Your Voice

Before I even knew it, it was Halloween. I didn’t even know where those few weeks had gone, it felt like only yesterday that Kade and I had celebrated being together for a month. I thought about that night a lot. Kade’s hand had been right there and who knows what would have happened if Gemma hadn’t interrupted. I like to think I would have stopped him and slowed things down again, but that’s probably not true because at the time, I wasn’t really thinking straight. All I was aware of was Kade, of his body against mine, of his hips pressed against mine, of how freaking turned on I was. I guess it was a good thing Gemma interrupted us, because I didn’t want anything important to happen when we were squashed together in a car… I wanted us to be in a bed and for it to be special. Because as corny as it sounds, with Kade it was going to be special.

Anyway, the two weeks between our anniversary and Halloween passed like every other week. I saw Kade a couple of evenings during the week and then he stayed over on the Saturday nights. I was starting to realise just how much I needed him. I lived for the evenings that I saw him and the night that he spent in my arms. It was kinda scary but I also loved it. I’d never felt that way about anyone else before in my life. I loved Kade, I was 100% confident in that, and I knew I wanted to be with him for a very long time. I knew eventually he’d be going off to uni and all that, but I just had to hope that he’d still want to be with me during that time. I couldn’t imagine not being with him…

On Halloween, Gemma and Kade were going to a friend’s party. They’d invited me, but I didn’t really feel like going to a 17 year old’s party, so I declined. Gemma and Kade were super excited though; something which I found incredibly adorable on Kade. On Gemma it was just annoying…though I kept that to myself. Gemma hadn’t told me what she was dressing up as, though Kade told me that he and a friend were going as Batman and Robin. I couldn’t wait to see him in costume. I was glad that Kade was going to this party, even more so that he was dressing up with a friend. I did sometimes worry that Gemma and I were the only people he talked to, but clearly I was wrong.

At 9.30, Gemma came downstairs and my jaw hit the floor. “No way,” I said. She was wearing a white nurses dress that came to just below her butt and a deep neckline that revealed way too much. Add white stiletto heels and a nurse’s cap and she was right on the verge of looking too slutty. “No effing way,” I repeated and Gemma rolled her eyes.
“Oh grow up, Dylan,” she said, putting her hands on her hips. I took a deep breath and released it slowly.
“You look like a slut,” I said and she glared at me.
“Everything is covered, Dylan!” she said and I gritted my teeth.
“Mum and dad would never let you leave the house looking like that,” I said and she tensed.
“Well they’re not here are they?” she said. We both stared at each other in silence, aware that we’d gone too far. “I’m sorry,” Gemma whispered and I shook my head.
“It’s okay,” I said softly. I looked at her outfit once again and sighed. “I guess it’s not too bad… Just, don’t like, bend over or anything.”
“I won't,” she grinned, moving in to hug me. “Love you, Dyl.”
“Love you, too,” I smiled.

Only a minute later, Kade appeared and my jaw hit the floor for a whole other reason. “Holy crap, Kade!” Gemma said with a wide grin. Kade just blushed and tugged at his outfit self-consciously. He wasn’t Batman, he was Robin and while I had been looking forward to seeing him as the dark knight, I couldn’t really complain. After all, he was wearing a lycra outfit that hugged every minor curve of his body. My throat suddenly felt bone dry and it took immense effort to keep my eyes from zeroing in on the bulge at his crotch. “You know, I think Kade’s outfit is much more revealing that mine,” Gemma said and I hit her lightly before going over to wrap my arms around Kade.
“You look amazing,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Really?” he asked, looking down at himself self-consciously. “Is it too tight?” Yes it is tight, I thought to myself, but it was just the right level of tight.
“No, it looks hot,” I said and Kade blushed.

