Your Voice

Christmas came about all took quickly; my work party was sort of the starting point of the season. I’d been nervous about asking Kade. Not because I didn’t want him there or because I thought my colleagues wouldn’t like him, but just because I knew he’d be anxious about going and I didn’t want him to feel obligated to go. He’d said yes even though I could tell it made him nervous but I didn’t intend to let him out of my sight all night.

I decided to go home after work instead of hanging around until the party started. My lectures had finished for Christmas, so I headed home at the end of the day. I wouldn’t have any more than an hour at home until I had to go back into the city, but it meant that I could travel in with Kade and reassure him. When I got home at just gone 6 o’clock, I went into the living room to find my boyfriend sitting in the armchair watching television with Gemma and Chris. “Hey,” I said to the room as I went to kiss Kade hello.
“Hey,” Gemma said.
“I didn’t know Chris was coming over,” I said, sitting on the arm of the armchair and resting my arm around Kade’s shoulders.
“Yeah, I figured seeing as you two are having a night out, Chris and I would watch a movie or something,” Gemma said, turning towards me. I hesitated for a moment. I wasn’t Gemma’s dad and I knew that, but that didn’t mean I had to like the fact that she’d be alone with her boyfriend for most of the night. Kade nudged me and I blinked and realised everyone was looking at me.
“Sounds like a good idea,” I said begrudgingly. I placed a kiss to Kade’s forehead and then went into the kitchen. I heard him follow me.

I got a glass of water and took a sip before turning towards him. “You don’t like Chris being here,” Kade signed and I frowned.
“It’s not that,” I signed, to make sure Gemma didn’t overhear. “I don’t mind him being here…it’s just him being here when no one else is.”
“Gemma will be okay,” he signed and I sighed. I knew she would be, but I knew something could happen and I just…I didn’t want to think about that. I opened my arms to him and he smiled as he moved into my body and wrapped his arms around my waist. I closed my eyes as I leant my head against his. Just holding him like that calmed me. I didn’t like the fact that Gemma and Chris would be alone together but I also knew that there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it. All I could do was be there for her if things went badly. I pulled back from the hug and leant down to kiss Kade gently.
“I’m gonna go get ready,” I said and Kade nodded.
“Me, too,” he signed and we headed upstairs.

The only thing I changed was taking my jacket off and replacing it was a dark purple jumper. Kade changed completely, replacing his jeans with a pair of dark grey slacks and his t-shirt with a black polo neck jumper. He looked so sexy, all smooth lines and sleek muscles. I went over to him and took his face in my hands and pressed my lips to his. He blinked at me in surprise and I smiled softly. “You look beautiful,” I said and Kade blushed. Wearing a snug black polo neck jumper just made him look so much older. “I’m half tempted to skip the party and stay here with you.” Kade grinned and stretched up to kiss me softly.
“I won't let you do that,” he signed and I pretended to pout and Kade laughed softly. I grinned at the sound. I loved him so much. He pulled back and folded his clothes up and placed them over my desk chair. I watched him for a moment and then went and moved his clothes into my wardrobe. I hoped it was as significant to Kade as it was to me. I liked knowing that Kade kept clothes at mine and that they sat next to my clothes in the wardrobe. It felt so permanent. I smiled at Kade before heading back downstairs. We only had about 20 minutes to kill until we had to leave to walk down to the station. I considered driving down but I wasn’t too sure whether I’d be drinking anything, so decided against it.

Gemma and Chris were still watching television in the living room. There were sitting next to one another and holding hands but it all seemed pretty innocent so I didn’t get too worked up over it. Kade followed me down a minute later and pulled his shoes on. “When do we need to leave?” he asked and I shrugged.
“Whenever, really,” I said. “Might as well go now if we’re ready.” Kade nodded and went to find his coat.
“What time do you think you’ll be back?” Gemma asked and I shrugged.
“Not sure, probably no later than 1,” I said and Gemma nodded. “Don’t wanna risk missing the last train.”
“Oh, yeah,” Gemma nodded. I went out into the hallway to find Kade and he was sitting on the stairs biting his lip. I frowned gently and went to kneel in front of him.
“You okay?” I signed and he looked up and met my eye. He nodded slowly and took a deep breath.
“Nervous,” he said and I smiled softly, taking his hands in mine.
“That’s okay,” I said, making sure he was reading my lips. “I promise I won't leave your side. And if you want to leave, we leave, okay? I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do.” Kade smiled softly and nodded, pulling his hands free to sign.
“I know.”

