Howell Lake

She hadn’t seen Daryl Dixon in thirty four days.

And she hated herself for knowing exactly that. Wasn’t she supposed to forget stupid things like that? Isn’t a human being supposed to move on from the bad things that happen to you; like, the whole ‘time heals every wound’ and all that crap?

But no… Heather could still remember it all too well; the day back at the carnival, the pained look that had been in Daryl’s eyes when he looked down at her before turning around to leave the group of friends, how his voice had sounded when he’d told her that he didn’t care for nobody except himself and how her heart had ached when he’d called her a stupid bitch and then stalked off.

Maybe I haven’t waited long enough, Heather thought to herself as she threw the last couple of things into her bag and swung it over her shoulder, maybe if I just wait a little longer, my nightmares will finally come to an end.

She’d had nightmares about him almost every night since she’d seen that sickening dark bruise over his eye at the carnival; nightmares where she would run and run and run inside a thick forest without being able to see anything, and she would stumble into Daryl, a strange and older version of him, and he would always be shirtless, revealing what seemed to be millions of scars covering his muscly back and chest. He would point his weapon at her, she could never remember what kind of weapon that was, but she was always able to remember how scared she’d been as he pointed that deadly black thing at her, his eyes glaring at her with hatred and loneliness on his features. And she would plead him to take her with him, to save her from whatever she was running from. But he would always give her the same line, his voice dark, deep and unfamiliar; “I don’t play well with people…”And then he would leave her there, leave her to be on her own again, to run from whatever was hunting her down.

Heather shook her head as a shiver ran down her spine. This wasn’t going to be a day where she would think about those things; she was already late and didn’t need any more of those kinds of upsetting distractions. She was gonna put on her happy face, meet her friends down by the library and then they would all take off to Matt’s parents’ cottage down near Eufaula, at the border between Georgia and Alabama. And they were gonna have the greatest weekend ever; the cottage was situated just by the lake, so there would be a lot of swimming and fishing, cooking over an open fire and really just friends getting together to have a nice time.

Heather waved enthusiastically at her friends when she slammed the car door shut after having told her dad goodbye. She pulled up her bag, settling its heavy weight more comfortably before she crossed the road to greet her friends that all stood by the grand van they were gonna drive in.

“Howdy y’all!” she waved out in a thick Georgian accent over Cristina’s shoulder, earning grinning faces from all of them.

“Hi Heat!” they called at her, earning her cheeks to blush pink; the obvious reason for her new nickname. That together with her pale Seattle skin’s embarrassingly bad way of dealing with the sun; if she didn’t wear sunscreen at all times, her skin would immediately burn red and she would look like a lobster ready for cooking in no time.

“So, we’re all set, right? Let’s go!” Heather smiled at them when she’d thrown her bag into the already filled trunk of the big blue van. Miles shook his head at her while looking down on the map of Georgia that was spread out over the hood of the car. “No, we still need Dixon. He oughta be here any minute now. Said sum’thin’ ‘bout fixin’ up his old man’s truck.”

Heather’s mouth fell open. They’d never mentioned to her that Daryl was gonna come? Not even Jess or Cris.

She shot her eyes over at them and watched how both girls pretended to be deeply concerned with something across the street. She rolled her shoulders a little as the sound of passing cars whistled behind her.

She couldn’t really be mad at them for not telling her; she knew they’d both looked forward to this trip for ages. And to be honest, if Heather had known that Daryl Dixon was gonna go too, she wouldn’t have told them yes. Not after all the things that had happened between them. But there was no turning back now; she was all packed and ready to go on a three days trip off to a suddenly way too small cottage with her closest friends and… him.

She sighed out heavily. Even the trip there in the van seemed impossible for her to go through at this point, because she knew how Daryl was gonna be like; quiet, grumpy and not even earning her a single glare. And Heather was right, except for the last part.

