The Boy From Hot Ice

The next week was one of the longest I can recall having experienced in my life. Not only was I waiting for a package Jeremy had said he sent several weeks earlier, but I was also waiting to see if I made the squad.
I loved that I could at least call Jeremy every day. Hearing his voice after a day of straining over the most rigorous exams I'd ever taken was a welcome relief. And I felt like he actually wanted to hear about my day. I felt like he waited all day for four o'clock, when I called him every day. He always answered after less than a full ring, and I just knew he was sitting at his house, waiting. And that made me miss him even more, if such a thing were possible.
Even though I had been a little bothered by Amanda at first, her peppy personality was strangely starting to grow on me. She also had a way of giving me hair and makeup tips without sounding like she was implying I looked like a clown.
"I love that shade of lipstick," I would tell her.
She would show up the next day with a brand new one for me, and she would take the time to tell me how to apply it. Instead of just telling me I needed to do something with my hair, she would ask me if I ever tried a certain hairstyle. If I said I hadn't, she'd take me out with her and we'd both get our hair done that way together. She was not just helping me with these practical things, but she was actually starting to make me feel better about myself. Her hair and makeup tips worked - and very well, I might add.
But there was a down-side to being friends with Amanda, and that was Steve.
I wish I could say he was flawed, but that simply wasn't true. Everything about him seemed so perfect. He was tall, dark, and handsome, good at sports, smart, charming - everything I'd ever wanted. But there was one thing about him that gave me the strength to turn him down every time he asked me out, and that was the simple fact that he wasn't Jeremy.
Jeremy didn't have the classic good looks, the affinity for sports, the golden words, or the academic skills, but he had everything that was actually important to me. He was able to calm me, soothe me, love me during my worst. He could make me weak in the knees when we kissed. He called me beautiful and sweetie and baby. And most importantly, he trusted me. And that meant the most.
Still, I must admit Steve was tempting when I was seeing him every day. I hadn't seen Jeremy in about 2 months now, and all the phone calls in the world couldn't replace the way it feels when a man touches you the way a gal wants to be touched. Even something as simple as holding my hand or throwing his arm around me - these were the things I longed for again.
"The squad's being announced today," Amanda said excitedly as we sat at lunch on Friday. "You might want to check the list."
"Yeah?" The way she looked at me, her eyes creasing into half-moons as she lit up, seemed to tell me that I had made it. Or maybe she was just really happy about her bologna sandwich.
"You should check the li-ist," she smiled in a sing-songy voice.
I was very excited at first, but then immediately panicked. "So IF I made it, what does that mean?"
"Well," she started, "IF you made it, and IF your name is on that list, you MIGHT want to show up at my house tomorrow for the pool party. IF you made it," she winked as she took another bite.
"Pool party?"
"Yeah, I always have a pool party for the squad. It's a whole big thing - we cook out and eat corn on the cob and hot dogs and drink lemonade and swim all stinking day!" she hummed to herself in her merry way as she took a sip, as if it were the very lemonade she had just been speaking of. "And you are gonna love my pool!"
"Yeah?"
"It's one of the biggest in the city. Took my dad two years to design and build, and it's so pretty... people who tour the city come by to see it. It's considered an architectural masterpiece. You will absolutely flip!"
"Really? I can't wait!"
She smiled. "IF you made it, that is."
Of course, my name was on the list. There were eight of us chosen, well, ten including alternates. It felt so exclusive, and even if Amanda had only picked me because I was her friend, I didn't even care. It just felt amazing to be part of something I would be appreciated in.
But then the fear struck again as Amanda looped her arm through mine and walked down the hall with me. "You are gonna spend tomorrow swimming and sunbathing! How does that sound?" she asked.
It sounded terrifying. I didn't know how to swim, but I didn't want to be a stick in the mud just because of that. Mentioning it seemed like a bad idea, since apparently she looked forward to this party every year, and to think that I would have to tell her I couldn't join the fun seemed like something I would wait on until the last possible minute.
"It sounds awesome!" I lied. I had to lie.
"Ok, so do you know any of the other girls? Mary or Jessica or Beth? Her name is Elizabeth, too, but she goes by Beth, so it shouldn't be confusing."
