Nightingale

"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" I asked Kennedy and John Gomez after taking a bite of my pasta.

Kennedy put down his beer and let out a sigh. "I can't tell you, Sav. Do you think you are?"

I shrugged. "I think I just don't deserve to be happy. I've done so many things that I shouldn't have and I don't deserve Joel or John. I don't even deserve either of you as a friend."

John Gomez sighed. "Look baby girl, you can pull that all you want but we love you. You're stuck with us."

Softly, I sighed and excused myself to use the restroom.

Back at the table, Kennedy pursed his lips at John Gomez, who was frowning. He was truly distraught of Savannah's situation. Kennedy spoke up. "This is really tearing you up, isn't it? You really care for Sav."
"She shouldn't be with John. She should be with Joel. She can't get hurt again. Last time... It almost destroyed her, Ken. I know you know an extent to it, but you didn't see all that I saw. She was completely broken and shattered."
"I know you want to stop it. Protect her from it. But you're not always around. You don't see what I see. It's not just that she makes him a better person. And she does. But, he changes her, too. John challenges her. Surprises her. He makes her question her life. Beliefs. Joel is different. His love is pure and he'll always be good for her. But John is either the best thing for her or the worst."

John stayed silent.

Sitting back down, I smiled at the boys. "I love you both," I told them. "But I feel like I'm going crazy."

"I feel bad for the people who never go crazy. They don't know what they're missing out on," Kennedy said, smiling at me. "Have you talked to John since the engagement?"

Shaking my head, I took a sip of my drink. "I tried to call him the other day but he wouldn't accept my call." I glanced at my hand, looking at the gorgeous ring. "I can't marry Joel, can I?"

I was speaking mostly to myself. Of course I loved Joel so much. He's been so ecstatic since the engagement and he kept talking about wedding plans. It was too much for me, and it was driving me crazy.

"I think you need to decide, Savannah. Once and for all. If you pick Joel, then you need to completely let go of John. Nothing more than Noella. You can't do that to Joel. And if you pick John, then you need to tell Joel and try to fix everyone's relationships with him. Because you know it'll get ruined if you go about it wrong. But if you pick John, then it'll have to be John. You can't go there again and then end it, for Noella's sake and for both of you and John's sake," John Gomez explained.

Kennedy agreed. "He's right, Sav. Maybe you should take some time for yourself. Get away for a couple days. We can help with Ellie, if you need us to."

He was right. I did need to get away. I needed some time on my own, to clear my head and get my thoughts together. After agreeing with Kennedy, I reached for my phone. I opened up a new message to John and typed a short note and sent it.

"John, please call me when you can. It's regarding Noella," I read. The boys both nodded.

It was only seconds later when my phone began to ring. It was John. I answered it and he greeted me back. "Do you think you can watch El for a couple days? I need to... to clear my head for a couple days."

"Is everything okay?"

He sounded genuinely concerned. "I don't know, John. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Can you watch her?"

"Of course. I'll uh, stop by later to pick up some more of her things... If that's alright."

We agreed on a time that I knew Joel wouldn't be home at. It was soon, which meant I had to leave my lunch with the boys soon. I hugged them both goodbye and kissed their cheeks.

When I got to my apartment, John was already there. Ellie wasn't, which confused me since he was watching her. I asked where she was, an he told me that she was with Jenny, his mother.

"Look, John, can we talk?" I asked.

He glanced at me. I looked at his eyes, and they looked exhausted. He looked drained. "I don't really have it in me, Sav."

We walked into Ellie's room and he went to her closet. "John, I don't know if I can marry Joel."

He glanced over his shoulder at me. "Please just stop."

And I did. I didn't bring it up. I just helped him pack Ellie's things she would need for the next five days.

"Okay, make sure she goes to bed on time. And make sure she makes it to school on time and don't let her eat too many sweets. You need to comb her hair after she showers and she still needs some help with washing-"

"Savannah, I got it," he cut off. "I know how to take care of our daughter."

Pursing my lips together, I nodded. He was right. I never gave him enough credit when it came to Ellie. "Okay, well tell her I love her and please have her call me every night before she goes to bed."

I walked him down to his car. He smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. I knew it didn't because his gaze had barely lingered from my left hand. We said goodbye shortly and he left.

