Junk

~~Present~~
Sitting on Marc Andre's front porch, knees tucked up with my head resting on top, with a cigarette dangling between my lips, slowing puffing in and out I thought about everything but nothing all at once.
I thought about the day Oscar was born, I thought about summer, I thought about what I have become, I thought about the cherry blossoms that used to grow in my back yard as a child. I thought about how much I've disappointed my family, I thought about the lake out by my brothers house. I thought about how much I have probably destroyed Sidney's hard earned reputation, but most of all I thought about getting Oscar back.

Taking one last inhale on the cancerous stick, filling my tired lungs with it's poisonous fumes, I flicked the butt out onto the patio and watched as it slowly burnt out on the damp floor. I heard the click of the back door and pulled my knees in tighter to my stick thin frame before turning my head ever so slightly to see who it was while letting the remaining smoke softly flow from my nose. Stood in the doorway looking out across the garden, was the very man who I couldn't stand to think about living without.

I watched his every move. From the rise and fall of his chest, to his slightly trembling hands, to the emotionless business-like facial expression reserved for the press. He turned his whole body to face me, standing like a statue he slowly lifted his arm to hand me what he was holding. My burning eyes flicked from his deep brown eyes down to the envelope in his left hand, and back again.

“I thought it would be best if I was to give you this myself..” he started ever so softly, “just...don't open it until I'm gone. Please.”

I extended my trembling hand and took the envelope from him with a slight nod of my head.

“I-is Oscar here?” I asked every so quietly even I had a hard time hearing myself.
Sidney rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his,
“um, no. He's at Jordan's.”

Feeling detected I let the envelope fall to the decking next to me and locked my arms back around my knees, lowered my head to rest my chin on them, once again looking back out in the garden.
“Oh..Do you..um, do you think that maybe I could-” before I could finish Sidney cut me off with a sigh
“No. I don't think that is a very good idea, Sparrow.”

I clamped my eyes shut so he wouldn't be able to see the tears welling, I placed my shaking hands over my face and let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. I wanted to scream, I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him and shout that he was killing me.

“I'm trying Sid...I really am” The voice that came from me was broken, cracking at every word.
“Trying?!” his sudden loud voice shocked me. It made my heart leap into my throat. “You ran out of the one place that was trying to help you without even a single thought! Do you not want to get better!?” He exclaimed, “Do you even give a shit about what you're doing to me, Oscar, your brother, the whole organisation even!? And what about your career, huh? You've gone and shot that all to hell!” his words hit me hard, like a dozen kicks to the gut.
“I know-” I started
“No! You don't know! You don't know because you haven't been around!” His words slicing me with every syllable, “You put yourself before anyone and look where that god damn got you. You're being selfish. Do you know what this is doing to my son? It's destroying him.”

I clamped my out of control trembling hands over my ears in hope of blocking out his harsh words. Squeezed my eyes so tight I was seeing stars in the darkness and curling into myself even more than I thought possible.
“He's my son too.” I whispered
“Pardon?” Sidney snapped
“I said, he's..Oscar is my son too.” I repeated, still refusing to remove my hands and open my eyes. Terrified of seeing the look of hatred I knew was on his face.
“No he's not.”
“Yes he is Sid-”
“No. he. is. Not. Get that into your head Sparrow. He is no longer a concern to you. You wont be within 100 feet of him when I have it my way.”

Hearing these words my hands released themselves, my eyes snapped open and my head turned to look him dead in the face. Not one single emotion was present on his. I used to be able to read him so well, he couldn't hide anything from me. But staring at him now, it was like staring at a stranger.

“Don't even joke about what I think you are trying to tell me Sidney Patrick Crosby” I snarled, suddenly becoming angry, standing up and slowly walking towards him, “Don't you even think about taking my little boy away from me!” I shoved his chest but it did nothing.
“You're doing that all by yourself, Sparrow. And for the last time, Oscar is no longer yours.”
“Yes he is! Whether you like it or not, he's half me and there is nothing you can do about it. He's always going to be part of me!!”
“Yeah, we'll see about that.” With those as his parting words, Sidney swiftly turned and walked into the house and out of site.