Good Enough

“This is the girl you found for the shoot?” A skinny woman wearing clothes that were way too tight and heels that seemed like toothpicks strolled up as Mia lead me into the studio. I couldn’t tell if she was asking a stupid obvious question or being condescending.

“Dani, this is my best friend, Jacquelyn. She modeled in Vegas for four years.” Mia handed my portfolio to Dani, who rifled through the pages taking in the various pictures I’d taken over the years.

“This isn’t Vegas, but she’ll do.” Yep, definitely condescending.

Ridiculous. I was doing her and my friend a favor and she was being rude. I really wanted to tell her exactly where she should shove her ridiculously tall heels when Mia caught my eye and begged me not to. This was her boss after all.

Giving Mia a mock bow, I followed Dani to make-up and hair where a group of people started going crazy. Unlike the shoots in Vegas where they wanted me to look like a Vegas girl, they didn’t want me to look like that. I wasn’t the party girl going out on the town today.

My hair was manhandled into a 20’s style curl and sleeked against my head. My eyes were dark, a thick smoky shadow and a strong eyeliner giving my green eyes mystery. The sleek deep pink on my lips added some flare. I definitely wasn’t used to this. Not like I hadn’t been in artistic or fashion shoots before, but typically I was chosen for the less stick-thin roles.

Once I was approved, I was swept over to wardrobe where I was pushed into a long flowing red dress. The fabric hugged my upper body to my waist. A long slit ran up the left side of the dress, exposing my leg. I felt like a movie star.

Barefoot and beautiful, I was ushered over to Mia who seemed to be yelling at an intern who’d done something stupid. The girl slinked away, seeming to have lost a few inches with her hurt pride and Mia turned to me before beaming.

“You are such a lifesaver!” She gave me a quick hug before bringing me to the set, it was a long couch surrounded by gorgeous flowers. Mia told me the idea behind the shoot was a seriously twisted love story. Since she went from three girls to one, she was winging it. I was supposed to be flirting with my new love here on this couch while my old love looked on in jealousy.

When my male counterparts arrived, I knew this would be an easy story to tell. They were attractive men. Isaac was built and gorgeous and his smile when he introduced himself could take anyone’s breath away. And Ryan had the most attractive blue eyes I’d ever seen. Plus they were both shirtless.

I laid on the couch and sent Ryan my best flirty smile before Mia started snapping photos. I made the subtle changes and tried to give them what I thought they wanted. I reached for Ryan like I didn’t want to be away from him, even only a few feet. Mia pretty much gave me free reign, as long as the photos showed what needed to be shown. When he kneeled on the couch and leaned into me, we were told to keep that while she snapped away. I knew Isaac was somewhere behind us, and I could only assume he was watching in mock envy.

We were released to the new set, but I could feel the energy swirling around us, even as we laughed on the way to a new location. These guys were attractive and not complete idiots. I’d been pulled out of the red dress and a cream dress replaced it. This one similarly hugged my upper body, but the skirt was shorter in the front, cut in a v at the knee and flowing out into a long train. My hair was also quickly pinned into a side bun.

The second shot was us in the woods it seemed. I was running away from both of them, to another man, Lance—a tall muscular blonde. It started as frolicking and ended up as a twisted double break-up.

I posed with and around the trees, a gentle fan giving the illusion of running. Isaac and Ryan were behind me, reaching for the woman they loved while I faded away to the arms of Lance. Honestly, this story was better than any I’d portrayed before.

Finally I was taken from the beautiful dresses and put in a strange black dress that seemed like one long strip of fabric wound around my body, patches of exposed skin on my back and stomach. The stylist came over and tousled my hair, making it seem more like I really had run through the forest, adding to the idea that I was wearing a rag made to look classy.

The last set was a simple background of sponged shades of green. We stood in front of it and were told that I was to stand looking strong and almost bored while they obsessed over me. I nearly died when Mia said it, but took a breath and did my best to do as she asked.

When the shoot was done, I joked with the guys as we moved back to wardrobe. When I was finally back in my own clothes, I went to look for Mia and ran into Isaac.

“Hey, long time no see.” He joked as he started walking with me.

“Yeah, the last twenty minutes seemed to never end.” He smiled that gorgeous smile if his and I couldn’t help but return it.

“So, Jacqui, I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime.” I froze in place.

“I’m sorry. I have a boyfriend. If I gave you the wrong idea, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I should have known you’d be taken.” He shook his head. “Well, if things don’t work out, here’s my number. And even if they do, give me a call for a drink sometime.”

He handed me a small slip of paper and strolled away, winking like he wasn’t secretly hoping my relationship wouldn’t work out.

“Hey girl, what are you staring at?” Mia appeared beside me, trying to find what my attention was stuck on.

“Isaac just asked me out.”

“You’re hot, I’m not surprised.” She shrugged like it was no big deal and started digging around in her purse.

“Mia, I’m with Bryden.”

“JD, you just spent the better part of three and a half hours flirting with him and two other guys.”

“For a photo shoot.” They couldn’t really think I was flirting with them.

“Sweetie, I’m just kidding. You get asked out all the time. What’s got your panties in a twist?” She stopped rummaging and looked up at me.

“What if Bryden’s right?” I could feel the tears coming.

“Let’s go get some food and we’ll talk.” She linked arms with me and we headed out to eat.

It was just after four by the time we rolled into the parking lot at a Chili’s between the studio and our house. When the cute teenage hostess sat us in our booth, I tried to busy myself looking at the menu. I would tell Mia wanted me to spill my guts, but luckily the waitress showed up. After ordering margaritas and some chips and salsa, Mia pounced.

“Spill it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Mia.”

“Look, I know this whole, dealing-with-your-shit thing is hard, but holding it in is only going to make it worse. Now talk.”

“Mia, I don’t even know where to start.”

The waitress appeared with our drinks and chips, set them down on the table and took our order. I sipped my drink and avoided eye contact with Mia, but she wasn’t having it.

“Start with last night.”

I proceeded to explain the night we’d had. I told her about how it started out so great and ended up so terrible. I told her about the encounter with Seth. I told her about the goodnights on the porch. And when I was done, she nodded. That was it.

“Seriously? Your response to that is a nod?”

“Hey, this is a new situation for me too. I’ve got advice files for one-night stands, drunked admissions, every kind of college fuck-up, but this is a new area for you and me.”

“Thanks for the reminder of how fucked up I am.” I sat, dipping a chip in and out of the salsa, lost in my thoughts. I forgot that Mia had nothing to say to me.

The waitress once again brought a great distraction when she set our food in front of us. Hunger took over and we ate in semi-awkward silence. Halfway through my chicken sandwich, I couldn’t eat anymore. My thoughts were making me sick.

“He’s right, you know.” I stared at the sandwich still in my hands, the whisper barely audible.

“About what?”

“I’m a party girl. I like attention. I like having the guys in a room staring at me. I like being the girl everyone’s looking at. I like making girls jealous and guys horny.” I shook my head, mixed feelings of pride and irritation flowing through me. “No wonder Bryden’s jealous.”

“Jacqui—”

“No, he’s right. I’m that girl. I’ve been that girl for five years. I’ll always be that girl.”

I put the sandwich on the plate and grabbed my purse, throwing a twenty to Mia, telling her I needed some air. I walked out of the restaurant and started down the street. I didn’t want to admit it. I thought I could fight my past. I thought I could leave it behind, but I couldn’t. I can’t.