I'll Make You Feel Beautiful Once Again

It was Friday, which means I was about to finish my fifth day of Connections, or in other words, my fifth day of torture. I truly hated this class. All we did for the whole hour was stare at Mr.Williams and he stared right back. Ever since the incident on Monday where we all refused to pour our guts on the table, Mr.Williams refuses to “teach” us or whatever he does. It’s quite exasperating actually; I hate it. It’s annoying. One more day of silence, and I think I might go insane, (it’s not like I already am). I’m tired of sitting there staring at each other, in silence, not even muttering a fucking word for the whole class period. Part of me wondered if this was apart of his teaching method. Wait until we had the guts to say what was on our minds instead of forcing it. There were ten perfectly good people sitting around me, capable of listening to me cry and whine about why I was so sad. However, I was scared. Something deep inside of me was telling me that I shouldn’t trust him or any of the other kids in there besides Mike. It was difficult to figure whethe I should or shouldn’t.

I tightened my grip on the overnight bag that was slung on my shoulder. Tonight was the first night at the facility for Connections, and I was nervous as fuck. The old man had explained to us before we left, that we would be rooming with one other person for the weekend. I don’t know why that made me so nervous.

At the moment, we were all sitting quietly in a school van which had multiple rows of seats, staring out the tinted windows as Mr.Williams drove down the streets. I sat next to Mike, who was was sitting next to Jaime.

“Hey, Mike, where are we going?” Jaime asked him, bouncing his leg up and down and running his fingers through his hair repeatedly.

“Weren’t you listening when Mr.Williams told us?” Mike fumed, turning over to Jaime to stare at him with anger in his eyes.

“Ummmmmm,” Jaime started, looking up at the ceiling to the van as if it had the answer. “Not really, I don’t think I was.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Mike mumbled under his breath, turning his attention back to ripping the distress on his jeans. Mike always had anger issues, and he never knew when to shut his damn mouth sometimes. That was part of the reason why he was in the class in the first place. Other than his countless nights of staying out until the crack of dawn, partying, drinking, and getting high. It took our parents his whole entire middleschool years to figure out that he had problems. Of course I knew he was up to all that stuff the whole entire time. He would come to my room late at night when he got back from his parties, crying his eyes out. I never knew why he was always sobbing afterwards; he never told me. Part of me wondered if he was depressed like me, but I also knew that it was something else. Something bigger.

“We’re goin’ to the overnight facility, Hime,” I told him. He flashed me a warm smile, his teeth white and his dimples playful. I returned his grin, then focused on the passing trees and housing as they blurred past us. It wasn’t long until we pulled up to a building. The place was brick, and right across from a public library and a street diner. As we all climbed out with our bags over our shoulders, I took in the two trees planted on either side of the facility which had pink flowers growing with the leaves, the huge playground with plastic equipment in the back, and the sign in the front which read: Core Connections: A Branch Facility to Clairemont High School.

I want to puke. This looked like a place where innocent children go to die. Maybe Mr.Williams was one of those secretive child molesters or serial killers.

Shuddering and pushing the thought away, I followed the others into the building, staying close to Mike.

"Hi, Mr.Williams," a secretary called from behind a glass barrier next to the entrance. "Fresh meat?"

Mr.Williams simply laughed, waving at her before leading us down a couple of hallways. The building looked like an abandoned school, and scattered desks sat randomly along the sides of the halls. The walls were chipped and bare, and it seemed as if they were whispering me secrets and stories of the past students that came to this facility.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t even realize that everyone had stopped in front of a hallway lined with doors. I accidentally ran into Tony, and he slowly turned around. His eyes expressing anger but his lips still dipping down into a frown. “Sorry, Tone,” I mumbled. He nodded to me before turning back around, placing his hand on the small of Jaime’s back, who was bouncing up and down nervously. Something inside of me twinged, watching them. Although Tony seemed so pissed of and sad most of the time, he still found the patience to look after hyper Jaime.

