Spirit Desire

When the week started I knew it wasn’t going to a good one. There had been an outbreak of some stomach flu and half of our doctors had taken days off because they too had gotten sick. Something about not taking the necessary precautions with the small children and letting them run around had gotten half of the nursing staff sick also.

It was now Wednesday and the clinic had been closed due to us being so short on staff. When Dr. Brown had let us know that the clinic was going to close early I could’ve jumped for joy. I was able to leave the clinic at two, leaving me time to go grab lunch and watch bad Mexican talk shows with my mom.

I stopped at Panda Express and grabbed two plates full of food to eat with my mom. Since I had graduated and every summer my mom and I would watch her favorite Mexican talk show and eat Chinese takeout every Monday, but since I was now working I would take any day.

I made it home in record time and was glad that I wouldn’t be missing any part of the show that started at twelve. I quickly turned off the car engine and grabbed the food before stepping out and walking up the driveway. There seemed to be no one home and I started muttering while unlocking the door since the key decided to start acting up. I kicked off my tennis shoes and hung up the keys before leaving the food on the kitchen counter and walking to the living room.

I didn’t think I was too quiet but apparently that hadn’t alerted my mom who was, as the kids call it, making out with a man on the small blue couch.

Since my father had died eight years ago, my mom had never hinted at dating or even being remotely interested in any man. Obviously she was interested in men since she had been married to my father for almost twenty-five years before he passed but she had never talked about dating or about finding any men attractive. Well, at least not anyone who wasn’t a telenovela star or a singer.

So I was extremely shocked when I saw my mom curled up with a man on the small red loveseat. They didn’t notice me at all, even when I stood there for about thirty seconds with my mouth wide open. I finally felt I could use my voice box and mumbled, “mami?” A name I hadn’t used to refer to her since I was thirteen.

They didn’t hear me and continued in their embrace, although now it wasn’t as awkward since they weren’t kissing but instead he was holding her tight and speaking low while she giggled. A noise I had never heard from her and didn’t think she could even make.

I cleared my throat quietly and tried again a bit louder, “mami?”

This time she heard me and so did the man one whose lap she was sitting on. My mom sprung up from his lap and stood in front of the loveseat with her arms crossed over her chest. The man stood up beside her and fixed his glasses that had gone askew when my mom jumped up and straightened his black slacks.

“Adriana,” my mom mumbled and frowned, “why aren’t you at work?”

I switched to Spanish immediately and answered her, “there’s a stomach virus going around and some of the doctors got sick. They closed the clinic today and maybe the rest of the week.”

“That’s nice,” she answered uncomfortably. The man next to her looked at us and I could tell he didn’t understand what either of us what saying.

“What are you doing?” I asked her.

She shifted uncomfortably, “I want to introduce you to someone. This is very important for me Adriana, so please please don’t get mad and listen to me.” She switched back to English, “This is Matthew.”

“Hello Adriana,” he said as he stepped forward to where I was and extended his hand out to me, I quickly shook his hand still in shock and he smiled sweetly, “I’ve been waiting a while to meet you and it’s great to finally do so.”

“I would say likewise,” I started, “but I didn’t know about you until I saw you two hiding and kissing in the living room.”

“Adriana!” my mom yelled and I mumbled out a sorry.

“We weren’t exactly hiding Adriana,” Matthew smiled, “we were embracing here in the living room which is out in the open.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and resisted the urge to roll my eyes because I wasn’t sure my mom would resist the urge to yell at me angrily in Spanish or pinch my arm like she would always do when I was being rude. Besides, as freaked out as I was about my mom making out with a man in our living room I still didn’t want to be rude in from of her guest—or boyfriend? I had no idea what to think of the man in front of me.

“I’m sure you have some questions for your mom and I,” I nodded my head and he continued, “go on and sit on the loveseat and we’ll talk this out.”

I almost wanted to sit on the floor instead of sitting where he directed me to, who was he to tell me where to sit in my own living room? I obliged and they sat down on the red couch in front of me, he sitting up straight while my mom pulled her feet under her and pressed her side against him. He in return placed his arm around her shoulders and she grabbed his hand in hers.

