Breathe Me in Sweet Suffering

I had decided to be the bigger person. I would not let the fact that Chris had manipulated himself into my life to bother me. I had no idea why yet but I was pretty sure that the fact that Ryan and maybe even Chris needed a tutor wasn't a coincidence. Chris cared about school at least enough to stay awake threw classes but it wasn't exactly a secret that Ryan didn't. But that didn't matter. I was going to be a good teacher, raise their grades and put it on my college application. I was not going to let Chris get to me. Not at all.

"Hey Katt."

Ryan smiled nervously clearly remembering his role in the kidnapping yesterday. I half smiled at him to be polite as getting angry would get me absolutely nowhere. And after all it was hardly Ryan`s plan to kidnap me. Ryan from what I knew of him had always been a good kid. He had even helped me home with my bike when I was twelve after Chris had pushed me off it so I had decided to give him a second chance.

Or at least not yell at him.

Chris came walking towards us and I frowned. He looked ill. His movements were sluggish and he had dark bags under his eyes. Oh no. I was not going to feel the least bit sorry for Chris. You simply did not feel sorry for Chris. It was really hard feeling any kind of pity for a guy like him. And he probably looked ill because he has been partying way to much this week. It was not unusual. I took a deep breath and tried to look taller to get some resemblance to a person of authority. It hardly helped as I would still be short even on high heels.

"Let's get a move on guys. I don't have all day."

We got into Chris' old jeep and I made sure I was sitting as far from Ryan as I could and close to the door so that I in theory could jump out if the car went in any other direction than towards my house. The drive to my house took only five minutes and I hurried out of the car. There were no other cars in the drive way. Kyle was probably at work and I knew mom had a meeting in Jersey. I stopped in the hall and groaned. Papers, pictures and documents were lying on every available surface from the living room to the kitchen. It seemed like it was chaos but I knew mom had a weird system to it all and that moving just a piece of paper an inch would mess up her illogical system. Witch meant we either had to study in my room or the cave. And I sure as hell didn't want Chris anywhere near my room. Witch left the cave. I didn't want the two of them in their either but it was better than my room.

"Follow."

I walked upstairs not bothering to look if they followed me. For two guys their size they moved so silently that it was creepy so I couldn't be sure that they did follow me. The entrance to the cave was a small staircase and I couldn't help but smile when I heard thumping and cursing behind me. The stairs were not built for tall people and I was probably one of very few people who could walk up without ducking down. The light from the room blinded me momentarily when I opened the door. Pensylvnania hardly had any sun around Fall and winter so in an effort to make the cave lighter, Kyle had replaced most of the roof over the room with a large window to give me enough light to paint in. My finished artwork were leaned up against the wall and several half-finished paintings were hung up to dry covering all four walls. The majorty of the left side of the room was occupied my a floor sofa, consisting of pillows, having my guitars in hand when I felt like writing new material. At teh end of the room, near the window pain was a maniquen that held my favorite Rennissance dress my mom helped me design as my own.

"Holy shit."

Chris and Ryan looked wide-eyed at all the paintings and I smiled with pride momentarily forgetting that I did not want them here. My paintings were good I knew that and how could I not be proud of something I used so much time on.

"This is amazing. Did you paint all these?"

"Yeah. All mine. Just put your stuff on the table so we can begin. So what classes do you have problems with?"

They both look sheepishly at me and I groaned. I had hoped it would be easy. Just one or two subjects but the expression on their faces pretty much told me that I had to spend more time on this than I wanted.

"Right. So let me rephrase that. What subjects do you not have troubles with?"

Ryan wiggled uncomfortable in the chair witch looked like a kids chair with his large body on it.

"Does P.E count?"

Oh boy. This was going to take a lot more time then I had assumed.

Chris was not stupid. It wasn't a pleasurable discovery. I preferred to think of him as a huge stupid ex-jock and newly found to be band rebel boy who took to temper tantrums instead of using actual words to express himself. That's was it. I didn't want to know anything personal at all about Chris. Just knowing that he wasn't stupid was over the line for me. But he was smart, learned easily and I bet he would have no problem getting B`s in most subjects if he listened in class instead of sleeping and did his homework.

The study session was less uncomfortable than I had expected. Both boys paid attention and Chris didn't stare at me with his creepy stare. He still looked at me but it was more glancing than staring. He didn't crowd my personal space either but that might be because I made sure Ryan was sitting between us.

