Run

The wind whispered through my fur as I paused, the scent of a small rabbit having caught my attention. I lifted my snout, inhaling deeply; I opened my eyes, my eyes that were the same. My eyes that were my own. I moved swiftly in the direction the fleeing rodent had taken. The creature stank of fear, I was the predator and it was my prey. If I could have, I would’ve smirked, a human characteristic. The ground cover was soft on my paws as I easily manoeuvred through the trees, dodging branches and leaping over fallen trunks. I’d never felt freer in my life than I did in that moment, that was, until someone tackled me, taking me straight to the ground. I turned on my attacker, snarling; only to find a wolf I’d seen somewhere. More like I’d seen a drawing of. It was Quinn; I’d never seen him in wolf form in real life, but his eyes, his eyes were the same. Just as mine were. Quinn nipped playfully at my fur and grinned wolfishly, showing off his pearly whites. I nipped at his throat and he shifted off of me. I stood up, shaking the dirt and leaves off of my fur, I studied Quinn. I couldn’t get past how familiar it felt to be with him right then. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew him. I blinked wearily; I’d never had this feeling before, this protectiveness I felt for Quinn, this sense of closeness. I’d heard what others described it as; I wasn’t too keen on admitting that. Quinn lowered his forearms to the ground, sticking his ass in the air he wagged his tail much like a family Labrador would. I huffed in amusement and mimicked his pose. We mirrored each other, jumping from side to side, trying to find the others weakness. If I’d been able to I would have laughed right then. We looked silly, even I knew that. I’d seen others in my pack do it. I straightened as someone else ran through the small space where Quinn and I were standing. Quinn straightened too, but relaxed almost immediately when he saw who it was. Unlike him, I didn't know who it was and I had no real way of finding out. It made me uneasy, I realised, I didn't know many of the wolves at the school and they didn't know me. It was dangerous really, but it wasn’t like I’d had time to actually get to know them. I’d hardly been to any of my classes and the ones I had been in I’d already made a couple of friends. I needed to branch out. Well, now was as good a time as any, I figured. I made a playfully sound and mimicked the pose Quinn had pulled before; the other wolf did the same before taking off into the trees. Quinn and I looked at each other once before leaping up to follow. The game of tag lasted for hours, attracting more and more players. I felt like a kid again, but I loved it. We hunted while we played and it wasn’t until the very early hours of the morning that I stopped by one of the small streams and lay down to rest. Quinn dropped down beside me with Chrystal on his other side. We lay there in companionable silence and I watched as Chrystal shifted back to human form, naked and exhausted. She didn't move from where she was; she just snuggled closer to Quinn. I was envious of her and her ease with him. I wanted that. I wanted him. It took all I had not to growl at her. Quinn was not mine. He could do as he pleased, I reminded myself. It was hard thinking about that though. I stood up and left them there, not wanting to endure any more of it. I made my way back to my clothes and shifted back. The shift back wasn’t as painful, I was too tired for my muscles to tense up or resist the shift. My energy levels were shot; I dressed quickly and walked out of the forest. I needed to be away from Quinn. He was messing with my head. I went to the infirmary instead of going back to my room. I didn't want an empty room to myself. Tristan was up and pacing around when I opened the door, shoes in hand, looking a little worse for wear. He smiled and wrinkled his nose. I laughed lightly. I smelt like dog to him. I flipped him off, causing him to smile slightly. I dropped down on the bed next to Jasmine and curled up. I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

A pure white wolf darting in between trees glanced over his shoulder and saw me. He stopped, turning on me, he snarled. Damien. He knew who I was, yet he was being aggressive. They’d well and truly destroyed the boy that he’d been before. I stopped trailing him and just watched, he turned his back on me and lopped off. I knew where he was going. He was going to see them. I watched him go. The wolf in me wanted to follow, but the girl knew that if I did, he’d never forgive me. He was trying to protect me; I knew that, I just couldn’t accept it.

I jolted awake, the sound of voices penetrating the silence that had encompassed my sleep. I opened my eyes to find the room full of people and for a few minutes I forgot where I was. The events of the night before flooded my mind. The full moon. The run. Quinn. By the stream. Chrystal. The infirmary. Jasmine. I sat up quickly and looked over to her bed. There were two people I didn't know standing beside her bed. The woman, at least, looked worried, but the man, he didn't show any emotion at all.
