Howell Lake

“Ya had sex with the Dixon boy?!”

Heather sat on the soft bed with legs crossed and stared at the ceiling above her; she’d finally pulled herself together and told Jessica the truth about what happened last night. Jess was currently in some stage of shock; she was staring at Heather with widened eyes and an open mouth, frozen at the foot of the bed where she was sitting.

Heather couldn’t really blame her for the astonished expression that covered her face; Heather couldn’t wrap her head around it either. It wasn’t like her at all, stalking off from her friends with a boy she’d only exchanged a couple of words with, let him take her to the woods, take her up a tree, take her virginity…

She shrugged her shoulders before letting her eyes drop to stare at her thighs. She was still sitting in her pajamas; shorts and an old oversize t-shirt. She, Jess and Cristina had spent the day cursing their hangovers far, far away; watching some episodes of a new television show and eating all the nasty snacks Jess’ mom had bought for them.

Her parents were out of town for the weekend so the three of them had quickly claimed their big house. Cris was gonna bring them tacos from Taco Bell for dinner when she was off from her work down at Jill’s. She worked there as a waiter; a job she hated but couldn’t quit because she needed the money. She hated it because of all the creepy types that came there. She always referred to them as ‘the regulars’ and boy, had Heather heard some stories from that place. She’d promised herself never to go there.

“Oh honey, what were ya thinkin’?!”

Heather shook her head and narrowed her eyes back to Jessica while fiddling with the shredded hem of her t-shirt. “I, um… I don’t know,” she croaked out, reaching her hands up to cover her face.

She really had no clue.

She heard Jess sigh out loudly and she felt her shift her weight on the mattress of the double bed they’d shared for the night. “Ya like ‘im?”

Heather gulped down. She didn’t know that either.

On one hand she wished that she could say no; that he was a jackass that had taken her virginity and then left her to feel like shit, alone in the woods. On the other hand she knew herself well enough to know that she couldn’t say no; there was something so mysterious and attractive about him that made her curious for him, curious of getting to know him, to be with him. So once more she shrugged her shoulders: “I really don’t know, Jess. I’m so confused about it. I mean, I know I shouldn’t but...” She sighed.

Jess was nodding her head: “Yea. Ya have to be real’ careful with them Dixon boys,” a couple of muted minutes hung thick in the air before she continued on, “They’re not famous for bein’ nice to the ladies. Rumors say the dad beat the momma for many years, b’fore she was finally able to escape.”

Heather tasted bile in her mouth as Jess’ words sunk in. Her chest stung a bit when a few pictures of Daryl flew past her eyes; the mean and hard stares he always carried around with him, his tensing shoulders and his clenching fists. And last night Cris had told her how Merle had dragged him roughly out of the house by the neck and that he was probably gonna get bruises when he got home. Poor boy…

She could feel Jess’ eyes on her again. “Um, honey, I just feel the need to ask’ya this…”

Heather could see she was choosing her words carefully. “He, uh… He didn’t, ya know… push ya or anythin’, did he?”

Heather’s eyes widened and her breath got caught in her throat. “What?! No! He would never do that!”

It felt as if cold liquid slimed down her spine when she saw the strange expression that formed on Jessica’s face. She asked herself the question that flowed the air around them; ‘Would he?’

She shook her head. No, he wouldn’t. He wasn’t like that.

After a long moment filled with silence, Jess scooted over to lie on her stomach, her face turned at Heather, her body language now completely different. Heather smiled weakly at her. “What?”

Jess giggled out girlishly and hid the half of her face with a pillow, only her eyes peeping over the pink cotton sheet. “Was he big?” her tiny voice cringed.

A deep flush quickly rose to Heather’s cheeks and a wide grin spread across her lips. “Jessica?!” she threw her arm out at her giggling friend. Embarrassment had her blood boil slightly and she curled her toes. “I’m not telling you that! Seriously…”

Jess laughed out and rolled over to lie on her back, her eyes mischievous and shining brightly with curiousness. “Aw, come on, girl! Ya gotta give me some details! How was it?”

Heather bit down on her lower lip, a smile still creeping on her lips. “Weird,” she admitted while recalling the many different feelings he’d made her feel, “Both good and bad at the same time. I mean, it hurt like hell.”

