Not With Haste

It was at a half past noon when Verena arrived at the office. They had told her not to come in. That her presence wasn’t necessary, but regardless of having been assured time and time again that she could take the day off, she’d insisted on showing up for work. She needed the distraction. It was that simple. She just needed to get away from her friends and relatives, because despite being satisfied about the divorce and its terms, she wasn’t necessary happy. She certainly wasn’t happy enough to go out to lunch and pretend that everything was better. That was what her loved ones had insisted on doing. They would all go out to lunch at her favorite restaurant, have a few drinks, and celebrate the end of the six month ordeal. But she hadn’t been up for that. She knew it was rude of her to turn that down when so many of them had asked for the morning off from work and had driven down to support her throughout the trial, but she just honestly couldn’t sit amongst them and act like everything was better.

It was strange, really. She’d spent months assuming that the moment her divorce was finally granted, a weight would be lifted from her shoulders and she’d be happy again, like in the old days. That was what she dreamt of. The finalization of her divorce was the key to her happiness. At least, that’s what she had viewed it as for six long months, but her divorce had been granted, all the terms to it settled, and she wasn’t any closer to closure than she had been on the day of her disastrous wedding. She still felt alone. She still felt heartbroken and betrayed. There was still a forlornness that consumed her very being. She was good at keeping that a secret though. She didn’t want people to talk shit about her because she hadn’t gotten over her failed marriage. No. That was something she couldn’t handle. She wanted to be viewed as strong and capable, and that was how she presented herself to her family and friends at the end of the divorced. She’d smiled brightly, thanked them for coming, and then declared that she had to go work.

They thought she was insane. Because how the hell could anyone go to work after such an exhausting morning? Even they were contemplating calling off for the rest of the day, but she was determined to get to work, because if she immersed herself in the cases and contracts, then she wouldn’t have time to honestly feel her dissatisfaction with life. If she immersed herself in her work, then all she’d be able to think about were the government contracts that the company was trying to get with the United States and other countries, as well as the politicians that had to be bought, and the lawsuits against the company that had to be swiftly dealt with. If she immersed herself in her work, there would be no time to think about how much of a fucking mess her life had turned out as.

And that was exactly what she did.

After all, it wasn’t like she had children to look after or a lover to go home to. She was a thirty year old single woman, whom was at her own disposable. She didn’t have to ask permission to get home late or apologize for not being around, though, if she was to be completely honest she did occasionally apologize to her parents for not being around as often as they would’ve liked, but they understood, in their own way, at least. They thought she was putting in longer hours in order to save up money to place a considerable down payment on a house of her own. That was what they thought she was aiming at. They didn’t know that she was only working as much as she was to keep herself from thinking of Oscar. Sure, they knew she thought of him from time to time. It was only natural, but they didn’t think she was too gutted about it. She’d be fine in a little while, they’d tell themselves. Time would do her well, and she was working to be able to lead her own life.

It was fine that they thought that way. She was pleased that they did, but the only reason she went to the office early and left late was because she’d get home so exhausted that sometimes she’d be lucky enough to pass out without crying herself to sleep, the only reason she accepted every offer to fly out to Washington D.C. or NYC was because she felt better when she wasn’t in Los Angeles. The distance was good to her, even if it was only for a little while.

And a month after the divorce had been granted, Verena was getting off a flight at the Los Angeles International Airport. She’d spent the last three days in Washington D.C., trying to convince Senators and Representatives to vote against a bill that would force Baxter and Ayres Petroleum, as well as other oil companies, to pay a higher tax rate and it would also end current subsidies that prominent oil companies were receiving from the government, as well as close loopholes that allowed companies to keep more of their earnings. It had been a stressful last few days, but she had successfully bribed enough Senators and Representatives to vote against the bills. She went after the Conservative Democrats and the Republicans in leadership positions, and she did right by her company, even if that meant doing wrong by the planet.

It was a reprehensible thing to do, but it was well paid. She had a six digit income, something that most of her graduating class couldn’t boast. She was able to buy things without having to look at the price, able to continue giving money to Leticia’s parents so that they could make sure her godchildren were well looked after. She did some good things with the money. She would take out her godchildren to lunch and mass and then take them to the mall to buy them a few things. She was able to send money to Mexico to the relatives that didn’t have much and had refused to immigrate to America. She did some good, but the truth was that she did a lot of bad to get the money. And she comforted herself by saying that if something was truly to odious, the American people would rise up and demand that it be stopped. That, of course, was probably never going to happen since most Americans were more emotionally invested in their television shows than their government, but it helped to ease some of the guilt from her conscious. It was their fault that she and Baxter and Ayers Petroleum were getting away with as much as they were. And more importantly, she was only putting her talents to use. The true crime would’ve been to perform poorly as a lawyer when she was so obviously talented at getting the company’s way.

