Your Voice

Sitting at my office the following day was surprisingly hard. How had that random teenager worked his way into my thoughts so much? Kade. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I could still see the anxious glance he’d sent me when I’d realised his parents hadn’t bothered with him. His wide blue eyes had burned into my mind’s eye and now they came unbidden to my mind when I was trying to work.

Gemma had told me that he didn’t really communicate all that much, but she wasn’t sure if that’s because he was nervous about being at a new school, if he was shy, or for any other potential reason. I think she was kind of looking forward to going to school this morning so she could try to figure him out a bit more.

My godfather stopped by John’s office that morning, which was a nice surprise. I didn’t really see him all that often despite him working two floors above. “Hi, Phil,” I smiled, minimising the contract I’d been proof reading for John. I knew that there wouldn’t be an issue if Phil saw it, but it still felt more professional to minimise it just in case.
“Hey, kiddo,” he smiled. “How are you doing?”
“Good,” I smiled. “John gave me most of the afternoon off yesterday, which was really nice. Gemma and I had a night in, got a take away. It’s crazy how little we see each other nowadays.”
“It is a shame,” Phil said softly.
“Yeah, but it’s kind of out of my control. I mean, I love working here and I don’t want to leave school,” I told him and he nodded.
“Yeah, I get that,” he said. “I think you’re doing pretty well considering everything.”
“Thanks,” I smiled. “So how are you?”
“Just come out of a meeting with a potential company. A new chain of pubs that want a new logo and advertising campaign. Looks like they like us,” he smiled and I grinned.
“That’s good,” I smiled, though I knew that a new company would mean John’s stress levels would increase. He was a junior designer and so would be desperate to design the campaign and improve his portfolio.
“Yeah, they seem like a nice family-orientated chain,” Phil said and I smiled. “Anyway, I better be getting back to work. Call me if you or Gemma need me, okay?”
“Thanks, Phil,” I smiled. He lived about 45 minutes away from us so it wasn’t all that convenient, but he’d already done so much that I wouldn’t want to call him for much anyway. Not unless it was an emergency.

The rest of the afternoon passed in the same way that all previous afternoons had. I answered phone calls, I sent emails, I confirmed reservations and meetings. At 5 o’clock, I said good-bye to John and then headed over to the Business building at Kings College. Monday was the only day I didn’t have an evening lecture, so I had been lucky the night before that I’d been able to have it off completely. Every other night of the week, and 11-4 on a Saturday, I had lectures. During the week, the lectures were 6.30-8.30 which wasn’t too bad, but it did mean that I didn’t get home until nearly 10 o’clock. Sunday, however, I did have to myself, though I usually ended up doing an essay or two.

I got to my lecture just in time and took my usual seat about midway between the front and back. I liked that in lectures we were never called upon. I liked that we were just taught and it was up to us whether we learnt. A part of me, though I often tried to keep it buried, wished I could attend university like a normal student – live in halls, attend lectures if and when I fancied it, fall asleep in the ones I made it to, go out drinking every night with my flatmates – but I wasn’t a normal student. I’d made my peace with that a long time ago. This was how it was and I just had to get on with it. I knew I didn’t really have anything to complain about. I had a good job, a steady income, a good boss, a good place to live. Sometimes I watched other students, full-time students, who were still able to act their age. They were 20 years olds who acted like 20 year olds. I was a 20 year old who acted like a 40 year old.

I shook my head of my thoughts and turned my attention to the lecturer as she started discussing the managerial problems in the late 20th century. While it was interesting, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander. I was tempted to get my phone out and text Gemma to see how Kade had been at school. Even after I’d thought that I realised how crazy it sounded. I’d met the boy once and had hardly spoken with him. It wasn’t really any of my business. Except I just couldn’t stop thinking about his eyes and the way he’d looked at me. I just wanted to know everything there was to know about him.

Picking up my pen, I tried to force myself to at least attempt to take notes for the remainder of the lecture.

It was 9.30 when I got home, which was quite good – the trains had come as soon as I got to the platform; a coincidence that very rarely occurred. Gemma had left my dinner in the microwave ready for me to heat up and eat. I never had time to eat between work and lectures and then there was never any point eating on the journey home. It was just easier to wait until I got home. I set the microwave to warm up my food for 5 minutes as I went to change out of my suit and into a pair of joggers and an old, fairly ratty t-shirt. But I didn’t really care. I just wanted to be comfortable for the few hours before I went to sleep.

I grabbed my dinner out of the microwave, the smell of bolognaise filling my nose, as I made my way into the living room to join Gemma, where I could hear her watching television. “Smells good,” I told her as I sat down and started to eat.
“Good,” she smiled.
“So how was school?” I asked her, slurping up the spaghetti. Gemma rolled her eyes at me and laughed.
“It was good,” she said. “I spent most of my frees and lunch with Kade. I feel kinda bad for him. No one else there knows sign language except his learning assistant, but he’s only around for lessons, not for someone for Kade to talk to. And I think he’s shy anyway, so he doesn’t seem to have much hope of breaking into the groups at school.”
“That’s too bad,” I said fairly casually, though inside I could feel my heart breaking for the boy. I didn’t know him, but I did know that he didn’t deserve that sort of treatment. “Thank god he has you at least,” I said to Gemma who just smiled.
“Yeah, I just wish he had more,” Gemma said softly and I smiled at my baby sister. She suddenly seemed so much older than she had even yesterday. She looked genuinely anxious about whether Kade would be okay.
“Why don’t you invite him over here?” I suggested before I could censor myself or stop myself sounding too enthusiastic. “I mean, at least then he has me to talk to, too. Getting a little more interaction with someone might do him some good.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” she said with a smile. “Either a weekend or a Monday when you’re home. Are you sure you don’t mind? I know how tired you are when you get a break.”
“Don’t be silly,” I smiled, nudging her. “I remember how down you were when you lost your hearing, I imagine Kade’s going through the same thing. He’d probably appreciate it and I’m happy to be here for him to talk to.”
“I think he’s been deaf for quite a while, I think he said he was about 7 when he lost his hearing…though I kind of think he’s used to not communicating with people much if at all…” Gemma said, biting her lip and frowning to herself.
“Well then, we should be the people he does talk to,” I told her. I wondered whether I was caring too much, whether she would see through my niceness as an excuse just to see Kade again, but I think she was too caught up with worrying about Kade to notice. And I was perfectly okay with that.