Jess nodded for her to continue. She sighed out but obliged: “It just… fuck, the first time he…” she rolled her eyes dramatically, hoping that Jess would understand what she meant, “All I wanted was just to push him off and run away screaming.”

Jess laughed out and nodded her head in agreement. “Yea, sounds like ma’ first time with Jimmy right there.”

Heather grinned and pulled her fingers through her hair. “But then, at the end, it was actually getting pretty good. But then he… you know.”

Jess’ mouth opened in a wide grin and she threw her arms in the air. “Ha! The Dixon boy’s a quickie!”

Heather furrowed her brows at her friend. “Don’t say that. He held out for a pretty long time. It was perfe...” She rapidly closed her lips. Blood rushed upwards to redden her already burning cheeks. Was she ever gonna learn to keep her mouth shut?

“What’cha say there, girl? Perfect?”

A quick silence that almost had Heather throwing herself out of the window settled between them. Until Jess burst in laughter. “Aw you’re so far in!” And then some more laughter.

Heather wanted to die. The ‘throwing yourself out of the window’ actually sounded quite tempting to her at this point. Or being struck by lightning.

With a smile still parting her lips, Jessica gazed at her before asking something that had Heather’s blood run cold: “So… Do ya always carry ‘round condoms or did Daryl have one?”

…

Fuck.

Crap.

Shit and tomatoes.

Condoms?!

A pounding silence fell between the two girls as Heather blankly stared out into the room while a growing horror filled her stomach. They hadn’t used one…

Jessica was breathing calmly and her eyes were closed as she spoke: “Heather? Honey, please answer my question. Pretty darn important that ya do that as of fuckin’ right now.”

But Heather was in shock. A small tickly pearl of sweat traveled down her chin. No, no, no, no, no... “I’m pregnant,” Heather stammered.

She just knew it. She could feel it, growing there in her belly, and her hands quickly flew over to cover her flat tummy before her eyes sailed back over to stare at her friend. “I’m fucking pregnant, aren’t I?”

But Jess didn’t answer. She just stared at her. Why the fuck hadn’t she thought about this?! Was she completely out of her goddamned mind?

Condoms: remember condoms, always wear a condom, better safe than sorry, all of that crap; why hadn’t she thought about it? How stupid could she be? How was it possible for her to be so mindless and reckless? And Daryl? He hadn’t even fucking asked her about it?! He’d just slipped it right in her, left his sticky child-bearing yucky seed in her and just thought to himself ‘Hurray for no condoms!’, hadn’t he? Jerk!

Heather couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think about nothing but the child that was apparently developing in her belly; did it even have a heart beat yet?

She gasped out, and finally allowed some oxygen to fill her lungs, when Jess got up from the bed. Jess was running around wildly, manically pulling a pair of slim fit jeans over her yoga pants. What the fuck was she doing? “Heather, get up! We’re gon’ go get some pills for ya, now!”

But Heather just shook her head. “I haven’t got any money,” she whispered, horror still the only thing showing on her face. Jess grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up on her feet. “Cris. She’s gon’ help ya out, babe. Just… Come on!”

It wasn’t until the door to the passenger’s seat of the car was ripped open and she was being pulled out of the car that Heather awoke from her state of shock. A big red sign that read “Jill’s” hung over their heads as the two girls made their way to enter the bar where Heather’s savior was at. An uncomfortable chill ran down her spine as Heather’s eyes wandered over the small bar; it was very poorly lit, the dark wooden floors were dirty and it was only inhabited by creepy old men with big tummies.

Heather gulped down hard as she was pulled over to stand by the bar, Jessica already yelling at the bartender to go get Cris.

Oh my god. Cris didn’t even know.

Heather hadn’t told her, only Jess. She’d wanted Jess to be the first to know because she was afraid of how Cris was gonna react. She still remembered how the hatred for the Dixon brothers had shined out of Cris’ eyes last night, when she’d told Heather about what had happened. ‘Jackass, pussy and bitch’ were only some of the words she’d used to describe them. She was gonna be so mad.