I pulled back to look him up and down. He was sort of wearing a body suit, it was just really fitted. It had nude leggings with green short-shorts, a red shirt with the ‘R’ for Robin on the chest and a yellow cape and green boots. He looked cute but so, so hot. I just wanted to inspect every inch of him and never let him go. “So whose party is this anyway?” I asked as I wrapped an arm around Kade’s shoulders.
“My friend from school,” Gemma said as she checked her make up in the mirror. “A guy called Chris.”
“Chris?” I asked, my heart stopping for a second. Chris was going to see Kade like this? Maybe Gemma was right, the outfit was too revealing… Chris seemed to have enough trouble staying away from Kade when we were at the restaurant, so God knows what he’d be like at a party.
“Well technically it’s his older sister’s party,” Gemma continued. “She’s at university and all her friends from uni are coming to it, Chris just invited a couple people from school as well.” University students? No. No way. I didn’t want to be one of those boyfriends, but I didn’t want Kade going to that sort of party… I wasn’t thrilled about Gemma going either.
“I think I’ll come too,” I said suddenly and Kade grinned up at me.
“Yay,” he signed and I smiled and pecked his lips lightly.
“You don’t have a costume,” Gemma pointed out and I just shrugged. She eyed me suspiciously, as though trying to figure out the real reason that I wanted to go, but I just turned to Kade.
“Is it okay with you if I come?” I asked and he beamed at me and nodded.
“That’s great,” he signed and I smiled and kissed him once again, slightly deeper this time.
“Ugh, get a room,” Gemma said but I ignored her and just held up my middle finger behind Kade’s back as I continued to kiss him. Gemma just laughed and left the room.

Eventually the kiss came to an end and I rested my forehead against Kade’s. Was it bad that suddenly I wanted to ask Kade not to go to the party and just stay here with me? I just wanted him all to myself. Fifteen minutes later, Gemma reappeared with her phone in her hand. “Ready to go?” she asked and we both nodded. I hadn’t bothered changing, but I was in jeans and a green and grey gingham shirt. I’d probably be the only one not dressed up, but I didn’t really care. I was only going to make sure Chris kept his hands to himself. Not that I didn’t trust Kade, because I did, wholeheartedly, it was other guys who I don’t trust.

We piled into my car – I had offered to drive them over anyway, so I didn’t mind, plus, I wasn’t planning on drinking. Chris’s house was about 20 minutes away and when we got there at just after 10.30, there was already loads of people there. I parked a short distance away from the house – not wanting to risk having students throwing up over my car – and we headed over to the house. I took Kade’s hand and held it tight. There weren’t many people outside, I guess because it was kinda chilly, but all the smokers were outside. Once we were inside, the noise hit us. All of the lights were off with only a few table lamps and fairy lights dotted around the place so people could see where they were going. The booming of the music filled the house and the bass was enough to vibrate everything. “I’ll catch up with you later,” Gemma shouted at us and we nodded before she hurried off. I just turned to Kade, who was wide eyed and looking around him.

There were about 50 people in the rooms around us and Kade held onto my hand tightly. I could tell he was nervous but I wasn’t going to let anything happen to him. We went into what I guessed was the living room that had been cleared and turned into a sort-of dance floor. Everyone was jumping or grinding and I couldn’t help but frown slightly. I knew that this is what normal university students did and I was actually kind of glad that I wasn’t one of them. Maybe if my parents were still here…but they weren’t and I’d had to grow up, unlike all of the kids surrounding us. Kade and I found an empty seat and I sat down before pulling Kade into my lap. He blushed but happily sat sideways on my lap and looped his arms around my neck. “You okay?” I asked and signed. It was times like this that knowing sign language was helpful. I didn’t need to shout over the loud music and the other people all shouting at each other.
“Yeah,” he signed with a smile. “I’m glad you decided to come.”
“Me too,” I smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Dylan, people are looking!” he signed as he blushed and looked over his shoulder. I’m pretty sure no one was looking, but even if they were, I couldn’t care less.
“Let them look,” I said once I had his attention again. “I’m gonna kiss my boyfriend if I want to!” Kade just continued to blush but leant down and kissed me once again anyway. I grinned against his lips and deepened this kiss as I rested my hands on his hips, stroking my tongue along his lower lip. Kade quickly pulled away, redder than ever.
“I’m not gonna make out with you in public,” he signed quickly and I pouted but smiled nonetheless.
“Fine,” I said, squeezing his hips gently. His eyes shone in the little light there was in the room and I smiled gently at seeing the happiness in his eyes.

