Frank is an Idiot

Hi, I’m Frank. I almost lost someone very important today.

Earlier:

“God damn it! Why the hell does he always do this?! Fuck! I’m so sick of him and his bullshit! We might as well not bother making plans with him anymore because he always ends up cancelling on us because of his little girlfriend! Do you know how much fucking money I spent getting nice clothes for this bullshit?! A lot! A fucking lot of money that I didn't really have to spend! I can’t return this! I can’t return it because I’m fucking wearing it and I can’t return clothes that have been worn to that stupid expensive shop! I’m so sick of this! I’m not making plans with your brother anymore! Fuck, I’m calling him. I’m calling him and telling him everything I just said because I’m sick of this shit.” So I called Mikey. And I screamed exactly what I screamed a few minutes ago right into his eardrum. He apologized; I told him he’s paying me back for the clothes. He said okay. I cooled down, but it was already too late.

I hung up and turned around and saw Gerard was no longer in the room. I went upstairs to see if he was in his room. I tried to open the door but it he had locked it.
“Gerard? Gee?” The only thing I could hear from his room was quiet sniffles. “Crap, Gee, I’m sorry. I promise I wasn't yelling at you. I was just mad, Gee. Your brother… never mind. You've already heard it a thousand times tonight. Do you want to go out? God, I’m really sorry, Gerard. You can call me once you’re okay if you want. Fuck, I’m really sorry. I’ll go now. Okay, I’ll see you, Gee. I love you.”

I walked out of his moms’ house and down the road to mine. I lay in bed, wishing I could take back all of that screaming. Gerard’s parents screamed at each other a lot, and then they screamed at him when he asked them to stop. His dad would then hit him. Gerard is older now and his parents are divorced, but he’s still afraid. He thinks that screaming leads to beating, and you’d think that after being with him for two years I’d know not to yell. He helps, though. He helps so damn much and all I do is treat him like shit every time I get angry. I’ve never hit him, not once, and I never will, but getting angry and yelling is something I need to work on. Fuck, I really want to go back to his house and hug him and tell him sorry a billion times. I should, but I can’t. I never can, because I have to let him get his mind back together and then be there when he’s ready.

* * * * *

My phone didn't ring for four days. Every single day was the worst day of my entire life, and I thought for sure I had lost him. All I could do was lie in bed and stare at my phone, waiting for him to call. I kept thinking over everything I had said. Fuck, I’m an idiot. I eventually got out of bed, only because I had to work. I got dressed and then walked down to the thrift store I worked at. God, that place smelled like old people and old shoes. It was a job though, and if Gee and I want to get our own place then I need to keep it.

I worked a long day, and the amount of times I had to explain to idiots that the sale is only on things marked with a blue tag was horrible. I finally finished though, and because today was payday I got my check. I banked it, and checked how much money I had in my account. I only had $138.52, which wasn't nearly enough to rent a nice apartment. I walked home and made myself some food, and then went back to my room. I then continued to sit in bed and wait for Gerard to call.

I eventually got tired of sitting around, doing nothing, so I was going to practice some guitar but then my mom knocked on my bedroom door.

“Come in.” I said.

“Frank, you have been cooped up in this room for three days. What’s going on?” She asked.

I’ve always been close to my mom, so telling her what happened was pretty easy. “Well, Gee and I had plans with Mikey to go to some fancy restaurant as a double date or some shit, but then Mikey’s little girlfriend decided that she didn't want to anymore, and so he cancelled on us. I got pissed off because I had spent a lot of money getting dress clothes for the stupid thing, and I started yelling. Gerard got scared, because you know, and so now I’m just waiting for him to call me. Mom, I think I’ve ruined everything this time. He’s never taken this long before.”

My mom walked over and sat on my bed and put her arm around me. “Frankie, it will be okay. He’ll call, and you know it. Don’t worry yourself to death. You had work today, did you go?”

“Yes, I went.”

“How much do you have for an apartment?”

“Not enough.”

“Keep saving.”

“Planning on it.”

“Good. It will be fine. I’m going to bed. Goodnight, love you.”

“Love you too.”

And then she left me to my thoughts. I eventually drifted off to sleep, getting the best sleep I’ve had since I screwed everything up. Possibly because I believed what my mom told me, or possibly because I hadn't slept the past two nights.

* * * * *

I woke up the next morning and got dressed for work again. Same thing, different day. I went home, got food, and went to my room. I sat there for hours, but then finally, my phone rang. I answered it, and Gerard simply said “Okay,” and then hung up. I got off of my bed and ran down to his house, knocked and he opened the door. I pulled him into my arms and held him there, keeping my face pressed against his chest and rubbing his back. I then started saying sorry over and over and over.

“Frank. Hey, Frank. It’s okay. I love you too, by the way. Frank you can stop saying sorry now. Frank, shut the fuck up.” I couldn't stop saying sorry though, because I loved him too much and I needed him to know how sorry I am. But apparently he knew, because he pulled out of the hug and slammed his lips against mine. He pulled away, and then said “I know you’re sorry. But I’m hungry, so can we please go get some fucking food?”