Just over an hour later, we go to my office. We first the first there but it wasn’t as busy as I was expecting it to be either. I knew there were still quite a few people wwho had yet to arrive. Kade shifted awkwardly beside me and I reached and entwined our fingers, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Instead of pausing to sign anything, I just smiled at him which seemed to be enough to earn a smile back. I took a subtle deep breath, so Kade wouldn’t see that I was kind of nervous too, and then headed into the small crowd of people. We’d decided to hold the little party in one of the large conference rooms that could easily hold about 50 people. The tables had been pushed to the sides of the room and were covered in drinks, glasses and snack foods like sausage rolls and mini quiches. I’d been working at Gordon & Greene Advertising for over two years and had been to the Christmas parties in the previous years but the party had never been extended to partners before. I wasn’t even too sure how many people knew I was gay.

I tugged Kade forward and into the conference room. No one really looked over, which was a relief. I went to get Kade and myself a drink. “What do you want?” I asked, signing as I spoke because I wasn’t facing him.
“Coke please,” he signed and I smiled as I opened a can and poured it into a glass. I got a glass of red wine for myself.
“Hey, Dylan,” a voice said behind me and I turned to smile at my godfather.
“Hi, Phil,” I smiled, shaking his hand.
“Hi, Kade,” he said and signed and Kade smiled and nodded.
“Is Nicole here?” I asked and Phil nodded.
“She’s around somewhere,” he said, motioning towards a group of people at the end of the room.

We talked to Phil for a while and then John came over to us, a slim guy about my age next to him. He only came up to just about John’s shoulder and it struck me how perfect they looked together. They both had dark hair and eyes but while John was tall and broad, Mark was short and slim. “Hi, Dylan,” John said with a smile. “This is Mark.”
“Hi,” I smiled. “Good to finally put a face to the name.”
“Likewise,” Mark smiled, reaching out to shake my hand. Mark was a good looking guy and I guessed he was in his early twenties, only a few years younger than John.
“This is Kade, my boyfriend,” I said, placing my hand on Kade’s lower back.
“Good to finally meet you,” John said with a smile. “Dylan’s said a lot about you.” Kade shifted slightly but his lack of a blush told me he hadn’t read John’s lips quick enough.
“Kade’s deaf,” I said softly. I felt awkward saying it, as though I was betraying Kade, but I knew it could become an uncomfortable situation if they didn’t know. I quickly translated what John had said and Kade did, in fact, blush.
“Oh, I did a course in sign language,” Mark said with a smile, signing as he spoke and Kade seemed to perk up. I was relieved and mentally let out a sigh.
“Did you learn sign language for Kade?” John asked and I shook my head.
“No,” I said. I hadn’t really told John much about my life, I realised, and I kind of wanted us to be friends. “My sister was in an accident a couple years ago and lost her hearing so I learnt for her.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that happened,” John said and I nodded.
“Worked out well, though, seeing as you already knew sign language for when you two met,” Mark smiled and I grinned and nodded.
“So what do you do, Mark?” I asked.
“I’m an art teacher,” he said and I nodded.
“So you’re both creative,” I smiled.
“Yeah, but I don’t have the patience or ambition to go into business like John does,” Mark said, smiling lovingly at John who smiled back at him. I smiled softly.
“What about you, Kade?” John asked, turning to face Kade and talking as clearly as he could.
“I’m still at school,” he signed, his cheeks flushing a light red.
“He’s in his final year,” I said.
“Oh, cool, so are you planning to go to university?” Mark asked and signed.
“Yeah, I want to do English Literature,” Kade signed and Mark grinned.
“I love literature,” Mark said before taking Kade’s hand and leading him away from us to sit at a table. I blinked in surprise and looked over at Kade and he shot me a quick, desperate look before turning his attention to Mark’s moving hands, which were asking about Kade’s favourite books.
“Sorry about him,” John said with an affectionate smile. “He’s a bit…enthusiastic.” I smiled and shook my head.
“It’s okay, I like that he has someone to talk to, he was a bit nervous about coming,” I said and John nodded.
“Mark was, too,” John said and I smiled. “He’s a proper social butterfly, though, so I knew once he found someone to talk to he’d be fine.”
“I told Kade I wouldn’t leave his side but it doesn’t look like I’ve got much of a choice now,” I said. “Your boyfriend seems to have stolen him for the evening.” John grinned and shrugged.
“I think Mark will be thrilled that he won't have to listen to me talk about anything work-related,” John smiled and I grinned and nodded. I glanced over at Kade and smiled softly when I realised he was enthusiastically signing about a book. He’d apparently completely forgot about me.