When they’d gotten into the car and Daryl had taken the front seat in the passenger’s side while Heather had placed herself all the way down in the back together with Cris and Jess, she’d felt his burning hot stare on her; his blue intense eyes boring into hers every time she would look up to the rearview mirror. He didn’t show any emotion on his face as he sat there staring at her, well if some, it would probably be hatred but Heather couldn’t really be sure of that since Daryl kinda always looked mad.

Jess and Cristina had acted like the two nut-jobs they were, punching her shoulder and giggling out loudly when ‘their song’ was being played in the stereo and she’d really tried to just go with it, sing out and act as crazy as them, but the constant glares of Daryl had her feeling so annoyingly self-conscious. He didn’t twitch his eyes, not even the slightest, when she would tilt her head a bit to the side in a questioning gaze; he just kept his eyes locked with hers.

And it made her uncomfortable. Because she’d thought that he didn’t want anything to do with her, not after what he’d told her that day at the carnival. She’d thought that he would pay her no attention and just… leave her alone. But as Heather sat there and felt his eyes glaring at her over the chatting heads of Jackson, Matt and Zach, she felt like he was paying her more attention than he’d ever done since she met him. And she should have felt bad about it; she should have become angry at him for causing her emotions to dive and fly high as crazily as they now did. Because she did have feelings for him in some strange way; this uncontrollable attraction to him that she didn’t want to admit to herself she possessed. So instead of feeling anger, Heather felt as if a bunch of confused butterflies had been released down inside her belly, trying eagerly to escape from her tensed body.

Finally, after three hours of pure torture in a van filled with sweaty hyped out teens and loud music, they arrived at the beautiful site where they were to stay for the rest of the weekend. The cottage was the coziest little lake house Heather had ever seen; it was covered in dark brown planks and surrounded by green thriving bushes that were all blossoming heavily with colorful flowers and berries. From the cottage, it was only a good ten feet before you would reach the water where a long wooden bridge that looked like it could use some reinforcement hovered over the blank dark surface.

“The girls got the master bedroom!” Jess shrieked out as she ran up the stairs to claim the biggest of the three rooms the cottage held. Heather laughed out as she saw both Miles and Matt raise their middle finger towards the window where Cris was already laughing down at them.

When Heather too made it to their room, she immediately felt the guilty stares of both Cristina and Jessica on her, and she sat down on the bed where they were both cuddled up, their clothes already spread out over it.

They didn’t say anything, and the loud noise of whispering crickets pounded through the warm, sun filled room as they all sat there in silence. “I’m not mad,” Heather finally breathed.

She suddenly felt four arms wrapping around her and a kiss from each of her two friends were being placed on her cheeks. “We’re so sorry, honey,” Jess chirped in one ear, Cristina’s voice sounding in the other: “Yea, we just knew that if we told ya, ya wasn’t gon’ come with us.”

Heather barked out a laugh. She knew they were right. And she’d probably done the same if it had been one of them having some unnamed and peculiar thing going on with Daryl.

She tilted her head a bit to the side. Just imagining one of them being with him just seemed so off. Actually, as she came to think of it, Daryl with anyone, even herself, seemed really strange. A small smile crept up on her lips.

“’D ya see how he eyed ya?” Cris asked as she’d gotten up to unpack the rest of her belongings. Jess giggled. “Yea, he just couldn’t keep his eyeballs off ya, could he?”

Heather smiled but waved a hand at them both, picking up her toiletries and heading out to the bathroom, whispering a gentle ‘shut the fuck up’ to both of them. Jess continued in her girly voice from the bedroom, earning Cris to send her a cautious glare: “Ya sure he said he don’t care ‘bout’cha?”

Heather placed her small leather toiletry bag on a shelf just below the bathroom mirror before she grabbed the edges of the cold porcelain sink and let her head drop down between her shoulders. Her head was spinning a little; whether it was from the heat outside, the long drive or something else, she didn’t know. She bowed down and turned on the cold water. The refreshing feeling of coolness dripping down her face soon had her head cleared a bit and as she turned the water off, she heard rapid whispers from inside the other room, her two friends clearly not agreeing on something.