But apparently, Heather was wrong: when Jess had laid it out there; told her how stupid Heather had been, Cris had just looked at her, her eyes sad but never judging, before she’d slipped some money into Jess’ hands. “Call me as soon as ya get home, ya hear?” was all she said.

Heather’s feet were shaky yet heavy as concrete bricks when she and Jess turned around to leave the bar. She couldn’t get it in her head; was she actually one of those stupid girls you always hear about on TV? Going to underage parties and getting knocked up by some random guy at age eighteen only to end up alone with a crying baby in your arms?

When they got home, Heather took a pregnancy test; it was negative. But she swallowed the ‘morning after’ pills anyway; she was not gonna just hope for the best, she was gonna make sure that she didn’t make any mistakes like that again. And she was gonna do everything she could to stay away from that Dixon boy. He didn’t cause anything else but trouble anyway…

................................................................................................

“Ah!” Heather shrieked out loudly as the purple lightning that was Cris’ bumper car fired dangerously close to her green one, and she manically grabbed the wheel to steer away from her but without luck. All the air in her lungs were feverishly pushed out of her by the seatbelt that ran along her chest as Cris bumped into her with a loud thudding noise.

“Booyah!” Cris’ voice rang out over the platform where both kids and teens were happily laughing, driving around like crazies in the small theme station.

Out of the corner of her eye, Heather could see Jess laughing her ass off, still snapping photos of them like an insane retired photographer trying to get back into business. Heather’s grip on the wheel tightened as she pushed the pedal down and felt how the car again took off towards the mass of flying colors and wide grins.

She was gonna get back at Cris, fuck that girl had it coming, and she steered herself close to the edge of the platform, trying to hide herself in the crowd. And when she saw Cris scouting over the dozen of cars there on the other side of the platform, a wide grin parted her lips and while successfully avoiding all of the other bumper cars, she closed in on her. Just a little farther and then…

“Aw, come on?!” she yelled out as her car slowed without her even tilting her foot on the pedal. The ride had ended and all the kids started running around wildly, hoping to get back in line before all the others so they could continue snapping the necks of all their friends.

Heather got up on her feet and grinned at Cris: “I was totally gonna get you there, Cris. You’re so unbelievably lucky, you know that?”

A weird expression on Cris’ face had Heather slowing down a bit as she closed in on her through the mass of teens and kids. When Cris’ eyes flickered nervously to Heather and she laughed out falsely, sounding more like a hurt puppy than anything else, the smile on Heather’s face faltered a bit. Something was wrong. “Why are you looking like someone who has seen the ghost of your dead boyfriend?”

After a short moment of silence Cris breathed out and turned her gaze to smile at her. “Oh it’s nothin’, dear. Come on, the boys are here!”

Heather’s eyes widened as she watched Cristina run over the now empty platform to where Jess was waiting for them.

The boys were there…

Heather felt her heart speed just a little as she gazed upon the crowd of boys that had surrounded Jess, and now also Cristina, and she rapidly scanned the group; Miles, Joseph, Zach and Jackson. Not him. He wasn’t there. Daryl wasn’t there.

She sighed out in relief and also started walking over to greet their friends. “Hi guys,” she chirped out in a smile while wrapping her arm around Jess’ shoulders. They all greeted her and the group decided to get themselves some snacks down by the food stand of the newly arrived carnival.

The football field that had currently been transformed into a lively carnival and was buzzing with loud cringing noises, kids’ laughter and the smell of metal, sugar and popcorn, and Heather smiled at herself as she sat on a bench enjoying the warmth of the Georgian sun together with a delicious caramel ice cream.

She suddenly felt the presence of another one sitting down on the bench and turned her head to gaze at a smirking Jackson. He nodded his head at her before he too turned his glaze out over the colorful scene before them. “Ya almost had her. A shame ya didn’t get to smack her one before the ride ended,” he said with his nasal voice.

She giggled out while nodding her head, saying: “Yeah, I’m planning on taking her to the Ferris wheel and then pretend to throw her out up at the top, see if she likes that.”

Jackson laughed warmheartedly and leaned back, reaching his arms up to rest on the backrest of the bench. Heather scooted herself slightly forward.

