Even the Sun Sets in Paradise

During the weeks leading up to my birthday, everyone was rushing around whispering and planning things, and I was getting increasingly frustrated that I didn’t know what was going on. All they would tell me was that I had to keep the weekend of my birthday free. I loved surprises, but not when everyone was getting so excited and making a huge thing of it. I was dying to know what it was.

At school, it seemed everyone wanted to be my friend now After Dark were becoming more and more famous. Their songs were now being played on national radio, and I couldn’t be more proud of them. It did however put more attention on me. I feared that George could ring at any minute. He must know I was pregnant by now surely. Turns out, the only thing scarier than hearing from George…was not hearing from George. That had to be bad; he must be planning something. I was just scared to find out what.

“Hey, I have another scan soon…err…October the 18th,” I told Layton the next day. The guys were all round as usual, so Layton and I were cooking dinner for everyone to give Auntie Julie a break.
“Okay, I should be able to come,” he decided as he put the dinner in the oven.
“Are you okay? You sound kinda…off?”
“Jenz, I need to talk to you,” he admitted.
“Shit, now you’re scaring me,” I panicked.
“Why you scared?” he wondered, cracking a smile.
“Well the last time you said that, you told me you’re the father of my baby so…” I laughed, and he rolled his eyes.
“You’re never gonna get over that, hey?”
“Seriously, what is it?” I asked, as we both stopped laughing.
“Well, you know Maci?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, praying it wasn’t what I thought it was.
“Would you mind if we gave things another go?” he asked nervously. I felt my heart start to pound, and I fought back tears.
“Of course not,” I lied, “Have you guys sorted things out now then?” I turned away, using the excuse of washing up to avoid looking at him.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, “We’re taking it slow, obviously it’s going to be hard for her with me having the baby.” I tensed up. If that bitch wanted to date him, she’d have to learn to live with the fact that he had a baby. Why was I getting so angry about this?
“Are you sure it’s okay with you though?” he checked.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“Just because of what happened at the lake. I promise you she’s not really like that; she’s a great girl.”
“I’m sure she is,” I smiled, although I was pretty sure she wasn’t.
“Thank you,” Layton sighed, stepping forward and wrapping me in a warm hug. I loved his hugs.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked suddenly, releasing me from the hug.
“What? Nothing,” I cried defensively.
“Jenz, you’re crying,” he told me, and I panicked. Shit.
“I’m fine,” I forced a laugh, wiping my eyes.
“You’re not, tell me what’s wrong,” he ordered, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged, although it wasn’t so much that I didn’t know…I just didn’t know how to put it into words without it sounding pathetic and needy.
“You do. Tell me,” he demanded and I sighed.
“Well it’s just that…if you’re with her, she obviously won’t want you spending so much time with me…” I trailed off momentarily, thinking of what to say next, “You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you.”
“Of course you’re not going to lose me,” he sighed, pulling me into another hug. He was lying. Despite sounding so confident, there was no way he could hide that look of uncertainty in his eyes.

That night my sleep was haunted by nightmares – nightmares of George. It wasn’t exactly a rare occurrence; I had them quite a lot. Somehow this was different. It was more disturbing and more vivid. I woke up in cold sweats, crying and screaming. There was nothing I hated more than nights like this. I hated it because I couldn’t get back to sleep once I’d woken from the nightmare. That was, unless Layton was with me. I don’t know why, but somehow he had the ability to comfort me like no one else could. I felt my heart sink, because I knew he wouldn’t be able to comfort me like that now that him and Maci were together again. I wasn’t even sure why I felt so jealous. I guess the pregnancy really was messing with my head. To be honest, I was trying to be happy for Layton. Part of me was genuinely pleased he was with someone that made him happy…but I just wished it was someone other than Maci.

After lying awake in bed for over an hour, I gave up, quietly going downstairs. I turned on the downstairs light and dropped down on the sofa, still crying from the nightmare. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying over it. I knew the nightmares weren’t real. But they felt real. Sighing, I got up off the sofa and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Nothing seemed to calm me down, and I became increasingly agitated. I just wanted Layton. Julie always told me to wake up her or Ellis if I got upset, but I felt bad because I’d already put them through enough. Instead I went back upstairs to my room on the top floor, grabbing a towel before going into the bathroom to take a shower. I scrubbed at my skin, trying to get rid of the memories of George on me. It didn’t matter though that I scrubbed until my skin was red and stinging; the memories were still alive in my head. I pressed my hands over my ears, squeezing my eyes shut and banging my head against the wall along the back of the shower. The psychiatrist told me not to do that; she said that’s the kind of thing that would get me put in a mental hospital…but right now, I was starting to think maybe that was where I belonged. I knew I’d never be free from George. I felt sick of it; sick of this life. I began to wonder if things would ever get better.