I took a moment to look at him and came up with the conclusion that he was the exact opposite my father. While my father had been a shorter man and stood only at 5’8, he seemed to stand a bit over six feet. My dad’s nose had been broken twice while horseback riding in Mexico during his youth and this man’s was perfectly straight and fit his face. While my dad had been tan with dark brown—almost black—eyes and curly black hair this man was white with greenish honey colored eyes and straight brown hair. When he wasn’t working as a criminal lawyer, my dad always wore jeans and t-shirts around the house, the man in front of me was dressed smartly in slacks and a thin sweater. He was the opposite of my dad and I could understand why my mom would’ve wanted the exact opposite.

As they sat in front of me I could tell my mom was smitten with the man sitting on her right which made me think about how oblivious I had been to not have noticed that changed in my mom’s attitude that this man had brought upon her. I cleared my throat before speaking, “Introduce yourself to me,” I shook my head when I realized how rude and cold that sounded. “That came out wrong, just tell me a bit about yourself.” I sounded as if I was conducting a work interview.

“Well,” he cleared his throat and shifted on the couch, “my name is Matthew as your mom said, I’m fifty-one years old,” two years older than my mom and one year younger than my dad had been at the time of his death. “I’m a lawyer, mostly family law—divorces, adoptions, paternities suits, all that stuff—I’ve been practicing for about some twenty odd years. I’m originally from Northern California, just a bit north of San Francisco, but I moved here shortly after I graduated.” He nodded his head as if he was pleased with himself and his answer.

“Have you been married before?” I asked

He nodded his head, “Yes I was. Her name was Helen, she died about twenty-one years ago. God took her away from me only two years into our marriage,“ he made the sign of the cross and I thought it was only fitting that my mom found herself a man who seemed to share her faith with as much strength as she did, “we did not have any children. I haven’t been married since or really looking to until I met your mom.”

Fitting how two people who had been widowed would get together in the end.

“How did you two even meet?” I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my elbows on them.

“We met ten years ago,” Mathew answered and looked at my mom fondly. She smiled uncomfortably but held his hand.

“Dad was still alive ten years ago, were you two…” and I couldn’t finish the question as I looked between them both. My mom had a surprised look on her face and Mathew began shaking his head fervently. If they had been, it meant that both my mom and my dad had been unfaithful during their marriage.

“No, no, no. Nunca le hubiera hecho eso a tu papi,” she answered, “Luis’ mom was suing your daddy for more child support and Matthew was your father’s lawyer.”

I nodded and thought of my eleven-year-old half-brother Luis who had a crazy mom who would randomly show up at our home claiming Luis was sick and needed she needed money for treatments. Out of all of my dad’s mistresses she was the craziest, but Luis was the cutest and sweetest little boy.

“When did you two get together?” I asked and it was Matthew who answered.

“A few years ago your mom came back to the firm to get some things straightened out from the will. There were some technicalities about how the money was supposed to be used and spend and she needed to use some of the money to pay for some of your expenses abroad and for your sister who was starting school in Chicago”

“So like six or seven years ago?” I asked and I felt guilty about my mom having to spend money on me while I was basically doing nothing for two years.

“No, that’s when we reconnected but we didn’t start dating until about four years ago. Your mom wouldn’t let me even invite her out for lunch until about five years ago,” he looked at her adoringly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked her and my mom sighed loudly.

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” my mom answered switching to Spanish once more, “I told the rest of your siblings and Salvador told me to wait to tell you since you were the closest to your father and you were living in Los Angeles. Then Javier broke up with you and I didn’t want to tell you when you were so sad and then you were so stressed out about work and then Javier came back and I couldn’t find the time to tell you,” her bottom lip started quivering and I could tell she was close to crying.

Matthew kissed her temple and I felt like I was intruding on some special moment.

“It’s okay mami,” I told her and she smiled before leaving Matthew and coming over to give me a hug. She smoothed down my hair squeezed onto the loveseat beside me.

“Gracias,” she mumbled and squeezed my hand.

“Does Gaby know?” I asked her.