I searched the room until I found Tristan; he was skulking by the door. “What’s going on?” I asked as I reached him.
“Jasmine’s parents,” he mumbled. “They’re taking her away.” My mouth dropped open and I glanced from Tristan to the couple.
“What?! No!” I gasped. “You can’t let them!”
“I don’t have a choice Ashra!” He snapped. I quietened; Tristan was taking this as badly as I was. All I wanted was to grab her and run. Something told me that her leaving this room was a bad idea. That itch between my shoulder blades was back and it was damn persistent. I stood there with Tristan while Helena talked with Jasmine’s parents. My agitation never left and I shifted from one foot to the other, fiddling with whatever was in reach. Tristan got so pissed off that he left, storming out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him. I sighed. It was obvious neither of us was going to be able to do anything and as much as I hated to see her go, maybe there was someone out there that could help her. I left the room, saying a silent goodbye to the only real friend I’d ever had.

I packed my things that night, preparing to leave early the next morning. The midterm break had been extended at the request of many worried parents and Helena had happily agreed. My father had decided that Damien and I were to come home for the week long vacation, but I had no idea why. I didn't want to go home, nor did I want to see him or anyone else. Except maybe Emilia. I had a higher chance of getting some useful information out of her. I didn't see Quinn until I was getting ready to sleep for a couple of hours. He knocked on the door softly, as if afraid of what lay on the other side. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous, maybe because he was Quinn and he had a habit of making me do stupid things. I opened the door, blocking the doorway with my body. I smiled as if everything was perfect when I really felt like crying. I feared going home and having to face the pack, but I also feared for Jasmine. The memory of her drawing, the one that showed her death, it kept replaying over and over in my mind. I couldn’t let her die.
“Getting ready to leave?” he asked. I nodded. I wasn’t sure what to say to Quinn anymore. Now that I knew for sure that I had a thing for him all I wanted to know was if he felt anything for me. I refrained from asking him outright. I was too scared of rejection, always had been.
“I’m leaving at four,” I said. We fell silent and I hated it. I hated how awkward it was considering how good it had been the past few days. I sighed and shifted my weight from one foot to the other I looked down at my feet. For some reason I was having trouble meeting his gaze. I wasn’t usually like this. It was freaking me out the effect he had on me. Quinn’s fingers touched the soft underside of my chin and he lifted my chin gently until I was looking straight at him. He hesitated for half a beat before both his hands were cradling mine and his lips met mine with such desperation I took an involuntary step back. I didn't stop him. Even when I should have. I closed my eyes and curled my fingers into his hair. I dragged his body closer. I couldn’t describe the feeling he gave me right then. It was like taking a breath of fresh air after being inside for so long. It was like finding something I’d thought I’d lost. It was relief. Satisfaction. It was loss and gain all wrapped up in one. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced. His arms moved from my face and wound around my waist, lifting me up. I pushed the door shut as he moved further into the room and placed me gently down onto my bed. I watched as he pulled back to look at me.
“I don’t want you to go,” he whispered softly.
“I don’t want to go,” I replied. Quinn’s blue eyes melted and threatened to consume me whole. Looking at him right then, I couldn’t imagine a more perfect moment. I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life. I didn't want to. The thought was almost painful. I touched his face with the tips of my fingers, the stumble on his chin was rough and the shadows under his eyes told me he hadn’t slept today. I pulled him down beside me and curled up on his chest. With his heartbeat in my ear, I drifted off, in and out; I swayed between consciousness and unconsciousness. I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to relish the time I had with Quinn, but I couldn’t help it. My eyes closed and my breathing slowed and soon enough, I was out.

