Give 'Em Hell, Kid

I searched the house for at least half an hour before I returned to the yard, anger coursing through my veins at myself for being stupid and at Brittany for being such a classless bitch. My hands were twitching from the desire to go find Brittany and punch her, even though I abhorred violence against women. With one stupid move she had destroyed any chance I had with Alexia. She ruined everything and I was determined to make her pay for it when the time came.
I found Ray and Mikey where I had left them, although they were now a lot more drunk and wearing identical expressions of concern.

​​​‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, looking for a distraction.

​​​‘I don’t know man, Lexi just came back five minutes ago crying her eyes out. I think something happened but she wouldn’t talk to us. Frank took her over there’ Mikey pointed over to the right hand side of the garden which was pretty much pitch black and unused for the moment ‘ I think he’s trying to calm her down.’

​​​I sprinted away from them before Mikey had even finished, panic and the desperate need to explain what had happened fuelling my body to run like it never had before. If only our Gym teacher could see me now. I slowed down when I heard the low hum of voices, Alexia’s distinctive voice easily recognisable even if her words were indecipherable. In the moonlight I could just about make the two shapes out, sitting side by side on the grass with two bottles lying carelessly by their side. I hid behind a tree that was conveniently located a few feet away from them, giving me the perfect vantage point to spy on them without being seen. My instincts told me to get as close as I could while remaining hidden. Although I knew I was wrong to eavesdrop I had to know what Alexia was truly thinking. She would only snap at me in anger if I faced her now. She always lashed out first without thinking.

​​​‘…so fucking angry. I actually believed he felt the same way about me, I mean he asked me to go to Homecoming. Then he turns around and kisses the biggest slut in school. How fucking stupid could I be?’

​​​‘Lexi I’m sure there’s more to it than that. Gerard wouldn’t do that to you.’ Thank God Frank was on my side.

​​​‘He just did Frank, in front of everyone! I feel like such a fucking idiot.’ She let out a few sobs, the kind that made my chest constrict with guilt knowing I was the cause of them. The fact that I had hurt her enough for her to produce such a sound made me want to die, I was certain the weight of guilt would crush my soul.

​​​Frank remained silent, ignoring my silent telepathic pleas to say something, anything, in my defence. He could salvage the situation a little if he tried hard enough; I had to believe he could help. I refused to give in to the thought that this was the end of everything I worked towards for the last few years. Frank waited awkwardly until her cries had subsided to say his piece.

​​​‘Sometimes guys make stupid mistakes. You should talk to him and find out why it happened when you’re less angry.’

​​​There was a tense silence that seemed to linger forever while I remained hidden, waiting with baited breath in the hope that I would hear something more positive.

​​​‘You know, maybe this was a good thing’ Alexia eventually spoke, her words coming out in stuttered sharp breaths ‘maybe we were being stupid to try and make our friendship into something more. He’s my best friend, maybe it should just stay that way. Even if Gerard has a good explanation for what happened with Brittany it doesn’t change the fact that if things go wrong I’d lose my oldest friend in the world. Maybe it’s a line we shouldn’t cross.’

​​​My heart stopped beating at those words; a cold sweat broke out as though somebody had just thrown a bucket of cold water over me. It was her defeated and resigned tone that did the damage. An angry Alexia was someone who could be reasoned with at a later point in time when she was calm. The girl I saw sitting next to Frank wasn’t angry. She was hurt, heartbroken and possibly convinced that what had happened was a sign that we weren’t meant to be. That was a girl who couldn’t be persuaded otherwise if she truly believed that we were better off remaining friends. I wasn’t sure if I could accept that. I had to remind my lungs to keep breathing calmly, the hurt that was rising in my soul making my breaths sharp and laboured.

​​​‘Only you know what the right thing to do is Lexi. Either way, I’ll be here for you if you need someone to talk too.’

​​​Frank covered Alexia’s clasped hands with one of his own. Alexia was too engrossed in her own self pity to fully realise what Frank had done until he had given her hand a little squeeze.

​​​‘Thanks Frank, for listening I mean.’

​​​‘What are friends for?’ he shrugged carelessly.

​​​‘Don’t ever fall in love Frank. It fucking sucks.’

​​​She loved me? I was certain I hadn’t heard the words right. I had guessed, or hoped that she had feelings for me but being in love with me was something I hadn’t even contemplated. If she was then surely I still had a chance. She wouldn’t let one mistake get in the way if she loved me, I was positive about that. It would take time for her to forgive me if she was really pissed off but when that faded in time she would let me back in.

​​​‘It really does.’ He agreed with a sigh.

​​​Her eyebrows furrowed, resulting in a loose tear rolling down her cheek which she quickly wiped away.

​​​‘Aaawww. Is widdle Fwankie in love?’ she mocked.

​​​‘Don’t do that’ I was stunned by how harsh his tone was, obviously annoyed and insulted by Alexia’s unintentional condescension.

​​​‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You want to talk about it?’

​​​‘Not really. She wouldn’t ever look at me so there’s nothing to talk about. Even if she did notice me I’m too scared to do anything about it.’

​​​I could see how Alexia’s eyes softened in sympathy in the moonlight. Somehow it further emphasised her running mascara and eyeliner. She looked the perfect picture of a teenage mess, yet she was still beautiful. It was Alexia’s vulnerability that made her so striking, when her eyes were glazed and her teeth bit at her lower lip to try to prevent the tears from escaping. Those were the rare moments that she let the tough façade disappear and showed the real Lexi that was underneath. I loved those moments when she would let me hug her without the threat of getting a punch, where she would unashamedly accept comfort from me. I suppose it was why I spent so many of my formative years trying to make her cry. Even when I was the cause of her pain she always let me be the one to make her feel better.

​​​‘You shouldn’t be scared. If she can’t see you for the amazing catch you are then she doesn’t deserve you. It’s her loss’ Alexia mumbled.

​​​Frank just gave her a weak smile, not believing a word she said.

​​​‘I think I need more alcohol. Do you think there’s any more jell-o shots left?’

​​​‘Only one way to find out.’ Frank stood up, holding his hand out for Alexia to take before helping her stand up. They stumbled back to the party, still holding hands as they walked into the house. I remained where I was, my troubled mind needing some space to think clearly before rejoining what was definitely the worst party I was ever unfortunate enough to attend.