I'll Make You Feel Beautiful Once Again

“How long has he been out there?”

“About three hours,” Mike mumbled sadly right when he opened the door. He clutched the doorknob tightly, his skin was a ghostly pale, and his eyes were bloodshot. The brown roots were beginning to show through his blonde fringe, and his tongue darted out to lick over his too small, silver lip piercing.

“Does he know it’s freezing out there?” I hissed while stepping into the Fuentes’ household.

“I tried to tell him that, but he just told me to go away,” he mumbled, stepping aside and watching me closely. Mike looked defeated as he told me this; as if he was completely shocked that his own older brother didn’t want his comfort. He seemed heartbroken, and it wasn’t because of Oli’s recent death, but it was because of his brother’s pain.

I opened my mouth, ready to say something, but was quickly interrupted by a couple small fingers which wrapped around my wrist. I looked down to find a pair of warm, brown eyes. The woman was short, and she had ear-length blonde hair. “Kellin,” she whispered. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“How do you know who I am?” I questioned, knitting my eyebrows together and glancing back at Mike who had disappeared upstairs.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” she smiled. “‘Kellin’s so great, ‘Kellin’s so nice’, ‘Kellin’s so cute’, ‘Kellin’s such a great cuddler’.”

“Oh my god,” I grimaced, my cheeks burning a violent red. “He told you that??”

“It’s fine,” she laughed. “I’m just his mom, you don’t have to worry. It’s his father you need to worry about,” Mrs.Fuentes said, flicking her head over to an office, the lights were pouring out of the cracks of the door. “He’ll castrate you if you hurt his son.”

My eyes widened, and I gulped down the lump in my throat as I strained my head to see inside of the office. “Is… Mr.Fuentes a big man?” I asked, biting down nervously on my bottom lip.

“No!” She scoffed. “He’s no taller than Vic.” I let out a small sigh, relief flooding over me. “But that’s not why I’m here to talk to you about. I’m here to talk about you and Vic.”

“Uhm, okay,” I mumbled, following her down a long hallway. The walls were plastered with pictures hung by nails, and under each slab of glass was a photo of either Vic or Mike, or Vic and Mike together, or Mr. and Mrs.Fuentes, or a photo of all of them together. Scanning each picture sent a panging feeling into my chest, since I knew once I got home, I would look at the walls too. But my mother had taken down every picture that my dad was in. It made the walls feel empty almost, and as if the house was so much more lonely without him there. At least with the pictures up, I was able to remember him somehow. However, now all I saw was the memory of him packing his stuff one day and leaving nothing behind.

“Do you know how much you mean to him?” Mrs.Fuentes asked me while she shuffled over to the sink. Her hands dove down into a pool of soapy water, and she used a blue sponge to scrub the pots, pans, bowls, plates, and silverware.

“Mr.Fuentes-”

“You can call me Mama, if you want,” she said, turning to smile at me. “You’re basically apart of the family now… Here come help me dry these dishes.”

I walked over to her and stood by her left, taking the wet, dripping dishes from here and wiping them off with a clean rag. “Mama…” I whispered, the new name feeling foreign on my tongue.

“Well, I know that you have been sneaking into our house almost every night,” she told me, her hands practically withering down the metal on the bottom of a certain pan. “You’re not exactly the quietest person climbing through that window.”

Laughing, I nudged her softly with my elbow, realizing that everything was okay. “I’m sorry,” I giggled.

“You can use the key hidden in the flower pot from now on, okay Kellin?” Mama chuckled.

“I dunno,” I said when we both calmed down. “He calls me whenever he’s feeling sad, so I come over here to see if he’s okay, ya know?”

“And I’m glad for that, I hate seeing my baby so sad,” she whispered. “It just breaks my heart knowing that he’s in pain and I can’t really do anything about it.”

“It’s not your fault, Mama,” I reassured her, setting a plate on the rack to dry.

“I know,” she frowned stubbornly. “I just want him to be happy, that’s all I want for him.”

“Well,” I said, taking another plate from her. “That’s why I’m here, right?”

“Exactly,” she nodded with a smile. “No go out there to him, I can finish this.”

I slung my arm around her small shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze before sauntering out of the kitchen. On my way past the living room, I snatched a blanket from the couch and walked towards the screen door that led out to the backyard. Before I pushed the door aside, I stared out at him. Vic was sitting with his legs pressed to his chest on the grassy ground in front of small tree with skinny branches. He was shivering violently, and his chin was propped up on his arms which were wrapped around his knees.

