Spirit Desire

I fidgeted nervously as I sat in the small waiting room, here I was waiting to go into an interview for my dream job. I was questioning everything. What if I had forgotten how to hold a newborn? Or how to give shots without them hurting the baby too much? And what if my skirt was too short or I was showing too much boob? Worst of all, what if they just didn’t like me? What if whoever was going to interview me thought that because my sister in law had recommended me I was up to par? Some sort of nepotism on her part?

I was way too nervous and I was regretting the grande black coffee I had bought from Starbucks a half an hour ago. I composed myself as they called out Ms. Sandoval and I followed a guy to a small office where the interview was going to be held—fixing my skirt and blouse up on the walk there.

A grueling forty minutes later I walked out of the office feeling good about myself. I knew I was probably going to be one of the less experienced people applying for the job since I had only my current job and my internship at a woman’s clinic as references but I felt good. As people say, you only fail if you didn’t try and well I had tried. The rest was up to fate, or luck, whichever I believed in more on any given day.

“Como te fue?” my mom asked excitedly as she turned down the volume on the television and turned towards the loveseat I was occupying. Matthew was at her side and he peered up from the book her was reading before shutting it close and smiling at me patiently.

“I think it went well,” I smiled widely, “I’m not 100 percent sure I will get the job because there are probably a lot of qualified people going for it too but I think I did my best and really sold myself to them.”

“That’s good,” my mom said and Matthew nodded his head and wished me luck once more. “You are a good nurse Adrianita, everyone loves you and I’m sure they loved you at the hospital.”

“Gracias mami,” I kissed her cheek as I began walking towards the starts, “let’s cross out fingers and hope it happens.”

“You don’t need luck Adriana,” Matthew smiled at me and at that moment I was thankful he was there, “you’re more than qualified.”

“Thanks Matthew,” I shouted as I ran up the stairs.

I quickly changed out of the black skirt and cream blouse before putting on jeans and one of my dad’s old oversized Joy Division t-shirt to go pick up Gaby in. Since I had bought myself a car my mom felt it was necessary for me to begin picking up my little sister from her tennis practice rather than her.

I wanted to be annoying as I waited outside of the high school for Gaby. She was standing by a large oak tree talking to a couple of boys and girl who were all carrying tennis rackets, they all probably played tennis together. I wanted to honk at her a few times but decided against it when I remembered how embarrassing my brothers had all been when I was younger. I wouldn’t do that to Gaby.

“Finally done?” I raised an eyebrow at her and started up the car again.

“We have a tournament on Monday, we were talking about riding arrangements and all that,” she explained as she buckled up her seatbelt, “how was your interview?”

“I think it went well,” I smiled at her, “the lady was really nice and she seemed to like me, but I’m not getting my hopes up for anything.”

“Don’t say that, you should be hopeful,” she said as she tried to find a radio station that was actually playing some music rather than commercials.

“Nah, I’m going to keep my hopes super low, just so that if I don’t get it I won’t be too disappointed and if I do then I’ll be just as happy.”

“You always do this and in the end you always do or get what you wanted Adri, just let yourself want something badly,” she rolled her eyes, “are you going out tonight?”

I nodded my head, “yeah, Natalie wants me to go with her to see Chris and his band tonight. Most likely just because she hates going out to places alone if she can’t get drunk,” I shrugged my shoulders and laughed.

“Oh,” she said disappointedly.

“Why?” I asked as I caught on to her tone, “did we have plans or something tonight?”

She shook her head, “no, we didn’t have plans. I just wanted to hang out, we haven’t hung out ever since you started working and it feels so weird. You never even watch novelas with me and mom.”

“I’m sorry Gaby,” I mumbled and I felt bad because I had been ignoring everyone. Just because we lived in the same house didn’t mean I talked to Gaby or my mom a lot lately. A shitty excuse but life and helping Natalie with her wedding arrangements had taken over everything else. “I’ve been so busy with Natalie and freaking out over this interview that I hadn’t even thought of you or mom.”

“I know, it’s fine,” she shrugged her shoulders uncaringly. “it’s just weird because you’re hardly ever at home to just hang out and mom’s got Matthew now and I’m just at the house all alone you know? When you and Mariana left I had mom but now it’s mom and Matthew and me on the side.”

