Lost, Then Found

Jared’s P.O.V.

It felt like someone stabbed me in the heart when I saw Kim walk up with Jake. She’s my imprint, not his. He knows how I feel about her. He can’t have Bella so he’s got to move on to my imprint. He doesn’t have an imprint, he doesn’t know that pain I feel seeing her with him.

[What, you think I don’t know that kind of pain? What do you think I’m going through with Bella?]

Ugh, that’s just what I needed right now, him inside my fucking head.

[Phase back Jacob, I’m not in the mood to talk, especially to you.]

[No, not until you hear what I have to say.]

A loud snarl erupted from me. [What Jacob? What could you possibly say that could make me feel any better?]

[Jared calm down. I know she’s your imprint, you should know I don’t think of her as anything other than a little sister.]

Deep down I knew Jacob thought of her as a little sister and nothing more than that. It was just hard controlling the wolf. When I see her with Jacob I just lose it. The way she looks at him, it kills me. She’s so comfortable with him, like she’s known him her entire life. It breaks my heart knowing
I haven’t made her feel that way. How does this imprinting thing work? She should love me, not have feelings for Jake. Emily didn’t reject Sam, Rachel didn’t reject Paul, even little Clair loves Quil, obviously not that way yet, but still.

[Jared, are you done? Just listen, I don’t know why she’s so comfortable with me, but I’m comfortable with her too!]

Once again I let out a loud snarl.

[I’m not finished! I said listen! As I was saying, I’m comfortable with her too, besides the pack she’s the only one who understands me, but it’s not like that.]

[Yes, not for you, but for her…] Jake cut me off.

[You’re so busy looking at how she looks at me you’re blind to how she looks at you! She’s falling for you and it’s freaking her out because she doesn’t even know why she’s falling this fast for you. You just flipped out on her and scared her even more. She just got out of an abusive relationship, more like she ran from it.]

A growl escaped my mouth revealing my teeth. The thought of someone hitting her drove me and the wolf insane. I needed to be with her, I need to protect her.

[No, just give her space right now! She wants to figure things out for herself. Let her open up to you on her own.]

[She’s my imprint; you know I can’t stay away from her long. Look at how Sam acts when he’s away from Emily too long.]

[I understand that, but you’re going to have to try for her. I wish you could just tell her the truth, but I don’t know how she would take it right now.]

[I’m just scared, I mean I know it’s never happened, but there’s a chance she could reject me. Than what would I be? I’ll tell you, stuck in the friend zone, and that’s only if she isn’t freaked out at the fact that we change in to huge wolves. How could I ever be ok with seeing her fall for any man other than me when I know she’s meant for me?]

[Jared you’re jumping way ahead instead of dealing with what’s in front of you. Give her space, she’ll eventually come around.]

[How do you know?]

[She likes you more than you know; hell more than she even knows her damn self.]

[I guess I have no choice but to wait.]

[Looks like it.]

[I owe you an apology man! This is all new to me. I mean I know we’ve seen and heard how it works from Sam and the others, but it’s different when it actually happens to you. It’s kind of similar to the feeling you get when you phase for the first time, the wolf takes over and it’s hard to control it.]

[Don’t worry about it, as you can see I’m not.]

[Alright, do you mind covering for me tonight?]

[Sure Sure, that’s fine.]

[Thanks, I just want to go home and be alone for a while.]

[Alright man, see you tomorrow.]

With that I was back in human form and everything was finally quiet. I had my thoughts all to myself, until the next time I phased at least. I definitely had more than enough to think about let alone having to deal with others when in wolf form. The one thought I couldn’t push out of my head no matter how hard I tried was Jacob telling me Kim had been in an abusive relationship. The more I thought about it the angrier I got, and the more I wanted to find this mother fucker and rip him apart and burn him. Treat him the same as those blood sucking demons. Any man who can allow himself to hit a woman is a monster and should be destroyed.

I couldn’t take it anymore; I had to go to her. I’ll just go by her house and make sure she’s ok. If she’s fine I’ll leave her alone, give her space like Jake recommended. The only way I’ll be able to make it through the night is knowing she’s ok.

Jake would probably not approve, but who is he to tell me anything? He doesn’t know what it’s like to have your soul mate so close, but not able to touch her, kiss her, and hold her. I’m not trying to degrade his feelings for Bella, but he didn’t imprint on her.

If Kim married anyone other than me I think I would actually die. It may sound extreme, but this whole imprinting thing is extreme. Love at first sight is the simplest way to describe it. Sounds like a fairy tale, but it’s my life, and now a very huge part of my life. If she does reject me I promise I would spend the rest of my life showing her how happy I could make her, and why she should be with me. I will show her she is my life.