She nodded her head, “Gaby found out when we started seeing each other, she asked me since she said I was spending too much time out. She knew I wasn’t visiting your tia.”

“So all this time you were saying you were going to watch novelas with my tia you were going out with him?” I asked.

Matthew nodded his head and spoke up, “I really love your mom and I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner. We were planning on it for a while, but you had so many things going on in your life. We didn’t know how you would react and the last I wanted to do was upset on of Linda’s children over our relationship. I always told your mom that if one of you didn’t approve of me or of our relationship we would end it then and there.”

I smiled appreciatively at him but at the same time felt sad that my mom was willing to sacrifice her happiness for me and my brothers who weren’t supposed to depend on her. Besides Gaby, all four of us were adults and we shouldn’t be able to meddle in her life like that. It was worse when I realized that she would have given up a chance to have a nice relationship with a man.

Her marriage to my dad hadn’t always been a happy one. My father had been unfaithful to her time and time again, even to the point that he had a son born two months before me and another one that was ten years old. Although my dad had provided her financial stability he wasn’t the type of man any woman would have wanted to be married to and he definitely wasn’t the type of man my mom deserved as a husband. If this Matthew had been willing to agree with my mom about them keeping their relationship hidden from me and about having all her children okay with the relationship then he must’ve been a guy who really loved her.

“Well,” I started, “since she’s been dating you her English has definitely gotten better.” My mom slapped my arm and joined Matthew in laughter.

“Your mom and I had plans to go out for dinner tonight, but since you know about our relationship you should come along with us,” he smiled softly and straightened down his slacks.

“I don’t want to intrude on your plans, I’ll be fine. I bought some Chinese food and I can just eat that for dinner,” I expected them to want some alone time after having told me and see where they stood with one another.

“Nonsense,” Matthew smiled, “you won’t be intruding, we can invite everyone along. Salvador, Gaby, Nicholas, and Mariana, they’ll all be invited.”

“Si,” my mom smiled and her facial expression told me this was extremely important to her, “Salvador can come with Isabel, Nicholas with Anabel, and you can bring Javier with you. Gaby will be alone but that’s okay,” she turned to Matthew, “Mariana stayed in Chicago all summer for an internship.”

“It’s settled then,” Matthew smiled and stood up from his seat on the couch and straightened his slacks, “I’ll go home for a bit so you two can talk and I’ll be back to pick your mom up for dinner.”

“That’s fine, you can stay here and we’ll all just go together wherever it is we’re going to dinner.”

“No, no. It’s no problem, you and your mom probably have a lot to talk about and I’ll just be in the way if I stay. I’ll just come back for your mom around six and we’ll have dinner.” He smiled before kissing my mom’s forehead and they walked out of the living room and into the hallway.

I didn’t know what to think of the whole situation. While Matthew seemed like a nice guy, after all he had been okay with their whole predicament, knew my mom had some issues when it came to her previous marriage, he knew she had five kids, and was willing to put his relationship with her on the line when it came to the approval of her children. It still was strange to me that my mom was dating someone. I guess when you grow up with your parents being married you don’t expect them to ever date anyone else, even if the other person passes or they divorce.

If everyone else seemed to be okay with Matthew then I would give him the benefit of the doubt and trust the guy. Everyone not telling me about him and giving my mom and him space seemed to be a pretty good indicator that they all trusted him and thought he was a right fit for my mom.

After a couple of minutes my mom came into the living room where she sat on the couch and motioned for me to come sit next to her, but instead of sitting I laid down and placed my head on her lap like I used to do when I was younger. Her fingers softly threaded themselves through my hair as she tried to explain her whole relationship. She hit all the points, she apologized, claimed Matthew was a great and loving man, apologized some more, promised she’d be more open about her relationship, and claimed that I would love him. She also said he wasn’t trying to take my dad’s place, but I wasn’t really worried about that and when I told her she relaxed a bit.

After her braiding my hair and apologizing countless times, it was already four in the evening and I figured I should call Javier and invite him to dinner. My mom left to her room to call Salvador and Nicholas who were still working. I quickly texted Gaby who was at some club meeting to be home early and then set on calling Javier.