"Sweetheart. You there?"

I winched at my mom's yelling. She had never really learned indoor voice.

"Up in the cave."

"Does the boys want to stay for dinner?"

I took a look at Chris and Ryan who looked like they were on the verge of drooling. It sounded like a good idea. I could make sure they were fed and then kick them out of the house thus ending the study session quickly in case Chris would get all weird again. He had not yet but I was still weary around him. After all I still didn't understand why he had been acting so weird around me lately.

"Sure mom."

"Okay. I'll get started then."

"So, we have covered what you lack in history so let's start with English."

I froze. Kyle worked really late Wednesdays so we usually didn't eat dinner that day if I didn't make it. That meant that the person who was going to make dinner would be my mom. T

"Holy fuck!"

I jumped up and ran downstairs. My worst fears were confirmed as the first thing I saw was mom holding a frying pan. For people that knew her it had the same effect as seeing a man with a crazy look in his eyes holding a chainsaw. Something was either going to burn or something inedible and possibly containing food poisoning was going to be served if mom was holding cooking utensils.

"Mom. Put down the pan."

She blinked at me innocently looking like she couldn't understand the panicked look on my face. Even after the long list of kitchens disasters behind her she simply refused to accept that she shouldn't be anywhere near the kitchen and much less even think about cooking something.

"What? I can make dinner."

"No you can`t. Four toasters and two stoves say otherwise. Now put down the pan."

She pouted at me looking more like a kid than someone's mother. And I just knew she wasn't going to hand me that pan willingly. Not without a fight.

"No."

"Mom!"

I took one step forward and she took one step back.

"I am serious. Put down the pan."

"Not until you catch me."

Usually I try to act like the mature one but I rather sacrifice my dignity than let her burn down the house. I leaped at her and she squealed sounding more like a little kid than a business woman. She made a beeline for the living room but I cut her off.

"Damn mom. You're not ten anymore!"

Her only answer was to stick out her tongue at me. After the tenth run around the kitchen counter I managed to corner her.

"Mom. Just put down the pan and surrender."

She huffed and put some of the strands of blonde hair that had escaped her pony tail behind the ear. Her shirt was wrinkled and her neat ponytail was a mess. She didn't look like a secretary for an important law firm but more like someone from a girl`s gone wild video.

"Fine."

With a sigh of relief I grabbed the pan and put distance between us in case she decided to cheat. Chris and Ryan stood in the door way chuckling but abruptly stopped when my mom turned to them. Her eyes glimmered with amusement and I groaned on the inside. I knew that look and it promised me major embarrassment possibly leading to trauma or some scarring images that would haunt my mind for a very long time.

"My my. High school kids sure has change since I was in high school. Why didn't you tell me that your students were all tall, and sexy?"

Ryan blushed furiously and Paul smiled crookedly. Witch he really shouldn't have done because I was pretty sure that that smile only fired up on moms dirty comments. At least she was nice enough to leave the shy ones alone. Sometimes at least.

"Mom this is Ryan Sitowski and Chris Cerulli"

As expected she looked at Chris with a flirty smile. I closed my eyes, steeling myself for what I knew was coming.

"Chris huh. Chris means small. I bet you're not small anywhere."

Chris' eyes looked like they were going to fall out any second. It would have been fun if I wasn't mortified. This was my mom. My mom ogling my classmate like he was a particular juicy steak. This was why I wouldn't bring people home even if I had people to bring home. And why I had decided years ago that when I found a boy I liked I would be married before I brought him home to see my mother.

"Mom. His seventeen for god sake. Its borderline pedophilia."

She waved a delicate hand in the air and dismissed me with an innocent smile.

"Borderline Katt. Borderline. Strictly speaking he is more jailbait than a kid"

I so did not hear my mom call Chris jailbait.

"Just please watch some TV or something so you don't make them run out of here screaming."

"Sure sure."

She took another look at the boys and mock sighed.

"It is times like these I am so glad I put you on the pill."

Oh god. If I was the type to blush I would have been tomato red by now. I wasn't blushing but I was wishing for some kind of black hole to hide in.

"Out!"

She snickered as she walked into the living room leaving two very stunned boys. I hurriedly closed the door behind her so that she couldn't yell any dirty comments from the living room.

