That's Hockey, Baby

"Ella, I'm out front. Are you ready?"

I put in my earrings and made my way out the door.

"All ready." I said as I climbed into the car.

"You look gorgeous." she said, air kissing my cheeks, "You went over your script right?"

I nodded, feeling sick to my stomach.

"Look happy! Ella you look stunning and you're getting back your freedom today! Cheer up doll face!"

I sighed deeply and nodded, we got to the Hilton 10 minutes later.

"It's over?" Patrick asked, raising his eyebrow.

I gulped and nodded, "It's…over." Focus Ella, I reminded myself as I glanced up to see everyone who was walking into the banquet was know stalling to eavesdrop on us. This is what we wanted.

"We're through." I said, trying to sound confident, but it came out as a sort of whisper.

Patricks blue eyes searched my face as I waited for him to say the next line in the script.

"Is this what you want?" He said, running his hands through his hair.

He gave me a look, that was mixed with sadness and a little bit of desperation. I racked my brain to think of his next line, and what he said definitely wasn't in the script.

"Yes" I said, taking a deep breath "Its what I want. We can see other people now…and we can love other people…and we don't have to…we don't have to pretend anymore" I followed the script.

Patrick backed away from me, a look of disgust on his face. "Is that what you think it was? Is that what you've been doing all this time? Because no matter what scripts we got..what we were told to do…I was never pretending Ella!"

I blinked back my tears as I watched him storm off. I never thought my first break up would feel this way. I fixed my hair and smoothed my dress before walking into the banquet with my head held high.

"Hi dad." I said as I got to my assigned seat to find my father already sitting.

"Hi baby, you do what we told you?"

I nodded, 'Its all done."

"Thats my girl. Hey, do you think you can drive me home quick? My head hurts and I've been here for a while already?"

I studied my dads face, "Yeah, lets go."

We stood up and made our way to my car.

"Are you okay?" I looked over to my dad to see his eyes closed and beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. He just nodded.

My dad wasn't paying attention as I took a left turn to the hospital instead of going home.

"Hi, can I help you?" The nurse at the front desk smiled at me.

"Yes, my dad, I don't know whats going on. He's just..please help him." I said nervously as I pointed to where my dad was sitting on the waiting cheer. The nurse nodded and soon a team of them took him on a stretcher , I was told that I could visit him in 30 minutes to an hour, once they figure out what was going on.

It seemed like hours had past until a doctor came to the waiting room and called for me.

"I'm Ella." I said as I followed the doctor down the hallway.

"You may want to take a seat Ms. Watson."

I took a deep breath and took a seat across from the doctor, preparing myself for his next words.

"He's still alive." He said, taking a notice to my uneasiness, I instantly felt my shoulders relax, "He's only holding on for you, you know."

I could feel my heart breaking as I nodded, not knowing what to say, so the doctor continued.

"You can go see him, if you like. We don't think he's going to make it through the night, the cancer got him bad."

I wiped away a tear from my right eye as I walked into his room.

It was killing me to see the strongest man I ever knew, wasting away to nothing in the hospital bed. I stood in the doorway for a couple minutes, not knowing what to do.

"You just gonna stand there." My dads voice was raspy and weak but I let a smile slip from my lips as I crawled into his bed. He pulled me closer as I let my head rest on his shoulder. I don't know when I had started crying, but I didn't bother wiping away the tears away.

"You're no sissy, why are you crying."

I smiled at my dad, taking in his voice, because I didn't know how long I was going to get to hear it. I wiped away my tears, but it was no use, they were still falling.

"For all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses."

I smiled weakly.

"You're a spitting image of your mother and no matter what, I'll always be you're biggest fan…no matter where I am. You're strong and smart and beautiful and tough and I don't want to see you crying like this." He said, wiping a tear from my cheek.

"You can let go now daddy." I whispered as he weakly squeezed my hand, I could tell he was getting weaker as each second ticked on. "I love you so much, you don't have to worry about me."

"Don't waste no tears on me. Drive my Camaro 90 miles an hour, And find someone good enough who would love you almost as much as I do. I love you Ella."

___

I'm not sure who took it upon themselves to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm glad I didn't have too. When I left my dads room, the whole team was waiting in the waiting room. Along with some of my cousins and aunts and uncles who I was never really close to. I gave a smile to everyone before quickly storming out. I could talk at the funeral, right now all I wanted to do was get home.

They do say bad things come in threes, I sighed as I kicked my cars flat tire and called a cab. I couldn't help but think 'Why me?'. I wish I had my mom here with me today, or had siblings. I realized how alone I truly was as I hopped into my cab.

Part of me expected Patrick to show up my door, but he never did.

___

"I couldn’t make up my mind whether to stand up to talk about my Dad or be still and let everyone remember him in their own way as Dad, brother, coach, friend or neighbor. But then I thought of what he would say to me if he were here right now, 'I didn't raise a sissy, save the tears for your pillow and go talk'. I’m pretty sure my Dad is grinning at me right now, cheering quietly, giving that convincing-look that I can do this.

Thank you all for being here today. To see so many people who loved Dad and want to be here to say goodbye to him is just incredible. My father was a great man who did not accept his own greatness. Even as he was fighting against cancer with more strength and courage and honesty than I can imagine, he complained about his procrastination. My father… who was expending such energy and will and strength to fight for more time… still talked about the things he didn’t do. He never quite accepted his own greatness, all he had done, all the lives he profoundly changed. I wish he could have been here today if only to see the incredible good he did in the world.

I haven’t quite come to terms with the fact that I will never have another conversation with my father again. I am sure I share that with many of you. My dad was my everything and I loved him more than words can describe. It killed me to see the strongest man I had ever known, waste away to nothing these past few months. He was always very stubborn, and wanted to be taken off his meds so he can have more energy to play and coach hockey. He always said, "If cancers going to take me, I'm gonna put up a fight." and that he did.

I love you, Daddy, and I’ll miss you more than I can say.

Thankyou."

I wiped away a tear as I stepped down from the microphone and let my cousin take the stand.