"I don't know any of them, no."
"Well not even Rachel or Lucy or Sarah? And not Hannah?"
"Nope, sorry. I mean, I know some of those girls by sight, but not personally."
"Well, we'll fix all that tomorrow. And boy oh boy, will my brother ever be excited!"
"Yeah, I bet," I chuckled. "All those hot girls in bathing suits right in his own backyard..."
"No, I mean you'll be there," she smiled. "And he is just bonkers over you!"
"Oh, Amanda," I started to speak, trying to break it to her gently. "You know I can't go out with your brother. I'm with Jeremy."
"Oh, I know. But Steve will just be so glad to see you. You don't have to go out with him, just flirt a little. Make his day."
There was some sort of evil underneath those pearly whites, and I wasn't sure if I loved or hated it. "That seems mean," I said.
"Oh, he can be mean, too. He's a big brother, after all!"
"Yeah, but teasing his little sister is one thing. Flirting with him when I'm not interested is another."
"So you're not even a little bit interested?"
I noticed she was acting as though she was taking it personally, and that was the last thing I wanted.
"I think he's just terribly handsome," I confessed, "And if I didn't already have a boyfriend, I would totally date him, believe me." Even I was surprised at how eager I sounded. "But the fact is, I do have a boyfriend, and I do love him, so it's just not possible."
"Oh. Well, if it doesn't work out with him, I'm sure Steve would love that. Not that I hope it doesn't work out!"
I had to laugh at how she was acting. Here was a doting little sister, probably talking to me because her brother asked her to. "Neither do I!" I smiled.

When I called Jeremy that afternoon, he answered simply, "Did you get it yet?"
I loved that he knew it was me.
"Not yet," I told him. "Hi."
"Hi," he sighed.
"How is everything down there? I read that it rained last night. That must have been fun."
"Rain's not the same when I'm not kissing you in it," he told me. Those words of his...
"I miss you so much," I said as I laid down, pressing he side of my head into the phone.
"I miss you, too. But it'll be okay."
"I know," I told him. "But I just wish we weren't so distant like this. I wish... I wish I was back there with you."
I heard him sniffling on the other line.
"Are you crying?" I asked.
"No, I have a cold."
"Yeah. Okay." Was it wrong that I hoped he was lying?
"Hey, are you gonna be home tomorrow?" He asked.
"Why?"
"So I can call you."
"I'll be at a pool party. Oh! That reminds me... I made the cheerleading squad!"
"I'm so happy for you, baby!" he smiled on the other end. "I knew you'd make it, though."
"You're so sweet."
"You'll have to send me pictures of you in your uniform," he said. "It's getting old having to picture it in my head."
I chuckled a little. He was so sweet one second, then such a little pervert the next. But I liked it.
"So you'll be at a pool party?"
"Yeah, at my friend's house. You remember I was telling you about Amanda?"
"Right. What was her last name?"
"Grayson."
"And does she live pretty close to you, or..."
"Why are you asking? Are we running out of things to talk about?"
He told me that no, we weren't, but that he was trying to get a picture of how life was for me up there. As strange as it was, I gave him all the details he asked about, and after about ten more minutes of small talk, I heard my dad come home. "I have to go, Jeremy."
"You know, maybe it's weird, but I like when you say my name."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Say it again."
"Jeremy," I said in my best purr.
"Ok," he said after a moment. "I better go. You've got me all frustrated."

I must have bugged my dad for two hours for money for a bathing suit. He broke down, though, as he always did eventually, and hand me all the cash he had on hand, which as way more than enough for what I needed, and first thing in the morning, I took his extra car down to the mall and bought the simplest black one-piece I could find.
I wore it under a pair of white jean shorts and a sleeveless red top. I hated how I looked in the suit by itself, my strong legs much thicker than the slender gams on Cindy Crawford. My waistline, though smaller than it had been just months before, was still far from the ideal hourglass shape I'd craved. And my boobs - they seemed so huge in that thing. Like, not in a good way either.