"You can stay here and watch me cook dinner or watch TV with my mom. Have to warn you about the last one though. Her comments doesn't get any better."

As I had expected both boys sat down at the kitchen table glancing at the door warily. Good to know that there was something they feared despite their abnormal size.

"So that's your mom. She is interesting."

That was an understatement if I had ever heard one. I rolled my eyes as I scanned the refrigerator.

"She is insane. Totally nutters. Oh and call her Gina, not Mrs Heinz or else she will roll out all her Mrs. Robinsons jokes."

"She seems a little young. How old is she?"

I hated that question. Every time I answered that she was sixteen when she had me, people would get the look. Sympathy, pity and so on. Mom didn't let it bother her but it always bothered me. It was like our relationship wasn't worth as much as the relationship between other mothers and daughters. Sometimes it even made me feel cheap. Like I had been an unfortunate accident and people thought she would had been much better off if she had not become pregnant at sixteen. Much better off if I wasn't born.

Chris drove his elbow into Ryan`s side and hissed something at him. That was surprising. Chris was the last person who cared if someone got offended. Hell, usually he was the one doing the offending and with great pleasure.

There was hardly any food in the kitchen. My spaz mother had forgotten to shop again. God knows what she was planning to make. I shuddered at the thought of all the inedible and weird combinations she had made before when I was too young to claim the kitchen. I could happily live my life without eating anymore omelet slash pasta mixes or that horrible dish where she had served me pancakes with spaghetti sauce. The guys usually ate a lot so whatever I made had to be for like ten people. I was probably overdoing it but left overs usually didn't live long in our household anyway. We had bacon, lots of bacon. The usual package of rice. Lots of egg. Some scampi leftovers from last dinner. My Katt fried rice special would do. It was easy, filling and good.

"Can I help?"

The sudden voice behind me made me jump and yelp at the same time. I glared at a smirking Chris.

"Don't ever sneak up on me again!"

Chris just chuckled while looking down at me. Boy was he tall. I knew he was tall. Hell anybody was tall compared to my midget size. And I also knew Chris was taller than most guys but I had never really had the time to phantom just how tall. Usually when he stood this close to me I was preoccupied with yelling at him or expecting something unpleasant to happen. He was so tall that if I stood on the tip of my toes my head still would not reach his shoulders. I became aware that I had stared at him too long when I saw the confident smirk on his lips.

"Don't get any ideas."

Chris' smirk just got bigger and if he was a peacock he would be fluttering his tail feathers by now. It was unfair that not even that look on him made him look like the ass I knew he was.

"You were just ogling me."

I narrowed my eyes and perched my lips. Yes I had been staring but not for the reasons he thought. And I wasn't going to admit I had been marveling over how tall he was as that was only marginally better than ogling.

" Like hell I wasn't."

"Of course you weren't."

His smirk only grew like he didn't believe me at all.

"I wasn't!"

I huffed and turned around as he chuckled behind me. Having him so close made my hair rise on my arms and the fact that I could feel his eyes on me didn't make it any better.

"If you want to help you can cut four packages of bacon and fry them."

I didn't really want him to help me cook. Years with my mother trying to help and ruining everything had made me suspicious of other peoples cooking skill. But I rather take my chances than have him staring at me.

It was a fast prepared meal and it took only a half an hour till it was done. Now I only had to survive the dinner itself. That could be interesting. Perhaps more painful than interesting.

"Mom dinner is done."

Mom took one look at the huge bowl we usually used at family dinners.

"Holy! Jan, how many people did you actually expect for dinner?"

I pointed at the boys.

"Bottomless pit one and two."

The boys chuckled and my mom looked confused for a second before she shrugged and sat down.

"So Mrs. Genna asked why you don't come around anymore."

I groaned. Mrs. Genna was Kim's mother and one of the most horrible women I had ever met. She was only interested in her social standing and didn't hide how disappointed she was in Kim who was neither eye-catching nor outgoing or confident. For some reason she adored me.

"She's a bitch."

Chris and Ryan looked at my mom in shock while I just rolled my eyes. My mom had always been outspoken and she never hid how she felt. Sometimes I really wished she did. It would have saved me a lot of embarrassing moments not to mention the traumatic ones.