That was why she walked off the plane with her head held high. She’d only just landed, but in an hour, she had a meeting with Benjamin Caplan, the man in charge of every single lawyer employed by Baxter and Ayres. He was a man that spent time posted all throughout the world, he had offices in London, New York, Los Angeles, Texas, and one in the Middle East – and he had personally asked for Verena to see him as soon as she landed. Had she been prone to messing up at work, she would’ve been nervous, but for the last month, there had been no fault with her work. Her personal life might’ve been a mess (complete with a shouting match with Oscar about a week earlier), but she was a better lawyer than ever, and she knew that the odds were in her favor.

So she carried herself with pride when she stepped into the office accompanied by the financier that had gone with her and Thomas Wu to Washington. They had all changed on the flight over from the east coast, since they had a meeting with the Manager of the West Coast operations later in the afternoon. She felt bad for Thomas and Melissa, they had families to look after, They had children whose lives they were missing out on, but at least they were providing them with great schools, excellent tutors, and with stay at home parents that could be there when they were at work. It was a trade off that they believed worth it, and as such they traveled whenever they were ordered. And when they arrived at the building, they went to their respective areas, and Verena went straight up to Benjamin Caplan’s office.

She was made to wait ten minutes before she was allowed in, not because he was taking a call nor had anyone in there, but because he wanted to make her wait. He always made them wait. That was a power play. He wanted to remind them that no matter how good they were, they weren’t at his level. Was that arrogant of him? Yes. It sure as hell was, but he was the best, and certain allowances must be made when one is the best.

Finally after ten minutes, she was let in by his secretary, and for the second time in her career, she entered his office. He stood in front of his desk in a fashionable dark blue pin strip suit. He was a handsome man in his early 60’s, who was on the cusp of retirement, and yet still had that same passion for his work that he’d had when he first started in the early days of the company.

“Faustino,” he addressed her. He never called her by her given name. It didn’t sit well with him that one of his most accomplished attorneys was a woman, but even he wasn’t stupid enough to keep her in the shadows. She did well by the company, and had to be tolerated. So for form’s sake, he addressed her by her last name, finding that it gave a more masculine feel. “I heard things went well in Washington.”

“They did, Sir.” Everyone at the office knew to refer to Benjamin Caplan as Sir. “We were able to get enough Senators and Representatives to go against the bill, and it didn’t even cost as much as we’d imagined. Of course, one of the Senators refused to be bought out, so we –”

“Is he going to go to the press?” Once, in the early days of his career, Benjamin had attempted to bribe an elected official, only to have that official report that to the press. What had ensued was a drawn out legal drama, one that Benjamin was lucky to have gotten out of with his reputation intact.

“Of course not,” she was offended by the question. “Whenever I meet with anyone whom we intend to bribe, I make them sign a gag order. That way if anything goes wrong, they can’t run their mouths to the press.”

He nodded in approval. “Which Senator was it?”

“Barrows,” she replied. “But it’s not like he matters. He doesn’t have any real power in the Senate. Not to mention, he comes from a forgettable state that no one really cares about. The only reason we approached him was just to get the vote.”

“And you’re sure that we’ll have enough without him?”

“Of course,” she replied. “We have everyone in the GOP leadership behind it. They’ll rally their ranks and it’ll go the way we want. There were also a few Democrats that vowed to try to sway their fellow party members.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” He wasn’t smiling or doing anything that would’ve made one believe that he was pleased. He was far too serious a man for that. “Now since we’ve got that settled, take a seat. We have business to discuss.” He went behind his desk. Verena took the seat across from him. “Tell me, Faustino, do you know why I called you in today?”

“I believe it has something to do with Washington.” Verena replied. “Though it could very well be relating to the business discussed during my trip to New York last week. Perhaps there was something or another that I was vague about in my report.”

“It has nothing to do with either.”

“Then what is this about? Have I done something wrong?” she inquired, hesitantly.

“Do you think you have?”

“No.”

“Then why ask such a stupid question?” He turned his gaze away from her, focusing it instead on his briefcase. “We’re here to discuss a more urgent matter.” A file was taken from the leather briefcase. “Go ahead, read it,” he said as he pushed it towards her.

