Your Voice

I got home at about 3.30, just in time to change and head out to pick up Gemma. It was an incredibly rare occurrence that I got home before Gemma, and getting home to a cold house was strange. I hated that this is what Gemma was forced to come home to everyday, but as of yet, she hadn’t complained. I wished I could be home to welcome her back, have the lights on and food in the oven. She’d kind of taken on the role of a house wife, which at 16 she shouldn’t have. The fact that there was literally nothing I could do about it was disheartening; I didn’t like the fact that it was so out of my control.

I jumped in the car and pulled out of our small driveway. I knew that come the end of September, when Gemma turns 17 and was able to start learning to drive, I’d have very little use of the car. She’d already got her provisional licence and so was raring to get driving. I was kind of dreading it – it was just another reminder that she was growing up so fast. Plus, I’d have to take her out driving between her lessons, which I was not looking forward to. Not that I thought she’d be a bad driver, it’s just a terrifying prospect. I think it’s fairly standard for parents to freak out when their child gets behind the wheel of a car, and it was the same for me. I was responsible for Gemma in the same way that a father would be, except our relationship was more complicated, because I wasn’t her dad, I was her brother. I was meant to be more chilled. But I wasn’t all that convinced that I was.

Humming along to a song I half recognised, I pulled into Gemma’s school car park. I was a couple minutes early, so I got out of the car to enjoy the warm evening – a luxury that I knew wouldn’t last for very long. There was already that chill in the air that signified the end of summer and the arrival of autumn. Not to mention the almost constant rain. I breathed deeply, looking around the car park. It was pretty much full now with parents arriving to pick up their children. Not to mention the cars belonging to students who could drive themselves to and from school.

I heard the distant ring of the bell inside the school, indicating the end of the day and I turned towards the building. The first children out were clearly year 7s, eager to tell their parents about their first day at a senior school. They weren’t chatting amongst themselves just yet, but I knew it would take maybe a week before they’d formed friendships. I smiled softly as I watched a little boy run up to his dad and walk alongside him back to their car, the boy chattering a mile a minute. My mum had taken and picked me up from school and I could remember how anxious I’d been in the morning and how happy I’d been at the end of the day once I’d realised it wasn’t as scary as I’d feared. My mum had just patted my hand, silently saying I told you so. I took a deep breath, moving away from dangerous thoughts. It was never a good idea to think about my parents – especially in such a public place. I could never control how emotional I got and I did not need to have a break down in the middle of Gemma’s school car park.

After the initial rush of younger kids, the older kids starting wondering out of the school, much less excitedly, happy to continue talking with friends. I had to wait 10 minutes for Gemma, but I wasn’t really too bothered – she very rarely had to do things to my schedule and it probably thrown her that she suddenly had to today. My eyes landed on her eventually, once the rush of students had died down. I raised my hand and waved as she looked around in search of me and waved when she spotted me. She opened her mouth and said something and it was then that I realised she wasn’t alone. I was so used to Gemma keeping mostly to herself, even after having the implant, that seeing her standing with someone was a surprise, though of course a pleasant one.

