Breathe Me in Sweet Suffering

Three months without someone to talk too. I never thought I would ever feel so lonely.

Kim never looked at me anymore.

Actually she did everything to avoid looking at me. I had become invisible. The only upside was that it seemed Chris had forgotten me too. He was still an asshole, getting into more fights than usual, fucking more girls than before and spent most of classes sleeping on his desk.

Perhaps he simply didn't have time to harass me.

I looked at the clock.

Come on, come on. Just a couple of more seconds.

The bell rang and I was up like a lightning. Finally I could go home. I walked past a laughing TJ, Angelo, and Kim, not giving them as much as a glance. It was three months since I had gotten mono and it was like we had never known each other. The worst part was that I had somehow gotten used to it. I went through class alone, sat in lunch alone and walked home alone were I spent my free time alone.

It had grown into a habit.

And I tried not to think of how pathetic it was.

The walk home was short and my little red house was just a couple of houses down the road from school.

"Hey honey. How was school?"

I forced a smile and mom looked worriedly at me. She had stopped asking if Kim would come over completely now. She knew something was wrong but didn't push it. I really loved her. She never pushed like other mothers but waited until I was ready to come to her."I got a call today. From Bam."

I immediately perked up.

Bam my friend. You might recognize him a mile away, if you've ever watched MTV.Yes, Bam Margera. I met him and his friends Novak, Ryan and Dico a couple of years ago when I was still talking to Kim, at the Skate park in Philly. It was such an awesome day for the both of us. The guys were just as much of a fireball to be with in real life. I grew a closer friendship with Bam and Ryan. So when my mom said Bam had called, I grew happy.

"Bam is taking a break from Missy and everyone for a month and he was asking if he could stay here".

Mom watched me jump up and down with amusement.

" You said yes right? Please tell me you said yes?"

"Of course I did sweetheart. He will be here in two weeks, staying in the guestroom. He told me he can't wait to see his favorite muse".

Bam always called me that, and I was quite proud of it.

"In two weeks? Awww. That's like forever".

Mom giggled at me. She was probably happy because I had not been this energetic in months.

"Yes. And he wants you to promise him you will show him around again".

Of course I would show him around. Every second spent with Bam always made me incredible happy. He was like a depression antidote.

"I'll go call him now".

I ran up the stairs, almost crashing with Kyle.

"Watch it short person. Someone might step on you".

I giggled at the tall russet skinned man with long black hair.

" I will keep that in mind dad".

Kyle's whole face beamed up. I've been calling him dad for years and he still looked like a kid on Christmas every time I called him dad.

I picked up the phone and dialed Bam's number. It only rang one time before he took it. Another thing I loved about Bam was that he always had time to talk to me even though he was always busy.

"Hey sweets. Did you get the good news?"

"Yeah. So you are staying for like a whole month?"

"Sure. Things have been a little stressful lately so the second I am done with this CKY project in France I am coming to Scranton".

Bam was a pro- skateboarder and now touring along with him brother's band CKY. He traveled around the world. And on top of that, he's promoting Novak's book,I honestly didn't get how he could stand it. Sure seeing new places sounded like fun but I had always been a homebound person.

"So how's school? Kim's still not speaking to you?"

"No. She doesn't even look at me anymore. At least Chris doesn't make my life a living hell anymore".

After Kim had dumped me Bam and the guys became my best friends. But I had a better connection with Bam from out of all the other guys. A little sad really since he was hardly ever around. I told him everything and he always made me feel better.

"That's good. And if Kim dumps you just because of a boy, she wasn't worth being around".

At that was one of the many reasons I loved Bam. He never said the standard sentence, like everything will be okay or she will come around. And besides that? Everything alright?"

"Yeah. I got an A on my art project. Miss Kalik said that I had talent".

I was preening but art was the only subject I felt loved and I knew I was somewhat good at it.Well, besides playing guitar, but that was something I liked to keep to myself at home.

"Told you so. Thinking of applying to art school?"

"I might. Still have a year to make up my mind and Seattle has a great art school."

Someone yelled in the background in what I believed was a mix between english and french.

"Shouldn't you get back to work?

"Naw. I am talking to my favorite muse".

His words warmed and I could forget for a little while that for the rest of PA I did not matter and I could just as well never go back to school and no one would miss me.

"Bam. Get back to work, you dickwad". It sounded like Ryan in the background.

He laughed and I could almost see his bright smile on the other end.

"Sure thing sweets. See you shortly".

"Bring candy!"

"Like I would forget. A someone who gave birth to you will let me sleep in the garage if I do".

I put the phone down and stretched on the bed. Suddenly my future seemed a hell of a lot better. Who needed friends? High school sucked anyway. It was full of , assholes and idiots all trying to be cool. And I had Bam, the most amazing guy on the planet. So what if I never got invited to parties and spent all my time like a hermit? God I really sucked at cheering up myself. Two weeks. That would be my new mantra.