Nightingale

The last 17 hours had been a blur. It was like my body was on autopilot and I had absolutely no control over the actions that it carried out. One second, I was with Jake and I was laughing, the next I was at my apartment back in Arizona, packing a new bag while my old dirty clothes landed in the laundry basket. No one was home luckily, so my autopilot carried out in silence. My brain wasn't thinking, I was just doing. When I arrived at my final destination, I was certain I had broken several traffic laws, since I couldn't even remember the drive there.

When I got out of the car, I looked up. My eyes were met with a green pair that were on the apartment balcony, staring at me with such confusion. A cigarette was hanging from his lips. I shrugged my shoulders and I grabbed my bag from the back seat.

I made my way up the flight of stairs to the second floor and just as the door opened, my eyes meeting his, the autopilot snapped off suddenly. I was extremely aware of my actions out of nowhere and my eyes widened but I maintained my composure.

"What are you doing here?"

Again, I just shrugged. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I licked my lips and then shut my eyes.

His breathing and my heart beating were the only noises I could hear. Everything hit me and all I wanted was to just forget the last year and everything that happened between us. But I couldn't. I knew I couldn't.

"I uh," I finally managed to say, "I know what I want now."

When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me, waiting for me to tell him.

"Do you?" he asked when I didn't continue. I nodded. His eyes fell to the bag at my side. "You left Joel."

It wasn't a question that he asked, it was a statement. "Kind of. Not technically... he wasn't home when I was there. I just got back about two hours ago... I packed and just... came here."

"You didn't tell him?" I shook my head. "Savannah," he sighed. I stepped inside the apartment, my eyes searching for Ellie. "She's with my parents." I nodded. "Savannah-"

I cut him off, reaching for his hand. "Do you not want this anymore?"

"Savannah-"

"Because if you don't, just tell me. I can go back before he knows I left."

"Savannah, of course I want this. This is the only thing I want, I want us to be a family. I want to be with you forever, but you need to tell Joel."

I knew he was right. He was always right. "John, I didn't want to do that right away. I needed to see you, I needed to be with you as soon as I got back. I couldn't face him, I can't yet. He's going to be... just so hurt. He's going to hate us."

Instead of replying, he kissed me. It felt like the greatest moment of my life, like this was where everything had led us to. "I love you," he murmured. "I'm happy you're here."

"And I love you, John. And if you ever cheat on me again, that's the end, okay? I won't forgive you a second time."

He nodded. "I know."

We spent the next couple hours together. Just the two of us, lost in each other and everything that consumed us. It was the most perfect hours of my life. Everything was as it should be.

It was as easy as breathing, to be with John. It was the most relaxed and myself moments I'd ever felt.

We lied in bed together, nothing but a thin coffee colored sheet draped over our bodies, and he grinned at me. "This is the way it's supposed to be, isn't it?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yes, it is."

As if right on cue, my phone started blaring through the silence. Without even reading the caller ID, we both knew who it was. We stayed silent as it rang, and once it ended, it began to ring again, and then a third time after that.

"He saw my things," I murmured.

John nodded. He sat up, then let his hand fall to my cheek. "Go see him." I opened my mouth to protest, but he silenced me with a kiss. "Please, Savannah. You need to make this right with Joel. He did everything for you and... you owe him this."

Again, I knew he was right. I slipped from the bed and slid on my clothes, only wishing to be back in bed with John. He didn't let his eyes leave mine. He watched my every move and I could feel my body still on fire from his touch. Just the thought of how he touched me, how he loved me, made my skin burn with passion.

And then I was on my way to break the heart of someone who loved me just as much as John did.

~

"I'm not an idiot," he murmured. "Of course I knew... I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want to even think about it..."

He was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands as he let a tear slip from his eyes every couple seconds. "I'm so sorry, Joel. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you, ever. I'm just so sorry."

"I know you are and I know you didn't." With a sigh, he stood up and brushed his hands on his jeans. "Just give me a couple days to get my stuff, please."

"Take all the time you need...," I told him, confused as to why he wasn't yelling and screaming and cursing. "Joel-"

He shook his head. "Just don't. Don't try to defend yourself anymore, Savannah. I don't have it in me to hear it. I don't want to fight, I don't want to scream. Let's just do this as peacefully as possible please." When I didn't say anything back, he began to make his way to the bedroom. "Do me a favor though, please?"

"Anything," I managed to say.

"Just be careful with John. You may have forgiven him for what he did, but he's still the same person he's always been. He's not going to change, Savannah. Don't let him hurt you again. Because I won't be there next time, and I doubt many people will be after all of this."

His words stayed in my mind when I left and made my way back to John's place. I knew everything he said was true, and I knew to be cautious with John. He was still the same John as five years ago, and he always would be, but I couldn't hold that over his head. I had made mistakes too, just as he did.

I thought back to my final moments in LA with Jake. The moments that made me completely sure that it would always be John.

Jake and I had been sitting on the beach, just talking about absolutely nothing. He was telling me about something crazy Eric had done one time when they were hanging out. And then I had told Jake a story about all of us and the weird things Eric always did. One particular story involved John and just like that, I knew. I paused halfway through the story and Jake looked at me with his know it all look.

"Well, it looks like I just lost you," he told me, grinning. "I'll always be here for you, Savannah. Always. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call me. John... he's a lucky man, he better know what he has. Go get your man, baby. Call me later."

Without hesitation, that was exactly what I did next.