A ringing broke the silence and I rolled over to silence whatever the hell had woken me when I realised it was my phone. I groaned, opening my eyes I picked up the obnoxious device and hit snooze. I had to get up. I glanced over at the other side of my bed and found it empty. I pressed my hand to the spot where Quinn had slept. It was cool to the touch, he’d been gone a while. My heart dropped in my chest. Maybe he didn’t feel the same way about me. I flopped back down onto my pillows and sighed. The pain in my chest was as unfamiliar to the feelings I’d had last night. I guessed this was what crushed dreams felt like. I rolled onto my side and slid a hand under my pillow. I encountered a foreign object with the tips of my fingers and immediately sat up. I lifted the pillow and founded a folded sheet of paper. Paper that had been ripped out of a drawing book. I hesitated in picking it up. I knew it was from Quinn and it only confirmed that it had all actually happened and it all hadn’t been some fantasy concocted by my sick imagination to cause me pain. I sighed and picked up the paper, I unfolded it, holding my breath the whole time and only let it out when I saw the picture. It was a wolf. Me to be precise. He’d drawn me. Sitting in the moonlight, he’d drawn me as I’d been the other night. I couldn’t believe he’d remembered the image long enough to go from memory to paper. In the corner was something that had been scribbled out with dark pencil. I could make out an ‘I’ and the word ‘you’, but that was it. It frustrated me to no ends. Those two words could mean a number of things, one of which I didn't care to think about. I folded the paper and shoved it into my bag. I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and left to find Damien. I carried my bag easily enough. The wolf in me held more strength, but the girl held some of it too. I walked down to the front of the school and found a number of people preparing to leave with their parents or friends. Damien stood by the car and I wondered how awkward the ride home was going to be. He looked sick, I noticed as I got closer to him. His cheeks were drawn in and his skin pale. I didn't ask. He wouldn’t have answered any of my questions any way. I was right about the drive being awkward and that made it feel all the longer. It seemed like forever before we stopped for an even more awkward breakfast sitting across from each other, before getting back in the car and enduring silence again. I was actually thankful when the farm came into sight and was out of the car before it’d even stopped when we reached the top of the drive. Emilia stood waiting with a few others. I hugged her. I’d missed her, more than I cared to admit. She looked different. Happier. I couldn’t explain what had actually changed about her, but something had. She smiled and put an arm around my shoulders as we walked into the house together.
“It’s great to have you back,” she said and squeezed my shoulders. Her hair was different, I noted as we walked into the living room, it was more red than brown now. Her eyes were as they’d always been, a yellow-green, reminding me of a cat rather than a wolf. I smiled; I liked these small things about her. Angel sat on small mat in the living room, playing with some kind of toy. I ruffled her hair on my way past, it was getting long now. My mother was in the room behind the living room, she sat in a small alcove reading a book.
“Hey, mum,” I said, a little awkwardly. She glanced up and smiled. It was astounding the resemblance she had to some of the other pack member, you’d think they were related. She hugged me tightly.
“Your father’s in the study,” she said. “He wants to see you.” A flickering memory of a conversation I’d had with Emilia weeks ago shattered my small amount of happiness. I nodded slowly and wished more than anything that I could disappear into the floorboards. I moved out of the small library and back through the living room, dreading what was hidden behind the closed study doors the whole time. Every step closer brought me closer to my fate. I knew it and everyone else damn well knew it too. I knocked once on the door before opening it. My father sat behind his chair as he always did, the only other difference in the room was the foreign wolf. The male occupying one of the couches with two others sitting with him. I stood in the doorway feeling much like a kid at that point. I knew what my father would say and I didn't want to hear it.
“Ashra,” he said and smiled that small smile; it was pleasant but not overly friendly. “Come, have a seat. I have someone I want you to meet.” I couldn’t decline his offer and he knew it. I moved slowly into the room, shutting the door behind me and sat on the couch farthest away from the foreign wolves.
“Ashra, I’d like you to meet Zane,” my father said. I looked at him rather than the wolf sitting across from me. My father was as he’d always been. A stubborn asshole. The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t going to tolerate my shit anymore and this was his final solution. I sighed softly and turned my head to look at the blond wolf. I would admit he was very handsome, but he wasn’t anything spectacular. Not until you dug a little deeper. His power as an alpha was astonishing and more than a little intimidating. I seemingly studied his features, while actually digging to see how far I could get before he blocked me. Not far apparently. His walls came up like iron barriers and I was pushed out.
“Nice try little wolf,” he said. “You’ll have to try harder than that.” I snorted and looked from him to my father. I arched an eyebrow at him and saw the small smirk my father attempted to hide. He thought the same about this wolf that I did, wanker. Well, I didn't know what to say to him, or my father for that matter. I had nothing to say to either of them. I glanced at the two wolves on either side of Zane. One was female, young and apparently unhappy about being here. The other was a large male, his eyes trained on the wall behind me. He wasn’t the alphas second, but it seemed he was temporarily. Let’s just say, I wouldn’t want to meet him in a dark alley late at night. He didn't exactly give off a pleasant vibe. I looked away, back to my father, who was studying my reaction closely. I shrugged slightly and he sighed. I watched him rub the bridge of his nose and I knew he was getting frustrated with me.