“I’m sorry Gaby, I promise I’ll try and make more time to do stuff with you,” I shoved her shoulder playfully.

“I don’t care,” she rolled her eyes but smiled, “it’s whatever. You’ll probably start talking to me about that Leone guy anyway and I don’t care about your non-existent love life.”

“Hey,” I yelled, “I have a love life thank you very much. And I wouldn’t talk about anyone besides Javier who is my boyfriend.”

“Whatever,” she inspected one of her nails—Gaby had the horrible habit of always biting her nails down to small stumps, “you haven’t even seen Javier in a couple of weeks cause he’s an asshole who doesn’t care about anyone else but himself.”

“Language Gaby,” I slapped her shoulder lightly, “and I’m seeing him today.”

She hummed, “is Leone going to be there?”

“Well,” I started, “seeing as he is the bassist in Chris’ band he will probably be there playing the bass, but I don’t know, maybe the band decided to get rid of their bassists. I’m not his keeper Gaby.”

“God, you have it so bad,” she rolled her eyes.

“and you’re the worst,” I stuck out my tongue and she rolled her eyes before turning up the volume.

The ride home was silent as we listened to Alt-J, which was the band she decided to be obsessed with this week. She had these weird periods of time when she would listen to one band and one band only and by the end of it everyone in the house would be sick of whoever she was listening to. I was already getting sick of John Newman’s voice.

“I’m going to help you get dressed,” she said as she bounced into my room after dumping her tennis racket and sporting equipment in her room. No doubt on the floor where she kept all her things.

I nodded my head, “as long as you don’t put on Alt-J,” I commented as I sat down on the bed and let her go through all of the clothing in my closet.

“This will get Leone’s attention,” she wiggled her eyebrows as she threw a small black skirt at me.

“Shut up Gaby,” I muttered as I plugged in my hair curler to curl the few strands of hair that weren’t cooperating with the rest of my hair. “Besides, Javier’s going to be there. We made plans to meet up at the bar after Chris’ band plays and I’m staying over at his place tonight.” I smiled widely and curled some strands of hair.

“Hmm,” she mumbled as she chose a low cut maroon blouse to go along with it, “well, in case Javier doesn’t show up,” I glared at her as she said that, “which we all know is a huge possibility. You’ll be able to impress Leone wit this, or any other random guy there. Whichever one seems more appealing.”

“You’re seventeen Gaby, stop talking like that,” I rolled my eyes before shimmying out of my jeans and replacing them with the skirt. I furrowed my eyebrows as it felt a bit tighter than normal on my hips and decided I really needed to stop eating so much takeout.

“I know I’m seventeen which is why I’m telling you all of this. We high school girls know about these things,” she nodded sagely. “You seem to know nothing about these things anymore. Since you came from France and then from LA you’re so boring. Don’t they say the best way to know if someone loves you is to make them jealous?”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard Gaby.”

“but it’s true, and that’s why you’re wearing the clothes I picked out for you,” she smiled triumphantly, “wear it with the leather jacket and you’ll look great. Javier and Leone won’t be able to keep their hands off you.”

“Stop it Gaby,” I swung a scarf at her and it missed her horribly, “I don’t want anyone’s hand on me beside Javier’s who I’m dating. Now stop talking about this, it’s so weird to talk to you about these things.”

“Whatever,” she smiled and flipped her hair over one shoulder, “Now go off into Javier’s arms. Don’t forget we’re going to hang out tomorrow, pig out on ice cream and chips and watch Zoolander okay?” she left the room and I fluffed my hair twice before placing my feet in some short heels and walking out of my room.

“Tell mom not to wait up for me,” I yelled to Gaby as I noticed no one else was in the house. She yelled back an okay as I shut the door behind me. “Gross,” I mumbled to myself as I turned on the car and realized Gaby had left her CD in the car—the girl was weird, she only liked listening to music in cars when they were in CD’s. I quickly ejected the CD and plugged in my phone and let the sounds of Brian Molko’s voice fill my car.

The Tavern was full of people as I got there—it was Friday night and the Tavern had a special every Friday night on cocktails and everyone seemed to come and fill up the place. I eyes wandered around the area as I looked for any familiar face. I caught Natalie sitting by herself in a large booth towards the back.

