Not With Haste

Getting fired proved to be more difficult than Verena had anticipated. She’d thought that telling Benjamin to go fuck himself would do the trick. That he’d be so utterly infuriated by her lack of respect, that he would call security and have them throw her out. That was what she’d imagined happening. It was a very Benjamin thing to do. In fact, she’d seen something similar happen once before. There had been a lawyer, a competent man that had been with the company for well over a decade, who had grown so tired of Benjamin’s incessant nagging that he called Benjamin out on it. He referred to him as an entitled lazy bastard that was taking credit for the accomplishments of the other lawyers. Naturally, that didn’t sit well with Benjamin. He had the man thrown out of the office, ruined his name in the industry, and the man now worked on behalf of the government to try to take on the oil companies.

Verena was expecting to have that happen. Well, she wasn’t going to go work for the government. She had no patience for that, but she did expect to be thrown out by security. Her dismissal was going to be made into a spectacle, something that would be gossiped about for weeks to come, but oddly enough, that didn’t happen.

Instead, Benjamin narrowed his eyes and glared at her with such intensity that she found herself sitting back down on the chair. She’d planned on making a daring escape so that the security would have to grab her halfway down the hall, but his glare was powerful enough to force her to retake her seat. He glared at her for awhile longer, never uttering a word, and then, once he felt that he’d made his contempt unquestionable, he picked up the telephone and called Jeffrey.

Had Benjamin not been warned by Jeffrey about the possibility of Verena trying to get fired, he would’ve thrown her out the moment that she finished cursing at him, but as it was, he had been warned. And more than that, he had been ordered by Jeffrey to take no immediate actions against Verena. The only thing that Benjamin was to do was call Jeffrey, and that was precisely what he did. He called Jeffrey on his direct line, the one that only the elite of the company had access to, and in less than five minutes, Jeffrey was in the office, imploring Verena to cooperate.

“I wouldn’t be asking you to take on this case if I had any other choice.” Jeffrey spoke to her in a much softer tone that Benjamin had. He was on friendly terms with Verena, and that was apparent in his treatment of her. Had she been any other employee, he wouldn’t have bothered with trying to keep her at the company, but she was a friend, a hard worker, and his sister had been the Professor of Law that had implored him to give Verena an opportunity at the company. ”If there was anyone at all competent enough to take this on, I would’ve assigned it to them, but the truth is that you and the team that led the nursing home case are the best shot we’ve got right now.”

“That might be so, but I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“Even if that choice costs you your position with the company?” he inquired. “The economy still hasn’t fully recovered, Vera. How can you risk losing such a well paying job when there’s nothing even close to it out there? Believe me, I understand that there are cases worth taking a stand for, but this isn’t one of them. It’s nothing more than an insignificant footnote on your career.”

“If it’s so insignificant in regards to my career, then why don’t you assign it to someone else?” she retorted. “I’m sure one of the news guys would love to get their hands on it. They’re hungry for a decisive victory, give them the opportunity. I’m sure they’ll rise to the occasion.”

“It can’t be trusted with the less experienced lawyers.”

“Then it’s not as insignificant as you’re trying to make it out to be.”

“Alright,” said Jeffrey in a somewhat defeated tone. “You’re right. It’s not insignificant. It’s actually really fucking important, and the livelihoods of thousands of employees working in the Southern refineries, depends on the outcome of this case.”

“So do the lives of dozens of children.”

“What are a dozen lives when compared to thousands?”

“Those are dozens of lives that will haunt me, just like those of the seniors.” She wasn’t going to allow herself to be swayed. “And I don’t think you understand how heavy a burden that is. I don’t think you understand how many sleepless nights I’ve been through, because I’m the asshole that nailed those people’s coffins shut. And you know what? I get that I shouldn’t be complaining. That was my job. That was what I got paid a forty-five thousand dollar bonus for, and I put all that money into my student loans, so it definitely worked out for me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I fucked over a lot of people. I’ve ruined countless lives for this company, but I refuse to ruin anymore.”

“If you don’t take the case, you’ll be ruining thousands of lives.” Jeffrey wasn’t giving up. “How are those employees going to pay their mortgages? How are they going to send their kids to college? Hmm?” he pressed. “How are they going to carry on with their lives when you’ve taken their only source of income?”