Either Javier would be completely against going to dinner with my family or he would just take some convincing. I was hoping it was the second situation but as we began talking it felt more like we were faced with the first scenario.

“Please Javi,” I begged into the phone, “I really need some support for this.”

“You already met him Adriana, it’s just dinner. Just stare at your dinner and give short answers,” he replied.

“You’re not going to make me go by myself Javier,” I growled into the phone, “now you’re my boyfriend and I need you there as I meet the first guy my mom has decided to date since my dad passed. You’re going to be sitting next to me and being nice to everyone.”

He sighed exasperatedly, “can I just send Natalie, you know your mom and Salvador hate me.”

It was true, but he was not getting out of this dinner.

“Please Javi, I really need you to be there with me.”

He sighed again, “I’ll be at your house at five thirty Adriana.”

“Thank you, and dress nicely. No t-shirts and jeans Javi,” I added and he mumbled something before saying I’ll see you soon.

About an hour and a half later I was out of my navy scrubs and into a pair of black skinny jeans, a dark green blouse, and black flats. Gaby was also dressed nicely in a navy dress I remembered having given to her when she turned seventeen a few months back. Javier, thankfully, had followed my orders and was dressed well in black jeans, a dark button up and some black boots.

The restaurant Matthew had chosen was a small Italian restaurant near downtown. Salvador, Nicholas, and their respective wives were already waiting inside the restaurant when Javier drove up to the restaurant with Gaby and I. My mom and Matthew were leading us in his small black car.

Salvador, Nicholas, and Gaby all greeted Matthew warmly and he placed his arm around Gaby’s shoulder while his other hand held my mom’s as they walked up to the restaurant. Javier and I trailing behind them.

It unnerved me how comfortable they all seemed to be around the man I had only just met a few hours ago. How much time had I wasted wallowing in self-pity and too engrossed in my own little world to meet a man who was making my mom and all of my brothers and sister extremely happy? It was only natural that Gaby would be the one that gravitated the most towards the older man, she was only eight years old when my dad had passed away, and all of us older kids had always felt Gaby was missing someone in her life. We had all had time with our dad, but she never really did.

As we waited in the small seating area at the front of the restaurant Matthew made his rounds around the room and greeted everyone, even hugging me and placing a kiss on my cheek when he came up to me. My mom did the same and whispered a thank you when she pulled away.

“I’m Matthew, I’ve been seeing Linda for some time now,” Matthew told Javier as he shook his hand. I’ve been seeing Linda for a while sounded so weird but it was less weird than having him say he was my mom’s boyfriend.

Javier nodded his head, “Javier,” he curled an arm around my waist and I snuggled into his side.

“You’re Adriana’s boyfriend?” Matthew asked and he pushed his glasses up higher on the bridge of his nose.

Javier nodded, “Yes sir,” he answered, “we’ve been dating for a while.”

“That’s nice,” he commented, “I should go check on the table and see how much longer it’ll be until we are seated.”

Javier and I looked at each other, he raised his eyebrows and I shrugged, I could only hope my mom hadn’t badmouthed Javier to Matthew. It would save everyone from an awkward dinner.

As the plates of pasta, chicken and veal were being passed around the conversation flowed smoothly. Javier and I mostly kept to ourselves as everyone else talked loudly. Everyone seemed so at ease while I was fidgeting around nervously and focusing on my plate of pasta and saltimbocca.

Matthew was joking around with Salvador and asking him about his daughter and my mom was talking loudly with Isabel who had only gotten out of work a few hours before and needed to return to the hospital at nine. Javier was going on about a new job he had just gotten and how busy he was going to be so he didn’t know how it would affect his band.

When the dessert came out of the kitchen I couldn’t help but extremely happy as a large slab of tiramisu was placed on the center of the table and individual plates of pistachio semifreddo were given to everyone. As slices of tiramisu were passed around the table Matthew cleared his throat and grabbed everyone’s attention.

“I was going to wait a bit to do this, at least until your sister Mariana came back from Chicago, but that’ll be until December, and I don’t think I can wait much longer so I think I can do it now.”

