Fear.

Raymond Carver’s poem ‘Fear’ depicts the assumed fears people may encounter throughout their lives. Some are common fears and others are more specific and could have been triggered by life events either personally for the author or in a general understanding. The last four lines;
‘Fear of death.
Fear of living too long.
Fear of death.
I've said that.’
Show how deep rooted fear is and raises the question, ‘has the poet any conscious control over their fears?’ Raymond Carver wrote in plain meaning, he was not the type of writer to place deep implications within his material and he didn’t use much, if any, symbolism. Once I read this poem I instantly began creating a story line as my mind was finding links within the text, connecting various lines and realising a character and an altered meaning. Rather than the lines being separate statements I connected them to formulate a life story. I managed to divide them into three distinct sections; before crime, before imprisonment; after imprisonment. The story had evolved into the character killing his friend and it being a general overview of what happened prior to the deed and after it.

I had begun writing it as diary entries but it ended up as continuous prose with a skewered narrative and unclear focus. Half-way through my piece I noticed the voice of the character sounded distant and unstable. The sentences were short and in-depth, as I continued the narrative changed to be more stable and I realised it seemed to be almost two people which then created this schizophrenic character. I saw this could be a strength so I included that idea within the whole piece. I felt that writing in this form would better create the split mindset and convey the contrast and disjointedness between the two minds and the blend between memories and reality.

I used language to create depth of character and clearly differentiate between the stable and unstable mind. The unstable mind, who begins and ultimately ends the piece, uses complex lexis and speaks very generally by using ‘we’ and ‘you’ almost referring to the reader. These parts are insightful, and to some extent, negative, ‘Tormented by such devastating realities; sickened truths that hide behind the doors fabricated within the realms of our subconscious minds.’ The use of metaphor here conveys the way this side of the character views fear and life. It is saying that our mind tricks us and hides away what we don’t want to face, but as much as we don’t deal with these issues they’re still there, waiting to corrupt us from the inside while life’s troubles corrupt us from the outside. The stable mind begins as it hints there are two sides to the character, ‘Driven by substance to possess mental stability, a subtle calm rises as you disappear.’ This line suggests that drugs are a key factor that enables the character to maintain a sane and coherent disposition. It states that with the use of said drugs the unstable mind is not controlled but suppressed, allowing the stable mind a little time to explain what led them to their current situation.

In the last paragraph the unstable mind takes over for a final time, ‘As reality blurs and memories ignite, I’ll take the final breath and end your life.’ This symbolises that our inner fears grow into something uncontrollable and destructive, it shows that there is a fine line between reality and fantasy that can often be indistinguishable. The contrast between the two mindsets is distinguished between the coherency and ease of reading. The use of italics show when the unstable mind is being referred to so the reader can make a clear distinction and identify who the ‘you’ is.

To make my piece sucessful having a well planned structure was necessary. To achieve this I used signposts to give the reader clues as to what was happening and which mind was dominant, ‘You have only minutes before the next meds come, I know it’ll be quick.’ This line suggests that the drugs used to control the illness is wearing off and the unstable mind is taking over bringing forth it’s way of thinking and scattered mental state. It also shows that the stable mind knows what the other plans to do and knows that it is ineludible, this gives insight into the way we are captives of our own fears and how we can never escape from them because they are what will inevitably destroy us. I felt by begining and ending with the unstable mind it could create the idea that we always have fears and it’s a never ending circle, we begin and end our lives with fears we can’t control.

In the piece, the characters’ fears are what leads him to do everything he does, the stable mind becomes ruled by the other to the point where he can’t determine the length of his own life. It is hard to ascertain how much time passes in the world of the character as they switch back and forth between memory and reality, this was the desired affect as the character has no sense of place and time so the reader also feels lost amongst the blurred events of this mans life. By subtle cues, the reader can assume which mindstate is dominant, and although we hear from the stable mind more than the other we get a sense that he is not the mind that is in permanent control as everything he talks about is in some way related to the intrusive mindset. I played around with the structure and added signposts to maintain suggestion rather than outright stating things and giving away the whole story line as I wanted to represent the disjointed thoughts of an insane mind and replicate the way the character is thinking, almost as if it’s a monologue to himself as he is the only company he has left.

I believe I have been sucessful in achieving my aims because I didn’t want the piece to be an easy read, I wanted the reader to work for an understanding and portray insight into the mind of the character. I feel that had this been laid out any different it wouldn’t have correctly shown the characters' frail and confused mental state, it is not easy to understand mental patients so it shouldn’t be too easy to understand the entirety of my work. I incorporated all of the lines from Carver’s poem and weaved them into the characters’ life story, some are more obvious and others are integrated as ideas or themes. Such as awareness, the repetition of the word ‘fear’ is included in my piece as well as Carver’s as this is the driving force behind both works, it is what holds the piece together and similarly what holds the character and catches the reader. I feel that I represented and exposed everything I set out to and used the source text well by creating an well planned and creative piece.