Painting Virgin Skin

Things were weird now that Dixie has been back home in Montana for a while. Like somehow the time and distance already put us out of sync. I miss her sure and love the fact that she is finally my girlfriend, but I have that I-should-have-never-gave-in feeling and its driving me crazy. Ever since I closed the deal with Boston I have been insanely busy. Even more so than usually. I travel back and forth constantly, my phone is always going off with calls from new offers in that state, which means my line is always busy so Dixie can't get through. I always fall straight to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, whenever that is. So Dixie and I haven't really spoken in three weeks. I mean, I text her when I can but that isn't very often. In fact I am pretty sure its been a week since I last had the chance to send her a text. So I am feeling like a very horrible boyfriend which leads me back to the first feeling. If I never acted on my impulse in the first place, I wouldn't feel like I was neglecting anyone for my work. I would be fine, nothing to worry about, no guilt chewing at me whenever I had time to think. Like now on this elevator ride.

I press my hand against my dress pants pocket and I feel the outline of my phone. I fiddle with it before taking it out of my pocket. That moment the elevator doors open and I am zooming down the hall. I glance at my phone as I head into the meeting, two texts from Dixie and no time to even look at them. I sigh and slide my cell into my pocket, what was I thinking when I grabbed her hand like that. Now there is nothing I can do to take it back. A part of me think that's wonderful and rest of me feels like I should regret it. I push my thoughts to the side as I enter the boardroom. I smiled at the guys in suits as I walk in ready to present my company to the new mall they want to build in Brooklyn. I was ready to nail this deal.

I felt a high after the meeting, with ten locations and two more coming, I feel on top of the world. This is what life is about, success at your greatest dream. I never want to feel the sting of the system again, Painting Skins is my way of insuring that. I take my phone out of my pocket and its dead, I sigh, it’s a twenty minutes drive to the hotel and another ten minutes until I will end up putting it to charge. I stuff it back in my pocket; I will just charge it while I shower. That's my version of killing two birds with one stone. I get to my room and smile at the complimentary bottle of wine left by my pillow. I guess being a businessman gives me some extra perks than being a just another guy here. I reach of the bottle and place it on the nightstand. I plan to drink it later after I know for sure whether the deal is mine or not. Two seconds later, I was asleep. I wake up confused, since I didn't remember falling asleep, then I go to check my phone for the time. Still dead. Not a good move when I have all these deals on the table. I plug it into the charger and shower while I wait.

I turn on my phone, six missed calls, twelve texts and its midnight. Great, won't be able to reach anyone at this time of night, at least not without being rude. I read my texts. I have one from my lawyers telling me about four new deals. Another from the dudes from the new mall telling me they want my shop to be apart of the 50 stores they will have. My boys in the city telling business is crazy and I might need a new place there. I did see a storefront for sale in the village that could be an awesome spot. I text one of my lawyers about it so he can investigate and let me know, I don't feel rude to him. I pay him to be on call always. Then I get to Dixie, three texts unread from her, my stomach knots up. Here comes that horrid feeling again.

‘Good Morning Nick :)’

That was sent to me at 7 am, my time. She wanted me to start my day with her greetings. Which I didn't. The second text says:

‘I miss you.’

That one was 1pm my time, she had probably just text me before practice started. Thinking of me before heading off to work hard and get her pom-pom wavers into shape.

‘I hope I hear from you one of these days. I am starting to think I dreamed that week in New York. =/’

Sent ten pm my time, midnight for her, which means she couldn’t sleep. Guilt twists in my chest; I am keeping her from having a healthy relationship with a nice southern gentleman who would shower her in attention. Dixie deserves that, not distracted me, with my budgets, new stores, employees, and looking for a headquarters with new positions to fill and all that. I barely have time to talk to myself mentally let alone maintain a girlfriend. I stare at the picture I have as her icon. It’s us on the Brooklyn Bridge, the sun is setting and she is leaning in to kiss me. You can only see out silhouettes and some vague parts of our faces. I smile at the memory. It was a good day, one of the best of that week. But can I really give her more than that amazing week? I hit reply and stare at the blank lines and blinking cursors.

‘I am really sorry this won't work,’ I delete it letter by letter and start again.

‘Look Dixie, I am sorry. I have been really busy.’ Delete.

‘Sorry babe, busy. I miss you too.’ I hit send, regretting that I did.

I should break it off, why am I being so selfish? I sigh and throw my head back against the pillow. The guilt washing away the moment that the sleep takes over me.