He stood up and my mom smiled widely while I stared at the both of them in shock, I mean it was pretty obvious what was going on and I was pretty sure my mom was going to say yes to him.

He continued, “Linda and I have been talking about this for a while and since I’ve met Adriana and all of you guys, I thought it was best to do this in the presence of all of the people who were important to Linda,” he looked at my mom adoringly. “So, Linda, I was thinking we’ve been together a bit over four years and over the course of those years I’ve gotten to know you and meet your wonderful family.”

He smiled at each of us and Salvador brought up his glass of wine in approval when Matthew’s eyes met his. Matthew smiled sheepishly before continuing.

“As I’ve said we’ve been talking about this for a while and nothing would make me happier than to be accepted into Linda’s life and into all of your lives as her husband. So if it’s okay with all of you,” he paused and looked towards all of us sitting at the table, no one spoke up against and it and so he continued, “I’d like to ask Linda if she’ll accompany me by my side for the rest of my life.”

My mom stood up and I could tell she was about to say yes but stopped when Matthew started speaking again.

“This will probably come out extremely wrong and I will butcher your beautiful language but,” he furrowed his eyebrows before grabbing her hands and saying, “Linda, te quieres casar conmigo?”

She answered with an enthusiastic si and they hugged for a few moments before Matthew kissed her cheek and everyone stood up to congratulate the couple. Even Javier hugged my mom and congratulated her before wishing her luck. She was extremely happy and I was almost certain that I felt they were moving too fast, but I couldn’t tell her anything since they had been dating for about four years. My father and her hadn’t dated before getting married and if they were married for almost twenty-four years—not that it was the best of marriages—then I would trust her judgment and I did so as I congratulated both of them. Matthew assured me that we would get to know each other more before they married and I could only smile at the considerate man.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are all extremely happy for both of you and we’d be honor to have you in our lives in order to make my mom happy,” Salvador said the conversation shifted to Gaby who was extremely happy and excited.

“When’s the wedding going to be? Is it going to be in a church? Are we going to invite my aunts from Mexico? When is Mariana going to come down? Does she know? Can I wear your gold necklace with the heart on it? Can I be the maid of honor?” she almost screeched the last question and Matthew laughed at her.

“Mariana doesn’t know yet since your mom has just said yes,” he laughed, “I think we’re going to get married as soon as possible, no time like the present and we’re not really getting any younger. Not a lavish church wedding but definitely a religious one. I think we might be a bit too old for the whole church wedding, we’ll wait until Mariana, Gaby, or you Adriana get married.”

He smiled warmly at me and I could feel my cheeks getting extremely red. I looked over to Javier who was nervously looking at any place but me and my family. I smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek that made his ears red. I laughed before my mom took over the questions.

“I want it to be in December, we can invite your abuelitos and tias over to the wedding at that time. We’ll get everything with Mariana worked out and she’ll come down for a weekend. You can wear it if you want. No, I don’t think I will have any bridesmaids, that’s for all of you who are getting married for the first time. If anyone would be a maid of honor it would be Adriana since she’s the oldest one.”

Gaby glared at me and I smiled triumphantly.

“Don’t smile, she’s not even going to have any” she muttered angrily.

“but if she was then I would be the maid of honor and not you,” I laughed and she rolled her eyes.

My mom also rolled her eyes before starting telling us the wedding plans. It was obvious that they had been planning to get married sometime soon and so they were only waiting for the right time to announce it to all of us. Regardless of us approving of Matthew I think they were going to marry each other.

When the dinner ended we all decided to let Matthew and my mom have the house for the night. Gaby was going to go to Salvador and Isabel’s house and after a lot of convincing and promise of no funny business I was given permission to spend the night at the house Javier and Natalie shared.

As Javier drove us to his house a few minutes away he talked animatedly about how excited he was that Natalie was going to go to New York and he would finally have some quiet time. It was set, Natalie and Chris were going off to New York the 17th of September and were going to be staying there for ten days. We quickly made plans for us to also leave San Diego for a bit and probably go up to Los Angeles and hang out before just staying and resting in San Diego.

