Breathe Me in Sweet Suffering

"This is really great Katt. May I ask who this is? "

Miss Kalik looked at the painting of Bam. It was one of my best. Bam was leaning up against a tree, looking straight forward with his special crooked smile.

"It's Brandon Margera."

" The skateboarder?"

I nodded eagerly.

"Yes".

Miss Kalik`s whole face beamed like it always did when she was talking about her passion.

"He is coming to visit in a couple of weeks."

"Do you think he would hold a speech about what he does?"

Bam hated making speeches but I knew he would do it if I gave him my patented Katt pout. He could never deny me anything.

" I'll ask him.

"Yeah like you know a hottie like that looser".

Alexis, one of the schools most popular girls, smiled sweetly at me while her cronies giggled. I rolled my eyes.

"Looser. Your vocabulary shows your lack of imagination and schooling. If I were to offend you I would call you Poser. Fake. Future Botox Barbie. Brainless. Queen of the likeminded. It's just so much to say about you and so little time".

Alexi's smile faltered and a barely noticeble blush colored her almost pale skin.

"Geek!"

I pinched my nose bridge in mock frustration.

"I give up. It is clear that there is no hope. But don't worry. Many people out there are born mentally impaired. It's nothing to be ashamed of".

She just huffed and walked out of the class room. Really. Why didn't she just give up? She could never beat me at banter, yet she tried like every day. It was so easy to beat her that it wasn't even fun.

I could never understand what made some kids popular. It sure as hell wasn't intelligence because Lexus and her cronies hardly had one fully functional brain to share. I was surprised they could walk and talk at the same time.

I gathered my things to walk to lunch. My usual table was in the corner of the cafeteria. It used to be in the other end so Kim had a free view of the love of her life. I changed it when it became obvious she was ignoring me. Unfortunately I could still see them.

I opened my folder while eating my home made lunch. You didn't eat in the cafeteria if you had any kind of taste. The food wasn't even gross. Pigs wouldn't touch it and if you guessed what the dishes were supposed to be without knowing it then you were good. I spread my latest projects over the table, something I couldn't have done when Chris was on my case. I had lost count over how many sketches I had to redo because of tragic lunch related incidents.

So which one should I make a painting out of? The sketch of my mom was the first one that drew my attention. She was sitting in the kitchen with a book while staring dreamily out in space. She looked so much like me that it was kind of creepy. The same blond hair,brown eyes and the same little bow on the lips that made it look like we were slightly pouting. But she was tall, something that skipped a generation. We didn't look like mother or daughter either due to the fact that she had me when she was sixteen. We looked more like sisters even though that was such a cliché. I should really paint that one and perhaps give it to her for Christmas. It would make a nice present with the one I made of Kyle. I could hide it in my cave.

My cave was what I called my atelier. It was Kyle's welcome back to Scranton gift. He had made the whole attic into an atelier with glass plates as roof. It was my favorite place next to my little place on the cliffs of the beach. The two places gave me inspiration to do what I loved. Drawing and painting.

The bell rang and I put the drawings back into my folder. I had a free class so there was no reason to hurry outside with the others so I waited until most of them were gone to avoid the crowd.

It was no need to rush to get a spot in the library.The library had to be the most unused spot in the whole school. Even I didn't spend a lot of time there before Kim ditched me. We usually sat on the side stairs to the school drama scene and talked. Being as smart as we were and with hardly any kind of social life we didn't need the free classes to study to get good grades.

Okay. I breathed deeply in. No more thinking about Kim. Been there, done that. The friendship we had was over. Broken into pieces and I refused to give it more of my time than it was worth.

The hallway was still full of people and I had to dance around a lot so that no one stepped on me. Curse my father's genes that made me a short person.

Suddenly I was flying. My knees hit the floor with a thump and pain shot threw my hands and knees.

"Hey Snowy. I have not seen you around lately".

I could recognize that voice anywhere. Chris fucking Cerulli I knew this break from him was too good to last.

As usual nobody intervened. Some even laughed at my misfortune. God I hate High school. I bit my lip so that my mouth wouldn't get me into further trouble.

"Aww. Are you going to cry? No wonder Kim dumped you as pathetic as you are".

And that was one of the many many reasons I hated CHris Even though he was one of the stupidest kids in school he had an ability to find my weak spots. How he did it I had no idea. It shouldn't be possible for someone with the brain capacity of a donkey to figure out such things.

Don't snap. Don't snap. Remember. Every time you snap, things go from bad to worse and he will torture you relentlessly for weeks to come and that's nothing compared to the little sting here and there.