“So,” Jackson smiled, his golden brown eyes lingering on her face, “Didn’t see ya down at Miles’ party last week. Thought ya said ya were gon’ come?”

She narrowed her eyes a bit at him, licking her dripping ice cream. “I was there,” she told him while silently cursing him for bringing that topic up. That night, actually that whole weekend had been one of the weirdest of her life. When she thought back to it, she couldn’t really grasp that it had truly happened to her and wasn’t just part of some bad teenage drama movie she’d seen. She shrugged her shoulders, trying to shake out the visions of that night that were currently flashing before her eyes; dancing with Jessica, intense blue eyes burning hot on her skin, alcohol pumping through her veins, the wet sticky feeling between her legs, dry bark scraping her palms, the feeling of Daryl inside of her, Merle hitting Miles, the ‘almost’ pregnancy… Ugh. Jackson really knew how to chit chat, didn’t he?

She heard him grunt next to her. “Wish I’d known. Prettiest girl in town at a party and I didn’t even got the chanc’ of talkin’ to her. Whata’ shame.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could see him winking at her, but she didn’t look at him. What was he doing? Was he actually flirting with her? “You’re out of your mind,” Heather simply grinned before looking back at Jess and Cris that were eating pink cotton candy while not using their hands. Heather giggled out as she watched the expressions of the boys that surrounded them; two girls, one cotton candy. They were almost gaping.

“Uh oh, here comes trouble,” Jackson chuckled next to her and Heather turned around to see what he was talking about.

At first she didn’t see him; her eyes had happily avoided his staring glaze, but it didn’t take them long to dawdle over to the boy that was slowly approaching them.

She gasped when she narrowed her eyes at him; Daryl looked horrible. His blonde hair was covered in what seemed to be dirt and soil and it was clasping tightly at his sweaty face. His arms were smeared with something similar to mud, glistening palely in the sun. His upper lip was pulled back in some sort of snarl and over his left cheekbone a sickening purple bruise gave the impression of a dark flower was blooming there.

As he got closer, she ripped her eyes off of him and turned them down to stare at the empty cup between her thighs where her ice cream once had been. What the hell had happened to him?

The same question sounded out from behind her, Zach’s voice ringing out loudly: “Yo, D! The hell’s happen’d to ya? Ya fell into the creek?”

A low rumbling of laughter sounded throughout the small group of friends gathered around the bench where Heather and Jackson were sitting. But Heather didn’t laugh. She didn’t even smile.

“Shut your face, Zacharias!” Daryl gnarled and Heather immediately felt his burning stare on her but she didn’t look up, “Been out huntin’ with Merle. Just came here to… say ‘m sorry Miles, ‘bout last Friday night. Shoulda done sum’thin’ about it, but… ya know Merle, he’s just…”

“I know, man,” Miles sighed out, and Heather turned her eyes back at him to see him flinching a bit, the pain from his split eyebrow obvious on his face. She heard Jackson snort.

“Oughta keep that asshole on a leash there, D. The man’s out’right a nut-job,” Jackson grunted in his nasal voice, earning a hard and mean stare from Daryl. Heather saw his fists clench.

“What’cha call my brother?” Daryl growled as he took a step forward, pushing his chest out a little and tensing his broad shoulders. Jackson stood up and pushed his chest out too, and stared down at Daryl who was already only inches from him, Jackson obviously being both taller and broader. Heather looked up at both of them with horror flushed over her face.

Jackson laughed out pathetically as he answered the angered Dixon boy: “I said, ya oughta…” “Enough!” Joseph yelled out, already surprisingly close to the two hotheads, trying to separate them by pushing them away from each other.

Heather felt her heart beat heavy in her chest as the situation was quickly developing into something that shouldn’t happen while kids were running happily around them. Jackson was still huffing out his chest like some angry cock watching over his chickens as Daryl backed off a bit. “Whatever,” Daryl waved at him and then his eyes fell down to Heather’s.

She felt her blood freeze as she saw his expression; hurt, pained, angered. She was actually a bit scared of him. And then he turned around and started walking away.

Heather breathed out along with the rest of the group. Jackson took a deep breath before sitting back down on the bench while waving his hand in Daryl’s direction, saying: “Yea, he aint got no balls anyway, that son of a bitch.”