When we got to his house there was an old truck parked in his usual parking spot and he muttered Chris’ name angrily before parking at the end of the street.

As soon as we entered the house we heard laughter coming from the living room where Chris and Natalie were sitting and watching a movie. Chris had managed to convince Natalie to watch Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and they were already planning to dress up like Pee-Wee and Dottie for Halloween, even though the day was a bit less than two months away.

“What are you doing here Adriana?” she asked as she paused the movie and turned to the hallway were Javier and I were standing.

“We went out to dinner and I decided to come back here since I don’t have to work tomorrow,” I smiled before going over to sit down on the couch that Chris and Natalie weren’t sprawled on, Javier followed me and we squeezed into the small one person couch. “Guess what happened today.”

“You got called by the Children’s Hospital and are going to be a nurse there!” she answered excitedly.

“No,” I sighed.

“What is it then?” she asked as she sat up straighter on the couch.

“My mom just got engaged.”

“Really?” she asked excitedly, “to Matthew?”

“Did everyone know about this Matthew before I did?” I asked angrily. Javier and Chris both answered that they didn’t know before Natalie spoke again.

“I don’t think she meant to tell me. She let it slip out one time that we were discussing ‘Entre el Amor y el Odio’ and asked me not to tell you cause she wanted to tell you in person. She seemed really happy about it when we were talking though,” I had to remind myself to tell my mom to stop talking to Natalie about her telenovelas so much.

“I just found out today that my mom has had a boyfriend for the past four years and they get engaged a few hours later. It’s so weird Natalie.”

“Well, it might be weird for you Adri, but you’re not the one marrying the guy so give your mom some credit and trust her to know who she wants to marry,” Natalie said.

“I guess,” I muttered.

“Tell your mom I said congratulations even though she doesn’t know me,” Chris smiled.

“Will do.”

“I’m going to call her in person and congratulate her on this,” Natalie smiled before searching for her phone on the table beside the couch.

Javier spoke up, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you Tali,” he raised his eyebrows, “Adriana is here cause she and her brothers decided to leave the house alone for Matthew and her mom for a bit of privacy.” He wiggled his eyebrows and I threw a cushion at his face.

“God, you’re so gross Javi,” he laughed and mussed my hair, “don’t do that, it takes me time to tame it in the mornings.”

“but I like your curly hair all messed up, it looks as if we had just been—“ he started but Natalie cut him off.

“Eww Javier, I don’t need to know about you and Adriana going at it,” she yelled.

Javier rolled his eyes before throwing the cushion at her face, Chris managed to grab it before it hit her and he looked at he pair of siblings amusedly, “well, we’re gonna up to my room and leave you two to watch this dumb movie.”

“Hey!” Chris yelled as we were leaving the living room, “this is a cinematic masterpiece. Paul Reubens is a national treasure.”

Javier rolled his eyes before Natalie started speaking, “Chris and I both work tomorrow so don’t be loud and weird. I have to get at least eight hours of beauty sleep.”

Chris answered her and I rolled my eyes, “You don’t need any beauty sleep. It comes natural to you Nat.”

“Chris practically lives here, I have to listen to them being all weird and cuddly all the time,” Javier said as we walked up the stairs and into his bedroom. In the five years I had been coming to his house and into his bedroom it hadn’t changed a bit. He still had the queen bed pushed up to the right wall and small bedside table next to it. It was a small room, but I think he got the better end of the room situation since his room was connected to a bathroom.

“That’s what happens when you’re in love like they are,” I said as I slid the jeans off my legs and grabbed one of Javier’s t-shirt to wear. The shirt was the next to come off and I quickly placed his t-shirt over my head. Javier had stripped down to his boxers and motioned for me to lay down beside him.

“Thank God we’re not like them,” he said as I snuggled up to his side and he put on Sons of Anarchy.

I laughed but his comment didn’t make me too happy and I kept on thinking about what exactly he meant the rest of the night. I thought about it even when his kisses started inching lower and lower down my neck and his hands trailed my body beneath his shirt.