Spirit Desire

“Are you supposed to give someone a present during their engagement party?” I asked Gabriela as I stood before her closet and tried to pick a dress from her clothes. I wasn’t sure why I was asking her since she was eighteen and the chances of anyone she knew having an engagement party was pretty slim, “like, it’s not even announced yet would it be weird if I bring her anything?”

“Use the black sleeveless dress in the back,” she motioned towards the closet as she applied mascara to her eyes, “it’ll look good with your hair down and with the gold necklace daddy gave you.”

“You’re right,” I mumbled as I pushed through clothes to reach the black dress, “now answer my question, gift or no gift?”

“No gift,” she answered and flopped down on her bed, “it’ll be awkward to show up with a present when no one else knows what the party’s for. Plus, I don’t think that’s a thing, just wait until the wedding. Do you even have a present for them already?”

“True, I think you’re right,” I shimmied on the black dress and let down my hair, “no I don’t have a present yet, I didn’t know whether or not it was a thing to give people engagement party presents so I hadn’t picked one out. I thought I could go and get them something before the party.”

“It’s 5:36 and Natalie wants you to go a bit earlier to Chris’ house to help her set up and help her choose what to wear. When were you going to find the time to go shopping for them?” she laughed.

I grabbed a strand of hair and curled it, “I know, I wasn’t thinking, now are you ready?” I asked her and released the strand of hair from the hair curler and ran my hands through it.

“Yeah I am,” she stood up and smoothed down the white sundress she was wearing and grabbed a pair of beige wedges from her closet, “let’s go and help Natalie.”

I nodded my head before slipping on a pair of flip flops and grabbing a pair of heels. There is no way I could drive in heels and Gabriela was the worst driver in the family. Since Matthew and my mom weren’t going to Natalie’s and Chris’ party since they felt they were going to feel out of place amongst younger people they decided to send Gaby as their representative and since Gaby was always more than excited to go anywhere that wasn’t school of one of her club meeting she had roped us into having to help Natalie take care of things before everyone else arrived.

That’s how we found ourselves barefoot in Chris’ house running around trying to get everything to Natalie’s liking and setting out some food thirty minutes before people were supposed to arrive for dinner. Natalie had decided to have some French restaurant cater the whole thing. There were two guys and a woman in Chris’ kitchen cooking up steaks and a ton of potatoes. Luckily Chris has gotten his parent’s house when they decided to move back to New York City and so he had a huge kitchen and the people working were hidden from the dining room’s view. Natalie really got lucky since she was going to live in a really nice home.

“When are your parent’s going to get here?” I asked her as all three of us when around the table placing the silverware on napkins. A boring and repetitive job since the dining room table sat twelve people, sixteen if people squeezed in together and by the looks of it there were going to be sixteen people at the dinner. Why the Fitzgerald’s needed a twelve person dining room table when there was only three people in the family was unknown to me.

“They’re not,” she mumbled sadly, “they said it was too last minute for them to catch a flight down here and it would be too expensive and troublesome to find a hotel and all that. I had to tell them on the phone that I was engaged. They told me they would try and make it here for the wedding.”

“I’m sorry Natalie,” I replied and patted her shoulder and I passed her in my silverware placing routine, “I’m sure they’re really happy for you.”

“Oh yeah they totally are,” she said sarcastically, “they just couldn’t make it down to San Diego and to my new home, just like your asshole of a boyfriend.”

Notice how he was no longer referred to as her older brother but only as my asshole boyfriend. Which he was, he was a total asshole and still hadn’t gotten over the fact that his younger sister was going to marry someone. I had tried talking to Javier the past two days but he was still too angry at his sister to get over it. I didn’t understand why he was so angry and why he couldn’t even talk about his sister.

“Listen Natalie,” I started as I hugged from her side, “don’t let my asshole of a boyfriend get you down today. He has some stuff he has to think about. He’s probably really proud of you and how you’re both handling this situation but it’s gotta be weird for him to think that you don’t need him anymore and that you have your life now. I mean, it’s been just the two of you since you were seventeen and your parents moved to Seattle. He’s been the one with you this whole time and it probably feels weird that you won’t need him anymore.”

