OceanDust

I let the sun creep in from behind the blanket we have on our windows to dim the room more. The sun ray was enough to reach across to my husband.

My lover.

My everything.

I watch the man sleep next to me with his top of his waist line and up out from under the covers with his arm hooked around my waist. My head rested on his chest, I could hear his smooth heartbeat travel throughout my ear.

There’s no more wind to be found, in the sails.

My leg prop up in his thigh under the blanket that is soaked in our ‘sinful’ love making from last night wishing this morning didn’t come so fast.

Hands full of fallen stars, and cornet tails.

We got us a place down by the beach but it was only cause it will be the last time I will see him until a few months. I have to watch him leave me for his busy joke in NY. We’re in Cal now, so basically, we’re going to be a painful distance away.

Dealing with my past; I don’t cope with separation. Not after my father left me and my mother alone. We grew broke, lost jobs, our home. We lived in a car for weeks. Then Ashley came along.

I had to make money some how and it was by singing downtown while playing my guitar.

To make the story short; I fell in love with the man who brought us in his home, my mom got back on her feet again with a new boyfriend, and I started a band.

But Ashley has a side job he works for to keep the money coming in. He fears that we might fall like I and my mother.

I twine my fingertips with his before holding his whole hand in mine. I brought it up to kiss his knuckles. He squirmed awake a little. His brown eyes fluttered open as he gave me a morning smile. It made me weak in the stomach. I let go of his hands, disconnecting the warmth to hold my stomach that felt like butterflies were now doves.

Rivers of sand intertwine through my hands.

“Good morning beauty.” He whispers so lightly into the silent room.

I climb on top of him, caring lesser than a penny that I was still naked. I place my hips on his perfectly and kiss those lips of his. His hands roam up my sides then back down as we deepen the kiss.

To know what they’ve seen, well, my burdens all pale.

He kiss the corner of my ear as he spoke in a sad tone. “I leave out of town tonight at 8...”

I’ll make an hourglass from my fingers.

I place my lips on his roughly, most out of heart pain cause I didn’t want him to leave today. Tears flow down my face as our lips were still locked. He didn’t know I was crying until he felt the tear fall on his naked chest.

“Andy, please don’t cry sweetie.”

“I cant help it..” I confess, burying my head between his warm jaw and shoulder to hid my face on the nape of his neck. He kiss my cheek while I still straddle him to the bed with him holding my side firmly to hold me up.

He sat up, putting my to bent my knees and sit in his lap. He stared into my eyes, I saw that he was hurt himself knowing that he was leaving me again. “Shh, baby….” He said sweetly. He wipe the tears away with his thumbs until he catches all of them. “Let go for a walk on the beach then out for dinner?”

I know I’m only passing through..

We got ready and went for the walk on the beach first. Ashley wore only his black shorts, I wore my white swim trunks and black flip flops.

Hands connected as we walked in the soft sand. Our arms swung, the waves crash against the rocks and shore. The birds chipped away. I’m not strong enough to watch him leave.

But I’ll smile it off on the outside for now.

I don’t want to pretend, that I’m stronger for it all..

I don’t want him to see me sad, knowing that I will be at home sad, alone, sleeping in a cold bed in summer days.

But I’ll keep acting like I’m okay cause I don’t want him to get in trouble with his job.

I don’t want to pretend, that the sadness is gone.

I want to show him that this time, after a few months ago when he had to go, that I am stronger than before.

‘Cause I want to know that I’m steady on my feet.

We were at the beach and in the sun for hours. Not wasting time but spending all the time we had left with each other. He turn me around to face me to give me that smile of his. His eyes explored my face, trying to take in a good visual of me.

“How about I make dinner tonight? You can sit and have me cook for you tonight, Bright Eyes.”

I move my lips on his with all the passion I could then told him yes.

I hate this.

I don’t want to pretend, so peace will be real to me.

……………..

Ashley left me at the house alone to go out to get the things for dinner after we took a shower together and changed. Every grain of sand in my hourglass is dropping away.

I sat in our bedroom with my hands clap over my face so they could catch all the tears that fell. I balled up my right fist and held it against my chest, where my heart, or should I said was.

It’s gone. I feel numb. Ashley is my only happiness, he makes my deepest pain and worries disappear. So they come back easily when he’s not by my side.

I started to shake and I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran to the bathroom and dug around for my razor. It was new, I havent used it to shave yet.

I did what I used to do back in school.

I broke the razor piece by piece until I got a thin blade between my fingertips. I lost myself, I started the madness all over again. Not thinking at all.