Heather sighed out and slowly made her way back to the bedroom, her every step sounding loudly over the wooden floor. She leaned her shoulder up against the door frame and smiled down at Cris and Jess that still hadn’t noticed she wasn’t in the bathroom anymore. She cleared her throat loudly and raised an eyebrow at them.

Their whispering immediately stopped and they both had the same guilty looks in their eyes from before, almost making them look like sisters. Heather chuckled. “To answer your question Jess; yes, I am so very positive that Daryl wants nothing, and I do really mean nothing, to do with me. He made that very clear when he called me a bitch. Furthermore, I would like to ask you both, please do not whisper about me when I’m able to hear every word you guys say. Seriously girls, I’m alright. I mean, yeah, I got hurt but… I’m fine, really. He’s not going to destroy this weekend for me; not when I have you two by my side to guide me to bed when I’m shitfaced drunk. Which I will be… In a few hours…”

That caused all three of them to laugh out loud. And Heather had smiled warmheartedly at her two best friends when they’d quickly started talking about what they were gonna wear that evening. She knew that they didn’t just let it slide; they didn’t believe her little presentation on how she was feeling good and doing fine at all. But they also knew that Heather needed to think about something else and not dwell on the fact that she’d been dumped by Daryl for her to be able to enjoy this trip. So they didn’t mention it again at all as the day slowly crept towards its end; they didn’t say a word when Daryl, and that had really made Heather jump in her seat, had complimented the sandwiches that she’d made for everyone that morning when they all sat around the dinner table. Nor had they even spared her a single glance when he was the one telling the girls to go outside and have something to drink while the boys did the dishes. Even Heather couldn’t help but to glare after him as he trotted off to the kitchen with plates in his hands. What was going on with that boy?!

After dinner they all settled around the fire that Miles had lit close to the lake. The scene was beautiful; the sun was setting out over the quiet water and a lovely cool breeze mingled with the sweet smell of grass waved gently over them. Soon all of their faces were only lit by the pale orange coziness that was the light of the fire and as Heather took a small sip from her a little too strong whiskey and coke, it reminded her of the first time she’d met the boys.

At that time, she’d felt nervous around them because of her lack of experience hanging out with boys. Back in Seattle she wasn’t really the type that hung out with other boys than her cousin Jake. And he was kind of a freak. But now she was actually feeling pretty comfortable; she didn’t feel herself flinch back if someone pointed out something about her they thought funny, because she knew they didn’t think bad of her. She’d also noticed that she’d changed herself; she was better at speaking her mind now. She didn’t know why but she knew it had something to do with her moving to Georgia. She just felt more like home now.

“Truth or dare!” Jess shouted over the fire in a wide grin.

All of the boys groaned and Heather laughed out. “What are ya, like five?” Jackson scowled from across the fire.

“Shut up, Jack-ass,” Cris giggled into her beer bottle, “We’re doin’ it with teen-rules.”

Heather gulped down. She didn’t think she was gonna like whatever that meant. “Teen rules?” Zach sounded next to Heather, a small smirk forming on his lips.

She nodded: “Yea, like, ya have to answer whatever question ya get or do whatever ya’r told.”

Oh no…

“Huh,” Jackson huffed with raised eyebrows, “So just anythin’? Oughta be interestin’…”

Heather didn’t like the tone to his voice nor the quick glaze that traveled over his dark brown eyes and she scratched her right arm nervously. A disgusted snort sounded from Daryl, and Heather saw him roll his eyes dramatically before scornfully gnarling: “Yea, well aint like they gon’ suck ya dick if that’s what’cha thinkin’, boy.”

Heather’s eyes widened at the straightforwardness of Daryl’s words and she almost choked on her drink, earning her a good couple of pats on her back from Zach as she coughed out for air. Both the girls, Zach, Miles and Matt rumbled with laughter as Daryl downed the rest of his beer with a shrug of his shoulders. Jackson just waved a hand at him, but you could easily see his cheeks blushing.

“Um, ha, yea, no uh… perversity needed,” Cris said, her voice still shaking a bit from laughing, “Who wanna start?”

They all glared at each other.