“But you’d think he’d be happy that he doesn’t have to feel responsible for me, or take care of me—none of which I ever asked him to do,” her eyes watered and she sat down on the wooden chair.

“He is happy that you are in a relationship with someone you love and you two are getting married. It’s just probably weird for him to think about how radically both of your lives are going to change. He probably feels you’re going to leave him behind or something.”

“Leave it to you to defend Javier when he’s being an asshole,” she laughed.

“I’m not defending him Natalie,” I smiled and placed the last set of silverware down on the table, “I’m just telling you how I probably would feel if I was Javier. Trust me, if you wanted to punch him in the face and call him asshole to his face I would let you cause he’s supposed to be happy for you and because he’s making you feel sad when you’re supposed to be only feeling good things.”

“Thanks Adri, could you call him again,” she sighed loudly, “can you call him and ask him to come? I just really want someone from my family to be here and since mom and dad can’t come to this I at least want him to be here.”

I nodded my head, “I’ll go call him, you go and check on the food. People are supposed to be coming in like ten minutes.” I smiled and quickly walked up the stairs where I dialed the familiar number on my cell phone.

On the third ring he picked up and started off the conversation by saying he wasn’t coming to Natalie’s engagement party.

“Javi come one, it’s your sister. She really wants you here, your parents aren’t coming because it’s too much of a bother for them to come down here. She needs you here Javi,” I pleaded.

“Luz, I told you,” he sighed loudly and I could just imagine him on the other side of the line running his hand down his face in frustration. We had had this conversation four times the past two days, “I don’t agree with this whole sequence of events and I don’t think it’s right that she’s getting married just because she’s pregnant.”

“It’s not like that,” I tried to argue, “they actually really like each other and this is just the next logical next step. It just happens that she’s also pregnant.”

“Well I don’t like this Adri. Just tell her I wish her the best or something, but I’m not going to the dinner thing,” he said, “now I’ve gotta go. Come by after the dinner’s done.”

“God Javier, you can be such an asshole,” I said angrily, “there’s no way I’m going to go with you after the dinner. I don’t even want to see you right now, go fuck yourself,” I hung up the phone and took a deep breath before walking down the stairs and looking for Natalie.

She was already in the hallway greeting some people with Chris and I slipped off my flip flops before putting on the heels and going to Gaby who was already sitting in the living room sipping on some coke. She smiled as she saw me coming and we greeted the couple who came into the kitchen. They were some friends of Chris since high school and they were possibly some of the most boring guys I had ever met, I was patiently waiting until some of Natalie’s guests came in since the possibility of them also being my friends was big.

That idea was proven true when I saw Daniela and Sarah walk through the threshold to the living room and we immediately got to talking about our current situation and about high school. All throughout high school the four of us were inseparable but it seemed like time had paired us off and Natalie and I had remained best friends and the both of them continued being best friends, so much that they were living together in LA while Daniela worked as a wedding planner and Sarah worked as at some environmental company.

We continued chatting on the small leather couch as more people came into the house. Daniela and Sarah were speculating the reason as to why Natalie and Chris were having a dinner party and a few times they proposed that Natalie was pregnant but they always pushed that idea aside and they settled on her getting engaged—but since she wasn’t wearing a ring they weren’t completely sure. They settled on thinking that Natalie was probably going to move with Chris to New York and now they were sad that she was going to move so far away.

Out of all the people that were in the living room I could only recognize about four people and I was getting worried that the dinner was going to start before everyone got here. Natalie said the dinner started at 6:30, but she planned for dinner to be served at 7:00 when she guessed everyone would have gotten to their house. It was now 6:45 and some people were starting to make their way to the dining room.

Every time someone came into the living room I looked over to see if it was Javier, but he never showed up. As we all moved over to the dining room five minutes before 7:00 the last group of people came in. It was all the member of Chris’ band. I had expected Matt to be at the house the whole time but Natalie had let me know that he had moved out when Natalie and Chris decided to move in together and since it was Chris’ parent’s house he decided it was the best for him to move out. He was now living with Jack and James, the twins.

