Give 'Em Hell, Kid

We stayed at in the hospital for hours, unable to leave while Frank was still asleep. Alexia held my hand the entire time, as though she were afraid I would leave if she let go. Hearing the news that Frank would be okay had relieved some of my concern, letting my mind fill with other thoughts. What exactly was going on between them? Alexia’s silent tears were a pretty good indication that they were more than friends, and it made me want to scream and shout, or maybe just hit something. It made the tight hold on me hurt even more. Even though she had chosen someone else, she still wanted me in her time of need. While a part of me was happy that she would still need me, I couldn’t help the resentment that was clawing at me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. I couldn’t sit back and watch the two of them together while the jealousy burned and scorched every part of me. It was too much to bear. She had made her choice and we would both suffer for it.

​​​‘I’m going to get coffee’ I muttered.

​​​‘I’ll go with you’ Ray volunteered.

​​​‘Maybe we should all go’ my Dad suggested, watching Linda clutching Frank’s hand.

​​​‘You go’ Alexia spoke softly to Linda ‘I’ll stay in case he wakes up.’

​​​The jealousy reared its ugly head, and the shocked look on Ray’s face told me that it was plain to see it in my expression. I didn’t care, I couldn’t. All my energy felt like it had been sapped, and the only two emotions that I could process were anger and apathy. The physical pain in my ribs and stomach was nothing in comparison to the aching void in my heart. I turned and walked out before the others had even taken a step towards the door. I knew I was being childish and immature but in my current state I felt like I was entitled to be. The only girl I had ever loved was finally out of my reach and it made everything else pale into insignificance. Nothing else could hurt me. By the time I reached the cafeteria everyone else was only a few steps behind me. My Dad and Linda must have put it down to my being upset over Frank’s state, but Ray knew better. He took the seat beside me when we sat at the cheap plastic table with matching chairs. The place was definitely not designed with comfort in mind as the cold plastic froze my ass through my denim jeans.

​​​‘Gerard, you don’t know if anything is going on.’ Ray whispered while my Dad and Linda talked, my Dad placing a consoling hand on her shoulder.

​​​‘C’mon Ray, even you can see the way she’s looking at him. It’s over.’

​​​‘No it’s not. Gerard, if you love her then you have to fight for it. Don’t let her slip away so easily. You see how she looks at Frank, but I see how she looks at you. Don’t let petty jealousy cloud your judgment. Go talk to her before you do something rash.’

​​​I opened my mouth to object but he silenced me with a look.

​​​‘Go Gerard. I’ll keep them occupied here for a while longer. Go.’

​​​I reluctantly stood up, grabbing my coffee and going back to the room the way we came. I racked my brain trying to figure out what to say. Alexia would get defensive if I said the wrong thing, and I knew Ray was right. I needed to talk to her and find out the truth. Maybe if I heard the words coming from her mouth it would help. When I approached the room I could hear voices. I recognised Frank’s straight away. I didn’t go inside, instead I decided to eavesdrop at the door. I would find out more that way.

​​​‘Next time you ask me to meet up with you for a talk you can forget about it’ Frank’s dry voice was hoarse sounding a full of pain.

​​​I heard Lexi’s choked sobs.

​​​‘Hey, I was only joking. I’ll be okay Lexi, it’s only a couple of cracked ribs. What was it you wanted to talk to me about anyway?’

​​​‘Now’s not the time to talk about it Frank.’

​​​‘Yes it is. I’m in a bit of pain so I could do with the distraction.’

​​​There was a pause while Frank waited for Alexia to start talking.

​​​‘Last night…Gerard asked me to meet him in the tree house. He gave me a sketch he drew of me, and a mix CD. They were…they were beautiful Frank. He pretty much told me that he wanted to be with me. He asked me to text him when I got home but I feel asleep while listening to the CD. I just needed someone to talk to before I said anything to him. I’m just…I’m so confused Frankie.’

​​​I could see the conflict in Frank’s eyes, meshed in with sadness and jealousy. I knew how he felt about Alexia. It was obvious from the way he looked at her, as though she were the most precious thing to him. The night of the party he had put his own emotions aside, counselling Alexia and advising her to hear me out. I couldn’t be so sure he would be so selfless again.

​​​‘What’re you confused about? He obviously cares about you Lexi. What are you so scared of?’

​​​‘That it doesn’t work out and I’ll lose my best friend.’

​​​‘Bullshit. You know as well as I do Gerard would do anything for you. There’s nothing that would ever change that. You could shoot the guy and he’d still forgive you. What’s the real reason Lexi?’

​​​‘I...if I tell you please don’t laugh at me, okay?’ her voice was shaking.

​​​‘I promise.’

​​​‘I’m just not sure if I’m ready for all the stuff that goes along with being a girlfriend Frank. I mean…look at me Frank; I’m not exactly the prettiest girl at school. He’s going to expect…stuff, and I’m not sure if I can do it. What if he realises that I’m not good enough for him?’

​​​Frank let out a sigh. He didn’t like the thought of Alexia and I being together, it was showing on his face.

​​​‘I don’t know Lexi…’ he sounded extremely uncomfortable ‘the guy’s in love with you, he has been for years. I think maybe you should talk to him about it. He’s waited a long time before making a move, I’m sure he won’t mind waiting a while longer for…other stuff.’

​​​‘I’m making you uncomfortable, aren’t I?’ she sounded just as awkward as she asked the question, unaware of the true reason for his discomfort.

​​​He looked up and caught me standing by the door listening to them. He gave me a flicker of sad smile before turning his attention back to Alexia.

​​​‘Definitely. Just do me a favour and talk to him; knowing him he’s probably acting like a teenage girl on her period waiting for you to say something. Give the guy a chance to prove himself. Have a little faith in him.’

​​​I’d never wanted to hug someone as much as I wanted to hug Frank right then. The happiness that flooded through me was enough to mask the guilt and shame I should have felt over the horrible thoughts that had gone through my head. He wasn’t a girl-stealing asshole who deserved to get his ass beaten. He was my fucking hero. How could I have ever doubted him and our friendship?

​​​I decided to take my cue and I waltzed into the room with my coffee in hand.

​​​‘Hey man, how are you feeling?’ I asked, doing my best to show my thanks with the smile I gave him. His returning smile told me he understood.

​​​‘Like I got my ass beat.’

​​​‘You look like it too.’ I joked.

​​​‘Fuck you, you don’t like much better!’ he laughed in spite of himself.

​​​I gave a short little chuckle. Sneaking a glance at Alexia I could see her cheeks were blazing, probably wondering if I heard their conversation. I didn’t give anything away as I sat on the chair beside her, lacing our hands together. Linda and my Dad chose to walk in at that moment, and I decided that we could talk about it later. Frank was right; I could wait a while longer. I would wait forever if I had to.
​​