Even the Sun Sets in Paradise

I felt tears spill over my eyes and suddenly it seemed like the ground beneath my feet had disappeared so I wrapped my arms around Rowan’s neck and held onto him for what seemed like forever.
“Did Ellis tell you?” I asked him, once I could finally get the words out.
“No. I kind of figured it out. I saw the stories in the papers and couldn’t stop thinking how horrible it was. When you arrived here shortly after, I had my suspicions but I obviously didn’t know for sure because the stories were anonymous. But then I noticed how much you hate drugs and alcohol, and how you never talk about your parents, and how no one really mentions anything about your past, and how you always wear those bracelets on your wrists,” he explained. I didn’t reply for a moment. I felt overwhelmed with emotion and a hurricane of thoughts, so it took a while for me to take in Rowan’s words and make sense of what he was saying.
“You won’t tell anyone will you?” I whispered, because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Of course not. Who knows?”
“Julie, Dave, Ellis, Mel and Layton,” I told him.
“Okay,” he sighed, placing his hand softly on the small of my back. I could tell he wasn’t quite sure what to say. Most people were lost for words when they found out. It usually made me feel uncomfortable because I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me, I didn’t want them knowing I was weak. I didn’t feel as uncomfortable with Rowan thought, because I was sure he wasn’t like that. He was genuine and kind and level-headed and one of the few people I actually trusted.

The next few days passed in a blur. Everything was suddenly a hundred times more difficult. I couldn’t understand a thing in school. No matter how hard I tried, my mind was constantly drifting. I found myself become withdrawn and introverted, and socialising became even more exhausting than it usually was. I could barely sleep, although I wasn’t sure whether that was stress or because of the baby. Everyone kept asking me what was wrong but it was impossible to find the words to explain how I was feeling. I myself wasn’t even sure how I was feeling. I avoided Layton like the plague but on Thursday, the band stayed round ours, getting ready to head off to their first big show in London the next day. I stayed in my room trying desperately to catch up on schoolwork I had not finished, but my mind simply couldn’t focus. It was like I had some sort of mental block. I was shocked when Layton poked his head round the door, looking surprisingly confident and happy.
“How are you?” he asked casually, as if nothing had happened between us.
“I’m okay thank you, you?”
“Just okay?” he persisted. A blunt laugh escaped my lips.
“Yeah…school’s a bit stressful at the moment, and this little one is keeping me up at night,” I smirked, pointing at my stomach.
“Bless her, how is she by the way?”
“Apart from a pain in the ass?” We both laughed awkwardly, but there was clearly a huge amount of tension between us.
“So anyway, about the other day…” he started, sitting down next to me. I took a deep breath. I had been wondering how long until he brought this up.
“Maybe it’s for the best, you know,” Layton said quietly. I felt my eyes brimming with tears, but I turned away, quickly blinking them back before he saw.
“You think so?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he admitted, “You’re young Jenna. You don’t want to be stuck with me. You can do a hundred times better. We both have so much going on at the moment: the band’s really taking off, you’re busy with school and work, we both have the baby to think about. You’ve got your issues and I’ve got mine. I don’t…I don’t think it’s fair that I burden you with my problems when you’re already having a hard enough time dealing with your own.” As I took in his words, my terrible day somehow became a hell of a lot worse. I didn’t respond for a second because I wasn’t sure what to say. Part of me did think that maybe it was for the best that Layton and I broke up, but another part of me needed him in my life. I had felt whole since I had been with him, and even though it hadn’t been long, it had been long enough for me to fall in love with that feeling that I had never once had before in my life; to love and to be loved.
“We can still be friends,” he added, as if that would magically make everything be okay again, “I’ll come and see you whenever you want and I’ll pay towards the baby and I’ll come to all the appointments and shit.”
“Yeah,” I forced a smile, “Of course, I…uh…I think you’re right.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I think this is for the best.” I was lying through my teeth but I didn’t know what else to do. I just wanted Layton to leave so I could finally fall apart. It took all my strength not to break down crying right there and then.
“So we’re friends right? Just like before?” Layton checked.
“Yeah,” I nodded, plastering a smile to my face.
“Okay, I love you,” he told me, pressing his lips to my forehead and disappearing downstairs before I even had the chance to tell him I love him too.