The three of them came walking into the dining room with Leone and they greeted everyone in the room. The twins gravitated towards Gaby and James knocked off the flirting when I told him she was my baby sister and was only eighteen. He said he flirting was perfectly legal with an eighteen-year-old before I narrowed my eyes at him and he turned red and walked away.

“Hey Adriana,” I heard to my right and saw Leone standing there. I smiled as I took him in—if I thought he was attractive on a stage without a shirt and playing bass it didn’t compare to him wearing a nice black dress shirt and hugged his toned chest and showed off his toned arms.

“Hey Leone,” I smiled and gave him a hug, “how are you?” I asked as I turned to him.

“I’m doing good tesorina,” he smiled, “how are you?”

“I’ve been well,” I answered, “working and whatnot.”

“That’s good tesorina, have you tried getting that job at the Children’s Hospital?” he asked.

“As a matter of fact I am going to apply. I’ve gotten it on very good authority that the maternity ward is planning to expand by early next year and since I always wanted to work with newborns and children it would be a great fit and the pay would be a lot better,” he chuckled and took a sip of his wine.

It felt so grown up to be drinking wine instead of vodka or beers like we seemed to always do when we were all together. At that moment Gaby walked up to us and she looked between us both before she settled on Leone and then a look of recognition flashed across her face.

“You’re that guy that was making out with Adri like a month ago,” she pointed at him and my face turned bright red, “oh my god, Salvador and I saw you guys when you almost fell into my mom’s rose bushes,” she cackled loudly and Leone joined in.

“You’re so embarrassing,” I hissed at Gaby, “I can’t take you out anywhere. Leone, this is my sister annoying Gaby. Gaby this is Leone.”

“I don’t think that was me she was making out with as you put it,” he laughed and pushed the sleeves of his button up to his elbows. I stared at the muscles that flexed while he moved and the colors that swirled around on his forearms. I think if I had any favorite place on a man it was their arms, and if anyone had nice arms it was Leone.

“No, no,” Gaby said and took a sip of her drink, “it was you. Javier doesn’t have tattoos on his arms and unless Adri was seeing someone else it was definitely you. Plus you’re pretty cute and totally the type that Adriana goes for,” she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly and I turned red.

I pinched her side lightly and she slapped my hand.

“Is that right?” Leone asked and raised his eyebrows at me while he crossed his arms over his chest.

“We should be sitting down for dinner, it’s supposed to be served in a few minutes,” I said trying to divert attention away from Gaby’s comment. There was no way I wasn’t going to have a serious talk with her when we got home.

“Gaby you are so annoying and I don’t have a type,” I told her in Spanish and she just rolled her eyes before we sat down in front of Natalie and Chris who smiled at everyone who was sitting down at the table.

“Do you have any idea what this is about?” Leone asked as he sat down on the empty seat next to me.

I shook my head and lied, “no, I haven’t talked to Natalie since they got back from New York. Have you talked to Chris or Natalie?”

“Nope, they’ve been pretty secretive since they got back. I’ve only talked to Matt since he went to live with Jack and James. My guess is they’re getting married or something. Or they went and got a marriage license while they were in New York City, but I don’t think Chris is one to do something so quickly like that.”

“You have been thinking about this,” I said and took a sip of red wine. I hated red wine but I felt the occasion called for it, everyone else was drinking wine, except for Natalie who was, of course, pregnant and Gaby who was eighteen. My face scrunched up every time I took a sip.

“Don’t drink wine if you don’t like it,” Leone laughed and poured me a glass of water before taking my glass of wine, “I have been thinking about it. When Chris invited us over here for dinner that was all he said and he’s never been secretive so something must be up,” he snapped his fingers. “I got it, they’re moving to New York and this is a farewell kind of thing.”

“If they’re moving then why did Matt move out? He would have the house to himself,” I raised an eyebrow.

