Undefined Life of Mine

I woke up feeling like a pile of poop. My head was pounding and my eyes burned. I must have cried in my sleep again, my eye lids felt hot and heavy. Though I did have a bad dream of my mom again…
I let out a sigh and stood up from my bed in sweatpants and a tank top. I walked to my window seeing snow and ice on the glass. I pressed my palm against it, receiving chills and goose bumps up my arms. I wiped away the frost and I swear I saw my mom…swinging me around in the snow. Smiles were on our faces and snow would keep collecting in our back hair.
“Melony!” my father screams.

I gasp for air, my stomach goes tense and my blood ran cold. I’m shaking in my covers and clenching onto my fluffy pillow. My heart pounded against my chest and my eyes began to burn. I lifted my head and reached for my phone from under the pillow, seeing it was only five in the morning and that I have four texts from Jonathan and one from Derrick. I ignored them and simply went back to sleep.

I ditched my first few classes and left law enforcement with Robin. She didn’t ask about the bruises on my face, but she stared at it. We walked to the cafeteria, sitting at the table. I sat quietly, writing down work as Jonathan, Eva and Nicole sat with us. I know Jonathan kept staring at me while Eva and Nicole chatted away.
I then felt an arm wrap around me suddenly, causing me to mess up my writing. Scott reeked of bud, and when I looked at him, his eyes were so badly bloodshot, and he could barely keep them open.
“Hey Mel,” he smiles, his breath smelling of weed.
“What’s up?” I said and placed my pen down. I felt myself get tense though, my body got hot from his hold, and nerves were starting to shake my fingertips.
“I want to see you after school again.” He whispers in my ear. I glanced at Jonathan and saw his glare; his brown eyes narrowing at the both of us.
“I don’t think I’ll have the time.” I said and I felt his hand squeeze my hip.
“I think you will.” Scott says before pressing his lips against my cheek before walking off. I breathed in some oxygen and picked up my pen just to write again.
“Why weren’t you here yesterday?” Jonathan asked in a low voice.
“Something happened,” I let out a sigh.
“We’ll talk later.” He said coldly. Before I could say anything though, I heard a voice.
“Melony!” I look up to find Derrick walking toward me, a big smile on his face.
“Hey Derrick,” I smile back. He sits next to me and stares at us all.
“Wow, the tension here is scary.”
“Oh hush,” I say and started to work again.
“Melony, let’s hang out after school.” Derrick says randomly, catching me off guard. I stare at him with a questioning glance.
“What?” he stares.
“She can’t. She’s meeting up with Scott.” Jonathan glared. Eva shifted uncomfortably and picked at her food. Robin was texting but glanced up every few minutes.
“Oh,” Derrick frowned.
“I’ll be happy to meet up with you, Derrick.” I say which turned Derrick’s frown upside down.
“Even though we don’t have classes after this.” He whispers in my ear which catches me by surprise.
“True.”

“What happened to your face?” Jonathan asked me once lunch ended. I was placing things that needed to be hidden in my locker, waiting for Derrick to get his things from his locker.
“I really don’t want to talk about it.” I spoke softly and lifted the bottom lid of my locker and placed six hundred dollars underneath and pulled out three hundred dollars, slipping it into my bag.
“Well, I do.” Jonathan says softly now. “Did your dad…?” I look at Jonathan quickly, his eyes full of worry. I nod slightly and feel my shoulders start to shake. I then focused back on my locker, slammed the bottom lid shut and placed five books on top.
“Why can’t you just leave that place?” He speaks into the air and leans against other lockers. Annoyance ripples in me but I keep it in check.
“You know why.” I said. “I tell you over and over again and I really hate repeating myself.” I slammed my locker closed.
“You don’t have to get angry with me. I’m sorry if I actually care about you.”
“I know you care, Jonathan!” I shout. “I know you care, I know you worry but this is my battle! And even if you tell anyone now, I’m turning eighteen soon, so it wouldn’t matter.”
“You’re being abused by a man and it’s your father, it matters.” He sneers.
“Just let it go, Jonathan. It’d be for the best.”
“I can’t let this go!” He slammed his hands against the lockers, making them shake. “You think it’s that easy? Melony, how can you be so stupid?!”