“That’s not going to work.” She made a move to stand.

“Sit down!” ordered Jeffrey, finally losing his cool.

“Don’t put that on me!” cried Verena. “Those people can find other work! There are other rigs in the area that are constantly hiring, so don’t you dare try to paint me as some monster that is going to throw them out on the street or keep their kids from going to college. Those people are fucking adults that can make due.”

“Do you honestly think that the nearby rigs are going to be able to absorb all of our former employees? Are you honestly so naïve as to think that?”

“There are other industries in which their particular skill set can be of use.” She shot back.

“Stop being so stubborn!” bellowed Jeffrey. “You’re not leaving this room until you agree to take this case. For fuck’s sake, Vera! Don’t allow your morality to limit what you do with your life! It’s all subjective after all. And you know what? It might be horrible that those dozens of kids got sick. That fucking sucks, but we’re providing a necessary service. This country needs oil. It runs on oil! That’s why we tolerate atrocious regimes in the Middle East! As long as we get our oil, we can turn a blind eye to the shit that’s happening over there! And if we as a country can turn a blind eye to that fucked up situation, then we sure as hell can turn a blind eye to dozens of kids in Texas. So stop listening to your conscience. Shut that fucking thing up, because if you don’t, you’ll never reach you’re full potential.”

“And what is my full potential, according to you?”

“Benjamin’s job,” he replied without hesitation. “Not now, of course, there are still a few years left before he retires, but you’ve done well by the company. The Board and the CEO know your name. They’ve kept tabs on you ever since you saw the company through the nursing home fiasco. In ten years, you can have Benjamin’s position. All you have to do is take the case and leave the rest to me.”

The coveted position that Benjamin currently filled, included a half a million dollar salary, company homes provided in each business location, access to the company planes for when there are no commercial flights available . . . the list of perks that she could hope to one day have, went on and on. It would be a life of luxury. She could be in charge of all the attorneys, and do very little actual work. It was everything that any corporate lawyer could ever dream of, and for one stolen moment, it was something that Verena seriously contemplated. It was a temptation so great that she found herself unknowingly nodding in approval. She would take the case. She would have that massive salary. She nodded until she realized what she was doing, and then she began to furiously shake her head while mentally scolding herself.

“No!” she shouted as she stood up. “I won’t do it!”

“Don’t be a fucking moron.” Jeffrey advised her. “Take the time to think about it. We’ll give you a day. We’ll let you shadow Benjamin so you can see the luxurious life that you’ll lead. I bet you’ve never been in a million dollar home. I bet you’ve never driven a Bentley or a Buggati or a Lamborghini. One taste of that life and you’ll –”

“I’d rather earn an honest living,” she snapped. “I’d rather be proud of what I do. Do you know that I never actually tell people what I do for a living? I say I’m a lawyer, but not for big oil. You know why I do that? Because it’s fucking hypocritical to work for big oil and be driving around in PRIUS. I am one big hypocrite. I hold certain personal beliefs, and I actively work against them on a daily basis. But that ends now. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe that I’ve been fired for telling Benjamin to go fuck himself.”

“You haven’t been fired.” Jeffrey informed her.

“Then I –”

“Come on, Vera.” His features softened. “Forget the company, do this for me. Please? We’re friends, aren’t we? I like to think that I’ve always been a fair boss.” He didn’t wait for her response. “I was there for you after the divorce. Remember? I even offered to pay so that you could get the lawyer that handled my third divorce.” He reached out for her hand. “So please do me this favor.”

“If it were any other case, I would do it in a heartbeat.” She pulled her hand away. “But I can’t work this one.” She reached into her pocket and grabbed the security clearances that allowed her to access the restricted data and records rooms. “And since you refuse to fire me, I quit.”

“You’ll never work again!” Benjamin could no longer keep quiet. “I’ll make sure that no one in this industry ever hires you!”

“Then it’s a good thing that I don’t ever want to work in this industry again.” She shot Benjamin a nasty glare and then turned to Jeffrey. “I’m sorry that it came to this, but it is what it is.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” To the last, Jeffrey was working to keep her for the company.

“Oh yes it fucking does!” Benjamin roared. “I refuse to have this disrespectful bitch in my department.”

“Then you’ll handle the case!” Jeffrey turned on Benjamin. “It’s about time you got back in the courtroom.”

