer working with Gemma. “Are you sure he meant it in the way it sounded? Maybe you just interpreted it as rude?”
“No,” she said definitely. “He apologised to me for having to stick me with Kade and that he’d take into consideration that I’m at a disadvantage.” I shook my head as I processed this whole situation.
“What disadvantage?” I asked, standing up out of annoyance. “Kade is just as smart as any kid out there! Maybe even more considering how much he reads!”
“I know that,” Gemma said, standing up too. “You said you wouldn’t overreact.”
“I don’t think I’m overreacting,” I said impatiently. “I think I’m reacting just fine considering my boyfriend’s teacher basically called him stupid.” The fact that Gemma stayed quiet made me wonder what words the teacher had used, precisely. If he’d used the word stupid, I swear I would march right into that school and demand he be fired. I wasn’t going to stand for my boyfriend being victimised by his teachers! Other kids picking on him was awful, but marginally more understandable. But a teacher? That was not okay. “Did you say anything to anyone?” I asked Gemma and she nodded.
“I went to see our English Language teacher,” she said. “He really likes Kade. And they both work in the same department so I thought maybe he could say something to Mr Roberts.”
“And?” I asked.
“He said that as it was a one-time thing that he wouldn’t get involved just yet,” she said and I groaned in annoyance. “He said that if it happens again I should report it.”
“If it happens again, I’ll bloody well go in there and report it,” I said angrily. It wasn’t fair that Kade couldn’t stand up for himself because he didn’t know what had been said. “What was his translator doing?” I asked and Gemma shrugged.
“He stopped signing,” she said, “but he didn’t say anything to Mr Roberts…he just kinda stood there. I think he was shocked.”
“He should have said something,” I said and Gemma nodded.
“Yeah, but what could he say?” she asked with a shrug. “I mean, he doesn’t even work at the school full time, he only comes in to help Kade, so Mr Roberts is higher up than him…”
“Still, he could have said something,” I said and Gemma sighed.
--
Later that evening, I finally texted Kade to ask if he was okay. I wasn’t really sure what to do, whether I ought to tell him what had happened at school. I didn’t know if he’d be annoyed that Gemma had told me and not him. The last thing I wanted was for him to think the two of us were talking about him behind his back. That’s obviously how he felt about this teacher and I didn’t want him to feel that way about me too. My phone vibrated with his reply only a minute or so later. Can you go on Skype? Xx
I quickly went into my room and logged onto my computer and loaded up Skype, still going back and forth with what I was going to tell him. But the second I saw his face and those wide, innocent and yet far too knowledgeable eyes, I felt my resolve crack. I quickly pulled up the chat section to type a message.
Me: Hey, baby :)
Kade: Hey :)
I looked at him for a minute, taking in the sad tilt to his mouth and his slightly red-ringed eyes.
Me: Are you okay?
Kade: I guess. I’m just sick of people not telling me things because they think they’re protecting me.
I frowned and bit my lip, wishing that the camera wasn’t on so that I could hide a bit better. But Kade frowned immediately.
Kade: You know something don’t you?
I looked away from the screen for a minute, needing a break from looking at his hurt expression.
Kade: Dylan, tell me what’s going on.
Me: Gemma just said that one of your teachers was a bit rude about you.
Kade: What did he say?
I hesitated in replying and Kade noticed and he glared at the screen.
Kade: Tell me!
Me: It’s not that important, Kade.
Kade’s expression changed to reflect a million emotions all at once and I could hardly name one of them.
Kade: Tell me or I’m signing off right now.
Me: Okay, it’s just…he said you might hold other people back if you worked with them.
Kade didn’t respond for a while once I’d pressed send, he just stared at the screen, his expression unreadable.
Me: I’m sorry, Kade. He’s a twat for saying that. Anyone would be lucky to work with you! If you’d been in my class I would have jumped at the chance to work with you.
Kade: You’re just saying that because we’d just make out and not actually work.
I couldn’t help but grin and I saw a small smile tug at Kade’s lips.
Me: So sue me if I think you’re hot and I want to make out with you…
Kade: Thank you for telling me.
Me: You’re welcome. I wish you were here, I just want to hug and kiss you and make you feel happy. I hate seeing you so sad.
Kade: It’s not just that…my parents are kinda being…I dunno. I wish I was there too.
I frowned in concern at how he’d skimmed over his parents. I knew there were issues there, obviously, and I wanted to ask but I didn’t know if he wanted to tell me.
Me: You know if you need to talk to me, about anything, you can. Just text me and I’ll be over there in 5 minutes.
Kade: I know. Thank you <3
Me: So how was your day besides that dick of a teacher?
Kade: umm…it was fine, nothing much else happened.
I smiled and nodded, glad that he’d at least had a better afternoon than morning.
Me: I miss you.
Kade: I miss you too.
I gazed at him on the screen, wishing I could touch him or kiss him. I just wanted to make him smile. I wanted to make up for the crappy way his teacher had treated him and make him feel like the most important person in the world. But I wouldn’t be able to see him properly until the weekend. I wished I didn’t have lectures, I wished I didn’t have work. I wished I could just steal Kade away from school and have him all to myself. We didn’t get enough time together, I knew that, I just wished there was something I could do about it.
Kade: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, course. I’m fine.
Kade: Gemma and I are working on this project again this week. So I might be over in the evenings. I’ll try to make sure we get the work done by the time you get home so I can spend some time with you.
I smiled gently, my feelings for this boy just surging through my body. He was just amazing, nothing was big enough to get to him. Not that stupid teacher, not his parents. He was so strong.
Me: That sounds great, baby. I can’t wait to see you.