“Hey,” I smiled as I slid next to Natalie who was sitting in a booth. It was an unbearably hot day—like almost all were in San Diego for fall—and my legs felt weird as they stuck to the black vinyl material of the booth.

Natalie smiled as she gave me a side hug and kissed my cheek, “thank God you’re here. It’s so boring and all the guys are in the back doing something. I had never realized how boring it is being a supportive girlfriend when you can’t drink.”

I laughed loudly, “remember all those times we had to suffer through Javier’s shows. It’s a mystery to me how we managed to do that without getting drunk every show.”

She nodded her hear enthusiastically, “I thought I was done with that but here I am, pregnant, engaged, twenty five and my fiancé playing up there with his band.”

“Oh it’s not too bad, at least he has a real job. Unlike Javier when he was 18,” I snickered.

She nodded her head and sat up straighter when the music became a bit lower, “oh they’re on,” Natalie smiled. We both turned to the small stage where the boys began walking out onto the stage with they’re instruments.

“I think this is their last shows,” Natalie commented slowly as Chris began speaking to the crowd.

“Really?” I furrowed my eyebrows as I saw Chris smiling to a couple of people in the front. They all seemed so happy up there and every time I had seen them they seemed to be really excited to be playing music.

“Yeah,” Natalie began and took a sip of her water, “Chris doesn’t want to be in the band anymore because we’re having a baby and he wants to be around me more. He says the band takes too much out of his time.”

“That’s noble of him.”

“No it isn’t,” she shook her head. Chris stopped talking to the audience and Matt began playing the opening notes to Interpol’s Obstacle 1, I guess it was going to be a covers type of night for their band. “It’s nice that he wants to spend more time with me while I’m pregnant and when the baby comes but I know he doesn’t want to leave this behind. They might not be big, and in all honestly we all know they’re not going to get big but he likes doing this. I don’t want him to sacrifice this and have his life just revolve around me, the baby and his job.”

“I think that’s something he wants to do Natalie,” I commented, “I think you should let him know that you’re not asking him to give this up and that you want him to do whatever he wants to do. If he still doesn’t want to play then you’ll know that it’s because he wants to be with you right now, not because he feels obligated to do so.”

“You’re right,” she smiled and hugged me once more, “God, I wish I could have a beer or some tequila right now. I have five more months to wait until I can do that again,” she pouted.

“More if you want to breastfeed,” I commented as took a sip from the water bottle Natalie had in front of her, “you can’t drink alcohol and feed the baby, it’s bad for the baby.”

She frowned, “I hadn’t thought of that.”

I nodded my head and turned to the makeshift state where the five of them were playing some Joy Division song. My eyes immediately wandered to Leone and I noticed he had cut his hair. Two weeks ago when I had last seen him his brown hair was in a disarray atop his head but now his hair was cropped. It made his face look better if there was any way—stronger and more masculine and I continued staring as he laughed at something with Matt and his fingers moved knowingly on the bass. The tiniest part of me hoped that the plan Gaby had concocted up in her would work when they got off stage.

Gaby’s knowledge about these types of things was confirmed when Leone complimented me on the way I looked when the band came to sit down on the booth.

“Thanks,“ I smiled as I placed my hands on the faux wooden table and he sat down next to me. The seven of us were squished almost uncomfortably on the table and Chris ordered a round of beers for everyone, except for himself, Natalie, Matt and I.

“You’re not drinking?” Leone asked as he took a large gulp from his beer.

“Not tonight,” I answered, “solidarity with my pregnant friend and I’m driving.”

“That’s nice of you,” he smiled, “I wouldn’t be able to do that. Everyone knows that there’s nothing better than having a cold beer on a hot night.” He took another gulp and slammed his glass on the table, “I mean just look at this condensation and the color. You can tell so much about beer with the color and this is good beer.”

“Nice try,” I nodded my head, “but I don’t like beer so that isn’t tempting in the least.”

He laughed and shook his head before reclining back on the booth and placing both his arms over the backrest of the booth. One going around me and the other going Matt who batted his eyelashes at Leone and then cuddled into his side laughing. Leone shoved his off before laughing and Matt brushed it off as he began talking to Natalie and Chris again.

