‹ Prequel: Cracks in Reality
Status: Active
Painting Virgin Skin
Emotional Spills
I scramble up the stairs trying to create distant between Nick and I as soon as possible. I call Ruby as soon as I am on the landing not bothering to wait until I am locked away. I chew the skin around my nails, unattractively might I add, as I wait to see if Ruby will pick up her phone. The phone rings in my ears as I walk aimlessly through the long hallway upstairs; staring at each door I pass. They all look the same, solid wood doors painted a chocolate brown; the gold color of the doorknobs gleaming as if they had just been cleaned moments before I came up here. I pass the six doors over and over again with each half a ring, just pacing the hallway. I wonder if he could hear me and is wondering what I am doing. I bite my lip, I forgot to ask where the bathroom is and at this point I am too embarrassed to go back and ask him. He must think I am some loser, running up here to privately send a text like he could see what I am typing from where he is sitting. What kind lame excuse is that? I shake my head and sigh to myself. I hear Ruby’s voicemail through the speaker of my phone. I feel a bit disappointed that she didn’t answer. I need a good pep talk in moments when I get a bit crazed like this.
“Hi, this is Ruby. I can’t take your call right now because I am busy at the moment. But please, leave a message and I will try call you back as soon as I can.” You can hear the phone being moved away from her face. “How did that one sound baby?” James shouts back a loving reply and Ruby giggles before the beeps ends the sounds of them being their usual perfect couple selves.
“Hey Ruby, I hope everything is okay. I just wanted to let you know that Nick has a girlfriend. I heard him flirting with her on the phone, he even called her beautiful. I could hear her giggle on the other end when he said it. This trip was a stupid idea, I should be at home preparing for the new season with my girls. I feel so dumb right now.” I felt the ridiculous urge to cry but instead I laugh. “I want to go home.” I release a big huff of air that I don’t remember taking in. “It’s fine; I can still have a good time. I mean I am in New York!” I shake my head trying to pump myself up like Ruby would. “Oh, and don’t forget to weed the garden this weekend. I miss you. Bye.”
I press end and shuffle towards the door that is directly in front of me. I still need to be alone for a bit. I push the door open cautiously hoping that it was the bathroom. I really just want to let the water run for a bit as I mumble a pep talk to myself and try not to give way to stupid tears. When I look into the room I can see right away its Nick’s room. The walls were white but Nick had painted doodles everywhere. Dragons being slain by knights, Princess kissing a Prince that looked likes him every time he makes an appearance of the wall. There were swirls of color everywhere, fantasy art that is just a true display of his incredible talent. I wonder how his love for art led him to creating tattoos. I stand in complete awe letting myself take in all of his works. Drinking in every color, every curve of his paintbrush, every inch of the room he calls his own.
My eyes wander to his bed, I spot just above his bed he has a picture of the four of us. It was taken last year when we were helping Ruby move her stuff into her new home. James and Ruby are frozen holding each other and laughing paint covering their hair. Nick was standing behind me eyes dancing as he tipped a bucket of paint over my head. I laugh as I remember how even then I couldn’t be mad at him. I had to wash my hair five times before I got all the paint out of it. I remember getting him back. I pushed him a haystack and threw two buckets of paint on him while we were painting the barn together. Around that picture he had other pictures of the four of us in patchwork form all clustered around his headboard. I spot other people too, ones I don’t know. I see one with him, a wide smile as he stands in front of his first parlor in Texas. I want run my finger across his smiling his face, I really like his smile. Its weird that I can make all of that out standing here at the entrance of his room. Maybe I should go closer and see more.
I see that over the pictures he painted weeping fairies sitting on discolored leaves with falling stars burning in a black sky. My heart starts pounding like I was violating his privacy by just looking at his art; I still couldn't seem stop myself from walking deeper into the room. I touch the paintings as I pass each one hoping to capture each emotion he had as he painted them on my fingertips. I walk to the headboard of his sleigh bed and run my head over the pictures. I just stand there remembering all the moments that we shared, the big role that he really played in my life. The times he made me laugh and helped me when I couldn't get things right with Ruby. He is always there for me when I need him even though we aren't that close. How he could he not be important to me, I mean he is my first love. The thought shocks me, and I pull away from the pictures as if they jolted me.