“I will,” Heather cringed out. “Thanks, honey,” Cris sighed in relief and winked at her. Heather put on the most mischievous face she could manage while rubbing her palms against each other, glaring around over the teens with curling lips. Zach almost looked scared.

“Hm…” she dragged as her eyes rested on him, “You look like someone who could use a round. Zach, truth or dare?”

His big green eyes widened at her, his black eyebrows rising almost all the way up to his hairline. “Um…” he gulped, “’M gonna go with the boring one: Truth.”

Both Cris and Jess groaned girlishly while Heather put a finger to her lips, thinking. She didn’t know much about this guy so she just slung something out there: “You ever made your momma cry?”

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Daryl smiling, actually and truthfully smiling, into his can of beer.

“Uh, that’s a good one, good thinkin’ Heat!” Jess said while jumping a little in her seat, making her long curls bump up and down over her shoulders. Zach tucked at the hem in the neck of his shirt.

“I gotta tell the story b’hind it, don’t I?”

The whole group nodded. And when he was done telling them about the time where he’d made his mom cry because he’d accidently forgotten about a pen in one of the pockets of his jeans that she’d washed which earned her favorite dress to be ruined, they all laughed. Then Zach had asked Jess; truth or dare. And because she’d been foolish enough to choose dare, she had to down a beer while standing on her arms with her head upside down.

And so the game continued; the following questions and dares even more crazy than the last. Heather didn’t know for how long they were playing; all she knew was that her head was suddenly starting to feel lighter and her friends funnier. Her legs were buzzing when she heard Miles ask her: “Heat, truth or fucking dare!”

It took her some time before she adjusted her eyes to lay on him and she sluggishly ringed out: “Dare, bitch!”

Miles looked around him, obviously trying to figure out what was possible for him to make her do, and when his eyes had rested on the wooden bridge just behind them long enough, a smirk crept up his lips. “I dare you to jump in.”

Heather felt all eyes on her as she covered her face in her hands. That was probably the most hardcore dare that had been handed out tonight, maybe aside from Daryl having to climb up a tall tree.

“Now hang all, y’all. A bit dangerous, huh?” Cris said in a serious voice while sending Miles a hard stare.

Heather heard Daryl grunt. She shook her head, saying: “Nah, it’s good. Water’s not that deep. Plus, I’m a really good swimmer. Now, all I need to know is this; do I have to do it with or without my clothes?”

She smirked at Miles and watched how his eyes widened and his lower lip twitched. “Uh,” he stammered nervously and his eyes traveled around to the rest of the group as if asking them what he was supposed to say.

Heather smiled as she got up; Miles was such a kind guy, always caring so much about the wellbeing of everyone around him. Heather threw off her blanket dramatically, earning a couple of chuckles from the girls, before she started half-running down to the bridge.

She felt adrenaline and alcohol pump through her veins and she giggled when she reached the end of the bridge and turned around to look at the others. “You see me?” she yelled, kicking off her sandals.

“Nah, you’re good!” Cris assured her, only her face lit by the slowly burning fire. Heather’s eyes fell upon Daryl that was sitting to the right of the fireplace. He wasn’t looking at her.

She shrugged her shoulders before shoving down her jeans and panties and then pulled off her shirt. She hurriedly clasped off her bra too and felt her cheeks flush with heat at the bare thought of being naked just a few feet away from the others. So without hesitation, and probably because of all the alcohol that buzzed lively through her brain, she jumped in the still water of the lake. And damn, did it feel good.

The water was warm and snuggled around Heather’s body like a silk blanket as she kicked her legs to reach the surface.

“Honey! You good?” were the first words she heard as she ran a hand over her face to wipe off the water.

“I’m amazing. This feels so good!” she grinned up at the two girls that were watching her with cautious eyes. “Jump in!” Heather yelled before she dived under again, enjoying the soft feeling of the water tucking at her eyes.

It didn’t take her long to convince the girls that it wasn’t scary at all and that there had only been a few fish touching her bare shins, and before she knew it, all of the boys had joined them too, even Daryl. And Heather somehow managed to get Jackson, Miles, Zach and Matt to chase after Cris and Jess.