“But Jeffrey!” protested Benjamin. “You honestly can’t expect me to –”

That was the last Verena heard from them. She hurried out of the office, a flurry of emotions coursing through her as she made her way through the open floor plan, where all of the lawyers that hadn’t distinguished themselves, were squished into a maze of cubicles. They were already shooting looks at her, trying to figure out what exactly had gone on in the office to make Jeffrey come down from the top floor. It wouldn’t be long before they all knew. It was only a matter of time before they started gossiping about how she’d cursed at Benjamin and refused to take on a case. They wouldn’t think it was noble of her. They were still in the early stages of their career, hungry to prove themselves no matter the case. The older lawyers, the ones with offices who had already distinguish themselves, would pity her. They would say that it was a shame that it had come to that, and proceed to try to avoid being assigned that case, because no one who had already earned their office, wanted to have to get their hands that dirty again. They had already paid their dues. It was time for someone else to do so.

“Miss Faustino!” spoke her secretary, a woman in her late fifties who had been with the company for over thirty years. “Miss Faustino!” she repeated, following her into the office. “What’s going on? Do you need me to get any files or briefings prepared for you? Should I run to get some –?”

“I’m sorry.” Verena blurted out when she became conscious of Rachel’s presence. “I am so terribly sorry, Rachel.”

“I’m not following . . .”

Verena set her briefcase down on the desk. “I just quit.”

“But why?” asked Rachel, forgetting herself. “You just got back from Washington. And I heard that it went well. Everything that had to be done was done. Why would you quit?”

“Because I’m tired,” Verena explained. “I’ve had enough of this life, and I’m sorry that that means that you’re out of a job, but I’m sure that one of the other lawyers will hire you. Everyone’s always telling me how much better you are than their secretary’s, so I’ll write you a good recommendation. But that’s all I can do.”

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” Rachel completely disregarded Verena’s previous statements. “You look a little flushed. Maybe you have a fever. Sit down, please. Let me check your –”

“I’m fine.” Verena assured. “I’ve just finally realized that there are certain concessions a person should not make for a paycheck. Thank you though. Thank you for everything you’ve done. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without you.”

“You could go further.” Rachel told her. “You’ve got a promising future ahead of you. Believe me, I’ve worked for numerous lawyers and I see the potential in you.”

“Just stop, Rachel.” Verena smiled sadly. “I’m over this.”

“Then what’ll you do now?”

“I don’t know.” Verena let out a soft sigh. “And I’m a little scared, but that’s alright. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I have to pack up.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Don’t. I’ve already cost you your job. You don’t have to pack up for me.”

“It’ll be my last act as your secretary.” Rachel was determined to pack up. “Now go inform human resources of your decision to immediately cease working, by the time you return, I’ll have your personal belongings ready.”

Verena wanted to protest, but the look in Rachel’s eyes made it clear that there would be no budging on the subject. So she hurried away, down the hall, into the elevator, and down to the second floor where the human resources department was located. Due to her higher position in the company, she was seen before the others that had been sitting in the waiting area. No one spoke out against her. Everyone knew there was a hierarchy in the workplace, and at that moment Verena was glad of it. She wanted to get everything done with as quickly as possible, and the moment she was with the head of HR, she informed her of her desire to no longer be involved with the company. She relayed some of the information that had gone on upstairs, though she didn’t delve into the content of the case since that was restricted. The HR person tried to talk her out of quitting, she tried to make excuses, and said that she needed two weeks notice, but Verena told her that she was done and would no longer be coming into work. She didn’t give a damn if that meant she would be allowed to quit or if she would be fired for not having followed protocol, all that mattered was that she would no longer be associated with the company.

When Verena returned to her office, there was a medium sized box resting on the table with all her personal belongings. Her diplomas had been neatly wrapped up in newspapers, the various photographs that she had had been wrapped up as well. Everything that was hers was in that box. Whatever was left in the office were things she no longer had access to. The laptop that the company had provided her had to remain in the office, as did the phone, and company card. There was only one thing of hers that was left in there, something that she’d been hiding . . . a picture of her first wedding. It was hidden away in a trick drawer, along with her flasks. She should’ve left it behind, but she couldn’t.

“One day I’ll throw you out,” she whispered to the framed picture. “One day you’ll rot in the fucking trash. Not today though. I don’t have it in me.”