She was right when she said I'd love the pool. Even though I couldn't swim, I could admire the beautiful sun deck that wrapped around and the gorgeous blonde stones that flanked the ridges of the water. At the ten foot deep end, there was a water polo court, and just outside the shallow end was a full wet bar, though of course it served only non-alcoholic beverages on this day.
"Hey!" Amanda greeted me as I walked onto the spacious grounds. "So glad you found the place okay!"
How could I miss it?
"Come on back, we've got a Barbeque going."
I wasn't particularly excited about all this, but I figured I'd be alright if I just got a nice tan and read a magazine or something. Maybe I would get lucky and there would be another girl who shared in my affliction.
But there wasn't. Every single one of those beautiful bitches was like, half-mermaid or something. And then Steve walked into the yard.
You know, as if it wasn't bad enough having to resist him while I was observing my chaste lifestyle (I had no choice), and that I had to look at this guy every day at school, but now he stood in the midst of us in short swim trunks and nothing else. What the hell was he doing to me?
"Ladies, I'll be your lifeguard today," he announced in his smooth tone as the girls surrounded, adoring him for the bronzed god he was. "It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it."
Every girl laughed at his cuteness, but I stayed back on my reclining lawn chair some twelve feet behind him. Getting any closer would have been too much for me to bear probably. As much as I loved Jeremy, missed him, wanted him, and all that crap, I was a horny teenaged girl. Luckily, though, I knew that. And I had just enough will power to resist.
"Marco!" Amanda shouted as she stood in front of me suddenly.
"Excuse me?"
"Marco!" She shouted even louder, as if that would translate somehow.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"It's a game, silly!" she smiled. Of course.
"Oh, well I'm not sure I've ever played it," I told her, returning to my Tiger Beat.
"One person yells Marco with their eyes closed, and everyone else yells Polo, and Marco tries to find the Polos," she explained, though I was still confused. "Come on in, we're all gonna play!"
"Oh," I cringed as I reached for my calf. "You know, last night I went or a run and I think I pulled a muscle, so I don't think I should swim today."
"Swimming's great for your muscles!" She told me. Awesome. Not only did she have the personality of Strawberry Shortcake, but she was like a female Doogie Howser, too.
"I really don't feel up to it," I said. "Maybe later?"
"Suit yourself," she smiled. "But there's no way you're getting out of showing off your basketball skills in Aquahoops."
"Okay," I gave in, only because I had no idea what she was talking about, and I kind of just wanted her to leave me alone.
As she walked away, and when was certain no one was looking at me, I removed my shirt. It wasn't really hot enough for a pool party, but they actually had heaters on the deck for us. I guess they'd thought of everything. Once my top was off, I became very aware of how ridiculous I looked in a bathing suit and shorts that were now just too big on me. As subtly as I could, I slipped out of them. And it was nice finally baring my body just a bit. It had been a while since I felt comfortable enough to wear this little.
For several blissful minutes, I was able to flip through my magazine and admire Michael J. Fox and throw myself into another world where swimming pools and long-distance relationships don't exist. And just as I'd gotten to the month's centerfold, I noticed a shadow slowly creeping over the pages, and I looked up to see a face that, though it was certainly nice to look at, gave me a sick feeling inside my gut. It was Steve, and he stood over me with that family smile, though his was far more pleasant an experience, and I felt so guilty for thinking he was attractive. But still he stood there, hands on his hips, staring down at me like a creep.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
"That depends," he smiled as he sat beside me. "Does your pulled muscle prevent you from walking to the bar with me?"
"Some bar," I smirked. "There's nothing in there but lemonade and water."
"It's still a bar," he said. "And I still want to walk there with you.
I figured there was no harm in walking, and I didn't want to sit in the same spot all evening and do nothing, so I agreed. "Ok, fine," I smiled, much happier to oblige than I was letting on.
We walked to the bar silently and he reached over to the countertop, grabbing a tray full of lemonade glasses. "Here," he said, handing them to me as he took one of equal size.
"You only wanted me to walk with you so I could carry this for you?" I asked, indignant. Again, I chalked it up as another case of my assuming someone found me attractive when really I was just another girl.