“Nice try Adriana, but you’re forgetting one key fact,” he tapped his temple with his finger twice before continuing, “Chris’ parents own this house. So if Natalie and Chris were to move to New York City then there would be no need for a house in San Diego. They would probably sell it.”

“Well I’m sure they’ll let us now pretty soon since the food’s starting to come out,” I motioned towards two of the cooks who were bringing out plates of salad to the people sitting around the table.

The dinner was amazing—Natalie had told me beforehand that her parents were fronting the cost for the dinner since they couldn’t be there so she and Chris went all out. There were three courses: salad with goat cheese and pine nuts which were Natalie’s favorite, steak au poivre with asparagus and potatoes au gratin, and cheese tasting course with red wine.

We were now finishing up with eating some mini chocolate cakes and ice cream, which I wasn’t eating because I felt vanilla ice cream was the worst and shouldn’t even exist. Leone laughed when I told him this and he took the ice cream from my plate and ate it himself.

Chris stood up from his seat and got everyone’s attention before he started speaking, “Natalie and I would like to thank you guys for making it to our house tonight on such short notice. We hope you all enjoyed the food and now we’d like to make a little announcement.”

“They’re moving,” Leone whispered in my ear, “they wouldn’t have given us such good food if they were staying here.”

I shushed him before I smiled at Natalie who stood up from her seat. Chris hand immediately curled around her waist and she laced her fingers with his hand that was hugging her hip. My eyes zeroed in on her hand that was now sporting her engagement ring. They had timed it perfectly and now they could tell everyone they were engaged and Natalie could show off her ring.

“We wanted all of our friends to be here when we announced something extremely important to the both of us—” Chris started but Natalie cut him off.

“We’re engaged,” she squealed and showed everyone the beautiful ring, “we’re going to get married!”

Chris laughed, “we wanted to announce that we are engaged. We got engaged while we were in New York.”

“and,” Natalie started, “we’re also expecting a baby. And no, it’s not a shotgun wedding, we’re getting married because we want to not just because I’m pregnant.”

Everyone at the table began congratulating the couple and asking all the regular questions. When they were getting married, when the baby was due, where they were going to get married.

“You knew about this didn’t you?” Leone asked as people began crowding around the couple. Daniela and Sarah were squealing with Natalie over her ring.

I nodded my head, “yeah, I knew the day they got back to San Diego,” I smiled triumphantly. “My family and her brother were the first to know about the engagement and the baby.”

He nodded his head and took a sip of his wine, “where is Natalie’s brother? He’s your boyfriend right?”

I frowned slightly, “yeah he’s my boyfriend. He couldn’t make it here tonight.”

“Couldn’t make it?” he asked, “it’s his sister’s engagement party. If it was my sister I would have dropped everything else.”

I rolled my eyes, “I don’t know why he couldn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just if my younger sister was going to announce she was going to get married I would have made it my first priority to be here celebrating with her.”

“Well you’re not Javier and he’s obviously not here,” I narrowed my eyes at the plate in front of me, “so please drop it.”

He raised his hands up and the conversation ended. I was so sick of having to explain to everyone Javier’s behavior. To my mom, to Gaby, to Natalie. I didn’t want to feel responsible for him and try to make everyone see things from his point of view—which was completely wrong.

“I’m sorry Leone,” I mumbled, “I’ve been really stressed about work and about trying to keep this a secret and my boyfriend being an asshole. I didn’t mean to be mean.”

“You weren’t being mean Adriana,” he smiled and finished off his glass of wine, “now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and congratulate the happy couple.”

I nodded and watched as he stood up from his chair and joined James, Jack, and Matt who then went up to Chris and congratulated him. Matt grabbed Chris in a tight hug and managed to lift him up a bit before they all congratulated him loudly. Leone did the same to Natalie and twirled her in the air a couple of times before he set her down and Matt did the same. They only stopped when Chris went over protective and said they shouldn’t do something like that since she was pregnant.

Natalie smiled at them and I thought about how lucky she was to be surrounded by so many people who were extremely happy for her and Chris and to be with someone who cared for her so much like Chris did.

