I'll Make You Feel Beautiful Once Again

The next weekend around midnight, I was forced to open my eyes by a particular bony ass that was digging itself into my hip. “What the fucking hell?” I mumbled groggily.

“Get up, mate!” Oli whispered to me with a smirk. “You’re comin’ with me!”

“How did you get in here??” I demanded quietly, sitting up in my warm bed and rubbing my eyes. Oli’s long fingers held up the familiar bobby pin, and he smiled at me as his skin glowed a ghostly white in the dark room.

“You can bring your boyfriend, too,” he laughed while slipping off my bed and skipping to the door.

“For the millionth time... he’s not my boyfriend,” I spat. I pulled on a sweatshirt, since it was already close to October and it was getting cold outside, and tied the Chucks on my feet securely.

“And for the millionth time... you’re a bloody liar,” he shot back with a cackle.

With our voices rising in the room, Kellin stirred in the bed next to mine and yawned loudly, stretching while making baby dinosaur noises. His raven hair was sticking up on some sides and his eyes drooped sleepily. “Vic, what’s goin’ on?” He asked me, his voice muffling when he stuck his head under his pillow.

“Get up, Kellibear,” Oli whispered to him so we wouldn’t be heard by Mr.Williams who was sleeping about five doors down. “We’re goin’ out.”

Kellin hummed as he dragged himself out of bed reluctantly, and it wasn’t long until we were walking side-by-side past the playground and into the dark woods. Kellin was on my right, with his arm pressed up firmly against mine, and Oli was on my left, kicking sticks and stones off of our path. The dead trees hung over us darkly, and the leaves crushed underneath our shoes with a deafening crumble. The cold air nipped at our cheeks, and caused us to stick our hands in our armpits. An owl hooted in the distance, causing Kellin to jump and immediately go for my hand, lacing our fingers together and walking in unison with me. Soon enough, we were at the Watering Hole, and we all sat around the big pile of ashes. Oli pulled out his pack of cigarettes, shaking the pack until three fell out lazily into his hand. As he handed me one, I shifted uncomfortably in the plastic chair under me, softly letting go of Kellin’s hand and watching as Oli’s eyes darted everywhere as if he was searching for something. “Well, looks like someone’s on high alert tonight,” I teased him, nudging him in the arm with my elbow.

“Shuddup,” he grinned with the cig in between his lips. He brought his blue lighter up the his face, the warm glow of the flame casting an orange light on his cheeks. Kellin had passed his offering back to Oli, politely declining as Oli “boo-ed” him half-heartedly. He then passed me the lighter, and I fired up. However, I let the cigarette burn to the bud slowly in between my fingers. I wasn’t really in the mood to feel the buzz of the smoke as it crashed into my lungs, yet Oli had other plans. Cigarette after cigarette, and soon he was already on his fifth one in less than twenty minutes.

“Oliver,” I scolded sternly. “I think you should slow down.”

“No,” he spat coldly. “I just wanna smoke until I die.”

“Don’t say that,” I whispered, my eyebrows knitting together at his sudden change of attitude. “Oli, what’s wrong... Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay,” he confessed, the fire from the lighter flaming in his eyes as he lit his sixth cigarette. “Just shut the fuck up and let me chain smoke, ‘kay?”

I blinked stupidly, wondering why Oli was acting like a such a jackass, but knowing him well, I left him alone. Flicking the bud into the creek, I wished I had smoked that cigarette, because Oli was scaring me and I suddenly felt uneasy and worried that we were out here. Kellin shifted nervously next to me, pressing his thigh against mine. I turned to look at him, and even in the dark you could still see his blue eyes. His pale skin contrasted beautifully in the blue rays of the moon above us, and his hair was still sticking up slightly from sleep. Smiling weakly and trying to ignore the churning in my stomach, I brought my hand up to his face and ran my fingers through his hair, pulling gently at the tangles. “Owie,” he pouted childishly when I got to a really tangled mess in his hair. “Owiiie, stop Vic! That hurts,” he whined with a giggle when I tugged.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled lowly into his ear, wrapping my arms around his skinny frame and squeezing until he couldn’t breathe. Kellin giggled loudly, burying his head into my side and snaking his arms around my waist.

“Would you two shut the fuck up?!” Oli suddenly sneered through gritted teeth. “I am trying to think here...” Kellin froze next to me, and I just stared at the lanky kid next to me who had his seventh cigarette in between his pursed lips. “You know, you two are so annoying it makes me want to bash my head against a fucking wall. You act like you’re married but then you deny everything like absolutely nothing happens between you two. We all know you fuck each other every night.”

“Hey, shut up. That does not happen,” Kellin protested quietly, his cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“See! There you go again,” Oli spat. “Deny, deny, deny.”

