Loneliness

When I looked myself in the mirror, I appeared tired, but it wasn’t tiredness that I felt. Sorrow was surrounding me and I wasn’t able to abide it. It was a heavy cross to bear for my sixteen year old heart.

I was inside my room of thoughts, a space occupied by one. Just me. And as I cried, I realized what I could achieve alone… the success, as well as the failure.

I had the opportunity to reconnect but I also had the sweet temptation to give up. I wasn’t able to use the time wisely to decide, so I just watched the minutes drift by. Others called it bliss, but for me it was a never-ending loneliness which kept breaking my heart again and again thanks to his betrayal.

I filled my head with thoughts, trying to forget about it all, which didn’t work. I’d never forget. I wasn’t even able to look him in the eyes without wanting to cry. How could he do this to me? Was my love such a burden on him? Did I not give him anything he wanted? He just had to give in to the forbidden pleasures of flesh. I didn’t want to blame him but I did, and this act of his I could never forgive.

I was nursing my sorrows alone and I was sighing for pleasures long faded and gone. Deep down, I secretly knew that even if I told someone, they wouldn’t understand. Everyone had their own point of views. It must have been better to suffer than loosely reveal a feeling to others, which others did not feel.

And with loneliness as my best friend, I closed my eyes and laid on the bed. Tomorrow was a new day and, with eyes closed, for a better tomorrow I’d pray.