“So, how have you been?” he asked.

“I’ve been good,” I shifted so I was facing him and my knee rested on his thigh, “guess what I did today?”

“Bought a new car?” I shook my head, “learned how to make enchiladas?” I rolled my eyes and laughed, “did you get offered the nurse position at the clinic you work at?”

I shook my head, “nope, but you’re getting close,” I sang.

“Did you go to that interview you were talking about when you went to get your car checked?”

I nodded my head enthusiastically, “I did. I had an interview today and I think it went well. The new wing at the hospital opens up in June and there’s two more interviews I need to go to before I figure out if they are thinking of giving me the job. Then another and then if they decide to hire me there will be a three month trial period before deciding to keep me as a nurse of not. I'd start working there in March.”

“It’s hard being a nurse isn’t it?” he asked and his fingers danced on my shoulder.

“People care about their family you know? So it’s only fitting that the process to hire nurses and doctors would be so time consuming and difficult. You’re placing your wellbeing and sometimes life in someone’s hand, you at least want them to be competent.”

Leone nodded head and pulled me to his side in a hug, “well either way, congratulations on getting phase one over with. I’m sure you’ll hear good news soon.”

I placed my arm over his stomach which tensed under my touch as I returned the hug, “thank you.”

“How have the two love birds been lately? Has Natalie been hassling you about wedding stuff?” he asked as I removed my hand but his arm stayed around my shoulders.

“She’s the worst,” I pretend to whisper but I said it loud enough so that Natalie could hear me. She did and she turned to glare at me and stick out her tongue before returning her attention to Chris. “I feel like I’m getting a text message or two every single hour about something she needs done to prepare.”

“That’s an engaged woman for you,” he grabbed Matt’s beer who didn’t notice and took a large gulp.

“Don’t take other people’s stuff,” I said loudly as I slapped his chest lightly and moved the glass further away from him and directly in Matt’s view. “What about Chris? Has he been annoying you?”

He shook his head, “not at all, we guys tend to be more relaxed about these things. It’s the girls who care more about them. I’m telling you, Chris would much rather just go down to city hall, get a marriage license and call it a day. It’s the girls who like making a big show of these types of things.”

“God, I wish I could be best man to someone instead of maid of honor,” I frowned, “Natalie has me going crazy over all the preparations.”

“I’m sure she’ll repay you the favor,”

“Yeah, well,” I laughed, “I planned to get married in Vegas at the little chapel by Circus Circus.”

He laughed, “so our deal’s still on then? Granted, who knows if Celine Dion will still have her residency by then.”

I rolled my eyes and slapped his bicep again to which he tightened his hold, “we have to see her show first, I will only marry you if she sings ‘All By Myself’,” I said flirtatiously and chastised myself for being so forward and flirty with Leone when I knew my boyfriend was going to come in at any moment.

“Well then we better hurry up and drive to Las Vegas tonight,“ he said seriously.

“Well, as much as I like Celine Dion and would like to see her play that song I don’t think Javier would appreciate me going and getting married to you behind his back,” I raised my eyebrows.

He chuckled and shifted in his seat.

“Now, what are you doing for Chris’ bachelor party?” I asked and tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, “Natalie wants me to know and make sure that you guys aren’t going to do something crazy.”

“Nothing too crazy,” he shrugged his shoulders and pushed some of the strand of hair that had escaped once more behind my ear. His hand lingered on my cheek and I quickly shifted and grabbed a bottle of water from the table. It was getting too hot in the small booth and I hoped Javier wouldn’t take much longer.

“I really need to cut my hair,” I commented as I grabbed a clip from my small purse and clipped half of my hair up.

“Don’t,” he said quietly and curled his fingers around some of the waves that rested below my breast, “you have such pretty black hair, most women would kill for it. Don’t do yourself a disservice.”

I nodded my head and he removed his hand from my hair before shifting towards me so that his body was facing mine and his hands rested on his lap. “I do, it’s all the way down to my ass and it’s getting ridiculous to try and keep it tame. You did the same,” I mentioned as I playfully rubbed his head, he shifted his head lower and I giggled as he nuzzled his head into my neck.

“Yeah, well my niece got gum in it and rather than putting some weird shit on my head I decided to get it cut. Lorenzo shaved it off.”