His room smells like fresh laundry, his cologne and deodorant. I take deep breath so it fills my lungs as I lay on his bed. I smile foolishly to myself, this is where he sleeps. This is where he ponders over his days, his problems then drifts off into his dreams. The boy I love. I could feel a hope that I was in those dreams, until I remember him on the phone downstairs instantly that hope deflates. I sit up and fix the creases my body may have left on his sheets. I leave the room and head back down the stairs. I will just tell him that I need to leave, that I don’t feel well or something. I straighten my posture and put a nice enough smile on so he won’t feel like it’s his fault or anything like that. I mean it isn’t his fault, its mine for having this stupid crush, for coming out here and pretending like I could win him over. As if he was a cheer competition I knew I could win. I try to make up excuses as I walk down each step. I watch him from the bottom stairs when I get there; he is shuffling through papers trying to plan the perfect trip for me. My heart swells and I am speaking before even I realize it.
“I am in love with you.”
“Hi, this is Ruby. I can’t take your call right now because I am busy at the moment. But please, leave a message and I will try call you back as soon as I can.” You can hear the phone being moved away from her face. “How did that one sound baby?” James shouts back a loving reply and Ruby giggles before the beeps ends the sounds of them being their usual perfect couple selves.
“Hey Ruby, I hope everything is okay. I just wanted to let you know that Nick has a girlfriend. I heard him flirting with her on the phone, he even called her beautiful. I could hear her giggle on the other end when he said it. This trip was a stupid idea, I should be at home preparing for the new season with my girls. I feel so dumb right now.” I felt the ridiculous urge to cry but instead I laugh. “I want to go home.” I release a big huff of air that I don’t remember taking in. “It’s fine; I can still have a good time. I mean I am in New York!” I shake my head trying to pump myself up like Ruby would. “Oh, and don’t forget to weed the garden this weekend. I miss you. Bye.”
I press end and shuffle towards the door that is directly in front of me. I still need to be alone for a bit. I push the door open cautiously hoping that it was the bathroom. I really just want to let the water run for a bit as I mumble a pep talk to myself and try not to give way to stupid tears. When I look into the room I can see right away its Nick’s room. The walls were white but Nick had painted doodles everywhere. Dragons being slain by knights, Princess kissing a Prince that looked likes him every time he makes an appearance of the wall. There were swirls of color everywhere, fantasy art that is just a true display of his incredible talent. I wonder how his love for art led him to creating tattoos. I stand in complete awe letting myself take in all of his works. Drinking in every color, every curve of his paintbrush, every inch of the room he calls his own.
My eyes wander to his bed, I spot just above his bed he has a picture of the four of us. It was taken last year when we were helping Ruby move her stuff into her new home. James and Ruby are frozen holding each other and laughing paint covering their hair. Nick was standing behind me eyes dancing as he tipped a bucket of paint over my head. I laugh as I remember how even then I couldn’t be mad at him. I had to wash my hair five times before I got all the paint out of it. I remember getting him back. I pushed him a haystack and threw two buckets of paint on him while we were painting the barn together. Around that picture he had other pictures of the four of us in patchwork form all clustered around his headboard. I spot other people too, ones I don’t know. I see one with him, a wide smile as he stands in front of his first parlor in Texas. I want run my finger across his smiling his face, I really like his smile. Its weird that I can make all of that out standing here at the entrance of his room. Maybe I should go closer and see more.
I see that over the pictures he painted weeping fairies sitting on discolored leaves with falling stars burning in a black sky. My heart starts pounding like I was violating his privacy by just looking at his art; I still couldn't seem stop myself from walking deeper into the room. I touch the paintings as I pass each one hoping to capture each emotion he had as he painted them on my fingertips. I walk to the headboard of his sleigh bed and run my head over the pictures. I just stand there remembering all the moments that we shared, the big role that he really played in my life. The times he made me laugh and helped me when I couldn't get things right with Ruby. He is always there for me when I need him even though we aren't that close. How he could he not be important to me, I mean he is my first love. The thought shocks me, and I pull away from the pictures as if they jolted me.
His room smells like fresh laundry, his cologne and deodorant. I take deep breath so it fills my lungs as I lay on his bed. I smile foolishly to myself, this is where he sleeps. This is where he ponders over his days, his problems then drifts off into his dreams. The boy I love. I could feel a hope that I was in those dreams, until I remember him on the phone downstairs instantly that hope deflates. I sit up and fix the creases my body may have left on his sheets. I leave the room and head back down the stairs. I will just tell him that I need to leave, that I don’t feel well or something. I straighten my posture and put a nice enough smile on so he won’t feel like it’s his fault or anything like that. I mean it isn’t his fault, its mine for having this stupid crush, for coming out here and pretending like I could win him over. As if he was a cheer competition I knew I could win. I try to make up excuses as I walk down each step. I watch him from the bottom stairs when I get there; he is shuffling through papers trying to plan the perfect trip for me. My heart swells and I am speaking before even I realize it.
“I am in love with you.”