Blocking out any other sounds except for the pounding of my heart in my chest, I watched as Mr.Williams assigned people to rooms. Turns out that Andy was rooming with Jesse, Austin with Mike, Hayley with Jenna, Jaime and Tony, and of fucking course, Kellin and I. I gulped the nothingness in my mouth, pulling at my sleeves warily. Don’t get me wrong, I am really happy to be rooming with Kellin. Its just that I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I don’t want him to figure me out. The kid gave me goosebumps, and he sent my heart racing whenever we locked eyes. In other words, he made me nervous, and I don’t know if it’s because I have a crush on him or...? But c’mon, crushes are overrated in my opinion. I’d rather call it “person of interest”, but, hell, that made me sound so much more gay than I actually thought I was.

“Hm,” Kellin smiled beside me. “Looks like we’re always paired together, c’mon,” he laughed, grabbing my wrists and running down the hall to the room farthest down.

“I’ll come get ya’ll in a while to meet the others,” Mr.Williams called to us then began to wheeze and limp away.

“Others?” I asked him before he could get too far.

“The homeschoolers, basketcase,” he managed before disappearing around the corner.

“You know, whenever I come to school, I always think, ‘Today is the day that Mr.Williams will die’, ‘cause he’s so goddamn old. But he never does,” Kellin told me, sarcasm oozing from his voice. He flopped onto the bed across from mine. As the door closed and automatically locked behind us, I took in the two twin-sized beds, one on either side of the room, the window on the far side which gave us a view of the playground, and the small bathroom closest to my bed. The room was bare, and plain, with white walls and white sheets. “Are you just gunna stand there and stare?” Kellin suddenly asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Uh, no,” I laughed nervously, walking over to my bed and sitting down on the edge. I set my bag next to me and stared at my low-top Converse and picked at the distress on my jeans. I could feel Kellin’s eyes on me, and it made me feel insecure but somewhat... flattered?

“You don’t talk too much, do you?” Kellin said, rising from his bed and settling onto mine. He wore military-styled boots, tight, distressed jeans, and a Green day t-shirt. He crossed his legs and rose an eyebrow at me.

“I talk,” I whispered.

Kellin smirked and ran his skeleton fingers through the blue part of his hair. “Well, of course. I know that. I’m just saying that you don’t talk much.”

“I guess you can say that,” I mumbled, trying to avert my eyes from staring at his skinny and petite frame. We sat there on my bed for a few minutes in an awkward silence. Kellin was only one foot away from me and, damn, how bad did I want him to press his leg against mine. I watched his lips pull into a grin every now and then when he lifted his head to look at me.

“Wanna listen to some music?” Kellin suggested with his eyebrows raised.

“Um,” I began, meeting his stormy eyes. “Sure.” Kellin jumped off my bed and skipped over to his backpack and pulled out a small, black device and some earphones. “Whoa,” I gasped quietly. “You have a MPMan?”

“Yep,” he laughed at me warmly, sitting back onto my bed and a little bit closer to me. “I got it for Christmas last year.”

“B-But... how did you get it last year? They just came to North America this year,” I asked him, watching him flash me his white teeth and scoot closer to me.

“My... uh,” he started, his smile fading just for a split second before returning. “My dad has a close friend who works for the company. So, he was able to hook me and my siblings up.”

“That’s so cool,” I said, a small smile tugging at my lips. Looking up at me, Kellin returned my smile with a bigger one. He then pressed his leg up against mine. His jeans. My jeans. My boxers. His boxers. Four layers keeping us apart but still able to transfer his heat into me. “I, uh, I still have a cassette player,” I started, trying not to freak out about this whole “His leg touching mine” thing. “It’s portable though, which is the cool thing about it. I asked for a CD player for my birthday, but I don’t think I’ll get it,” I told him in a hushed tone.

Kellin stared at me with a goofy grin plastered on his face, his MPMan forgotten in his hands. “That’s like... the most I’ve heard you say since I met you in the beginning of the week,” he smiled at me.

I shrugged, and began to pick at the distress on my jeans again. “I dunno... I just feel... comfortable talking to you, I guess,” I confessed.