With a shaky sigh, I grabbed the handle and pulled the door open, stepping out into the cold air. The wind blew through my hair, sending waves of shivers up my back. The sky was a dark dark blue, and the stars were starting to twinkle and shine above us. Quietly, I approached him, hoping that he wouldn’t turn around and lash out on me with all of the fury that he’s been holding in for the past few hours. As carefully as I could, I unfolded the striped blanket and draped one half over me and the other around Vic, and I sat cross-legged next to him. He immediately grabbed the blanket and clutched it close around his shoulder, and buried his head into my shoulder. I snaked my arms around his waist, already hearing the small sobs and chokes eliciting from him. I rocked him slowly, humming a simple melody under my breath.

“It’s all my fault, Kels,” he whimpered. “I’m the one that let him go away.”

“Vic,” I frowned, my fingers moving up to his soft cheeks. I cupped his face in my hands, softly wiping away any tears with the pad of my thumbs. “He made the decision to do that… you didn’t fuel any of his ideas, I know you would never do anything like that.”

“B-But… I was with him! I didn’t see any of the signs,” he choked. His eyes were bloodshot, and his cheeks were rosy with dirty tears stained on. His brown eyes were sad, and his long eyelashes stuck together.

“And I’m sure if you did… there really wasn’t anything that you could do. Oli was sad, Vic. He wasn’t happy here, don’t you understand?”

“No… but he was happy when he was with me,” he said, hanging his head. “I don’t understand why he would leave with like that…”

I sighed and gnawed at my lower lip, watching Vic crumble down into my lap. He began to mumble profanities under his breath, and his back shook and shuddered. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into the crook of my neck as he cried. “Sshhh, it’s okay, Vic. Baby, it’ll all be alright.”

“But it doesn’t feel like it will, Kels,” Vic whispered, looking up at me.

“It will… trust me,” I said before pecking his lips softly. I then sat there with him by the small tree with the blanket wrapped securely around us. He cried for about one more hour until he fell asleep on my lap. Without much difficulty, I scooped one arm under the back of his knees and the other behind his back. I carried him up the stairs and settled him onto his bed, and he immediately grabbed his pillow and stuffed his face into it. “I’ll take it from here, Kellin,” Mike said from his bed. “You’re parents are probably wondering where you are.”

I almost cringed at the word “parents”, but I’ve learned to keep my composure. I thought back to the day Vic took me driving, and I told him that my dad had left us. I thought for sure that Vic would at least tell Mike, but he kept it to himself. I nodded politely before heading back down the stairs, where Mama was waiting for me. “Thank you so much, Kellin,” she said quietly.

“It’s really no problem whatsoever,” I smiled sadly. Taking me by surprise, she wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her tiny body up against me, squeezing me so tightly so that I couldn’t breathe. I hugged her back with just as much enthusiasm.

As I heard the door lock behind me, I sighed deeply and looked up at the sky. The sky was pitch black now, and the few stars that managed to show winked at me.The moon was huge and yellow, and looked so close that it might fall from the sky itself. I stood there in their driveway, wishing that I didn’t have to feel so empty all the goddamn time. With tears pricking at my eyes, I sniffed and rubbed my face harshly before running over to my bike which I rode over here instead of walking. Practically racing down the streets at a million miles per hour, I tried my hardest to keep down the sobs, and it came out as loud, horrible chokes. If anyone happened to be walking past, they would think something was seriously wrong with me. Finally, I managed to turn to my street, and I didn’t even stop pedalling as I jumped of my bike, leaving it in my frontyard. I burst through the door, and ran up the stairs. Reaching her door, which I knew for a fact was locked, I knocked frantically but quietly so I wouldn’t wake up my siblings. I heard here quickly jump from her bed, the springs squeaking when she lifted herself, and run over to the door. “Wha? What’s wrong, Kellin?” She asked me, a bathrobe wrapped around her. Her skinwas pale and the bags drooped under her eyes. Her hair fell down her back lifelessly, and her empty eyes darted around my face, taking in the tears that spilled down my cheeks.

“Mommy… I-I-” I choked, unable to form a complete sentence.

“Sssh, sshh, it’s okay, baby,” she whispered, taking me in her arms and leading me over to her bed. I kicked off my shoes before cuddling into her chest. She let my cry and cry and cry into her chest for as long as I could remember, and just like what I did for Vic, she hummed a simple melody under her breath. She rocked me all night, and for the first time in months, she wasn’t the one who cried herself to sleep.