The Shy Star

I finally fell asleep at 3 in the morning only to wake up 2 hours later, my eyes were red and puffy from the tears and I looked a mess but right now I didn’t care. I slipped out of bed and made my way down stairs for a glass of water, the dining room was full of the boxes that John and his friends must have brought in last night while I was eating my pasta or in the guest room, I mean my room.

I take out a glass from the cupboard by the sink trying to be as quiet as possible and begin filling it with the cold water from the tap.

“Couldn’t sleep aye?” I spin round to find John standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Sorry, I was trying not to wake anyone.”

“Don’t worry, I couldn’t sleep either.”

I smiled slightly and turned off the tap carrying my glass of water to the kitchen table, my uncle followed me out but didn’t sit down instead he leaned up against the wall staring at the pile of boxes that were taking over his house. I sipped my water and stared into space trying to think of something, anything I could say.

“Danny will be home tomorrow so you two can have a catch up if you like.” my uncle attempted to lighten the mood. I loved my cousin Danny, I always used to look up to him when I was younger and he always used to include me in the games he and his friends would play but I hadn’t seen him in years now.

“Would be nice to see him again” I said but still would be nicer to go home. I know its not their fault I am here and if there was another way they would have done everything they could have to make it possible but nothing was going to stop me missing them. Everyday I thought about my mum and Alex. He was only seven and now he is gone.

Tears slid down my cheeks again and no matter how hard I tried to hold them back they just kept coming. John walked over to me and held me, rubbing my back as he whispered

“hey kiddo, everything is going to be alright.” but it wasn’t nothing was going to be alright.

I walked back upstairs to my room. Me and john had sat down there for what felt like an eternity, but was only a couple of hours. We spoke about so many things, memories of my mum and brother, the things I used to do when I was little, even about my father who is long gone by now.

I picked up my black notebook and sat on the edge of the bed flipping through the pages until I came across what I was looking for. Picking up my guitar I began playing the familiar tune. As it came to the chorus I sang the words

I’ll never let you forget his name
I know you’ll miss him everyday
But child our lives must go on
You may feel it but your not alone
He is always there in your heart
You and him will never be apart
Up there he is smiling down
At the little boy you are now

My fingers continued strumming as I hummed the second verse. I remembered writing this song the day my grand father died, Alex was five and wouldn’t stop crying and since it usually works I picked up my guitar and started strumming a tune when he calmed down a little I started putting words to the song and instead of crying he sat there on his bed watching and listening to me play. Every time he thought of our grandfather he would come into my room and ask me to play he always loved it when I sang to him and as I smiled at the memory a few tears fell. I will never get that chance again but I have to keep playing for Alex’s sake, I had to keep playing so his memory would live through my music and me.

Grabbing a pen and my notebook I began to write.