She’d smiled as she watched the girls cry out dramatically, fighting really hard to not get caught, and she enjoyed just lying in the water; relaxing and relishing the magic it worked on her stage of drunkenness. She’d really had a lot.

“Ya copin’?” Daryl’s drunken rough voice sounded behind her. She turned around to face him, keeping the water just under her chin, and nodded at him with a smile on her lips. “Just drunk, that’s all. You?”

He had his eyes on the others that still were splashing around farther out. The water only reached up just below his nipples and Heather felt heat rush to her face as she looked at his lean chest. She quickly looked away.

“Yea, me too,” he said before his eyes finally rested on her, “Promised m’self I wouldn’t, though.”

Heather let her glare fall back on him. “Why?”

He shrugged his shoulders and she watched as his collarbones heaved beautifully up and down and the all too familiar trembling shiver ran down her spine.

“Dunno. Wanted to talk to ya. When we’re not all drunk n’ naked and shit.”

Heather gulped down and let her eyes fall down to the dark water just below her chin. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that he was actually naked too. Just there under the water.

She rolled her eyes at herself before she spoke: “Well. What if we start with taking our clothes back on and then we’ll see if we can sober ourselves up with a cup of coffee?”

She saw a small smirk form on his lips. “Can see ya if ya pull ya ass up this water now,” he mumbled.

She swam a few feet before reaching her hand up to grab the small wooden bridge. “I guess you better close your eyes then, Dixon. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

As Heather got up, got dressed and walked back to the cottage to make them some coffee, her mind was filled with questions, scenarios and presumptions of what it might be Daryl wanted to tell her. She was trying to prepare herself for what was coming; because she knew she shouldn’t get her hopes up. Daryl wasn’t someone you could figure out exactly, and the words he’d used against her, those things that he’d called her, still rang loudly in her ears as she leaned her back up against the kitchen counter and bit down on the nail of her thumb.

Her breath almost got caught in her throat when she heard him enter the cottage and she nervously pulled out two mugs out from the cabinet that hung above the sink. She heard his footsteps stop for a moment just on the other side of the wall, right before he would enter the kitchen. And when he strolled across the kitchen floor and sat down by the table, Heather was already pouring the black hot liquid into their mugs. She sat down by the table too, and watched as he nodded at her when she served him the coffee.

“You got a haircut,” she mumbled randomly into her mug, eyeing his face intently. He also looked thinner than he used to, his cheekbones standing out more heavily than she remembered them too and his collarbones more visible.

He did a little throw with his head, making a few water drops land on the table before he laid his eyes on her again. “I like it,” Heather continued rambling on as silence clung awkwardly to the air between them.

His eyes narrowed at her. “Why’d ya do that?” he asked her in a slurry and raspy voice, “why’d ya pretend nothin’ happened ‘tween us?”

Her eyes rested on his blue ones for a few seconds before she shrugged her shoulders and took a small sip from her coffee. “For the same reason as you, I guess.”

Daryl snarled and turned his gaze down to his coffee mug, obviously not liking her answer.

Touché, dear.

Heather smiled weakly at him. She knew he probably had a million things inside of him just waiting to come out, things he wanted to say and do, not just to her but to everyone here, but his pride or whatever thing it was inside of him that held him back, prevented him from doing so.

Heather felt like taking his hand and just tell him to scream at the world; scream at everyone around him for all the things he’d wanted to say to them when they’d acted like douches. Scream at his brother, his dad, for not treating him like a proper family should, scream at the folks in town that judged him just because of his last name and scream at her for… whatever reason he had.

“That day…” Daryl’s voice rasped, surprising Heather in her little ramble of thoughts, “I wasn’t bein’ nice to ya. I never was…”

She could see his face twitch and his hold on the coffee mug tighten. Her eyes fell to the white wooden table before her. He always seemed to blame himself for everything bad that happened around him, didn’t he?