Heather saw Joseph shake his head at Jackson: “Man, I wouldn’t say that. Boy’s a fighter, ya gotta watch out with that one.”

Jackson just grunted and reached his arms back over to lean on the backrest of the bench again, his hand touching Heather’s shoulders. “Ya a’right, Heather?”

Heather could feel her blood boil. Jack-fucking-ass. She turned her face to him, rolling her eyes heavily before she got up on her feet. “Why don’t you mind your own goddamned business and keep your hands off me? Urgh!”

And then she started running after Daryl.

She had to talk to him, had to see how he was doing, ask him about…

She shook her head at herself as she finally closed in on him; she actually didn’t know what she wanted with him, she just knew she had to talk to him. “Daryl, wait up!” she called out behind him.

But he didn’t slow down; he just kept on walking fast paced towards the exit with his tensed shoulders. Heather sighed out in irritation and she closed the distance between them by laying her hand on his shoulder.

He flinched away from her, crouching a little, before his eyes met with hers. “Keep your hands off me,” he snarled at her before he continued to walk away from her.

Heather stood still, her eyes wide in surprise. “What the fuck are you doing?!” she yelled loudly after him, and out of the corner of her eyes she could see the judging stares of many parents walking with their kids. She couldn’t care less.

Once more she ran up to him and this time she grabbed his shoulder hard and pulled him roughly around to face her. Her angered expression faltered a bit when she saw his frowning mouth. This boy was so damaged, she couldn’t even be angry at him.

So as Daryl stopped before her, and looked at her, waiting for her to speak her mind, she shifted her feet nervously and felt her heart pound in her chest. “Um…” she stammered out under his stare, “You, uh… Are you alright?”

He rolled his neck and turned his face to glare over towards the exit that was only a few feet away now. “Aint none o’ your business,” he growled deep in his chest while shrugging his shoulders.

It felt like a stone had been placed in her stomach and she gasped in some air to keep her head straight. She wasn’t going to let him just let everything that had been, or still was, between them slide. So she cleared her throat and laid it out there: “You can’t just do that.”

She was surprised at how determined and confident she sounded. On the inside, she felt like a little scared girl that was about to get a major ass-whooping from her dad.

“Do what?” Daryl practically seethed out through his teeth.

Heather sighed and closed her eyes as she said: “You know, pretend that you care and then just… disappear.”

She heard him sigh out and saw his feet shuffling a bit on the dry grass of the football field. “Aint never cared for no one ‘cept m’self. Never will.”

Heather felt something tense inside her throat. Was he seriously pulling that card? She looked back into his eyes and did everything she could to imitate the glare he was sending her. “Then why’d you do it?”

Daryl grunted out in something between a snarl and a chuckle as he wiped his hand over his neck. “Ya mean, why’d I fuck ya?”

A heavy silence fell between them; as if they were the only ones standing there on the football field. She nodded her head.

“I fucked ya,” Daryl said in a voice so low that only Heather could tell the words from each other, “’cause you was fuckin’ easy. That’s why. I don’t care about ya. Ha! D’ ya really think that? Stupid bitch…” And then he walked away, leaving Heather to stare down at her feet.

The stone in her stomach and the constriction in her throat exploded as his words sunk in. She wrapped her arms around herself and she felt like the world had stopped around her. All sounds and smells were gone; there was just her, standing there, left alone by the jerk that had taken her virginity.

She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t move. She just stood there, wishing that she’d never laid her eyes upon the prick that was Daryl Dixon.

Anger started to rush through her veins and the world seemed to start to blur before her eyes. Why had she been this stupid? Was she ever going to listen to the people around her, her actual friends that only just wanted what was best for her?

No, no, she just had to see for herself, didn’t she? Burn her fingers on the hot stove, even though everyone had told her that it was gonna melt away her skin. And now she felt the consequences; how her heart achingly throbbed in her chest and how tears were starting to form in the corners of her eyes.

She had to get out of there, away from everyone.

So she started running. She needed to get a hold of herself, pick up the pieces of her heart that Daryl Dixon apparently had spread out across the whole town.

Daryl fucking Dixon.

The jerk of a lifetime.