Even the Sun Sets in Paradise

My eyes flickered open and I became immediately aware of a pounding like a drum inside of my head. I groaned, stretching my arms as I sat up and tried to gather my thoughts. Fuck, I wasn’t wearing anything. I nervously looked behind me, but thankfully the other side of the bed was empty. I mentally went over the events of last night. I remembered the start of the party, I remembered going outside and meeting Rowan, I remembered Cyrus offering me a joint, I remembered going back inside and dancing. Then my mind went blank. What was going on?! My clothes were thrown recklessly across the room and I had no idea why. I didn't even drink. How could I not remember what happened? Cautiously, I stood up, causing me to feel like I was about to pass out. I was tempted to fall back into bed, but I needed answers. I wobbled across the room, opened the wardrobe and pulled on an oversized t-shirt. Then I headed downstairs.
“Wow, you look terrible,” Ellis gasped as I slumped down onto a bar stool in the kitchen.
“Thanks,” I muttered, too out-of-it to properly register what he was saying.
“I thought you don't drink,” Ellis smirked.
“I don’t,” I said bluntly.
“Looks like someone spiked your drink then babe,” said a figure emerging from the sofa. I stared for a minute, trying to figure out who the blurred figure was.
“Cyrus,” he laughed, as if reading my mind, “You remember me, right?” I wondered how he could be so awake, considering what a mess he was last night.
“Take them,” Ellis instructed, sliding some tablets and a glass of water across the counter towards me. I thanked him and did as I was told.
“What happened last night?” I asked, wondering if anyone could give me some answers.
“Don’t ask me gorgeous, I don’t remember a thing,” Cyrus said innocently, and I noticed Ellis give him a dirty look.
“Ellis?” I asked, glancing at him.
“I have no idea. I barely saw you all night,” he explained.
“Rowan?”
“You remember being outside with me, right?”
I nodded slowly.
“You seemed a little bit tipsy, but not too bad, and we went back inside and were dancing. I kept losing sight of you but I think the last time I saw you was at about half one, so I assumed you’d gone to bed.”
“Oh,” I frowned.
“Guys, just to kill the mood, my parents are back around five and we need to have cleared this place by then,” Ellis explained. Everyone groaned, and for the first time, I realised that there was fifth person in the room. He was tall, handsome and had brown spiky hair. I figured he must be Layton, the bassist in the band. He’d been rather quiet, standing silently in the corner of the room, trying to make himself look busy. He seemed vaguely familiar and I remembered seeing him around at the party last night.
“I’m gonna shoot off,” Layton said quickly, noticing me glancing in his direction.
Ellis gasped, “Mate, you don’t think you’re getting off that easily, do you?” The guys laughed, and Layton smiled nervously as Ellis handed him a black bin liner.
“Collect all the crap lying around yeah?”
“Sure,” he sighed, heading over to the living room area.
“So you met all the guys then?” Ellis smiled, turning his attention back to me.
“Er…yeah,” I muttered, not too sure what to make of them. Rowan seemed lovely, but Cyrus seemed a bit perverted and Layton appeared to be a mute.
“You gotta look after her Ellis, Cyrus was hitting on her all night,” Rowan chuckled, flashing his cute boyish grin. Ellis glared at Cyrus who held his hands up in defeat.
“Dude, fuck off, she’s fifteen,” he frowned, “You try anything and I’ll kill you, got it?”
“Fifteen? You gotta be kidding me!” he cried, bursting into laughter.
“What?” Ellis frowned, giving him that it’s-too-early-to-deal-with-your-bullshit kinda look.
“You’re having a laugh. She’s not fucking fifteen.”
“I think I know how old my cousin is,” he said simply, and I wondered if he was always this irritable with them, or if it was just because of his hangover, or because he was protective over me.
“Okay, I’m sorry, I had no idea,” he laughed, still not taking it seriously. I could already tell that I wouldn’t get on with Cyrus too well. Everything was a joke to him. Sure, I was up for having a laugh but from what I’d gathered, he never took anything seriously.

An hour later, I was dressed in blue jeans, a tribal print top and some wedge heel trainers.
(http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=90707009 )The tablets had helped a lot but I still felt a bit dodgy. “You wouldn’t mind wiping the surfaces down would you?” Ellis asked.
“No, that’s fine,” I smiled, grabbing a cloth and moving the last few bits of crap left on the kitchen sides. Ellis and Cyrus both had a hangover, but I could tell they were used to it, and it wasn’t bothering them too much. Rowan however seemed absolutely fine, and I hoped I was going to get on with him well because he seemed like someone I’d learn to trust. Layton was still keeping to himself, and I couldn’t tell whether he was severely hung over and exhausted, or if he was just very shy. The latter seemed unlikely based on what Ellis had told me of him.

We spent the rest of the day tirelessly scrubbing, clearing and vacuuming the house from head to toe. Auntie Julie always kept the house pristine so we had to be careful to ensure everything was back where it belonged. They got home at quarter past five, and thankfully didn’t notice anything had happened. The guys were still there but they were being total suck ups so Julie and Dave didn’t seem to mind. I quickly disappeared off to bed with the excuse that I must have caught a bug from somewhere. Julie bought me up some water and a hot water bottle, suggesting I try and get some sleep.

I couldn’t sleep at all though. The reality of what happened last night had hit me. I had got completely drunk and couldn’t remember a thing. Obviously I hadn’t done it intentionally but I still wished I had been more careful. Why did I drink the coke, even though it tasted funny? I should have known something like this was bound to happen. I’d vowed I’d never get drunk in my life, but I was just fifteen and had already failed. I didn’t know how anyone could possibly enjoy the feeling of being drunk. I hated the feeling of being vulnerable and incapable of thinking straight and not in control. The regret and the shame I felt this morning was torturous, unbearable even. I pressed the pillow over my head to try and block out the pain, but despite years of proof, I never accepted that it didn’t stop the crushing excruciating thoughts in my mind from destroying me.