“It’s nice,” I commented as I rubbed his head slowly and then brought my fingers down to his ear which I noticed had a point to it, “it brings out your little elf ear,” I laughed obnoxiously and he turned red. “Little Legolas”

“You’re a nerd,” he said and shifted so that my hand wasn’t on his ear anymore, “Lorenzo used to call me elf boy when we were younger.”

“When I was 16 my dad made everyone in the house watch the three Lord of the Rings movies back to back one winter break. It was horrible, I hate all of the movies,” I laughed. “Now tell me, how crazy is the party going to be?” I asked again.

“Nothing out of the ordinary, don’t worry,” he rolled his eyes and took a gulp of his beer which I’m sure was getting warm at this point, “just the regular. Some barhopping, a lot of drinking, and strippers.”

Natalie heard this and interjected into our conversation, “you better not be hiring strippers!” she yelled at Leone and shoved his arm which landed on my lap. He smiled awkwardly and moved it back to his lap before he turned to Natalie.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t mean strippers,” he laughed, “I mean hookers.”

Her eyes widened even more, “if you do that I will make sure you’re not Chris’ best man,” she narrowed her eyes.

“I’m getting you strippers Natalie, it’s the least I can do since you can’t even get drunk,” I commented and her eyes widened.

“Oh, then I guess it’s okay. It’ll be fair,” she nodded her head and Chris nuzzled his head into her neck.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do Natalie,” he said.

She cooed at him before they began talking and left our conversation.

“I wanted us to go to Tijuana and get super drunk down there, but since none of us speaks Spanish too well we decided it wasn’t the best idea. Plus the wait time to get back into San Diego is horrible. Not worth the cheap tequila and beer.”

I nodded my head, “Our party is going to be boring,” I frowned, “Natalie can’t drink or any of that fun stuff so we can’t really go to a bar unless she wants to see everyone else get super drunk while she’s drinking a virgin Piña Colada. So we’re having a quiet night in with lots of stripper and penis shaped stuff. A night to remember,” I laughed.

At that moment I saw Javier from the corner of my eye. I smiled and sat up straighter in my seat as he approached the table and sent me a timid smile. Natalie saw him approach and stared at him as he came to stand by our table, he of course didn’t spare her a glance and instead smiled at me.

“Are you ready to go Adri?” he asked.

I finished my water before nodding my head and trying to figure out a way to get out of the booth. “I am,” I said before deciding going around Leone and Matt would be the easiest way to leave the booth since Jack was at the bar. I hugged both of the guys before making my way over to Javier.

“Ya?” I asked as I wrapped my arm around his waist and his did the same. He nodded his head as his land lingered on my hip, drawing small circles on the maroon blouse. “Say hi to your sister,” I whispered into his ear and he rolled his eyes.

“Hey guys,” he nodded his head in that way that all guys do in greeting, “Hey Nat,” he smiled at her but it seemed more like a grimace and Chris hugged her to his side.

“Hey Javi,” she smiled, obviously just happy that he had decided to say anything to her instead of ignoring her like we both had thought he would. “I have to ask you somethings about the wedding and all that,” she said timidly and looked down at her hands.

“Sure,” he replied and I was happy that he was at least open to hearing her ask him to walk her down the aisle and be at her wedding, “but not right now,” she pouted. “Come over to the house one of these days and ask me. I have to go get this one to bed.” He nuzzled my neck and I laughed at the sensation of his stubble on my skin.

“I’ll go over Monday. Is that okay?” she asked.

Javier nodded his head and his grip on my hip tightened, “thank you for that,” I whispered into his neck.

“Well, we’re going to head out,” Javier smiled, “got a long night ahead of us.“

My eyes widened and I punched his shoulder, “You’re horrible Javier. No digas esas cosas,” I admonished. Matt laughed and whooped and Natalie snickered as if we were sixteen again. “You guys are the worst,” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m kidding,” he said but shook his head which earned him another punch.

“We’re going to leave before your brother embarrasses me anymore than his mere presence does,” I rolled my eyes and Javier grabbed my face and placed a long hard kiss on my lips.