“Ethan, Leah, would you excuse us for a moment,” Zane said. It wasn’t a question and it could not be disobeyed, especially in front of another pack leader. Zane could not be seen as weak right then. The two glanced at each other before getting up and leaving the room. I was actually surprised when the male wolf did without an argument, I could see that he wanted to. Zane sat forward on the couch in a more relaxed pose, he spoke to me.
“I know how you’re feeling, Ashra,” he said softly. “I was like you once too, the son of an alpha, one of six unfortunately. My eldest brother, he took our pack as was his birthright.” He paused to make sure I was listening before continuing. “My father, he made arrangements for the rest of us. Marriage pacts.” I frowned, confused as to why he was here if he’d been married off already. Where was his mate? “Aimee passed a little over a year ago,” he said, his voice mournful. I could tell he’d truly cared about her. I felt guilty for jumping to the conclusion that he was a new alpha with a new pack and no brains. “Most of her original pack; they didn't want me as their alpha.”
“Your pack split,” I murmured and he nodded. Zane inclined his head towards my father.
“Your pack too, has split before?”
“Once before,” my father acknowledged. He didn't say any more and I was curious as to when our pack had split.
“Then, you too, know what it’s like when there are two separate packs on one piece of land.” Zane sighed as if telling this story was an effort. “I relented, as much as it pained me as an alpha. I gave them the land they’d lived on for their whole lives and moved.”
“Why me?” I asked them. They glanced at each other before looking back at me.
“You have a large following Ashra, more than you would think,” Zane replied.
“Our pack has grown small.” My father looked as if he didn’t want to accept what was happening. “And I want you to lead the pack.”

I walked out of the study in a bit of a daze. I’d never believed anyone when they said I’d be the next to lead the pack. Technically, I wouldn’t be leading the pack, Zane would be. I was female and therefore I could not lead the pack. I found my mother in the kitchen, cooking something, something special by the mess she’d created.
“Want any help?” I asked quietly. My mother and I had never really been close. She wasn’t as close to her wolf as I was and because of it, we’d had little contact since I was little.
She smiled softly at me. “Sure, come cut this up.” I walked over to her and took the peeled potato out of her hand. We worked in silence, but it wasn’t awkward or anything. I was glad she didn't feel the need to fill long silences.
“What do you think of Zane?” she asked. I knew the question had been playing on her mind ever since I asked if she wanted help.
“I’m not sure yet,” I said truthfully. “I don’t know much about him.”
“Well...” she trailed off and I had a bad feeling. “You don’t have to go back to school at the end of the week.” I took a deep breath and let my anger subside. I needed to go back to that school.
“I want to,” I replied. “I like it there.” She sighed and I knew it wasn’t the response she wanted.
“Why do you have to make everything difficult?” she demanded. I saw anger flash deep within her dark eyes. She shoved a hand through her hair just to have it flop down in front of her face again. I knew what this was really about. She was getting frustrated with me because I didn't want to be a housewife. I put down the knife on the cutting board and turned to her.
“I’m not,” I snapped. “You are.” I turned and stalked out of the room. That was why my mother and I didn't get along. I didn't want to be like her. I was intent on not being like her, at all. I went up to my room to find Emilia waiting for me. She sat cross legged on my bed, as she’d done so many times before. Angel sat in her lap, playing with a cuddly toy. I smiled and walked towards them. I mimicked Emilia’s pose and sat across from her. I felt like a kid again. We spent the rest of the day up in that room, talking about everything and nothing. Emilia told me about my father’s leniency, he’d told her he’d find her a mate. I was happy for her, but not as optimistic about her choices as she was. She talked of Angel’s father as well, which spiked my interest.
“I want him to know her,” she said. Her lip lifted in a forced half smile. “But I don’t know if that’s at all possible.”
“Tell me about him,” I murmured. I shifted so I was lying on my back across the bed, my feet dangling off the edge. Emilia smiled a smile I’d never seen before on her. A smile of someone in love. I was jealous of her, she’d felt something that I would never get to feel. I sighed to myself. I was the alpha’s daughter; my life was never going to be that simple. Emilia told me about this dark haired boy she’d met when she’d visited one of the many supernatural schools for my father.
“He’d wanted me to check out the teachers, the students-” she waved her hand in the air and rolled her eyes. “I assume he was looking for somewhere to send you.” A mischievous smile touched her lips. “He was at one of the schools I visited,” she murmured. Her eyes flicked towards the closed door. She was wary of getting caught talking about this.
