Status: Okay, so it's kind of a true story. Everything in here happened, but I changed the names for privacy reasons.
Confessions of a Clinically Depressed Teenager
It's cold outside, almost as cold as you.
On Monday, my mother visited. Schools were still closed. She kissed my forehead. I wanted to strangle her.
You have the nerve to say those mean things to me and then act like it never happened. Now I really know who you are.
I played along, smiling when I was supposed to. Laughing when I was supposed to. I guessed I was a good actor because I didn’t have a single flaw- not even a sliver of my infuriation showed under my mask of fake contentment. However, I asked her to bring me books to read. My mother agreed and I gave her a list.
I took another shower, and noticed myself in the mirror again. I looked bit more like myself. Short, dark curly hair, dark eyes. I was still a bit pale. My dark circles were a bit more faint. It was there that I realized being tired isn’t a temporary thing anymore- being tired became a part of my personality. Sleep wasn’t on my side.
I slept well that night, however.
Then came Tuesday. I woke up and stretched. The nurse checked my vitals. I had a late breakfast of waffles, sausage links, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. Then, along came a nurse with a biohazard bag with a needle in it. I gulped.
“We’re just going to take a blood sample- let me see your ID bracelet please?”
I held out my arm. It turned out that I was the wrong patient and I lucked out. I sighed with contentment, relieved that I wouldn’t be stuck with a needle. After that I showered, this time I threw on a pair of jeans as opposed to sweatpants. I began to look a lot more alive.
When I exited the bathroom I heard Regina whining about getting her blood taken, the nurse trying to comfort her. It made me wish that I had gotten my blood drawn instead of her.
I spent the rest of that day in bed until 6pm. I had gotten flowers from Ethan, along with a teddy bear and a note. That was when the crisis team came and put me on a stretcher and sent me to Cambridge Hospital. I was alarmed considering the fact I was quite comfortable and didn’t feel like going to the hospital- I thought I didn’t need help.
I went there in an ambulance. It had a bunch of medical stuff inside I couldn’t recognize. It passed by my apartment building, and I was tempted to break out of the ambulance and run all the way home. I stayed put.
When I arrived at the Adolescent Assessment Unit, I was terrified. There was a TV in the corner of the room, two boys were playing video games. One girl was cursing at another guy who was sprawled across the kitchen counter reaching for a small container of cereal.
I then went to a room where my mother was and we talked with a woman with white hair. They talked about procedures in the Unit and whatnot. I stared off into space until my mother told me, “Give me your phone.” I handed it over and the woman with white hair kept talking until they introduced me to the unit.
A girl named Anna showed me around.
“Alright Celia, your roommate is over there on the phone.” A girl with blonde hair had the phone cord wrapped around her scrawny figure as she blabbed constantly to the person on the other end. “Her name’s Beatrice, she’s getting discharged tomorrow so you may not get to know her well.” Anna then showed me my room.
The walls were baby blue and there were two beds, in between them were two night tables. Under Beatrice’s night table were a pair of gray Uggs. On the opposite side of the beds were shelves where you’d put your clothes. Above the night tables was one mirror. Beatrice’s belongings were scattered across her night table and her bed was extremely messy.
Anna helped me get settled in. I couldn’t have my bags with me in my room. so all of my belongings were kind of in the eye of anyone who passed by the room. I changed into sweatpants and a shirt and went out to the kitchen area. Well, it was kind of a kitchen.
There was a stove and a microwave and a fridge and cabinets but we also ate in there and watched TV in there. So, it was really a multipurpose room but the staff called it the kitchen. I came just in time for dinner, but I didn’t even know who to sit with.
The rest of the night was free time and I just spent it in my room until bed time. I talked to Beatrice a little bit and then fell asleep. I had trouble sleeping because of fifteen minute checks. You see, the staff had to check in so we y'know, didn't try drinking shampoo or cutting ourselves. Cheery.
You have the nerve to say those mean things to me and then act like it never happened. Now I really know who you are.
I played along, smiling when I was supposed to. Laughing when I was supposed to. I guessed I was a good actor because I didn’t have a single flaw- not even a sliver of my infuriation showed under my mask of fake contentment. However, I asked her to bring me books to read. My mother agreed and I gave her a list.
I took another shower, and noticed myself in the mirror again. I looked bit more like myself. Short, dark curly hair, dark eyes. I was still a bit pale. My dark circles were a bit more faint. It was there that I realized being tired isn’t a temporary thing anymore- being tired became a part of my personality. Sleep wasn’t on my side.
I slept well that night, however.
Then came Tuesday. I woke up and stretched. The nurse checked my vitals. I had a late breakfast of waffles, sausage links, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. Then, along came a nurse with a biohazard bag with a needle in it. I gulped.
“We’re just going to take a blood sample- let me see your ID bracelet please?”
I held out my arm. It turned out that I was the wrong patient and I lucked out. I sighed with contentment, relieved that I wouldn’t be stuck with a needle. After that I showered, this time I threw on a pair of jeans as opposed to sweatpants. I began to look a lot more alive.
When I exited the bathroom I heard Regina whining about getting her blood taken, the nurse trying to comfort her. It made me wish that I had gotten my blood drawn instead of her.
I spent the rest of that day in bed until 6pm. I had gotten flowers from Ethan, along with a teddy bear and a note. That was when the crisis team came and put me on a stretcher and sent me to Cambridge Hospital. I was alarmed considering the fact I was quite comfortable and didn’t feel like going to the hospital- I thought I didn’t need help.
I went there in an ambulance. It had a bunch of medical stuff inside I couldn’t recognize. It passed by my apartment building, and I was tempted to break out of the ambulance and run all the way home. I stayed put.
When I arrived at the Adolescent Assessment Unit, I was terrified. There was a TV in the corner of the room, two boys were playing video games. One girl was cursing at another guy who was sprawled across the kitchen counter reaching for a small container of cereal.
I then went to a room where my mother was and we talked with a woman with white hair. They talked about procedures in the Unit and whatnot. I stared off into space until my mother told me, “Give me your phone.” I handed it over and the woman with white hair kept talking until they introduced me to the unit.
A girl named Anna showed me around.
“Alright Celia, your roommate is over there on the phone.” A girl with blonde hair had the phone cord wrapped around her scrawny figure as she blabbed constantly to the person on the other end. “Her name’s Beatrice, she’s getting discharged tomorrow so you may not get to know her well.” Anna then showed me my room.
The walls were baby blue and there were two beds, in between them were two night tables. Under Beatrice’s night table were a pair of gray Uggs. On the opposite side of the beds were shelves where you’d put your clothes. Above the night tables was one mirror. Beatrice’s belongings were scattered across her night table and her bed was extremely messy.
Anna helped me get settled in. I couldn’t have my bags with me in my room. so all of my belongings were kind of in the eye of anyone who passed by the room. I changed into sweatpants and a shirt and went out to the kitchen area. Well, it was kind of a kitchen.
There was a stove and a microwave and a fridge and cabinets but we also ate in there and watched TV in there. So, it was really a multipurpose room but the staff called it the kitchen. I came just in time for dinner, but I didn’t even know who to sit with.
The rest of the night was free time and I just spent it in my room until bed time. I talked to Beatrice a little bit and then fell asleep. I had trouble sleeping because of fifteen minute checks. You see, the staff had to check in so we y'know, didn't try drinking shampoo or cutting ourselves. Cheery.