A minute later, the guy who I’d been dreading appeared. “Hey!” he grinned and Kade and I stood up – begrudgingly on my part and I kept a hold of Kade’s hand. Chris immediately took Kade into a tight hug, pulling his hand out of mine. I just gritted my teeth but didn’t say anything. When Chris pulled back I realised that this was who Kade had partnered for with his costume. Chris was dressed in a full Batman body suit, which hugged his body just as Kade’s hugged his. I quickly pulled Kade into my side. If either of them thought it was weird behaviour, they didn’t say anything.
“Dylan decided to come last minute,” Kade said and Chris nodded and smiled at me.
“Yeah, Gemma text me,” he said and signed. I was still kinda impressed that he’d leant sign language for Kade, but that just made it even worse. Was he learning it so he could flirt better? So he could ask Kade out? “Come on, we have to get a photo together and find a drink,” Chris said and he grasped Kade’s wrist to pull him through the groups of people. My arm fell away from around Kade’s waist and I so desperately wanted to snatch Kade back, but I didn’t. I had to control myself. Nothing that bad had happened yet, there was no need to be jealous. Chris was just being friendly, like always Kade said. Right?

I followed after them and Chris handed me a camera. “Can you take a photo?” Chris asked and I nodded. The two of them stood side by side with their hands on their hips in the typical superhero pose. I couldn’t help but smile at how adorable Kade looked. I took a couple photos and then handed the camera back to Chris who smiled and thanked me. “Right, we need to find you guys drinks,” Chris said, simply signing the word ‘drinks’.
“I don’t drink,” I said and Kade looked at me curiously and Chris just shrugged.
“Okay, what do you want, like a coke?” he asked and I nodded.
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said and Chris nodded. “I think there’s a load of cans in the kitchen. You can help yourself.” I nodded and glanced at Kade, who’s eyes were twinkling. He was clearly loving this whole party thing, even though I wouldn’t have expected him to. I pressed a kiss to his cheek before hurrying into the kitchen, where there were dozens and dozens of bottles sitting on the counters. There was a large box in the corner filled with cans and I quickly found a coke and headed back to find Kade. When I found him, he and Chris were downing a clear shot and I recognised the smell immediately. “Was that tequila?” I asked, worried about how Kade would handle it.
“Yeah,” he grinned, placing his glass back down on the side. “We did three in a row.” I looked at Kade, who was suddenly flushed. What the hell – I’d been gone for 2 minutes and Kade was drunk already because some guy had pushed him into it…
“Woah,” he signed before bringing his hand to his head.
“You okay?” I signed and he nodded, leaning into my side.
“I’ve never had alcohol before,” he signed and I grimaced. Starting off with Tequila probably wasn’t the best decision.
“Another!” Chris shouted, pouring the shot into a shot glass and handing it to Kade who immediately took it. “Cheers!” With that, Chris and Kade downed the drinks once again, though Kade was a lot slower that time. “I’m gonna go find Gemma,” Chris shouted and I just nodded as he wandered off, stumbling over himself. I knew he was drunk but I didn’t have time to worry about him, when Kade almost fell into me.
“Kade,” I said gently, wrapping my arm around his waist. “Want to get some air?” I asked and he just nodded.

We fought our way through the crowds and eventually made it to the back garden. All the bushes and trees had been TP-ed, I guess to give this party a spooky feel… Kade practically fell onto the bench that I guided him to and I crouched down in front of him, rubbing his back carefully. I knew that he’d just drank too much too quickly and I needed to get him some water, but I didn’t want to leave him on his own. I glanced around and no one was really paying us any attention. “Kade,” I signed and lifted his head to watch my hands. “I’ll be right back okay? Stay here.” He just nodded and let his head fall back into his hands. I quickly stood and went back into the kitchen and found a bottle of water in a bucket. I checked that it hadn’t been opened before I went back outside to find Kade. I almost froze midstep when I realised Chris was sitting on the bench with him and Kade was leaning into his side as Chris hugged him.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked once I reached them and Chris looked up at me in shock.
“Nothing,” he said, even as Kade’s head came to rest on his shoulders. If Kade wasn’t drunk, I would have yanked him away from Chris. “He’s drunk and he was on his own, so I wanted to check on him.”
“He’s only drunk because you kept handing him drinks!” I pointed out and Chris rolled his eyes angrily but didn’t say anything, just turned back to Kade.
“Okay?” Chris signed and I clenched my hands into fists and bit my tongue. Kade didn’t need Chris’s half-arsed, drunk signing right now, he needed someone who knows what they’re doing. I knelt down in front of Kade once again and got his attention.
“Baby, do you want to go home?” I signed and Kade shook his head as he pouted. I tried to ignore the fact that he was still snuggled with Chris… “You have to drink some of this then, okay?” I held out the water bottle which Kade took and struggled to open. I quickly opened it for him and he brought it to his lips and eagerly drank from the bottle. I knew he needed to take it slow, but his eyes were closed and there was no way to tell him to slow down.

