Even the Sun Sets in Paradise

“What are you doing here?” I asked, fighting to keeping my voice steady. I didn’t want her knowing how much she’d destroyed me. There were thousands of thoughts rushing through my head at once. I wasn’t sure why she was here. Was she here to apologise? Not a chance. Was she here to remind me how much of an idiot I am? Possibly. Was she here because she had nowhere else to go? Most likely.
“Can we talk?” she begged, her cheeks stained with tears, but I didn’t feel pity. How could I?
“I have nothing left to say to you,” I said simply, reaching for the door.
“Please Jenna, last time didn’t end well, and I don’t feel like I can leave it like that?”
She looked terrible. Never had she been exactly skinny, but now I’d definitely say she was overweight. Her face was fallen, bearing a single scar on her forehead. Dark circles were visible under her yellowed eyes. Her jeans were faded, and her black top had risen up slightly, showing a strip of bruised skin around her waist. She looked the same way she did when I left her; weak. She looked absolutely terrible. Maybe she wasn’t as bad as I made her out to be. Maybe she had been broken by George just the same way I had. As much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t help feeling a pang of guilt.
“You better come in,” I muttered, regretting the words as soon as I’d said them. I told myself that it was more out of curiosity than pity. She smiled appreciatively, waddling nervously into the house and sitting down on the sofa. Ellis sat next to me, gripping my hand tightly.
“Why are you here?”
“Jenna, I feel terrible.”
“You feel terrible?!” I cried, “I’m the one that’s spent every day and night for the past however many years wondering what I’ve done so bad that even my own mother hates me.”
“Of course I don’t hate you,” she sighed as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. My mind filled with hatred. How come I was doing everything I could to hold it together and here she was falling apart in front of my eyes? So fucking weak.
“I find that hard to believe,” I sniggered, my face remaining expressionless.
“What happened in court…that wasn’t supposed to happen Jenna. You’ve gotta understand he’s my husband; I had to stick by him.”
“She’s your fucking daughter!” Ellis cried, taking the words right out of my mouth.
“I know,” she said in almost a whisper, “That’s why I have to make sure she’s okay.”
“Yeah actually I’m pregnant.”
“You’re…you’re pregnant?” she stammered.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“Whose baby is it?”
“This guy called Layton. He’s nineteen. We were both drunk and basically had a one night stand.” It felt weird saying it to my mother, but I had a reason. I knew that no matter what happened, she wanted me to grow up and do the exact opposite of what she did. She wanted me to marry an intelligent caring man, and move to a gorgeous house in the country with our perfect children. She wanted me to have the life she’d missed out on. I knew that it would hurt her if she thought I was taking the same road she did. Of course, I wouldn’t let myself turn out the same way she did, but I wanted her to think that. I wanted her to feel the hurt I felt when she chose her husband over me.
“Jenna,” my mum choked, tears spilling over her eyes. Ellis squeezed my hand tighter, a knowing look on his face, clearly caught on to what I was trying to do.
“Yes?” I asked, a sickly sweet smile on my face.
“I realise how much of an idiot I’ve been. I know I’ve failed you as a mum. I want to make it up to you. Can you give me one last chance to prove to you that I can be a good mum?”
I thought it over for a minute. They were words I’d been longing to hear for so long, and no matter what happened, I couldn’t help but love her. She was my mum and I wanted a mum so badly. Julie was amazing and she treated me as her own, but she wasn’t my mum. That feeling of rejection would remain for as long as I lived. No! She had betrayed me when I needed her most. No matter how much she was hurting because of George, it was no excuse to remain indifferent to my suffering. I looked directly at my mother, reminding me of the demons of my past. I looked directly at Ellis, reminding me of the hope for my future.
“Do you not think it’s a bit late for that?” I said.
“It’s never too late,” mum persisted.
“I think it might just be. Now if you’ll excuse me,” I muttered, getting to my feet.
“Please don’t do this,” she cried.
“Thanks for dropping by but that won’t be necessary anymore. I have nothing left to say to you,” I said, my voice filled with false enthusiasm. Reluctantly, mum got up from the sofa, still crying and begging. Ellis placed a hand roughly on her shoulder and guided her towards the door.
“Please, Jenna I love you!” they were the last words I heard her say before Ellis shut the door on her, on my past, forever.

“Come here,” Ellis sighed, pulling me into a tight hug as I begun to sob. I was proud of myself for remaining strong; I refused to let her think she’d got the better of me.
“You did so well okay? You’re so strong because I know how hard that was for you,” Ellis reassured, “You’ve done me proud.” We remained in a warm embrace for a while longer, because I felt safe with him. It was comforting to know he would always be here. I was glad I had chosen him over my mother. To be honest though, there was never really a choice. Since being here, I felt loved and happy and safe for the first time in a long time. This was my family. This was my home. This was my life now; this was my future.