“Oli, come on,” I rolled my eyes. “Shut the fuck up, you have no right to say those things about us when you know it’s not true.”

“Even you’re quick to deny it, Victor,” he retorted, sucking on his cigarette and taking a drag for the longest time before blowing out a cloud of smoke. “And I do have every right, last time I checked,” he smirked coldly.

“God, why are being such a jerk tonight?” I asked him rather loudly. I let go of Kellin and shifted to meet Oli’s shit-eating grin. “I didn’t come out here to fight with you, dammit.”

“It’s not like I was forcing you to come out here with me, Victor!” Oli shot back. “You had every single opportunity to say ‘No’ to me, ya know? Bloody hell, you’re a fucking joke.”

“Oh, yeah?” I urged, my voice oozing with sarcasm. I leaned towards him with a frown. “Enlighten me, Oliver. Tell me how I’m a fucking joke; come on, tell me.”

Kellin looked from me to Oli several times, obviously nervous about who would throw the first punch. “Guys, I don’t thi-”

“Okay, I’ll tell you, mate,” Oli said, quickly cutting Kellin off. “You’re a fucking joke because no one knows why you’re so sad all of the time, I mean what the fuck? At least we all say something during therapy; you never do. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re failing this class,” he laughed. “Why are you so sad, Victor? You’ve got a great life, a good brother, loving parents, a nice house; why waste that all away with a frown?”

“Shut the fuck up,” I cried, my voice wavering and my hands balling into fists at my sides. “You have no idea what it’s like-”

“What it’s like?” Oli interrupted me, raising an eyebrow. “You think I have no idea what it’s like?”

“Oli, come on... Just leave him alone,” Kellin whispered, yet loud enough for both of us to hear.

“Oh, and your fairy boyfriend here!” Oli cackled sarcastically, switching subjects faster than I could think of what to say to him. “Why are you making him suffer? Why are you dragging him into your sorry life, hm?” I hung my head in my hands, fighting back the tears and the truth. “And why are you always hiding things from him? You think that no one notices, but everyone does, Vic. You’re sad but you won’t let him, or anyone else, help you.” Oli continued, yet his voice was lowering to a whisper after every rude accusation he threw at me. I lifted my head to meet his piercing gaze, seeing his soft expression and bloodshot eyes. “You’re ashamed. Look at me, Vic, then look at ya,” he added, pointing with his cigarette to his exposed arms then flicking some ash towards my long sleeves. “I’m not ashamed, so why are you?”

All of the things that he said to me were spinning around in my head so fast, I couldn’t even think straight. Everything seemed so blurry in my eyes, and the noises that made their way to my ears were muffled and mush. I stood up, my knees buckling almost but I stood my ground. “Fuck you, Oli.”

“I’m just telling you the truth,” he whispered, joining me in my standing position. Kellin shot up with an angry look on his face, his cheeks flushed and his hands clenched at his sides as well.

“Well, sometimes the truth is best left alone,” I fumed quietly, making my way out of the Watering Hole, using the path which was littered with sticks and fallen leaves.

“Vic, come back. I’m sorry,” Oli called after me, he threw his bud into the creek and he followed me with Kellin close on his heels.

“What? Are you seriously gunna try to apologize to me right now, Oliver? What you said was low. What you said hurt... and you can blame it on your anger issues all you want, but that’s bullshit. We all know that,” I said in a mocking tone.

And with my last sentence, Oli broke down. He grabbed onto the back of my sweatshirt, forcing me to stay put at the beginning of the path. “I don’t care,” he sputtered through tears. “I’m gunna apologize because I don’t want you to think that I’m a complete jerk.” I scrunched my eyebrows together and let him hang on me. Out of all honesty, I was completely overwhelmed by this whole situation. Just minutes ago, Oli was laughing and smiling at us like we were his two bestfriends. And then before I could even figure out what was going on, his anger was slamming into my face like a sack of bricks. Everything he said to me jumped around, topic after topic, and hell, I couldn’t even muster a response when he started to sob like he’s never shed a tear before.

So I twisted in his grasp and let him bury his head into my chest. Kellin stared at me with his big, scared eyes behind Oli, his mouth formed to say “What?”

“Uhm... it’s okay, Oli,” I cooed, petting his hair and squeezing him tightly. “It’s alright...”

After a couple of minutes passed, Oli’s sobs died down to sniffles, and he lifted his head to look at me with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He wiped his eyes harshly with the back of hand and blinked away any remaining tears. “That’ll be the last time you guys will see me cry, ‘kay? Never again, that was fucking embarrassing.” Oli concluded, grabbing my wrist gently and motioning for Kellin to follow. We made our out of the woods and across the playground silently. Oli shoved his bobby pin into the door, letting us in and we parted ways for the night.