“Him and his friends, a whole group of them, took me in and showed me round.” A smile touched her features. “They were all extremely nice and welcoming. I never wanted to leave.”
“It sounds nice,” I muttered. “I never got close to having friends like that.”
“You will,” she said and patted my arm. “That school, they’re all very nice.” I looked away from her; I didn't want her to know exactly how nice they’d been to me. I looked back just in time to see her frowning down at Angel. “Anyway, he was one of them, liked to draw and kept to himself a lot.” She shrugged. “I was an idiot, but I wouldn’t give her up.” She touched Angel’s hair and smiled. Angel crawled towards me, a smile in her blue eyes. I let her climb on top of me and curl up. I felt at home for the first time in weeks, I actually felt safe.

Dinner that night consisted of a very awkward meal followed by an even more awkward conversation about the pack. I really wished my mother would just shut her mouth. She kept bringing up me and school and not going back. It was a good thing Zane was on my side.
“She’s young, let her have some fun,” he said. I was thankful that he stood up to my mother and it seemed to impress my father as well. She didn’t stop though; I could hear her ‘arguing’ with someone else about it when she went into the kitchen. Not that the other person could get a word in edgewise. I stayed at the dining room table with my father. I preferred putting up with him and Zane over my mother any day. It wasn’t like they were talking about much anyway. I zoned out a bit, thinking about Jasmine and Quinn. Oh Quinn, I let my gaze drop to the tabletop as I thought about what I had to do and what I really could no longer do. I felt my heart twist at the very thought. Quinn and I couldn’t do anything anymore. At least, not after Zane and my father came to an agreement. I didn't stay with them long, some of the younger wolves wanted to go for a run and I was itching to join them. Unfortunately, Zane wanted to come too. I walked with him into the forest, the younger ones having run ahead as soon as they could. I wished more than anything that Emilia had come too, but she’d stayed back to help my mother. We walked in silence and I was very aware of the fact that I was still covered in Quinn’s scent. This couldn’t end well. I was actually surprised that no one had said something sooner. My luck was about to run out.
“Who is this wolf that you smell of?” Zane asked as we walked. I sighed and turned my face away from him.
“A friend from school,” I said.
“Just a friend?” he prompted. I shrugged.
“He’s not much of anything anymore, is he?” I shot back. I turned to look at Zane, ready to glare at him, but he was staring off into the trees.
“I don’t mind, you know?” He said softly. I was very aware of the way my heart picked up slightly at this. I didn't know whether to trust him or not.
“What do you mean?” The hesitation was clear in my voice. Zane, not oblivious to this, gave me a small smile.
“Like I said to your mother, you’re young,” he said and shrugged slightly. “I don’t mind if at this stage you spend time with other wolves.” I didn't say anything. I wasn’t sure of what to say to that. It’s not like he could stop me anyway. I didn't advertise this fact, nor did I fully accept what he was saying.
“Why?” I asked. There was an edge in my voice, one that hadn’t been there before. Zane glanced at me, surprised by my sudden anger.
“Because I know how unfair it is,” he said, his own anger thinly veiled. I shook my head. He had no idea what it was like to be me, to be a female in a world run by males. This only made me angrier; although I was a little unsure as to whom I was angry at. Zane had been nothing but nice. My father however, he’d agreed to this without even consulting me. My fists clenched at my sides and I fought the urge that told me to run and never stop. This was my pack; this would always be my pack, my family. So, why did I have this urge to leave? Why did I want to run and never look back? Because I was scared? I glanced at Zane; I didn't fear him in any way. I knew that if it came to it, he’d be able to beat the shit out of me, but I doubted he’d actually do it. He was an alpha though. We continued walking the whole time as I struggled internally with everything that was going on in my life. I couldn’t decide. I couldn’t tell if Zane was sincere or if my father was truly serious, if my mother hated me or if Quinn actually liked me. I had too many possibilities and no real definite options. I felt my anger subside as we walked and I realised I couldn’t control the direction my life was heading. I stopped walking and just stood there as that thought sunk in. I couldn’t control my own life. I couldn’t control where I was going, who I was going to be with. I couldn’t control who I was going to be. I could never be my own person, I would always be under someone else’s control, be it my father’s or Zane’s. Then to my horror and embarrassment, I began to cry.