Once I was inside, I began to pack a bag for myself. Halfway done, I heard Joel come inside. I left our room, finding him in the kitchen.

"Hey babe, where's El?"

"John is gonna uh, watch her for the next five days. I'm uh... I'm going away for a couple days, Joel."

He stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm just... I need to clear my head. I'm gonna go stay with Lorraine and Ross for a couple days in LA."

Joel wasn't happy I was leaving but he understood. He helped me finish packing and he put my bag in my car. He gave me some gas money, which I tried to reject but he wouldn't let me, and he kissed me goodbye.

The drive wasn't that bad. It was peaceful. It felt nice to have some time on my own. When I arrived at Lorraine and Ross' place, they greeted me.

"Baby, why don't you let me and my sister talk for a little?" Lorraine said, putting her hand on his chest.

He smiled and nodded. "How's my little princess?" Ross asked first.

"She's good. She's with John while I'm gone, though. She misses her uncle Ross," I told him. He hugged me, kissed my head, then kissed Lorraine before disappearing to their room.

Lorraine grinned at me while directing us to her kitchen. She pointed to the two bottles of wine on the counter. "Alright, so what the hell is going on, Sav?"

"Joel proposed," I said.

She regained her grin and nodded. "I know, he asked me what I thought about it!"

"Wait, he did?"

Nodding once more, I saw her grow confused at my not so pleased look. I didn't blame her, she had no idea what was going on and she wasn't a big fan of John. "Why...why is that bad?"

"Lorraine, what I'm about to tell you has to stay between us. You can't tell Ross, you can't tell Mom or Dad or Aiden or anyone, okay?" She agreed. "I've been... I've been seeing John."

"Well duh, he's Ellie's father."

I sighed loudly. "I've been fucking John," I whispered.

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "What the fuck, Savannah? You're cheating on Joel with - with John?"

I shushed her. "Jesus Christ, Lorraine, could you say it any louder? I don't think Joel heard you back in Arizona!"

She put her hand to her mouth, apologizing. "God Savannah, what web have you tangled yourself in? I can't believe this..."

"I know, it just happened! But I don't know what to do. I love Joel with all my heart. He's exactly what I need for myself and for Noella. He's perfect. But John... John is-"

"The love of your life," she finished. "Look, no one is more of an advocate of you and Joel than I am, but sis, John is your epic love."

I didn't get a chance to respond because Ross walked into the kitchen. He had a guilty look on his face. "So I couldn't help but overhear," he started, which made me glare at Lorraine and scold her loud voice. "I won't say anything, I swear. But Sav, you need to let John go. He's my brother and I love him to the moon and back, but you're my sister also. And I have to look out for you and my niece. Lorraine is crazy with that epic love bullshit-"

"Ross!" she scolded.

"Babe, I'm sorry but it's true. If it were an epic love, John wouldn't have cheated on her. Joel would never do that to you. He wouldn't hurt you or Ellie ever. He's what you need and he's what El needs."

He placed his hand on my back, rubbing it while I let out a long sigh. After, he got a water bottle from the refrigerator and said goodnight to us both.

Lorraine and I stayed up talking. I told her how it all happened and everything that had been happening in the months since. I told her about what Ellie and Aiden had been up to. She told me about her and Ross and how their life in LA was going.

Both had gone to Arizona State University and graduated together. Lorraine had majored in hotel management and she got a job offer in Los Angeles upon graduation. It wasn't something she could turn down and that whole decision had taken a strain on their relationship since Ross didn't want to leave Arizona, and he didn't want to lose Lorraine. His major was just business management and because Lorraine loved Ross so much, she found him a job in Los Angeles. When he found out she did, he agreed happily to move there. From what it seemed like, they were both very happy together.

It was obvious how much they loved each other. From the moment they met, Ross' world revolved around my younger sister and hers around him. They were inseparable and just crazy in love.

"But I don't think he's going to propose any time soon," she whined, pouring the last of the second wine bottle into our glasses.

I laughed. "Don't rush it, Lor. You two are both still so young and have so much time to be engaged and married. Besides, if you got married before me, I would kill you."

We both laughed together and soon after, we finished our wine and went to bed.