The closer I got to her house the louder the sound of someone crying/whimpering got. I couldn’t get there quick enough. Nothing good came to mind, why was she crying? Her house was dark, but the cries were definitely coming from her house. I quietly walked up to the window that the sound was coming from. There she was, lying in her bed, eyelids closed, but cheeks wet from tears. She was safe, and as much as I wanted to go in there and wipe away those tears I couldn’t. It killed me to see her like that, but I did what I came to do. I was just about to leave when I heard my name. I was pulled back to the window. Did she catch me? Did she know I was there? She couldn’t have, her eyelids were closed. I peered in once more. Nothing changed, her eyelids were still closed.

Tears fell down her face and onto the pillow before she cried the sentence that ended the internal battle I was fighting.

“Jared, please don’t go.” She was dreaming about me. I’m the one who was making her cry, and that tore me up inside. Someone could have stuck a knife in me and twisted it around, and that still wouldn’t have come close to the pain I felt knowing that I was the cause of those tears.

I’m not leaving, I can’t, I’ll stay all night. She wants me to stay, even though she is asleep, I can’t say no. “I’m closer than you think baby girl.” I don’t know if it’s my mind playing tricks on me, but it seemed that she calmed down after I whispered that.

The tears dried, and she looked peaceful. It almost looked like she had a small smile on her face. Her long brown hair was wild from tossing and turning that occurred before I came. Even so, she was so beautiful. I took one last glance before I let my body fall to the ground beneath her window where I happily drifted off to sleep.

This was by far the best sleep I had since I can remember. I don’t know if it was because I was inches away from the love of my life, or if it was because my dreams that night were filled with images of her. Her eyes returning the same loving gaze I had when I looked at her. She had the voice of an angel, and her touch made me weak. Here I am supposed to be this big bad wolf, but I’m left weak and vulnerable just from one touch by her. The guys will for sure have a field day with all this the next time I phase.

I was awaken by a growling dog and the sound of Seth’s voice. What was he doing at Kim’s house? I could feel the anger starting to raise within me, but this time it was much easier to control it before it was taken over by the wolf. I tried to listen to what they were talking about, but I couldn’t make anything out over the growling/barking dog.

I got up and took off to the tree line in the opposite direction so I wouldn’t be noticed. I was almost at the house when I ran into Jake, who I’m guessing was still on patrol. He phased back to human form and quickly slipped on the clothes he had tied to him.

“Where have you been, thought you were going home last night?”

“He was at Kim’s house sleeping outside her window.” A voice called from behind us. Seth! Damn, I felt like a suspect on the First 48 getting hammered with questions

“I thought I told you to give her space”

“Yeah man, what were you doing outside her window, besides looking like a creeper?”

“What was I doing there? What the hell were you doing there Seth?” I yelled letting the anger take over the more they kept asking me questions.

“I was looking for you. Jake and everyone else said they hadn’t seen you; you weren’t at home like you said you would be. I happened to see you outside Kim’s window. She was about to let her dog out because he was going ballistic, he knew you were there. I was there to distract her, hoping you would wake up and leave before the dog got to you.”

“Oh, thanks I guess.” I replied just loud enough for Seth to hear.

“What would you have done if she caught you? Not only did you flip out on her at the beach, but now you’re peeping in her window. Are you trying to scare her away?”

“Jake, chill out. It’s not that serious.”

“Yeah, because you weren’t caught this time thanks to Seth, but what about next time? What if she had let the dog out? That would have eventually led to her finding you there. We know why you were there, but she wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten caught.”

“Ugh huh, So what made you decide to take that risk and go there?”

“I was planning on going home, but I had to make sure Kim was ok. I was just going to look and make sure everything was good and leave. When I got close to the house I heard crying. She was crying in her sleep. Even though I didn’t want to leave I was about to until she called out my name and told me to stay.”

“So she knew you were there?” Jacob was wide eye as if he was the one who was caught. Almost like a little kid who had been caught sticking his hand in the cookie jar.

“No, she was still sleeping, but I couldn’t leave. She needed me.” Lowering my head as I said it, I knew how it sounded, completely ridiculous, but it was true.

Jacob rolled his eyes. “She didn’t need you. You said she was asleep, which mean she didn’t even know you were there.”

“I don’t think that’s true, but regardless, I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. She asked me to stay, awake or asleep, I can’t say no. It must be an imprint thing.”

“Whatever, if you plan on doing that again just stay hidden in the woods.”

Fine, I guess I had no other choice. Jake told me to give her space, and seeing as it’s impossible for me to stay away from her too long I’ll go to her at night. I volunteered to take all the night patrols so I could make sure she was safe.