Somewhere Only We Know

She was silent for a long time. He called her name a few times without a response, but he knew she was there.
"Look, just come down to St. Anthony's. I'm in the emergency room with Olivia."
"Wha-what happened?"
"She's okay, she just got banged up a little bit," he said. "Just call when you're here and I'll bring you back where she is."
"I-ok, um..." she was obviously confused, in addition to all the other emotions she was sure to be feeling at this time. "I'll be there in ten minutes."
She was there in five. She called Olivia's phone to let Jeremy know she'd arrived, and he met her in the parking lot.
In Jeremy's eyes, she hadn't changed a bit. Yes, she was a bit older now, but her skin was still flawless, her eyes still that seductive almond shape and rich coffee color. Her hair, though much shorter than it was the last time he'd seen it, still held its body and that brilliant shine. Even with a couple of crow's feet and some smile lines, she was as beautiful as ever.
But there was one striking difference Jeremy had noticed. She didn't have the sparkle in her eyes that she'd once had. He didn't expect her to be smiling now in this moment of course, but he expected to see a hint of her joyful spirit. It had gone. Either that or she'd just gotten very good at hiding it.
"Where is she?" she asked.
Jeremy led her inside, "She's in the back. Thankfully no one's blabbed about my being here, or else there would be photographers everywhere."
"Really, Jeremy? That's what you're thinking about right now? Photographers?"
"I have to think about it, Alexa," he told her sternly. "It's my life."
By this time they had reached her exam room. When Olivia saw her mom, she didn't sob like she did with Jeremy. She looked her mother in the eye, seemingly afraid for a reason Jeremy wasn't quite sure of.
Alexa stepped beside the bed and gave Olivia a look of compassion. "What happened?"
"I'm sorry mom," she answered, "I got into a little trouble today, but I'm gonna be ok."
"This again?" Alexa held out Olivia's arm and looked at the marks. "You were doing so well!"
"I know. I guess I just slid back a couple months ago. I'm sorry, Mom. Are you mad?"
Alexa hugged her daughter. "Yes," she answered. "I'm mad as hell. But you're alive and you're gonna be ok, so at least I have that."
Olivia nodded, and Alexa led Jeremy out into the hall. "I'm gonna have a word with this guy really quickly, Honey. Be right back."
Alexa took Jeremy back outside and sat on a bench with him. She was silent for a long time, her hands clasped together so tightly, she choked out any color in them. Jeremy could see she was looking for words, so he decided he would speak first.
"It's good to see you again - "
"Oh, shut up," she barely let him finish. "What the hell? How long have you two been spending time together?"
He shrugged as he tried to think. "A little over a month, I guess."
"So I take it you're the father?"
He was surprised Olivia hadn't told Alexa anything regarding the facts that surrounded the circumstance. "Yeah," he couldn't help but smile.
"Yeah, I always had a feeling it was you," she mumbled.
After a moment, Jeremy spoke again. "Hey, I'm sorry about all this," he spoke tenderly. "I had no idea she was in such a bad way."
"Well, that's what happens when you don't have a dad in your life."
"Lex, you can't blame me, ok? You grew up with a father and you turned out fine."
"I grew up with no sense of direction for my life and an illegitimate child at the age of 23," she said. "I recovered, but I wouldn't say I was alright."
"People grow up all the time in single-parent homes and are fine. You can't tell me her drug problem is my fault."
"Ok, no, maybe it's not your fault, but it's all gotten worse over the past couple months, and now I know why."
"Alexa, you're being ridiculous!" he insisted. "Look at me, ok? Look at me. This is not my fault. This is not your fault. People make mistakes. Kids get into bad shit all the time. It's not our job to point out the blame. It's our job to help her fix the problem."
"You are the problem."
He knew she'd been upset with him for leaving, but he never expected this kind of bitterness to still be in her all these years later. His initial reaction was to defend himself and blow up at her for calling him the problem and blaming him for Olivia's issues. But then he put himself in her shoes. He tried to imagine if it were him raising a child with someone he cared for, and then that person walking away after a fight and never returning. It would feel like shit, and he began to understand why she was so upset.
He stood up and paced, trying to keep calm while also preventing himself from crying. He'd thought about what he'd done before, and he'd always felt just awful about it. But here in front of him was the woman scorned. Right in front of him was the only woman who'd loved him while he was a celebrity, but hadn't loved him because he was a celebrity. This was a woman who was selflessly in love with him back during the happiest years of his life, and he had left. Was he really that kind of person?
