Take What You Can Carry

A year into our "Relationship", and John and I had yet to speak about actually dating. It started off as a friends-with-benefits kind of thing, and then eventually turned into us showing our affection towards each other openly; but, we both continued to see other people. John, who had told me a million times that he loved me, didn't seem to understand that I hadn't fallen in love quite yet. I was on the verge of loving this immensely tall singer. The singer of a band that was actually well-known around the world, and girls swooned at the sight of him. Yup, that's right. I seem to have been--well, am--fooling around with John O'Callaghan, lead singer of the band The Maine.

I could write a list telling you all of John's qualities that I loved; but, I'd probably just end up describing everything. I love how the corners of his eyes crinkle when he laughs, and when he laughs at the stupid shit I don't intentionally mean to say. I love it when he wears his cowboy boots in the summer, and pretends to not be melting under the harsh Arizona sun. I love how his voice cracks in the weirdest ways, and I love how his voice sounds when he wakes up in the morning. But most of all, I think that I just love that John loves me. He's the only guy--besides my father, of course--that's told me he's loved me.

Our “rendezvous” actually started a few years ago. John and I had known each other since we were little. The days before his band started were good; but, not the greatest. There always seemed to be something missing from him before the band actually began. He sang all the time; but, he never did anything professional with his voice until I got the call from him telling me that his band had been signed.

I remember his voice pooling from the other end of the phone. You could practically here the smile in voice as he said, "I can't fuckin' believe it, Andrea!" I told him how proud of him I was, and then proceeded to scold him when he called me Andrea instead of Andy. Then the touring started, and living without my best friend became very hard.

A few years ago if someone were to tell me that John and I would become “Fun buddies” I would have laughed directly into their face and tell them that it would never happen but, boy oh boy was I wrong. But when you’re drunk and around your sex god of a best friend…things tend to happen. Things that lead to other things if you catch my drift.

“Andy, you and I have been single for a long time…Which means neither of us have had, you know, sex in a long time…” He paused, and looked up at me through his eyelashes.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, John…” I looked away for a moment before turning my attention back to him as he was about to speak again, “I hope you aren’t insinuating anything John."

“Oh, I’m insinuating something Andy.” He grabbed my hands in his.

“I hope you aren’t asking me out, John. I’m not ready for a relationship.”

“I wasn’t asking you to be my girlfriend, Andy. I’m just saying that since the both of us have been
deprived of…sensual pleasures…we should you know, um, casually have sex together. You know, we could do it when either of us are in the mood. No strings attached, no relationship, no nothing.” I remembering shrugging my shoulders, letting go of his hands, and standing up to look out the window.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Let’s do this John.” He smiled, and got up to stand next to me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and planted a kiss against the side of my head.

“You won’t regret this, babe.”

Little did John know that I was still a virgin when this pact was made between the two of us. Maybe that’s another reason I’d fallen in love with John so quickly, maybe I was like some of those girls who fall in love with a snap of the fingers. Maybe I become too attached to quickly. Or maybe I’d always been in love with John and I never knew.

Perhaps I’d never have fully fallen in love with John if he hadn’t decided that we do this. Maybe I’d be having sex with some other man my age, or maybe not. Who knows?

But, this is our story. My story of how I finally let my feelings be known to not only myself but John. The name is Andrea Owens, and this is how I fell in love with my best friend.