“Did you see the ring?” Daniela asked me as she walked up to my sister and I.

I nodded my head, “I did and it’s beautiful. Chris’ mom gave it to him to give to Natalie when they were in New York the past couple of weeks.”

“We knew it,” Sarah exclaimed, “you already knew they were engaged.” I nodded my head.

“She told me not to tell anyone.”

“We get it,” Daniela said, “it’s all about secrecy. Natalie’s all about dramatics. So pretty soon we’re going to be getting one of these calls for you and Javier won’t we?”

“Oh yeah,” Gaby mumbled and I pinched her side again. She rolled her eyes at me before flouncing away in the direction of James. No doubt to terrorize him some more.

“We haven’t talked about that sort of stuff yet,” I answered, “we’re taking things a bit slower this time around.”

“How slow are you taking things Adriana,” Sarah laughed, “you’re been together basically five years, it’s about time he put a ring on your finger.”

I laughed along with them, but my stomach dropped as I thought about they were saying because I knew we hadn’t talked about anything like marriage seriously because Javier had no intentions of asking me to marry him. He was perfectly content with the way we were and lately with everything that was happening and everyone around me solidifying their relationships I wasn’t so sure I was as content as he was.

“Your sister is terrorizing James,” Natalie said as she sat down on the couch. I looked around the room and my eyes landed on Gaby who was talking to James, “I think he thinks she’s cute.”

“Of course she’s cute,” I said, “she’s a Sandoval and my sister, she has to be cute.” I flipped my hair and we laughed.

“You should go over there and stop it before she makes him cry or ask he asks her out on a date.”

“You’re right,” I said as I placed my glass on the table and smoothed down my dress, “besides, we should get going pretty soon. She has to wake up early tomorrow for a tennis match.”

“Oh okay,” she smiled and stood up with me.

We both walked over to where James and Gaby were sitting and she didn’t seem to be terrorizing him. They were talking about some book and James seemed to be paying way too much attention to her—trust me if I had to sit and listen to Gaby talk about some 20th century French writer I would never look at Gaby how James was.

“Are you done flirting?” I asked as I sat on the armrest of the couch.

James rolled his eyes, “we are done flirting,” he smiled cheekily, “we were now talking about Sartre and Camus, and I just invited her out to dinner.”

“Gross,” I mumbled and Gaby laughed, “Come on, it’s getting late and mom said I had to get you back home at a reasonable hour.”

“It’s only 10:30,” she objected but still stood up and followed me. “I’ll see you Tuesday James,” she smiled.

I raised my eyebrows in questioning at her but she just shrugged her shoulders and we walked towards Chris and Natalie who were talking to Leone and some other unknown guy. I had to keep this Tuesday meeting in mind for the ride home so I could terrorize her.

“We’re going to get going now,” I smiled at Chris, “we just wanted to say congratulations another time.”

“Thank you guys for coming, and tell my nina that I’m still angry at her for not coming even if she sent Gaby,” Natalie smiled and hugged the both of us, “now let me walk both of you guys outside.”

“No, stay here with all your guests,” I smiled.

“Stay here Natalie, I’ll walk them out. I’m heading out too,” Leone said from Gaby’s right.

“We don’t need to be walked out of your house Natalie,” Gaby rolled her eyes in typical teenage behavior, “the mini cooper is right outside, I doubt anything bad will happen to us if we walk out there.” She pulled her cell phone out of her bag and began texting as she walked to the front door.

“Teenagers am I right?” Leone laughed as he swung his arm around and led us away from the small group of people. The all waved and I waved back and yelled at Natalie that I would talk to her later before Leone and I walked in silence out of the house.

“Where did you leave your car?”

“Didn’t bring it tonight, I’m staying at my mom’s house tonight since my sister and her family came down to visit,” he answered and he pushed his hands into his jean pockets.

“Oh, do you need a ride to her house?” I asked as we stopped in front of the car. Gaby said a quick goodbye before she went to the passenger side and slid into the car, no doubt rejoicing over the fact she could choose what radio station we would listen to on the way home.

