Truck Stops and Statelines

“Arizona, The Grand Canyon state welcomes you.” Kellin read aloud once they finally crossed the state line. “Wow.” His words came out in a breathy laugh, mocking the sign as the car buzzed by. “Please tell me we’re not doing that?” The question held such distaste that Vic cringed upon hearing it. “I mean, come on, it’s so typical. Not original at all.” He continued to yap about the Grand Canyon and how it was all hype and really, really touristy as Vic continued to stay quiet. It had been a long and gruesome seven-hour car ride with Kellin complaining nearly the whole time and Vic was quickly growing sick of it.

“As a matter of fact, we are.” Vic retorted reaching for the CD case in the backseat as he attempted to keep his eyes focused on the road. “And it’ll be at least another hour until we get there so can you stop bitching for like five seconds and let there be silence?” He snapped, his patience running thin.

Kellin sat in shock. It was rare for Vic to crack. Usually he was the calm, collected one who always tried to smooth things over. In some instances he’d break and tear Kellin down, but it was sparse and each time it happened, Kellin felt guilt flare through him.

Guilt. He’d been a horrible boyfriend in every way imaginable. And Vic didn’t deserve that. He deserved so much better than everything Kellin could offer him. But Vic was stubborn and for some sick and twisted reason, he still wanted Kellin.

With a sigh of defeat, and disgrace in his heart, Kellin relaxed in his seat as the music filled the car. It was better than silence and he quietly found himself singing along. One more hour and they’d be out in an open setting with many other people around. Other people meant less fighting and right now, that’s all Kellin wanted, just a normal day without one of them screaming at the other.

As Kellin sang quietly, Vic continued on driving, his hard gaze never faltering although it was quite hard with Kellin’s soft voice ringing in his ears. That voice had always been something that worked to calm him down, help him to relax. Now was no different as his grip on the steering wheel alleviated, his anger slowly melting away. He hated the fact that Kellin held such a power over him because it only made things harder. If Vic didn’t love him so much, he would have already given up by now.



They arrived at the park in record time, probably because Vic’s anger caused him to speed. Just when things seem to blow over, Kellin would speak up with another subtle dig at Vic and his idea of a nice road trip.

The car pulled into an empty parking space, Vic killing the engine and not wasting a minute before stepping out leaving the younger male behind. As soon as the warm breeze hit him, his bad mood simply vanished. It was hot, and not the usual type of hot, but the hot that could make any person feel like they were sizzling. Yet Vic found the heat comforting. It was like a hug, encasing him, holding him close. It had been quite some time since Vic had felt any sort of affection and the air around him, though blistering, made him feel secure.

As he made his way to the Visitor’s Center, he couldn’t help but think if the trip was a mistake. Every inch of him wanted so badly for this to work out for all he wanted was the love of his life back. Some things weren’t meant to be fixed, though, and maybe their relationship was one of them.

Vic could hear Kellin’s footsteps behind him, but he didn’t stop. They reached the building, a burst of cold air welcoming them. The climate suddenly feeling all too familiar to the one he shared back home with Kellin.

They checked in, grabbed some brochures and then headed back out, Kellin noting everything and everyone he passed. Tourist attractions weren’t always his thing, mostly because people weren’t always his thing. In places like this, however, people always accumulated and it made Kellin feel cramped.

It was a generous walk to get to their destination, but once they did, Kellin let out an audible gasp. The sight in front of him was simply breathtaking. The colors were alluring, browns and oranges of the rocks that mixed with the fresh blue of the sky, the faint green of the grass that appeared throughout the canyon added that extra hue to the view that looked so much like a painting. The openness of the space, so empty and scary, but fascinating all the same gave him chills as looked over, a tingling sensation starting in his toes when he leaned forward. Everything about the landscape looked gentle and peaceful. It was surreal, Kellin thought; definitely not what he was expecting.

“Not so lame now, huh?” Vic murmured, taking his place beside the small boy. He watched as Kellin’s eyes danced in amazement and he knew at that moment that although right now he really hated Kellin, this trip wasn’t a mistake. Kellin’s smile was genuine, not one of his fake I’m just smiling so you’ll stop talking smiles, but a real, true beam that made Vic’s heart thump.

“I still hate it.” Kellin mumbled, biting at his bottom lip to suppress his smile.

Instead of arguing with the boy, Vic just shrugged. The truth would come out sooner or later, and he knew for a fact that Kellin was having a good time, even if he refused to admit it.

The older boy let his eyes flick across the scenery, his brain sketching every detail so he’d remember. Since the fighting with his boyfriend began, he’d always felt so alone. It was little moments like this that he wanted to burn into his memory so he could look back on them at time when he was desolate. These happy times would flood through his mind, giving him a sense of hope and happiness and the feeling that maybe one day things would be back to normal.



As the night approached, both boys became tired. It was Kellin’s turn to drive and he wasn’t even behind the wheel for three hours when he started complaining that he couldn’t keep his eyes open. “Vic, if we don’t stop now, I’m going to crash this car and kill us all.” He said with a deep yawn.

“Maybe you should.” Vic responded, his sleepy state taking over his brain.

“I’m serious. We need to stop somewhere and rest for a few.” Kellin practically demanded, grasping the wheel tighter and swerving over the line drastically.

“What the fuck are you doing!” Vic shouted, jolting awake, his brain alert to what was happening. “I wasn’t serious, you asshole!” His heart was beating quickly; he could feel it pounding against his chest.

“I just wanted you to wake up. Keep me company.” Said Kellin with a cheeky grin on his face. “If I can’t sleep neither can you. Now can we please find a motel or something?”

Vic rolled his eyes, shifting his position so he was sitting up straight. “Do whatever you want, Kellin. You always do.” His voice was quiet, barely audible over the sound of the moving car, but Kellin still caught his words, a frown pulling at his lips.

“Alright then.” He whispered back, eyes focusing on the road for any signs that might lead them to an exit. “We’ll be in New Mexico soon. We can just stop there and rest. Then pick up in the morning.”

“Fine. Wonderful.” The other boy muttered as he reached forward to turn up the volume. If it weren’t for the music on this trip, they would both be pulling out their hair. Conversation between the two of them was scattered and the silence with them was never comfortable anymore.

Kellin continued to drive, humming along to the sounds. It not only made him feel better, but he knew it comforted Vic and at the moment, he just wanted his boyfriend to be happy, even if he couldn’t verbally express it.

Everything he did, whether good or bad, revolved around Vic. And he hated it.