She honestly didn’t. That picture was not only her favorite of them, it was the last one she had. Everything else had either been deleted or thrown out. Not even her parents had any pictures left of her and Oscar. It had been a great purge. She’d even burned some in the backyard because her drunken mind thought that was going to be the fucking raddest thing ever. But that damn picture of her and Oscar on their first wedding day had survived the purges. Try as she did, she couldn’t bring herself to dispose of it. Not when they looked so happy and in love. They were just two kids, who thought life was going to go exactly like they’d always dreamt it would. She just couldn’t bring herself to throw away the promise that that picture held. So she kept it hidden. She only looked on it from time to time, but one day she was going to throw it out. One day her heart wouldn’t stop her from throwing it out and whenever that day came around, she’d know she’d found closure, but until then, she had to strive towards it.

The frame was then tucked away into the box, along with the flask, and she was going to say a proper goodbye to the office, take in the view from her window one last time and stare at the empty closet space that sometimes housed her clothes when she had to stay overnight, but she didn’t get a chance to properly say goodbye.

“Miss Faustino,” spoke a voice from the doorway.

She didn’t even have to turn. She knew that it was Sergio, head of security of the company.

“Am I gonna be thrown out already?” she found herself asking, trying to put a lighter slant to the situation. “Don’t worry, it won’t come to that. I’m not some disgruntled employee that’ll throw a fit. Just let me say goodbye, yeah?”

“Mr. Caplan was explicit in his desire that you be immediately removed from the premises.”

“Of course he was.” She shook her head. “Fine, I’ll go. It was just an office, after all.”

It wasn’t just an office. It was a status symbol, a reminder that she had made it. She had earned that office after being with the company for a year and a half, a commendable achievement, especially considering the fact that most people who got offices didn’t do so until after their fifth year with the company, and some never got an office at all. That office had been her pride and joy, her little nook, and she’d been so proud when she’d been promoted to it, so fucking proud, but now it was time to walk away. And with tears stinging at her eyes, she took it in one last time before allowing herself to be escorted out the building.

Verena was escorted all the way to her vehicle, and once there, Sergio stayed put until she left the parking lot. The company was paranoid about ex-employees. There were so many horror stories about people going on violent rampages at places where they used to work, that the company did all they could to stop that from ever happening. That was why Sergio made sure that she pulled out of the building. That was why Verena would never again be granted access. She was on the black list, and there would be no changing that.

Not that she minded. She’d been afraid that she was going to burst into tears during the drive home, but she was relatively alright. Was she a little tense? Yes, of course. She’d just quit her job. It would’ve been weird if she’d been relaxed, but she was getting on alright. She felt better about things. Sure, she didn’t have a clue as to what she was going to do with her life, but she had a feeling that it was going to be alright.

When Verena finally pulled up to her parent’s house, she was relieved to find that they were both out. Her mother was busy with a client at the architecture firm, and her father was interviewing a local politician for his evening news program. There was only one person in the house, and they weren’t even technically a person, though Verena would beg to differ. To her, Dexter was her son. He was a playful English bulldog that thought himself a lapdog. And the moment that Dexter heard her keys begin to jingle at the door; he leapt up from his blanket and pillow, and ran towards the door.

“Dexter!” she cried out, gleefully. “There’s my special boy! Mama missed you!” She set her box on the floor and then knelt down so she could embrace him. He licked at her face affectionately, something that she would’ve normally disapproved of, but she was just so happy to see him that she let him have at it. “It’s good to see you, mi gordito lindo (my lovely chubbykins). Oh, this was exactly what I needed after the morning I’ve had.” She pulled away so that she could properly look at him. “You love me, don’t you? No matter what?” she asked, not caring if she sounded insane. “I hope you do, because I made a very big decision today, but don’t worry Dexter, I’m always going to look after you. I promise. We’re just going to have to figure things out a little more. I’ll have to find another job, but I’m not entirely sure that I want to, not right away at least. I think I want to be a bum for awhile. Do you want to be a bum with me? I think you do. We’re just gonna have to tell your Nana and Abuelito (grandfather) about it. Let’s not think about that though, not yet. I think it’s time I get some food in me.”