Inside, there lay a detailed report regarding a current legal battle coming from a small city in Texas, where residents (mostly infants and children) were falling ill at an alarming rate. Babies were being born with birth defects that had never plagued the area, children were developing illnesses that had never been seen before, and it was all due to the oil refinery that had been established seven years earlier.

“What does this have to do with me?” she asked, setting it down. “This case is being worked by Zhang and Meyers.”

“Not anymore,” he informed her. “They were incompetent bastards that failed to control the situation early on.”

“How so?” asked Verena.

“They didn’t move in for a direct settlement with the parents.” He explained. “Instead of doing that, the morons tried to prove that what the statements made in the lawsuit were false. The idiots were trying to buy off scientists to testify in our favor. Fucking morons . . .” he muttered to himself, finding it hard to believe that attorneys that had been with the company for so long had made such a rookie mistake. “They should’ve gone in there and bought the parents off. That’s was the quickest way to resolve the issue. We would’ve paid the medical expenses for those little bastards, and in turn for that, those parents would’ve signed a document stating that our company wasn’t responsible for the illnesses incurred.”

“But our paying the fees would’ve been validation to the –”

“Only if word got out!” he snapped. “It would’ve been done quietly! Just like when you paid off the staff at the nursing home to keep the patients quiet about what was going on. It would’ve been discreet and under the news circuit radar. You do remember, don’t you?”

“I’d rather not.”

“You’ll have to, because you’ll be using the same techniques on this case. I’m having the team we used for the nursery home assembled to take this on. You’ll be flying out to Austin where you’ll rendezvous with –”

“No,” she instantly blurted out.

“No?” He was trying to stare her down, to force her to cower and take back her refusal.

“No,” she repeated, refusing to back down. “After that case was settled, I petitioned to never have to handle anything similar or relating to it ever again. And my petition was granted by the Manager of the West Coast Operations. He explicitly stated that I would be furthermore exempt from dealing with those sorts of cases.” Verena didn’t give a damn if she was coming off as rude. She had to assert herself. “Mr. Rudkin promised me that I would specialize in contracts and anything relating to the political aspects of our work. So excuse me, Sir, but I don’t understand why it is that you are insisting on placing me in charge of a case which I have been explicitly exempt from. Or were you not informed of that?” It was a low blow. She knew she was going to pay for implying that he was ignorant of something. “Because if you like, I can call the manager so he can relay the information.”

“Go ahead,” he replied, coolly, though under the surface he was beginning to lose his patience. “I’ll even call him.”

“You’re bluffing.”

“There’s no reason to bluff.” Benjamin stated. “Not when Jeffrey approved my decision.”

“He didn’t.” She proclaimed, defiantly. “He promised that I would never –”

“Have to take on another case that was so directly in conflict with your values,” Benjamin finished her sentence. “Unless, of course, it was absolutely vital to the corporations well being that you do so.” He paused. “That’s what he told you. Wasn’t it? In fact, I have a copy of the document you both signed.” He pulled it out and placed it in front of her. “You insisted on getting that promise in writing, and there it is, stating exactly what I just said.”

“I’m not doing it.”

Verena couldn’t handle another case like that. It had taken close to a year for her to stop feeling so guilty about what she did to the senior citizens. She couldn’t go through that again. Not when she was trying to move on from a divorce.

“It is absolutely vital to the corporation’s well being that you personally see to this case.” Benjamin ignored her refusal. He was going to have his way. “So after you finish your meeting with Jeffrey, you’re going to go home to pack your bags and then get your ass to Austin on the first flight out.”

“I’m not doing it.” Verena repeated more forcefully.

“I’m not asking if you will.” He snapped. “I’m telling you.”

“Mr. Rudkin said that I –”

“That was before the company was facing potential hundreds of millions in losses.” Benjamin stood up and walked so that he was standing right beside her, towering over her frame. “If those parents take us to court, this company might be forced to shut down all its operations in the South. That’s how much money it’ll cost.”

“There are other capable lawyers,” she argued. “What about Felner or Blethlyn? They’ve dealt with these cases before, and they’ve been around longer. Surely, they’re more capable.”

“The cases they’ve handled in the past weren’t as tidily done as yours.” He took a seat on the desk, keeping a short distance between himself and Verena. “Jeffrey asked me to inform you that if you settle this case with the same discreetness that you did the nursing home, you will get a substantial bonus, twice what you got last time.”