“I don’t need you to get in the middle of things!” I yell. “I almost died, Jonathan!” I felt my eyes begin to water, my back was hurting from all the tension and I began to remember the way the gun felt against my temple. “He…he…” my lips were trembling. “He forced me to drink. He forced me to take drugs.” I whisper, feeling my stomach turn. I wiped at my eyes. “I couldn’t fight him and he pulled out a gun on me, Jonathan. I wouldn’t be standing here if….if…” I stared at the center of Jonathan’s chest but he suddenly pulled me into a hug. I sobbed against him and clung to him as if my life depended on it. “I don’t need you to get in the middle of this!” I gasp against him. “If I was close to death, I don’t need my friends to get closer to it.” I trembled and felt Jonathan cradle me slowly and press his chin against the top of my head.
“Shh…it’s okay.” Jonathan whispered and held me tightly.
“I had a dream,” I whispered. “And none of you were alive.” I felt my stomach turn and my heart pound in my ears.
“I’ll always be here, Melony.” He says but the words sound muffled but I just breathe in and hope for the best. My life can’t stop here. I’ll always be able to keep my friends safe. They were part of a separate life, a life that’ll always be kept away from my father’s filthy hands and poison. I heard footsteps behind me and Jonathan’s head lifted from spot on mine and he just kept me against his chest. When I was released from his hold, I wiped my tears away and turned to see Derrick standing with his leather jacket. His green eyes stare at us calmly and I just give him a smile before looking back at Jonathan.
“Thank you.” I say softly.
“No problem,” he waves at Derrick. “I’ll see you guys later.” He nods and turns away from us. I look at Derrick and give him a simple smile.
“Hey.” I sniffle and held my bag close to me. “What’s up?” I brush my hair out of my face. Derrick then moves forward and presses his lips against my bruised cheek before pulling back. I then press my hand against my face, feeling my heart race and my face get warm. He stares at me seriously now before taking my hand in his and pulling me down the hall with him.
“Where would you like to hang out? How about somewhere out of town?” he says and holds my hand gently. I stare at our hands, the way his are completely bigger than mine due to gender but the way that they look…I like it.
“I can’t go out of town.” I say softly. “My dad doesn’t like it when I’m not in the area.”
“Huh, I wonder why.” Derrick said and shook his head. “But how is he going to find out?” he looks back at me and before we exit the school’s building, he pulls off his jacket and hands it to me and takes my bag from me. I stare at the leather jacket and back at him.
“What?” I question and Derrick just shrugs.
“If your dad’s men don’t know what you look like then they can’t find you.” He shrugs.
“That’s too risky.” I say and hand him back the jacket but he pushes it towards me.
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” He speaks and smiles slightly. I clench onto his jacket and stare at it.
“You’re willing to risk your life just to take me out of town for a couple of hours?” I ask and Derrick’s green eyes stare back at my blue orbs. They were such an intense green, a beautiful set of green eyes. I could get lost in the very idea of them if I wanted, but with Derrick, that’s a different story that I can’t even figure out.
“Why not?” Derrick spoke. I smiled slightly and slid his jacket over my arms and put my hair in a bun and placed my beanie on my head. Derrick then handed me back my bag, opened the door and gestured for me to walk out first and I do.
We walked out of school and into the parking lot to find his car; a 1965 black Cadillac.
“Nice car.” I walked to the passenger’s side.
“Thanks, it was my dad’s.” he nods slightly. “A hammy down, you can say.”
“That’s a pretty cool hammy down.” I say as he gets in the car and unlocks the door for me. When I opened it, I slid inside to find the most comfortable seats in the world. The leather was smooth and gentle against my body. It was comforting.
“Anyways, where would you like to go?” Derrick asks as he turns the engine on and it rumbles softly.
“Where would you like to go?”
“Hmm, that’s a hard question to answer because there are a lot of places I would love to go.” He then pulls the car out of the parking spot and we’re soon leaving school grounds and on the road.
“Then surprise me, Derrick. Surprise me,” I say and look out the window, trying to remember the last time I actually was in a car with a friend.
I think I was thirteen and it was in Jonathan’s mom’s car because she picked me up to go to his birthday party. I insisted that I could walk but she said that’s foolish. I was just happy that nothing was out of the ordinary when she came to pick me up that day.