I mingled with my colleagues for a while and eventually came across Grant, who’d been determinedly flirting with me for the last year or so. Though I’d obviously been trying to put an end to it once I got with Kade. “Hey, Dylan,” Grant grinned, sliding to my side. I glanced again over at Kade who had been sitting with Mark for almost half an hour.
“Hi,” I smiled. “How’s it going?”
“Good,” he said happily. “You?”
“Good,” I smiled, sipping my wine. “You come with anyone?”
“Nah, no boyfriend at the moment,” he said with a small pout that I was sure he’d spent hours attempting to perfect.
“I’m sure you’ll find someone soon,” I said and he nodded, gazing up at me wide-eyed.
“I’m working on it,” he said, placing a hand on my bicep. I quickly stepped back.
“Grant,” I said slowly. “I have a boyfriend. You have to stop flirting with me.” He pouted again.
“I’m just being friendly,” he said and I sighed.
“There’s a difference between friendly and flirty,” I said. “I’m gonna go find my boyfriend. See you later.” I turned and quickly crossed the room. Kade’s eyes were on me and I guessed he had seen the entire interaction. I sat in the chair beside him and Mark quickly excused himself. “Hey,” I smiled, reaching for his hand and entwining our fingers. Kade smiled at me softly. “I’ve been telling him I have a boyfriend for months. He’s just…determined.”
“It’s okay,” Kade signed and I smiled, leaning in to quickly peck his lips. I didn’t care about my colleagues seeing my public display of affection but I didn’t want to go over the top.
“I’ll get you another drink, what do you want?” I asked and Kade smiled softly.
“Another coke, please,” he signed and I nodded and quickly went over to the drinks table and got it. Mark caught me at the table as he was getting his own.
“Kade’s adorable,” he said and I grinned and nodded, glancing over at him and meeting his eye.
“Yeah, he is,” I smiled, turning slightly so Kade couldn’t see my lips.
“How long have you two been together?” Mark asked and I smiled softly.
“Just over 3 months,” I said. Saying it that way made it sound like a really short period of time. It felt like we’d been together forever. “Feels like more, though.”
“I know what you mean,” Mark smiled. “John and I have been together for almost 3 years but it feels like much more.”
“Wow,” I said softly. “That’s impressive.” Mark just shrugged with a soft smile.
“Well, I’ll let you get back to Kade,” Mark said, picking up his two glasses of wine. “Better get back to John.” I smiled and nodded and headed back to Kade.

We spent the next few hours talking to my colleagues, though mostly just with Mark, John and Phil. I liked seeing a more casual side of my boss. For a few hours, he wasn’t my boss, he was just a guy who I could be friends with. I saw him as a normal person rather than someone who I worked for. And that was really nice.