“Let’s get out of here,” I nodded my head and turned to say goodbye to everyone. In the short time that our conversation took, Leone had left the table and I frowned as I didn’t get to say goodbye to him. “I’ll see you tomorrow Natalie? We have to go look at some stuff down at the hotel for the reception.”

She nodded her head, “okay. Bye Adri, bye Javier. I’ll see guys soon.”

“Come on,” Javier as he pulled me along with him and his hand slid down my side. Laying right above my bum and I cuddled into his side.

“What are you doing Garcia?” I asked as I grabbed his hand and placed it higher on my hip, as I was always way too uncomfortable with public displays of affection.

“Nothing Sandoval. Now let’s get you home and into bed,” his hand squeezed my hip again.

Javier’s hand reached over the center console and threaded his fingers through mine. My thumb rubbed circles on his hand and I smiled as I watched him drive through the dark streets. The drive to his house was silent and as soon as we got into his house we both kicked off our shoes before retreating to his bedroom.

Javier stared at me as I grabbed a shirt from his drawers and began to strip and change into his shirt. He took off his shirt and threw himself on the bed and turned on the television. I shook my hair out of the clip keeping it up before going to the bed and snuggling onto his side.

“Why are you always hanging around that guy?” Javier asked as we watched Sons of Anarchy in Natalie and his place—well, technically now his house since Natalie had moved out with Chris and he was the only one living there now.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked away from Jax talking to Clay about some gun shipment gone wrong. “What guy?” I asked.

“That guy in Chris’ band. Leon or something,” he trailed off and looked at me expectantly.

“His name’s Leone, and I don’t always hang around him,” I shook my head, “I was talking to Chris and Natalie throughout the night too.”

“Yeah, but every time he’s around you always make sure to stick by him,” he rolled his eyes and turned towards the television again. “When I came in you were all over each other, you were all giggly and he had his arms around you. I don’t like the kid.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes at him at that point—we were sitting next to each other simply talking as we were sitting in the middle of the booth with nowhere else to go. Leone’s arm was around my shoulder simply because he were in a booth and I was sitting beside him, he also had his arm around Matt but Javier didn’t comment on that. Also, why is it that every time a guy feels threatened by another guy they decide to call them kid?

“Are you jealous Javi?” I smiled as I sat up a bit and looked down him. His hands where crossed behind his head and he shook his head and muttered something about letting me blocking his view of the television. “You’re so jealous,” I laughed.

“Fuck off Adriana,” he said, “I’m not jealous.”

“You are,” I laughed and uncrossed his arms from behind his head, he rolled his eyes but a hint of a smile appeared on his lips. “You are so jealous, I like it.” I slid my hands down arms before swinging my leg over his and straddling him, his hands pinned beneath mine.

Javier pulled his hand out from underneath my grasp and moved some of my hair behind my ear before smiling. I shrieked as he used his weight to move us so I was underneath him and his hands were pinning mine above my head. He smiled before beginning to sloppily kiss my neck and cheeks. I laughed as his scruffy beard began tickling my face and I told myself to remind him to shave soon.

“Of course I’m jealous Adriana,” he smiled before kissing me. His mouth slanted over mine and I smiled into the kiss as his hand rested on my cheek and his other held my hand in his. My unoccupied hand rested gingerly on his neck as his tongue gently traced my bottom lips before he pulled away and pecked my lips twice. His fingers traced my face as he smiled, “just look at yourself.”

I shook my head and blushed, “you should be jealous more often,” I dropped my hand from his neck and rested it on his arm.

He shook his head before resting more of his weight on top of me, his knee gently nudging my legs apart and he positioned himself between my legs. His head rested on my chest and my hands began playing with his hair that much like his facial hair needed to be cut.

“You should, it reminds me of how much you like me.”

“I have no reason to get jealous,” I gasped in fake indignation and he raised his head. “You’re here with me right now Adriana, there’s no reason for me to be jealous of anyone else when you’re right here underneath me and smiling. You’re not going to leave me any time soon.”

“You have such a big ego,” I pecked his lips lightly.

“I know,” he placed a hand on my hip and rubbed the small patch of skin that was showing after his t-shirt managed to ride up. “I know, but you made me this way since the day you decided to go out with me.”

I smiled widely and kissed him away and it was at times like that when life was perfect and I couldn’t see anything ever going wrong with Javier and I.