And then he stepped on my folder. Fucking stepped on it and rubbed it into the floor with his freakishly huge feet. I could hear my brain snap, going into pissed off Katt mode.

"What the Fuck hell is your problem? Were you born an asshole or did your mom raise you to be one? And this tripping thing is so childish it lost its fun when you stopped eating your bogeymen!"

Okay, mouth. Stop. Now. Before you make it worse.

"So why don't you go to hell and never ever talk to me again!"

I looked up ready for him to give me his worst. Chris' lips were pressed into a line and he had his usual angry scowl in place. Yeah. I was so dead. Suddenly his face changed expression. His eyes went wide and he opened his mouth in shock. That would be my chance to run. And I would have if it wasn't for the look in his eyes. He was staring. Blatantly staring at me like I was something he had never seen before. And before I knew it I was being crushed into his massive body.

No. That didn't matter. What mattered was that Christopher Thomas Cerulli was holding me. No scratch that. Chris was sexually harassing me in the middle of the hallway.

"Let me go you fucking Neanderthal!"

Chris didn't even react as I wiggled in his grasp. Witch was more or less fruitless. The guy was like a brick wall not even flinching as I kicked his legs. I think it hurt me more than I hurt him. Then he burrowed his nose into my hair and fucking sniffed me.

That was it.

I did the only thing I could think of. Lifted my knee and forcibly kneed him in the groin. Chris let me go with a groan of pain. I hurriedly gathered all my things and ran.

Oh my god. I just kneed Chris. I was so dead. Nobody had ever dared to knee Chris before. Hell, just hitting him was a ticket to the hospital. Oh hell. I had really done it this time. Screw school. I was not going back there right now. I was going to skip and then perhaps Chris would have time to chill down tomorrow.

Heh. Right. Everyone knew Chris didn't just get over things. Chris held grudges like a leprechaun held gold. He would be just as pissed tomorrow the second he saw me. God what the hell had I done? The fear subsided as I walked home, and changed into anger.

What the hell was his problem anyway? I had done nothing and still he tortured me. It wasn't my fault that I was small and white which was the lame reasons he had given me one time. I didn't even understand why that would bother him. It was hardly my fault that Kyle had somehow managed to convince his grandfather to allow me into Scranton high school. God he was such an ass.

I slammed the door for good measure and Kyle almost fell of his chair. He looked worriedly at me with his light brown eyes.

"You okay?"

No. I just signed my own death by kicking Chris Cerulli in the nuts. The same guy that made my life a living hell since I moved here. And yeah. Remember when I broke my nose and said that I fell? I didn't. Chris hit me.

If I snitched they'd give him three days suspension and then it would go back to normal. Most likely worse as he would be set on revenge for being a snitch. So I faked a smile.

"Just a stomachache. I think I will lie down for a while".

Kyle nodded. Mom wouldn't have bought that explanation but Kyle was oblivious to the warning signs of a teenage girl in distress so he just nodded sympathetically.

"Anything you need? A cup of tea or aspirin?"

I was about to decline but I was cold and my head was starting to hurt.

"That would be really nice".

I forced myself to smile before I went upstairs. My bedroom was the only room upstairs while mom and Kyle slept downstairs and I loved the privacy after having what you could call a broom closet when we lived in Seattle.

I threw myself onto my king-size bed with a groan. I was so dead. I kneed Chris Cerulli. I had slammed my knee into his balls. I snickered into the pillow. Oh my god. I had really done that. How many times had I dreamt about that scenario during countless hours of torture? I finally had caused the huge man some pain of his own. A little payback for all the bruises, welts and humiliation he had caused me. At least I would go down with having caused him major discomfort.

"Feel a little better?"

Kyle placed the aspirin and teacup on my night table.

"Much better".

"Right".

He looked at me searchingly before placing my bad mood under the category female mystery and kissed my forehead.

"Get some sleep. I will wake you up when its dinner time".

I gave him a nod and looked at the clock. I had several hours before my end. The amusement changed to fear again and then too acceptance. At least I would go down as the midget that kneed Chris Cerulli. There had been a couple of people who saw the whole thing so it would probably be all over the school campus in only a couple of hours. Small places and cell phones. Whatever Chris did to me tomorrow it would most likely hurt and be very public. Perhaps if I begged Bam he would take me with him when he left. I could be one of those home schooled weirdoes. Rather that, than spend my last year in Scranton facing the wrath of Chris Cerulli. God I hate Chris Cerulli.