Kade and I left at about 10.30. we weren’t the first to leave but we definitely weren’t the last. There was still a good group of people chatting. Phil and Nicole left at the same time as us, though John and Mark stuck around. Possibly because John is slightly higher up than me, he had to schmooze a bit more. And Phil was too high up to have to worry about that. Phil and Nicole had the same train journey home, though their stop was one before mine and Kade’s. We said goodbyes quickly as they departed and then it was Kade and me alone, finally. I pulled Kade into my side and wrapped my arms around him tightly. The train wasn’t busy at all and even if it was, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from holding my boyfriend. I wanted to talk to him but I also didn’t want to lift my hands away from him to sign or pull back so he could read my lips. In the end, I settled for cuddling for the rest of the train journey home.

We got home at just before midnight, which wasn’t too bad. Gemma had already gone to bed and I assumed that Chris had gone home and was not spending the night. I dismissed the idea as soon as it sprung into my mind. I locked the front door behind us and Kade and I went straight up to my room. I pulled my coat off and threw it over my desk chair and then fell onto my bed, my eyes slipping closed. I heard Kade moving around and then he was lying beside me, cuddling into my side and I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. We lay like that for a moment before I sat up and pulled Kade with me. “Thank you for tonight,” I said softly, cupping his cheek tenderly. “Thank you for coming, I know you were nervous about it. But I really liked having you there.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” he signed, ”you’re my boyfriend, of course I’d go and support you.” I was shocked by the rush of love I felt for this boy.
“Were you okay?” I asked. “I know I said I wouldn’t leave you alone but Mark…” I trailed off and shook my head but Kade smiled.
“It’s okay. I liked Mark, he was fun to talk to. He talked about books for a while. It was kind of nice to have someone else to talk to. I mean, I pretty much only have you and Gemma and Chris. So it was nice talking to someone outside this group,” he signed and I smiled and nodded. I understood what he meant and I was glad he’d been able to talk to someone new. “He told me about him and John. About how much John works and how tricky it can be to have time together,” he signed and I nodded.
“John works longer hours than me,” I said. “Including my uni hours.”
“That must suck for Mark,” Kade signed and I shrugged. It sucked for John, too.
“I guess…that’s just John’s priorities at the moment,” I said. “He wants to be able to have a good career so he can provide for Mark in the future.” Kade nodded slowly but he didn’t comment any further. “Are you doing anything tomorrow?” I asked and Kade shook his head.
“Not that I know of,” he signed and I smiled.
“Good,” I said, “because I fully intend to have a lie in and then spend all day with you in front of the TV.” Kade grinned and pressed a kiss to my lips.
“Sounds perfect,” he signed. He climbed off the bed and stripped his jumper over his head. The muscles in my lower stomach tightened and I swallowed. Kade then started unbuttoning his trousers. Only then did he realise that I was just sitting and staring at him. He blushed as he ducked his head.
“Don’t stop,” I signed and Kade blushed but did continue taking his trousers off. He kicked his trousers and socks aside and then climbed onto the bed beside me.
“Your turn,” he signed and I had to bite back a grin. I got off the bed and quickly took off my jumper, shirt and tie, and my slacks and socks before turning off the light and joining Kade in bed. He quickly turned the bedside light on, filling the room in a warm light and I pulled back the blankets for Kade to climb in. I settled in bedside him and pulled him against me.
“I really do appreciate you coming with me tonight,” I said and signed, unsure if he could see my lips.
“You’re welcome,” he signed and I smiled. I pulled back slightly so I could reach his lips, which I pressed a tender kiss to.
“I think,” I said as I pulled away, “that I should thank you properly.” I moved to settle between his knees and Kade’s eyes widened.
“You don’t have to,” he signed and I looked at him for a moment.
“You don’t want me to?” I asked and Kade blushed.
“I didn’t say that. I just meant…don’t feel like you ought to,” he signed and I smiled. I kissed him again, for slightly longer this time, teasing my tongue along his lower lip until he moaned softly. I grinned against his lips and continued kissing him until he was moaning and squirming beneath me, rolling his hips against mine. Then, and only then, did I move down his body to thank him properly.