“Well, that’s good to know,” Kellin giggled, his laugh girlish and bubbly.

“Did you hear about that new thing... I think it’s called an iPod, or something? It’s supposed to come out in a couple years, and I heard it’s gunna be like, the next big thing,” I mumbled, changing the subject somewhat.

“Yeah, I heard about that. I really want one,” Kellin smiled.

“Yeah, mee too,” I blushed, hanging my head. “It has a bigger screen,” I explained, tapping the penny-sized one on his MPMan. “And a little dial thing that shuffles, changes the volume, and skips songs and what not.”

“That’s wicked awesome,” he mused. “I can’t wait till they come out.” We sat there on my bed for a couple of seconds, and I could feel his eyes on me again as I looked down at my feet. “What’s your poison?” Kellin suddenly asked me. My head snapped up to meet him, and my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. Laughing, Kellin started to unravel his tangled headphones. “What do you want to listen to?”

“Oh, um, what do you have?”

“Everything,” he smirked.

Rolling my eyes, I stared at the wall next to me with a ghost smile. “Do you have… Creed?” I challenged him.

“You’re damn skippy!” He shouted at me with a giggle. I shook my head at him, laughing quietly as he searched for the song. Before I could really register what was going on, Kellin’s cold fingers were brushing strands of hair behind my ear, sending shivers and goose bumps up my arms. I froze, blushing madly and trying to figure out if this was normal or not. His fingertips lingered close to my ear, carefully sticking the bud in my ear. “There ya go, Vic,” he whispered, his hot breath hitting my skin.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, hanging my head so he couldn’t see my burning cheeks. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

Before I could angst myself to death, Creed’s What’s This Life For came pouring into my ear, sending sweet chords into my brain to calm my racing heart. “Oh, Kellin, I love this song,” I smiled at him, my voice never leaving a whisper.

“It loves you, too,” he retorted with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at him, leaning back on my bed and bringing him with me. I turned my head slightly, watching him close his eyes and mouth the lyrics to the song. “Hurray for a child,” he recited, his voice lisping on his mouth in a hushed tone. “That makes it through. If there’s any way because the answer lies in you.” I have to admit, Kellin is fucking beautiful. The way his pale skin contrasts with his raven hair, giving him an immediate unique look. But I couldn’t help but notice the way the skin on his face caved into his skull, and the bags under his eyes were dark and haunting. His hands, which were resting on his rising stomach, clung to the bone under the flesh. He looked so goddamn skinny. All I wanted to do was shove a Snickers down his throat…

“Hey creep, stop staring at me,” Kellin suddenly warned me, opening one eye. I quickly turned away, red in the face and embarrassed that I was caught. “Oh, I’m just messin’ with you, dude,” he laughed, poking my shoulder playfully. I shifted my head so that I was looking at him again, and there it was. That warm smile that he always seemed to be saving for me. I pouted childishly, faking a sob and placing my hands on my heart. “You’re lunchn’,” he giggled sarcastically.

“Kellin, I didn’t know you talked street,” I shot back with a small smirk pulling at my lips.

“As if,” he scoffed with a laugh. “I’m too cool for street talk.”

“Whatever,” I chuckled.

It was then that our laughing died down, but the music was still playing in our ears. I found myself staring into his stormy eyes, and he seemed to be staring right back at me. I didn’t even notice him leaning in until his minty breath was making its way onto my lips. He was so close. So close that it scared me. I must be dreaming, or something; because, damn, why would someone as gorgeous as Kellin want to get even remotely close to me. So close that whoever might pass by would get the impression that we were going to kiss. Or something along the lines of that.

Mentally slapping myself across the face, I turned away, feeling the heated blush creep up my cheeks.

“New song, eh?” Kellin coughed, sounding… disappointed? Probably not.

“Sure,” I whispered, hanging my head once again. One Week by the Barenaked Ladies came pouring out of the ear bud, drowning any type of conversation, or kiss, that could have happened.