"I'm sorry, Lex."
"So you acknowledge this is your fault?"
"I acknowledge that I should have been there for her. I should have been there for both of you." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm a real piece of shit, huh?" he chuckled sarcastically. "I walked away just like that! I left! I'm such an asshole!"
Alexa shot her stare at the sidewalk, still angry with him of course, but sorry to see him so upset.
"I walked away, and I'm sorry. I never should have gone. But I apologized to Olivia and she forgave me immediately. You, not so much I guess."
"Yeah not so much!" she exclaimed. "Olivia doesn't even remember you from back then! I loved you, Jeremy! I loved you!"
"Then you should have married me!"
She became very emotional remembering when he asked her to marry him. He had done it more than once, actually, and near the end, he didn't even propose as much as he just followed her around the house some days, explaining why they should be together. There was a time he wanted her more than anything. But that seemed like such a long time ago.
"I would have married you," she told him, "If you had been able to keep it in your pants. But no, you got involved with every woman you worked with. And I knew it would be like that, and that's why I wouldn't marry you."
"I didn't get involved with every woman I worked with! There was one woman, Lex! One! And I ended up starting a life with her, so it's not like it was a casual hookup!"
"Yeah, go ahead and rub that in my face again!" she returned. "As if thinking about it every single day isn't bad enough."
"You still think about it?"
She shook her head silently. "Of course I do," she whispered.
"I don't want to fight anymore," he said, sitting down again. "Can we just not?"
She sighed and agreed, and they sat together, staring at the ground, staring at an unsure future. But it's not like it was the first time either of them had had to do that.
"What are we gonna do?" he asked her quietly.
The fact that he was asking her how she could help made her feel more comforted than she'd been in a long time. She'd forgotten how he used to confide in her, curl next to her, depend on her for comfort and advice when he had nothing left. Perhaps those days weren't so far in the distant past as she thought.
"She needs to come home," Alexa said. "That's kind of a no-brainer."
"Yeah," he smiled, "Obviously."
"I should probably go home and clear some room for her things."
"Well," he suggested, "Or she could just come stay with me."
She shot him a glance. "You're kidding right? I mean, come on, she's been in all kinds of trouble since she's been spending time with you. And yeah, maybe it's not your fault directly, but I'm not sure I'm willing to take those chances."
"Lex, she's been great with me! She's become this loving, sweet, caring girl in the past few weeks. When I met her, I could see she had so many issues. But now, she's working through them. This was just a setback, okay? She'll be fine. Just give it a chance."
"I don't know," she hesitated. "I feel like I've been away from her enough lately, I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of the summer away from her as well."
"She'll be fine. You can come over all the time, take her out, spend all the time you want with her. But you want me to be completely honest? Every time she talks about you, it's about how you limit her, you shelter her. She just wants to have a little freedom, and I can give her that. We can give her that together."
"Don't blame me."
"I'm not blaming you. You did what you thought was best. But let's take it in another direction now. Let's keep an eye on her, but let her have a social life. I could even get Riley out here to visit and - "
"Wait, wait, wait..." she interrupted. "Who the hell is Riley?"
He hadn't remembered she didn't know about Riley. He gave a very brief synopsis of their time with him, information that didn't exactly comfort Alexa.
"I don't know what to do anymore, Jeremy!" she threw her hands up in frustration. "I have this daughter who I have worked for 18 years to keep as close to me as possible, and then she's doing all this stuff I don't even know about, and she's coming to hospitals in the middle of the night, half-dead, and I feel like I'm completely helpless!" She began to break down in tears, and Jeremy caught her falling frame in his arms and held her closely for the first time in far too long.
"It's gonna be alright," He soothed.
"Oh, how do you know?" She cried.
"Because I know what an amazing mother you are, and I know what an incredible daughter we have, and it can't stay this bad forever. I promise."
"You promise?" she sniffled. "You really promise?"
"Of course," he petted her head and pressed his cheek atop her. He closed his eyes, letting the reality of the fact that it was really her, the only woman who only loved him the right way, the woman who had never asked for a thing from him, the woman he had loved all these years.
"Thanks, Jeremy," she whimpered. "I really need you now, more than ever." She pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes.
"I'm not going anywhere this time," he promised. "I'm gonna be right here."
She smiled at him, and everything wrong in his world began to look very, very right for the first time tonight.