There’s no respite to be found, in the waves.

I felt so numb, so useless until the feeling got worst when I looked at the ragged crimson lines on my wrist. When I realizes that I’m going to disappoint Ashley when he sees this.

I promise him years ago that I would stop this and I slipped.

The front door open and the first thing I did was call his name. I was on my knees as I watch the blood flow off my arm and onto the tile floor of our bathroom.

He probably heard how much of a mess my scream for him was bumpy, in a panic because I heard him drop everything to run looking for me.

“The bathroom…” I said, hissing at the burning at my arm. The door swung open. To hurt me more is that to the face of my lover hurt. I’m hurting him by hurting myself.

He glared at me in complete dread. One of his shaky hands went up to cover his mouth to stop a scream.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry…Ashes, I fucked up.” I sobbed. Ashley didn’t say anything. Instead, he ran off to clean my wounds. Slowly and carefully wiping them with a moist washcloth.

Each rise and retreat will scrub the blood away.

He didn’t ask me why cause he know why. He pulls me to our bedroom and lay me gentle on the messy bed, how we left it this morning. He climb over top of me.

His eyes read anger, anguish, lust, convulsion..
I never like seeing his eyes change to a dark color; it shows he’s hurt. His emotions are at his best and he’s trying no to cry.

He shut his eyes tightly and lean down to kiss my neck softly. The sea of pleasure wash over me, I no longer felt horrid.

He bit there, sucked there, licked. He did enough to get me moaning softly, crashing my head on the pillow on the bed. I let him work with my neck, my eyes flutter at the clock.

4:32p.m in red numbers on the night stand.

I’ll make an hourglass from my fingers

I gasped out his name when he bit hard on my sweet spot on my neck. My hands grabbing his bare forearms. He pulled away; sure enough there is a purple mark there.

He push me on the bed more so he could put me between his legs. Our hips touched and he didn’t second guess to ground them on me. My breathing hitched in my throat.

He circle his hips on mine to create this powerful friction between us, it was working perfectly. As he did so, his hands went under my shirt, pushing it up as he rub my sides. He rolled him hips slowly now, my mouth open at the feeling he was giving me.

I know I’m only passing through.

“Ashley…” I breathed out. My breathing became mellow pants for air. I could feel ourselves getting erected fully through our clothes.

He discard my shirt then he did his. He unbutton my jeans and pulled down both my boxers and jeans. He I was completely naked. Every part of me is laid out in the bed for him. Our body was slight way sweaty because of the heat from the weather.

He tilt my head back and kiss my lips, my chin, my jaw line, my neck, down to my chest then to my hips to nibble on. I moan cause I needed him. He was driving me insane.

His pretty lips went to kiss my inner thigh as he work his way to my ‘problem’. He breathed there for a second, it made me tense up for awhile until the tip of his tongue flick over my head that is leaking pre-cum.

He lower his mouth on me then a long moan slip out my mouth. My legs pulled up on the bed more, knees almost hitting each other if Ashley head wasn’t in the way.

He took me more in his mouth and I broke down shaking at the amazing feeling of him deep throating me. I ravel a fist full of Ashley’s long hair to take some control.

I could feel my stomach boil. I signal Ash by having my back ache off the bed when I felt like I was coming. He took me out of his mouth. He stuck three fingers in his mouth, sucking on them. When he took them out, they were coated with saliva.

With one hand, he took hi pants off then his boxers. He climb on me once again but supporting his weight with his knees and one hand on my hip. Him between my legs, I couldn’t help but to look at his beautiful body in front of me.

He went to my ear and said, “Andrew, I’m going to be gone for awhile. I’m going to need you to stay strong…Okay baby?” I was about to protest but he stuck a finger in me. I didn’t hurt, just wasn’t comfortable at the time.

I don’t want to pretend that I’m stronger for it all.

He kiss my shoulders as he push in another finger to scissor me. “Ashes, I’m going to miss you..” I cried out.

I don’t want to pretend that the sadness is gone.

5:02 P.M

“Ashley!” I moan as the man above me push into me. My neck lifting of the bed, causing my head to dig in the pillows. He held on both my hips so they could be lifted off the bed by a little so he could push all the way in me properly.

He kiss my chest, up to my neck and lips to distract me from the pain.

He begun to rock me with him in the bed. His hands on the back of my thighs so he could have his legs spread apart more.

I grip the blanket when he picked up speed and pace. My eyes shut close cause it was too much for me.