Gemma and her friend crossed the car park and came to stand in front of me. “Hey, Gem,” I smiled. “Hi,” I said to her friend, who just didn’t acknowledge that I’d spoken, just kept his gaze glued to the floor. I looked down at his light brown hair that had a slight wave and fell to the right over his face.
“This is Kade,” Gemma said as she signed and my eyes widened with realisation. “He’s deaf.” The boy looked up then slightly, and although I still couldn’t see his face properly, I could see the red tinge to his cheeks.
“Oh,” I said as I signed as well. “Hi, Kade,” I said and signed. “I’m Gemma’s brother, Dylan.” Kade then fully looked up at met my gaze and I swear, all the air was sucked from my lungs. He had to be one of the most stunning beings I have ever laid my eyes on. His large blue eyes shone with intelligence and an awareness of the world around him that I don’t remember ever seeing in anyone before. His eyes captured me instantly and I didn’t know what to say let alone sign to break the moment. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to.
“Kade just started here today,” Gemma said, effectively breaking the connection between Kade and I by demanding I move my attention to her as she signed along with her spoken words. “I wanted to introduce him to someone else who could sign and who he can talk to.”
“How do you like the school so far, Kade?” I asked him, just wanting any excuse to be able to look at him, to study him, to memorise…
“It seems fine so far,” he signed and I smiled.
“Good,” I said.
“Gemma’s been really nice, she’s shown me round and everything,” he signed and I grinned at my sister.
“I’d expect nothing less,” I told him and he smiled but otherwise didn’t respond. “Is someone coming to get you?” I asked and he looked around, a gentle frown on his delicate features. The irrational desire to make that frown morph back into a smile took hold of me but I quickly shook it off. I shouldn’t want to make Kade smile, at least not just for the sake of seeing him smile.
“Probably not,” he said and I frowned, looking around as well, as though I’d be able to find his parents for him.
“Do you want a ride?” Gemma offered but Kade blushed and shook his head.
“Don’t worry, I can walk,” Kade signed and I frowned again.
“I’m more than happy to drop you home,” I told him. “I know the first day of school is exhausting, especially a new school. I bet the thought of walking home is the last thing you want right now.” Kade looked up at me for a moment, staring into my eyes and I felt oddly like I was being judged. The brightness of Kade’s gaze made it seem like he perceived a lot more than any other person might. Intuitive, I told myself; Kade wasn’t stupid, he knew what was going on. I wondered if he even realised how piercing his gaze was – it felt like he was reading my thoughts right down to my soul.
“I don’t want to be a bother,” he signed and I smiled and waved off his concern.
“Don’t be silly,” I smiled. “Jump in.”

Kade and Gemma both got in the back seat and I got behind the wheel. Gemma started chatting away to me and signing to Kade about their first day. I didn’t input much, just because Kade seemed comfortable signing to Gemma and I didn’t want to interrupt. Besides, it was a conversation about the teachers at school, so I didn’t have all that much to add. I’d met a few teachers in the past two years, but some had left and I couldn’t remember all their names, so it was easier just to drive, following the directions Gemma gave me every few minutes.

I tried to sneak glances at Kade in the rear view mirror, desperate to take in as much as I could. For all I knew, this was the last time I’d ever see him. Though I prayed to whoever was listening that it wouldn’t be. The fact that Gemma and Kade were still discussing the school so enthusiastically, however, told me that they’d quickly become good friends. Which ultimately meant that I might be lucky enough to see Kade again in the future.

We pulled up to a reasonably sized house with a green front lawn and a driveway on the right, which had 2 cars parked in it. I frowned at the fact that his parents were obviously home but not bothered to pick their own son up, but kept my mouth shut and my hands still. I glanced at Kade in the rear view mirror and caught him watching me, though he lowered his gaze when I caught him. “Hopefully I’ll see you again soon, Kade,” I smiled, praying that I actually would. I’d be willing to bed Gemma to be friends with this boy so he could be in my life just a little bit more.
“Thanks for the lift,” he signed, “Bye.” He then climbed out of the car and headed inside and Gemma climbed into the front seat.
“He seems nice,” I said as we waited for Kade to get inside safely. Gemma waved as we drove away and Kade waved back.
“Yeah, he’s really sweet,” she smiled at me. “I like that I could talk to him, no one else at school really knows sign language. He has a learning assistant but he’s more of a teacher than a friend.”
“Well, it’s a good thing he has you then,” I smiled and she nodded as she flicked on the radio and started humming along.

We ordered Chinese for dinner and watched Hotel Transylvania while we ate. I’d planned to work on an essay for university that was due to following week, as I wasn’t expecting to like the film, but I couldn’t help smiling and chuckling at the odd line. Gemma loved it, but those sorts of movies were her favourites – animation movies where a happy ending was pretty much guaranteed. As we sat and ate I couldn’t help but think about Kade. I wanted to ask Gemma more about him but didn’t want to be too obvious that I was interested in the boy. Boy… Just that term alone presented an obstacle. He was 16. It was illegal for there to be anything intimate – for lack of a better word – between us. Not that I was really that bothered about that just then. I’m mean sure, it was an intriguing thought, but at the same time, my main concern was just getting to know Kade. I wanted to be someone to him and not just his new friend’s brother. And sure, while I knew I didn’t exactly have time to spend developing a friendship – or more – with Kade, I couldn’t help but wish for it.