"Not the only reason," he smiled as his muscles bulged under the wait of the tray. "But it worked as an excuse getting you over here with me, didn't it?"
"Touché," I smiled back.
"So what's your story, Pachiatorri?"
I really wished he hadn't rhymed it like that. This level of cuteness was killing me.
"No story," I said.
"Everyone's got a story."
"True," I nodded, "But mine's nothing special. Basically I live here with my dad, but I used to live in California with my mom."
"Interesting," he lied. How could it be interesting? By this point we had reached the deck and were setting the trays down. "So why don't you take a swim?"
"I don't know," I said as I took a sip from a glass I'd claimed.
"You do swim, don't you? I mean, isn't everyone from California a swimmer?"
I didn't want to tell him the truth, but I had to. "I don't swim," I mumbled. "But I didn't want to hurt Amanda's feelings. She was so excited about this, and I didn't want to seem ungrateful."
"Ah, don't worry about her, she's a big girl," he smiled.
It was easy talking to him - easier than I thought it would be. He wasn't intimidating or interested in just how fast he could get down to business, so to speak. He was actually one of the nicest guys I'd ever met. He was confident, but not cocky, and he listened to my words as I spoke. I hadn't had that since Jeremy, and I missed the feeling of having a guy look into my eyes and take in every word I said. For a while, I forgot about the misery I went through every day, not seeing Jeremy, only talking to him for ten minutes at a time. For a while, there was no past life in Cali, no Allison or Jenny or Charlotte, and even, for just a very brief while, there was no Jeremy.
"You guys, let's play Aquahoops!" Amanda called to us.
"Just come in with me," He told me softly. "You can get on my shoulders."
It was too good an offer to refuse. Once we'd entered the pool, I hopped onto his shoulders, and he carried me in. Between the two of us, we were probably taller than the house!
For the first time since I'd arrived in the state of forests and rain, I was thoroughly enjoying myself. The girls were all very nice - not the stuck-up beauties that cheerleaders were back home. They didn't sit around talking about the guys they'd blown or how drunk they got on the weekends. We were talking about travel and beauty tips. I didn't typically like this girly stuff, but I think that's only because I didn't have girls to do it with. Girls had never liked me. But I liked this.
We ended the evening over a bonfire, and as the stars peeped out into the sky above us, I took that as a cue to call it an evening and get home.
"I better get going," I told the group as I stood and grabbed my clothes.
"Let me walk you to the car," Steve said as he jumped up to join me. Thinking back, I wish I had refused. I wish I had told him not to walk with me. I wish I had left right away, or hadn't engaged in conversation with him earlier that day. I wish I hadn't even gone to the party that day. But hindsight is 20/20.
We walked down the long path down the driveway, and as I pulled on my shorts, he threw the blanket we'd been sitting on around my shoulders. We were silent, but once we'd gotten out of the view of the girls, he very quickly and sneakily slipped his hand into mine.
As a knee-jerk reaction, I pulled it back immediately. "I... can't." I told him.
"Sorry," he said, shaking his head at himself in embarrassment. "That was inappropriate."
"It's ok," I told him. "I just, it's only that I have a boyfriend."
"I know, I know," he said. "I'm really not a pig, I just like you a lot, you know."
I felt so horrible turning him down, but I was in love with Jeremy. I was deeply, passionately, furiously in love with Jeremy. These things I was feeling with Steve weren't real - it was only that I missed my own boyfriend so much. When we reached the end of the driveway next to my car we stood there, just looking at each other. Those pitiful eyes of his hit me in the pit of my stomach, and he reached out to shake my hand. "Well, I'll see ya," he smiled.
I shook his hand and giggled at how childish it seemed. "See you Monday," I answered.
We shook for much longer than we needed to. He did because he liked me, and I did because I missed being touched by a guy. We must have looked so pathetic, and as strangely bright lights illuminated us suddenly, he leaned in smoothly and placed a soft kiss on my cheek.
"What the fuck is this?"
I turned toward the lights and saw a familiar figure standing, a silhouette with broad shoulders and baggy jeans, large fists that stayed clenched as they approached us.
"Oh my god," I said as I realized who it was. "Jeremy!"