Even the Sun Sets in Paradise

“Hey,” Rowan and Cyrus mumbled awkwardly, as the guys walked quietly into my room. Ellis sat next to me, wrapping his arm protectively round my shoulders. Rowan sat cross legged on the floor, and Cyrus leant against the door frame, drumming his fingers on the table.
“Where’s Layton?” I asked.
“I don’t know, he just left,” Rowan shrugged.
“I think he likes you,” Cyrus chipped in.
“What?” I gasped.
“Think about it Jenna, he throws a fucking tantrum every time you talk to another guy, he gets like super protective over you and he walked out now he’s found out your pregnant,” he explained, turning to look at Rowan, “Layton’s in love with a fifteen year old.” Cyrus cracked up laughing, but none of us found it funny.
“If he genuinely liked me, he could ask me out on a date like a normal human being,” I said simply.
“But he’s a dick so he overcomplicates everything. He obviously likes you.”
“Please tell me you’re kidding or I think I’ll actually be sick.”
“I’m joking, don’t worry,” he laughed.
“You better be,” I hissed.
“Anyway guys, can we actually get back to the matter at hand?” Ellis cried, sounding frustrated.
“Back to the matter at hand?” Rowan laughed, as him and Cyrus cracked up into laughter.
“Since when were you posh?!” Cyrus chuckled. Ellis shot them both an evil glare.
“Maybe we should leave,” Cyrus said quickly, heading towards the door.
“Sit!” Ellis ordered, and Cyrus sat down sheepishly next to Rowan.
“Sorry boss.”
“Guys, we need to get our shit together. Jenna’s pregnant, for fuck’s sake, who’s the dad?”
Cyrus and Rowan smirked, and even I cracked a smile.
“What?!” Ellis asked, getting increasingly agitated.
“It’s not me, is it?” Rowan chuckled.
“Well duh,” Cyrus frowned, “It’s not me either.”
“Why do I not believe you?” Ellis asked knowingly.
“Dude, I know I’m closer to her than you’d like, but I wouldn’t fuck your cousin, I’m actually very hurt you’d even think I could do something like that,” Cyrus cried, pouting before him and Rowan cracked up laughing, which made me want to laugh too.
“Sorry, this is a serious matter,” Rowan said, composing himself so he was sat like a Buddha.
“Such a fucking girl,” Cyrus sighed, punching Rowan lightly in the arm.
“Oh come on! Guys, I’m not messing around. Jenna’s fifteen and pregnant, and none of us have any clue who the father is!” Ellis cried. The guys all apologised and managed to stay calm for the next half an hour as we pondered over how this could possibly have happened. The guys all got really into it, as if they were proper detectives. Ordinarily, I’d have found that hilarious, but given the circumstances, it was anything but that.

Later that evening, I was sitting on the edge of the pier, my legs dangling above the sea. After several awkward conversations about who could possibly be the father, whether or not I had been drugged and raped, and whether I was going to have a termination, followed by a lecture on absolutely every detail of how to prepare for and look after a baby, I felt sick to my stomach. Since I hadn’t spent much time at the beach so far, I decided it would be a nice place to relax. Ellis told Julie about the party and how someone had spiked my drink, which she was far from happy about. From the sounds of things, she was close to throwing Ellis out, and I felt terrible for causing problems between them. After all, it was purely my fault. The truth was, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. The thought of bringing up a baby terrified me. Ellis and Julie and Dave had promised to support me, but at the end of the day, they had done so much for me, and I couldn’t possibly ask them to make anymore sacrifices for me. A termination was not an option. There was no way I was killing an innocent child before it had even lived. Then again, adoption wasn’t an option either. For as long as I could remember, I’d had to live with the fact that I was so worthless, my own father didn’t want me, and that would stay with me every day for the rest of my life. I couldn’t bring myself to put my child through that too. It seemed like every option wasn’t really an option after all.
In an instant, I felt all the thoughts from before come flooding back, and I tried everything I could to block them out. I couldn’t let the thoughts back in my head. I couldn’t let them destroy me again. I felt a shiver go down my spine, and I pulled my cardigan tighter round my shoulders. All the memories came back into my mind, every single one. I was going to be a mum. Whatever I chose to do with my baby, I was responsible for it. It was safe to say, I’d had to grow up extremely quickly. This meant I had to grow up even more. This was a child’s life, not just my life. My actions no longer affected just me; they affected my baby, my baby. All people ever tell you is how big a responsibility a baby is, but I guess you never fully understand it until you have one. This wasn’t a game anymore, but to be honest, it never was.
It was beginning to get chilly, so I headed home. On the way, I stopped off at one of the cute gift shops to buy my favourite fudge, when a sign caught my eye. It said that they were looking for someone to work there part time, of any age. My face lit up, and I suddenly had an idea.
“Excuse me,” I asked nervously, mustering all the courage I had, “The job vacancy, what sort of hours would it be?” The forty-something year old woman behind the counter looked up and smiled widely.
“Ooh, fairly flexible. Why, are you interested?”
“Yeah, maybe,” I beamed.
“Okay, well I’m guessing you’re still at school?”
“Yeah, I’m fifteen.”
“Okay then, would you be able to work Saturdays and maybe after school some days?”
“Yes.”
“Great, it would just be working behind the till, tidying up the shelves and things like that. Would you like to come for an interview?”
“Yes please,” I smiled. The woman flicked through her diary.
“Tomorrow at five thirty okay?” I nodded.
“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, if you could just bring your personal details, you know, address and date of birth, phone number and things like that, maybe a bit about yourself,” she instructed.
“Yep, okay then. Thank you so much.”
“It’s quite alright dear.”
I squealed with excitement as I left the gift shop, a ray of hope flickering inside of me. I couldn’t help feeling guilty about moving in with Julie and Dave; maybe if I actually contributed something, I wouldn’t feel so useless.