I kept letting off these long slutty moans every time he got so close to my prostate.

’ Cause I want to know that I’m steady on my feet.

“God, don’t stop. Don’t stop!” I was out of it now. Sweat is beading on my forehead as sweat covered Ashley’s whole body.

He thrust in me at this pace that was perfect. The small purrs he does of my name that leave his lips. His nails dug in my hips so he could literally pull me with his hip snaps.

I don’t want to pretend, so peace will be real with me.

6:23 P.M

“AH! AH! ASHELY!” I screamed out in pleasure. My body crash into his chest as I started to shake when he finally hit my prostate. He push me back on the bed with the push of my shoulder.

“Mmm-mm, Andrew. I’m almost there.” He pant heavily against my stomach. He push my thighs back more, enough to have my knees hit the bed as he went faster. I shook, feeling myself close.

I didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t like the sex we always have. This one was more, overwhelming. My eyes rolled at the back of my bed while I moaned and groan at every single thrust.

“Bright Eyes, look at me..” He cooed. I flutter my eyes open to see the most flawless man there is.

The man I wont be seeing in a 3 months..

A smile tugged on his lips and I couldn’t help but to return it back. He reach down to kiss me and against his lips I beg him to touch me.

Multitasking, he pumped me, thrust into me and kiss me all at the same time and it drove into a fire house.

“Oh god…” I said, arching off the bed. I panted hard and moans couldn’t stop leaving my mouth when I felt myself coming. My whole body tighten up, every limb got tight. I was close enough to sitting up but my lips met Ashley’s ear to me moan his name as loud as I could.

“Fuck Andrew.” He said clamping his teeth together. One last push, he release inside of me.

I shook in that one spot of the bed, gasping for air to breathe. Trying everything to calm out my orgasm. Ashley kiss my ear up to my cheek and lips.

“Bright Eyes, promise me you wont do that again when I’m gone.” He spoke so lightly.

I don’t want to pretend, that I’m stronger for it all…

I only nodded.

“Promise me you wont be sad when I’m gone….”

I don’t want to pretend that sadness is gone.

I look over at the clock.

7:04 P.M

“Ashley, please don’t leave me… Please…” I beg him curling up to his side. He held me close to him. He held a crying boy who is broken with out his lover home for a long time.

It’s like a divorce but without the fighting and screaming.

I hated to see him go, but I had to watch him leave.

We got out of bed, took a shower together and went out to eat at this small shake before I drove him to the airport.

He had his suitcase rolling on the ground and I went over to wait for his flight with him. I held his hand ever so tight, I was going to break his wrist.

7:40 P.M

“All passages for flight 32 is now boarding.” The lady said over the mic. My eyes snap up quickly at Ashley who seemed to been staring at me.

“It’s not 8 o’clock yet. You cant go yet. You cant!” I started to scream. I don’t like seeing people who I love leave me. I know he’s coming back but not for awhile.

I don’t want to pretend, that I’m stronger for it all…

“I have to go Andy, that’s my flight….”

I stood in front of him and he stood himself to. We were face to face. Stupid of me, I lock my eyes with his. My eyes watered and so did his.

I sobbed a little before he embrace me. My arms wrapped around him like he was a Christmas present. “Ashley, I’m going to miss you so much. I’m sad without you..”

I don’t want to pretend that the sadness is gone.

“Flight 32 is in section.” The lady said. Ashley gave me his famous smile before he kiss me deeply. The kiss was too much for us both, we both end up crying.

“Andy, I will always keep in contact with you. Stay strong.” He said against my lips that quiver.

He move away, our hands still lock until I could watch him board on his flight.

He was gone…He was gone for 3 months. It’s not a long time but me having a separation problem; it’s like ages.

I held my hand with my wedding ring to cover my mouth.

7:55 P.M

I was crying once again.

“Sir you have to return to your seat now!” some guy screamed. I saw Ashley running back to the area I was in. He picked me up, I wrap my arms and legs around him. He kiss my lips.

Every
Kiss
Made
Me
Feel
all so
special.

“Baby, I love you. You’re my world!” He kiss me again and over and over until he felt like all was out his system. He set me down on my feet.

He gave me once last serious kiss before I see him again.

He boarded on his flight, the flutters on him kissing me made me blush, giggle, happy.

I cant wait until he comes home.

Cause I want to know that I’m steady on my feet…

I watch out the window to see flight 32 take off. I waved at the plane, knowing that he’s doing the same.

8:00P.M

I don’t want to pretend, so peace will be real to me.