“Not really Adriana,” he chuckled.

“Well it’s your loss, now you’re going to have to get a ride with James and from what I heard from Natalie he’s not a very good driver,” I laughed.

“I don’t have a ride anywhere Adriana,” he smiled, “my mom lives right there,” he pointed across the street to a house that looked almost identical to the one we had just had dinner in.

“Oh that’s nice,” I smiled, “that’s probably why you and Chis are friends.”

He nodded his head, “yeah, so I’ll see you some other time Adriana,” he smiled warmly before opening the driver’s seat. I smiled towards him before he grabbed me in a hug and my arms went around his shoulders, “we’re having a show at the Tavern next week. It’d be great if you could make it.”

I unwound my hands from his shoulder and placed them on his arms that were still curled around his waist, “I think I’ll probably be able to make it. Save me a shot of tequila or something.”

“Will do Adriana,” he stepped away from me and gestured to the open door.

I slid in and he said a goodnight to both Gaby and I before he began to walk across the street to his mother’s house. “Put on your seatbelt,” I said as I turned on the engine in the car. Gaby was sitting in the passenger tapping away on her cell phone with the radio on full volume.

“You’re so obvious Adriana,” she said as she slipped her phone into her jacket and shifted in her seat to look at me.

“What do you mean?” I asked as I backed out of the driveway.

“You so want to have sex with that Leone guy,” she drew out the so in her sentence.

“What are you talking about?” I rolled my eyes and merged into the freeway.

“You so want to bone him Adri, it’s so obvious,” she laughed.

“Are you forgetting I have a boyfriend Gaby?” I asked, “besides you shouldn’t be talking about these things, you’re seventeen. Focus on applying to college and all your weird clubs instead trying to meddle into my life.”

“I’m seventeen Adri, not a nun. I watch all the novela mom watches and I’ve had Sex Ed, I know about these things,” she said. “Plus about Javier, he’s the only person you’ve ever been with and he’s not the coolest guy ever. You should try something new.”

“Well, I don’t like you talking about my sex life Gaby or anyone’s sex life. You can’t have sex until you’re twenty-five or you're married. And I’ve been another guy,” I stuck my tongue out at her, “remember Alain, the one that lived next to the apartment dad bought in Paris. We dated while I was there.”

“Gross Adriana,” she yelled, “he’s like twenty years older than you—” she said.

“Twelve years Gaby. Besides who are you to talk? You were flirting with James who’s like 10 ten years older than you.”

“He’s four years older Adri and it’s not even a date. We’re going to some lecture thing at UCSD’s library, did you know he wrote an easy on French expatriate writers while in college. Focusing on Camus? The lecture’s going to be on French writers from the 1930’s.”

“God you are so lame Gaby,” I said as I ruffled her hair, “you’re like a forty year old woman and your obsession over French writers is almost as bad as that weird period you went through and thought Lenin was super cute and tried to learn Russian.”

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t have weird obsessions Adri, besides we were talking about you. Twelve years is eight more than four, and it’s gross. So you’ve been with two guys, you still need to meet more people” she started, “I mean Javier is an asshole, we saw that proven tonight when he didn’t even call Natalie to say congrats. Besides, if you want to go to town,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “with the Leone guy I say go for it, he’s really hot.”

“I’m not thinking about to town with anyone who’s not Javier. Who I’m in a committed relationship with if you hadn't noticed,” I mumbled, “not that I’m thinking about to town with anyone.”

“It’s sex Adri, get over it. As I was saying,” she started, “I’m pretty sure he’d be up for it. At least from what I saw in there he’d be really happy to take you to town and do the nasty. I mean that hug was way more than goodbye friend kind of hug. It was an I want to see you naked and—”

“Gaby!” I yelled. “I don’t want to talk about this,” I muttered as I parked the car in the driveway. “Nothing’s going on or will go on.”

For some reason that sentence made me feel even worse than thinking that my relationship with Javier was going nowhere.