Kade stopped drinking with a sigh and held the bottle in his lap. “I’m gonna go back inside,” Chris said and I just nodded as he took his arm away from Kade and stood up. I immediately took his seat and wrapped my arms around Kade, who cuddled into my side. Was he cuddling into me in the same way he had with Chris? I couldn’t tell.

Even though it was cold outside, I didn’t really mind. Going back inside wasn’t really an option for Kade yet; I knew that if he stood he’d throw up. I’d been there myself more times than I could count, so I knew the signs. But I was happy to stay outside with Kade. I didn’t really like parties anymore anyway, which was part of the reason why I didn’t initially want to come to it. I hadn’t been to a party since my parents passed away and I would have been perfectly content avoiding them forever. It was a good thing I came though, because if I hadn’t, who would be looking after Kade right now? Maybe Chris, but he was drunk too so it’s not like he’d be much help. And Gemma had vanished the second we arrived. She probably wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been here, but still.

We stayed outside for almost an hour before Kade uncurled himself from my side. “How are you feeling?” I signed and Kade shrugged.
“I don’t know,” he signed and I smiled gently before standing.
“Take it easy,” I said and signed and he nodded, taking my hand and standing cautiously.
“My head’s spinning,” he signed and I nodded, wrapping my arm around his waist.
“I really think I should take you home,” I said but Kade immediately shook his head.
“This is my first party,” he signed. “I don’t want to leave so soon.” I sighed but nodded. “We should dance,” he signed and I frowned.
“That’s not a good idea,” I said. I knew from experience that if he moved too quickly, he would only feel worse.
“Please?” he pouted, turning and pressing up against me. “I wanna dance with you.” I sighed but nodded, leading Kade back into the living room/dance area. Kade wrapped his arms around my neck, pressing his body against mine and even though I was worried about how he was, I couldn’t help but respond to having him so close to me. I held him tightly around his waist, pulling his hips firmly against mine. He buried his head in my chest and basically leant all his weight against me. I wasn’t complaining though. We didn’t really dance, I just sort of held Kade up and swayed a little bit, but I was happy for any excuse to hold Kade this close to me.

But suddenly, I felt him tense and I pulled back in concern. “I don’t feel good,” he signed and I quickly nodded and led him out of the house once again, grabbing another bottle of water on the way. Once we were outside, Kade took several deep breaths, his eyes closed. I rested my hand on his shoulder and guided him back to my car. We were leaving whether he wanted to or not, he just needed to sleep it off. Once I got Kade seated in the front seat, I pulled out my phone and called Gemma. “Dylan?” she shouted once the call connected and I held the phone away from my ear.
“Kade’s had too much to drink, I’m taking him home,” I said. I glanced at my watch and saw it was only just 12.30 – we’d only been there for about 2 hours.
“Awh, but I don’t wanna leave yet!” she said and I rolled my eyes.
“Well you can either come with us now or get a taxi later,” I said.
“I think I might just spend the night here,” she said and I frowned.
“What? No, you have to come home,” I said and she whined and I knew she’d been drinking too. God, what had I ever thought was appealing about drinking alcohol?
“You’re such a party pooper,” she said before hanging up. I frowned and went to call her back, but I heard her shouting my name from across the road. “Let’s go then,” she said, jumping in the back of the car and folding her arms with a pout. I rolled my eyes before getting in the car and driving back home.

Kade was pretty easy to guide upstairs and into my bedroom. I took his costume off him, revealing just a pair of white briefs. If he’d been sober, I would have stared at him and he would have blushed, but he was already falling asleep and didn’t realise that he was almost naked. I eventually got him into his pyjama bottoms but left his shirt off and tucked him into my bed.

Getting Gemma to shut up about having to leave early was a mission and a half. I did understand she was annoyed she’d had to leave early, but maybe she shouldn’t have wandered off as soon as she got there. She knew it was Kade’s first party so he didn’t know his limits and was bound to go too far. I didn’t really have all that much sympathy for her.

I went to my bedroom once I’d locked up and Kade was fast asleep. I smiled tenderly at him and stripped down to my underwear before climbing into bed beside him. Kade moaned softly and cuddled in next to me and I wrapped my arms around him. Now that he was asleep, I knew he’d be fine. Well, in the morning he might not be, but we’d worry about that when it arrived.
--

I woke up first and Kade was still in a deep sleep and I knew he would be for a while, so I got out of bed carefully and went into the bathroom to wash up before I headed downstairs. I made myself a coffee and got my laptop out. I figured I might as well get on with some work while I had the chance.