He ran his hands over his face before sliding his thumb across his lower lip; biting at the skin there like he always did when there was something he didn’t know how to say. Heather just wished for him to say it, just as it were inside his head but she kept her lips shut. He sighed.

“Merle told me I needed to apologize to ya.”

Heather grunted in surprise. Merle? Merle Dixon; the guy that everyone seemed to think was the biggest jackass on earth had actually told him that he needed to apologize. What the freaking fuck.

“So…” he breathed raggedly with his eyes flickering over to the window behind her that held view down to the lake, “m’ sorry.”

Heather’s heart pounded achingly in her chest, almost beating so hard that it hurt. She would never have imagined this; Daryl Dixon right there in front of her, apologizing for his behavior. Panic ran along her veins as Daryl suddenly got up from his chair.

He couldn’t leave now? Not when there were so many things she wanted to say to him, to let him know.

Her words came out rushed: “Daryl please, I just want to get to know you.”

She’d gotten up too now, and she stared down at her bare feet when she felt him stop by the kitchen door.

Suddenly he was in her face, his hands grabbing her by the shoulders and jerking her gently so she would look at him. His eyes were so fucking blue and beautiful she could have thought it was contacts.

“Why?” he growled at her low in his chest, “Why th’fuck d’ya wanna know me?!”

Curiosity and urgency traveled over his burning eyes as he stared down at her, his grip tightening a bit, his fingers digging into her skin. She never realized she’d placed her hands at his chest before she let her eyes drop from his. Her fingertips burned.

“I…” she mumbled, unable to finish her sentence. Why did she wanna know him? What was it about him that made her so fucking interested in him; that made her forgive all the things he’d done to her?

Her heart still pounded hard in her chest, almost hammering through her ribcage. She felt his grip on her shoulders loosen; his hands left her body momentarily before winding their way around her shoulders, resting on her back and pulling her body softly against his. Her head turned to rest in the curve of his neck, her lips just by his collarbone. He was hugging her?

A comfortable warmth spread down her body as she too let her arms snuck around his torso and pressed him slightly closer. “Please don’t hurt me again,” Heather heard herself whisper into his skin. He smelled so wonderful; musky with a light scent of cigarette smoke. He grunted above her.

“Can’t promise ya nothin’.”

Heather smiled. The words ‘but I will try’ almost sounded through the small room, though, never leaving his lips.

They stood there for a rather long time; Heather was surprised he didn’t loosen his grip around her. But when they both heard laughter from outside down by the bonfire, they both backed away from each other. Heather felt him stare at her as her eyes roamed over to the colorful magnets that hung to the refrigerator next to her.

“The others ar’ comin’,” Daryl rasped in a breath, forcing a shiver to travel down her spine, “m’ off to bed. G’night.”

She wanted everything else than for him to leave her there and she quickly ran out to the hall. He was on his way outside. “Wait. You’re not sleeping in the house?”

Daryl turned his head around to look at her. “Nah, brought my tent. I’m not sleepin’ on no couch.”

And with those words he stalked off towards where the car was parked, Heather just being able to see the dark shadow of a small two-person tent already standing next to the blue van. She leaned herself against the doorframe and bit down on her lower lip, hiding the smile that was starting to spread on her face.

She hadn’t pictured that happening when she’s packed her bags this morning at all.

“What y’all smiling at, babe?” the girly voice of Jessica sounded as the others walked up the stairs that led up to the house.

Heather shook her head and backed away from the door and into the house again, her heart warm and her head buzzing.

“S’ nothing,” she mumbled as she felt Cris’ eyes on her blushing cheeks, “I’m going to bed. Goodnight guys, coffee’s on the table if you like.”

And with those words she made her way up the stairs and into the bedroom. With her toothbrush in her mouth, she walked over to look out the window and down to the blue van. There was light in Daryl’s tent and Heather saw his shadow moving around in there.

She felt butterflies flap around inside her belly again as she thought back to the talk they’d just had.

He did care about her. Or if anything, he didn’t hate her like she’d thought he did.

That night she didn’t have any nightmares.