It was only one and the snow still kissed the concrete and people were walking in heavy coats and I honestly wonder where we’ll end up going with this weather. It’s too cold to actually be outside and if we go inside a place, it’ll be too crowded. I don’t really need to be seen by other people, let alone the under cover’s that work for my father. I was anxious about this whole thing. I should of turned away and told Derrick no, but now it’s too late. If Derrick gets hurt, than it’s all my fault. If I lose a friend, it’s my entire fault.
Within about an hour, we were out of the city and headed out farther than what I expected but I was soon able to see the ocean blue, which made me relax a little. The sight of the sea was always beautiful.
“Let’s chill out in some sand.” Derrick says and we end up parking in a parking lot not far from the beach.
“It’s too cold, Derrick.” I say softly.
“Oh, come on. We’re not going to get in the water anyways, we’re going to sit and look at the ocean.”
“That sounds boring.” I unbuckled my seatbelt.
“Only because you’ve never tried it,” Derrick then gets out of the car and waits for me. I get out of the car, feeling the ocean breeze hit me immediately. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself and started to walk with Derrick over the sand. Derrick wrapped an arm around my waist and had me walk alongside him. The clouds in the sky killed the point of ever coming to the beach. No one was here, it was too cold to get in the water and the breeze was killing me.
At a decent spot, we sat down in the sand and stared at the ocean. The waves would crash and make white bubbles and it’d push up all seaweed and sand to the side. Seagulls were flying around and landing, eating whatever they find. The wind kept making strands of my hair fly all over the place and I couldn’t stop shivering. Derrick pulled me closer to him and held me. My heart started to race when I looked up at his face.
“Let’s keep each other warm.” He smiles slightly and then looks back at the sea and for some reason; my thoughts were screaming “Look at me!”
I was still shivering but I felt warm on my side and when I looked at the ocean and watched the waves and watched how they went up, and crashed back down, my heart was calming down. I wasn’t feeling anxious anymore and I wasn’t thinking about how bad things could be. I was enjoying this moment, I loved this moment.
After about a half an hour, I felt tired and just wanted to sleep but Derrick asked a couple of questions that kept me awake.
“What do you plan on doing in the future?” he asked. The future? Was I even capable for a future? Am I going to live to see the day I turn thirty? Will I even have children? What’s college and could I achieve that? Or will I be a slut and work for my father still?
“I don’t really know,” I answer. “What do you plan on doing?”
“Well, it’s more of hoping than planning.” He says and shifts his body to lay back. I continue sitting and stare at him. “I hope I get to become a detective and work in town so I can still be close to my family and not too far out of reach. I hope I get into some sort of schooling, not everyone can be successful in college. I hope I get married to a beautiful girl and have beautiful children.” He responds and puts his arms behind his head and looks up at the sky. “Live a simple life, ya know?” he smiles and looks back at me.
“Do you have dreams, Melony?”
“What are your dreams, Derrick?” I avoid the question and stare at his green eyes that suck me in with such nervousness.
“Anything really.” He shrugs. “As long as I’m happy with stuff, what could go wrong?”
“What if others aren’t happy?” I lie down next to him and look at the sky.
“Then I’ll try to fix it. I’ll do anything to make others happy.” He says and I know he’s being honest. Why would he lie to me? Why would he take me here to actually talk? He has no reason to lie because I have no one to really tell anything to. Sure, I have my best friends but honestly, I have so many secrets, it’ll destroy friendships. I’m good at keeping my mouth shut and I’m good at hiding things but what’s there to hide when things become obvious?
“Do you hope for something, Melony?” he asks and I just stare at the sky. What do I hope for? There’s a lot going on, a lot to deal with. The thing is, if I hope for something, I know I’ll be disappointed later. I try not to expect much, it’s better than getting knocked down all the time.
“I hope I get to do something.” I answer truthfully and let out a sigh. The salty ocean breeze brushed against us again and I felt my body shiver hard.
“That’s better than hoping for nothing.” I hear Derrick say and I just smile.
“Well, I hope you get everything you’re looking forward to.” I answer and glance at him to see that he’s looking at me. He gives me a smile and looks away from me and we stayed like that for a long time until my life decided to call.