I was midway through proof reading an essay when Kade stumbled into the room, squinting at me, still just in his pyjama bottoms. “Morning,” I smiled, watching him carefully just in case.
“Morning,” he signed. He crossed the room and sat heavily in my lap. I grinned and wrapped my arms around him tightly, pressing kisses to his neck. His hair kinda smelt like alcohol and smoke but his breath was minty fresh. He nuzzled into my neck and I smiled, leaning my head against his gently. This is what I wanted, just me and him cuddling, no words needed. “I’m sorry about last night,” Kade eventually signed and I smiled and shook my head.
“You don’t need to apologise, baby,” I said.
“I shouldn’t have drank so much,” he signed and I smiled.
“Well now you know your tolerance for next time,” I said. “Or maybe just don’t go for the tequila shots straight away…build up to that.” Kade just nodded. “Want some breakfast?” I asked and Kade nodded, placing a kiss to my lips.
“Thank you for looking after me,” he signed and I smiled, kissing him once again.
“What are boyfriends for?” I asked, lifting him off my lap and leading him into the kitchen.

Kade sat at the table while I pulled bacon and eggs out of the fridge for breakfast. Not long later, the eggs and bacon were cooked and I put them into sandwiches. I left enough for Gemma, knowing she’d be up soon.

Not long after we’d finished eating, I heard her bedroom door open and close and I smiled, guessing she’d smelt the bacon cooking. But then I heard her thundering down the stairs and I knew that whatever she had to say, wasn’t going to be good.
“Chris said that you shouted at him!” Gemma came into the kitchen shouting and I grimaced, glancing at Kade who was frowning curiously, obviously having missed what Gemma said.
“What?” Kade signed and Gemma quickly signed what she’d just said. “Why?” he asked, turning back to me and I sighed.
“He was all over Kade!” I defended. “What was I supposed to do, just leave them alone to cuddle? Plus, he was the one who got Kade so drunk!”
“We weren’t cuddling,” Kade signed, standing up with an angry frown. “For God’s sake Dylan, how many times do we have to have this same argument?” I looked over at Gemma, who had folded her arms over her chest and raised her eye brows at me. As though she knows I’m in the wrong.
“You were cuddling, you were too drunk to remember,” I said and Kade rolled his eyes.
“I was leaning on him because I had too much to drink,” he signed. “He was just being a good friend.”
“No, he definitely wants more than that,” I said, shaking my head. “He had his arms around you and everything.”
“So?” Kade signed, clearly exasperated. “You’re being ridiculous, nothing is going on with me and Chris. I’m with you anyway. That’s why you wanted to come to the party isn't it? To keep an eye on me and make sure nothing happened. Don’t you trust me at all?”
“I do trust you, Kade,” I said. “But…you know, someone could take advantage of you a lot more easily than a normal person.” Kade suddenly took a step back from me, his eyes glistening. I quickly realised what I’d said when I saw the hurt in his eyes. “That’s not what I mean-“
“I know what you meant,” he signed. “Because I’m deaf, you think I’m not normal, that people can do whatever they want to me. I don’t need protecting, Dylan! I’m not a child. I’m perfectly capable of knowing if someone’s taking advantage of me, I’m not stupid!” And with that, he left the room.

I turned to look at Gemma, who just shook her head at me. “I can't believe you said that,” she said and I sighed.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said quietly.
“Yes you did,” she said and I didn’t know what to say. We both knew she was right.
“I didn’t mean that he’s not normal,” I said quietly. “I just…being deaf makes him more vulnerable…I can’t help it if I worry.”
“You pointing that out isn’t going to do anyone any good,” she said and I sighed.
“If I’d said that to you…what would you have done,” i asked and she rolled her eyes.
“I would have slapped you,” she said before turning and walking out of the kitchen. “Hard.”

I closed my eyes and looked down at the floor. Gemma was right, I shouldn’t have said that. Kade didn’t need me telling him that he was different – I was supposed to be the one who made him feel safe and special. God, I was such a lousy boyfriend. Before Kade could stew for too long, I quickly headed upstairs to find him. My bedroom door was shut so I guessed he was in there. I suppose it was better he’d run to my room rather than Gemma’s, though. I took a deep breath before knocking, praying that he would forgive me.