As obediently as ever, Dexter followed her into the kitchen. He stood beside her as she heated up leftovers, which consisted of day old ravioli and two day old stuffed chicken with broccoli and cheese. She ate in the living room, sitting on the couch with her legs tucked beneath her and with Dexter at her side. Even after she’d finished eating, she remained on the couch. She was sprawled across it with Dexter. She was busy trying to figure out what the hell she was going to with her life, and he was just gazing up at her in sincere affection. He wasn’t trying to get her to scratch him behind the ear or to talk to him in that silly little voice she used specially for him. He just wanted to look at her, to be allowed to cuddle with her, because that was what he loved most.

In time, Dexter fell asleep, but Verena didn’t manage to do the same. She was straining herself with trying to figure out what to do from that point. Should she actually go through with being a bum for awhile or should she try to get work? Sure, she had money in the bank right now. She hadn’t been spending much of her paychecks lately, not since she was back home with her parents, and the money that Oscar had been forced to pay her was untouched in her savings account, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be a bum in Southern California.

How would she spend her days?

She couldn’t exactly go waltzing around the places that she usually went to. Not since Oscar started hanging about them to try to talk to her. He was practically stalking her now. Alright, perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration. She only ran into him once or twice a week, but it was still a pain, because even though he almost never approached her, his mere presence was offensive enough. And it wasn’t like she could ask her friends to hang out. They all had jobs, and most of them were either married with children or in committed relationships. So they didn’t have the luxury of being able to waste time with her. Once or twice a month, they could schedule a hangout but not more often than that. Her other option was to hang out with her cousins that she was close to, but they also had work. Only a few of her aunts didn’t work and there was her abuelita (grandma) that was visiting from Mexico, but she couldn’t imagine spending all of her time with them.

Life was going to be boring if she was a bum in California, and if life was boring, she was going to have more time to dwell on her failed marriage. And she couldn’t let that happen. She had to keep moving forward, stay busy so that she could attain that closure she so desperately desired. Maybe she could get a job with the government? She could use her experience with big oil to take them on, but the more she thought of it, the more she realized she couldn’t do it. She didn’t have the patience to be involved in the bureaucracy. It was a slow irritating thing that was fucking corrupted. She didn’t want anything to do with that. But what could she do? Maybe she could call up contacts in New York, and see if anyone out there needed a lawyer that had experience in handling million dollar contracts, high value mergers, and – oh, who was she kidding. She couldn’t live in New York. It was alright enough to visit, but she couldn’t stay there permanently.
Maybe she could go to Arizona with Amber for awhile, stay in the guest room while her cousin worked on her next horror novel. She knew Amber wouldn’t mind having her and Dexter over. In fact, she’d proposed it shortly after the divorce was finalized, but Verena couldn’t live in Arizona, especially not with summer coming up. Then she thought about Oregon, she had a friend up there that ran an organic farming cooperative. She’d be welcomed there, Daphne had been trying to convince her to go up there for years, but Verena couldn’t live that lifestyle for more than a week. It just wasn’t her.

She was about to admit defeat when she realized that she could leave the country. There was her cousin in Montreal, but the problem there was that her cousin’s apartment didn’t allow pets. And Verena certainly couldn’t go to Mexico. Her relatives would fuss over her to no end, constantly inviting her to stay with them and wanting to be at her side at every moment of the day. She loved her relatives, she truly did, but sometimes their hospitality got to be a little much, and when she added to that all the vacations that she and Oscar had spent in Mexico during the early days of their relationship, she definitely couldn’t stay there.

“For fuck’s sake,” she muttered angrily. “Where the fuck am I supposed to –”

And then it dawned on her. There was one place she could go, one beautiful, unspoilt sanctuary where she would be fussed over at a comfortable degree, but also be given privacy. She felt foolish for not having thought of it earlier. That heaven sent place was where she’d spent almost every summer of her childhood. She’d only stopped visiting because Oscar couldn’t stand to make the flight. He could barely manage flying to Mexico without bursting into a full on panic, but there was no Oscar anymore, no job to keep her in America. She was free to do as she wish, and overcome by a sudden sense of hope and excitement, she grabbed her phone out of her pant pocked and pressed number ten on her speed dial.

“Hello,” spoke a posh voice on the other end. “This is Mr. Croft, the butler of Arundel House. To whom am I speaking?”