For her role in the nursing home case, she received a forty-five thousand dollar bonus, as well as a promotion. And while forty-five thousand dollars surely appeared to be a great deal of money, it wasn’t. Not when one took into account just how much money Verena and the legal team had saved the company. They had been looking at losses in the hundreds of millions. Verena and the two other lawyers cut that down to fourteen million dollars that had been placed in offshore accounts and quietly accessed by the nursing home owners and employees. The sum that she had received had been nothing but loose change in the grand scheme of things. Sure, it had been a welcomed addition to her finances, but they were nothing to the corporation.

And now they were trying to bribe her with ninety thousand dollars. They were trying to convince her to take on a case that she honestly didn’t have the heart for. She wasn’t harsh enough to bribe parents into basically signing over their children’s lives, because that’s what it was. The parents were going to accept medical compensation that would last for a period of four years, and that would be the end of it. The refinery would continue to operate in their community, it would continue to pollute and strike the population down with illness. There would be no meaningful resolution. Their children would undoubtedly lead a life of health complications or die early on.

That was the best case scenario for the company.

That was what Benjamin and Jeffrey wanted.

That was what Verena had once done.

There had been a nursing home that had had the misfortune of a similar situation, though in their cases, several of the inhabitants had developed tumors and Hodgkin’s lymphoma. It was an exhausting case that was settled quietly with the owners of the nursing home, whom cared little for their inhabitants and more for money. After all, the inhabitants were old, they had one foot in the grave and it didn’t matter if they’d developed cancer or Hodgkin’s lymphoma, what mattered was that they didn’t all die at once. They died off sporadically, a death here, a death there, the families were none the wiser, and the owners had secured themselves a very nice retirement fund.

Verena had done right by the company, but she had fucked herself over. She’d tried to convince herself that she hadn’t done anything unforgivable, that the senior citizens would receive medical attention courtesy of the company, and that in the end, she had done them a favor, but no matter what she said, she couldn’t convince herself of her own lies. She’d convinced countless others of them. Those trusting people had fully placed their trust in her, and she’d led them to the slaughter.

After that, it was close to a year before the guilt subsided. She had to go to counseling three times a week, and she knew that her therapist was disgusted by her. She would’ve had to have been crazy not to be, but Verena moved on. She’d demanded to never be placed on a similar case ever again, and that had been granted to her. She had been promised to be assigned only to contracts and governmental affairs, but now she was being assigned to a case that was infinitely worse than that of the nursing home. At least the seniors had lived long lives. At least they’ve been able to experience the beauty of the world and form families of their own. But the children were never going to have a chance to do so.

And she didn’t have the heart to do that.

She was tired. She had immersed herself in her work to keep herself from feeling the full on desperation and heartache of her divorce. Her work was her escape, and she wasn’t about to make it even more complicated and distressing than her personal life.

“I don’t need the money,” she found herself saying after a prolonged silence. “Nor do I want it.”

“Regardless, you’re taking the case.”

“I refuse.”

“Goddamn it, Faustino!” he yelled, causing her to flinch. “You’re taking this fucking case. You are going to fly out to Austin and sort things out with the team that’s already waiting out there for you. Understood?”

She wanted to nod, just to get him to stop glaring at her like that. It honestly felt like he was going to raise his arm and smack her across the face, but her conscience, that damn thing that she’d been able to silence throughout so much of her legal career, refused to be done in. It had given in on a lot of issues. It had lobbied so that the company would be able to pollute more than the EPA allowed, it had found loop holes in existing laws to allow the company to drill where drilling had been explicitly banned, it had allowed politicians to be paid off, it had even allowed her to nail the coffin shut on a nursing home, but this was where it drew the line.

It had had enough.

For so many years, she had been making sacrifices and excuses. She’d never been fond of her job, but she’d been fond of the pay. She’d loved the money and the security that came from. She’d loved the fact that it allowed her to travel and enjoy herself in ways that so many of her contemporaries could not, but this was where that ended. She wasn’t going to take the case. And she knew that the moment she made that clear to Benjamin, she would be fired. It was clear that this case had been specially assigned to her. It was one of those nonnegotiable, you either did it or you were fired.

And while she was, in all honesty, terrified of losing her job, she knew that was the only option. Her mind raced trying to think up different scenarios. She wanted to keep working there, just so she’d have the stability, just so that she wouldn’t have to look for work while she was looking to move on from a twelve year relationship. She wanted to avoid starting completely over at all costs, but as she sat in front of Benjamin, she knew that she was going to have to start over. She had made it up to that point with the company and there would be no continuing.

So she took in a deep breath, she pushed her shoulders back and stood up, and said the three words that would ensure her immediate dismissal.

“Go fuck yourself.”