"That she is. And unfortunately for me, she likes me."

Mom reached out and pinched my cheeks.

"That's because you're so pretty and smart. And such a good girl. Too bad she doesn't know the real you."

She shook her head in mock disappointment. I knew that expression and it never, never bode well.

"Like when you were twelve."

Oh god. Not that story. Please not that story. Chris and Ryan were still stuffing their mouths full but seemed way to interested in what my mom was about to tell them.

"We were visiting my sister Hailey. She has a lot of foster children and Katt used to play with them. Always causing a ruckus."

Mom smiled her innocent smile that I recognized as her version of an evil smirk.

"My sister and I had come back shopping and what do we find? Four extremely drunk kids dancing around the living room. Katt had the wondrous idea of eating the cherry Hailey had picked from the ground to throw away."

Mom mock sighed.

"One of the many wonders of having a child that's has more imagination than average. You simply can't plan out every possible ways she can get into trouble. And then there was the burglar in Seattle."

Oh great. I hated that story. It always made me seem like a young female version of that kid from home alone.

"Burglar?"

Paul was shaking slightly like it was cold inside.

"Ah yes. She was around nine years old and I was going to the store. Someone picked the lock and broke into our apartment. As he went upstairs Katt threw her marbles at him and he fell down the stairs. Katt tied him up and when I got home she was sitting there with the first aid kit pasting up the unfortunate thief while giving him a lecture about how mean it was to steal things others worked hard to get."

It only took a second before both Ryan and Chris started laughing.

"He was hurt."

My muttering only caused them to laugh even louder. I hoped that was it but as soon as the laughter died down my mom threw herself into another one of her Katt stories.

"And then there's that little incident a month ago."

I froze and shot mom a warning glare, which she ignored. I would rather sit threw a dinner in a snake pit than to listen to my mom telling the story of the cat I had thought was a badger about to dig up my carefully planned vegetable garden. It contained me chasing the assumed badger with a baseball bat and our shocked neighbor calling Chief Swan in the middle of the night. Chief Swan seeing me in my underwear while chasing a cat with a baseball bat wasn't something I wanted other people knowing.

"Mom if you tell that one I will tell the story of my first anatomy lesson."

She clamped her mouth shut instantly and glared at me. I glared right back.

Poor boys.

They were probably really confused now. A mother daughter glare contest didn't happen very often but when it did, well it looked very weird. Mom narrowed her eyes and I narrowed mine. Then we both smiled. Crisis diverted. For now no one would know about the badgercat incident. I noticed both Chris and Ryan gawking at us in confusion as we continued to eat what was left on our plates.

My mom and I are weird. I guess that's what happens when a kid gets a kid. Not that I had really suffered from it. She had taken care of me and done her best in raising me. She wasn't one of those selfish moms who ignored their kid in favor of their own needs but a relationship like ours were bound to be a little bit more childish then the usual mother daughter relationships.

Mom looked at the now empty bowl.

"Wow. When you said bottomless pits you weren't joking Katt."

I just rolled my eyes, eager to get the boys out so I could use the rest of the day in the cave, painting or writing.

"Well I've taught them, fed them and it's getting late."

Mom smiled her evil innocent smirk.

"You forgot petting."

"They are boys, not pets and petting is what got you pregnant with me at sixteen anyway."

She just stuck out her tongue at me.

"You would be so much more fun if you petted once in a while."

I glared at her.

"That is not something a mother tells her seventeen year old daughter."

"No. That's something I tell my seventeen year old daughter. I am special."

I grabbed the boy's wrist and tugged. Of course there was no way someone my size could drag two giants out but luckily they followed willingly. Probably a little scared and a bit crept out by the bantering.

"Not arguing the special part. You pervert."

"Mary."

"Sicko."

"Prude."

I slammed the door shut before she could say anything else and thumped the back of my head on it. I love my mom. I honestly do. But sometimes I wonder if her insanity is a genetic trade and when will it fully affect me. And if it was possible to get her medicated. Not much. Just a little to stop her from saying things that could possibly scar me for life.

"Well that was fun. Bye."

I closed the door before they could say anything and leaned against it. It had been a lot easier than I thought. No creepy moments. Except those that came because of my mom. I still didn't like Chris Cerulli though. And I still thought he was planning something. I just couldn't wrap my finger around what it was.