My Forever Girl

Naira’s P.O.V.

The thing I love the most about my parents is their unconditional love. Always so forgiving, when I know I don’t deserve it. Of course it wasn’t easy, my father had a lot to say; “where were you”, “you had your mother worried sick”, “you need to fix your attitude before I fix it for you”, and well… let’s just say he’s been holding back ever since I got home, but yesterday he let me have it. It really was an eye opener to see how much I’ve disappointed my parents; to see my father’s copper skin turn red from anger, and my mother’s eyes puffy and red from crying. Who does that to their family? What kind of monster have I become?

Even though they accepted my apologies, I could still see the hurt in their eyes. “I’m sorry”, just wasn’t enough this time, and I knew that. It would take some time to heal the open wounds I had created, but we would have plenty of that.

I didn’t want to spread the news about what I had decided as far as school until it was official, but I just couldn’t wait to tell my parents. My mother was overly excited to know I’d be home, where I belonged. My father was unhappy about it, until I reassured him I planned on transferring to a school closer to home.

The guilt of Jayden still being left in the dark was weighing on me; I still wasn’t sure how I was going to explain all of this. I really did care about him, but it wasn’t enough, it never would be. I didn’t want to hurt him, but like Claire said, he’d end up hurt one way or another anyways. I really did dread the conversation that still needed to happen.

All those worries got put on the back burner for now. I had other problems to worry about at the moment. I clutched the plate of cookies with my sweaty palms as we drove up to Aunt Emily’s house. I was nervous to see them all again, after everything that has happened since I’ve been home I wasn’t sure how they would react to me being there.

“Come on honey”, my mother said, looking back at me with her kind smile.

We were greeted by Emily, “Hello Aunt Emily”, my voice squeaked. “I made some cookies for the party”.

“They look delicious”, she smiled. My nerves began to calm little by little. “You can set them in the kitchen with the rest of the food”, she added.

I waved and said my hello’s to everyone I saw, but I could help but notice the one face I wanted to see most was still missing.

“Embry’s not here, if that’s who you’re looking for”, Leah said, as she entered the kitchen.

“Oh”, was all I could reply. Her glare made me uncomfortable.

“Haven’t you caused enough trouble already? Leave him alone”.

“I’m not here to cause problems; I just want to talk to him”.

She grinned, “Good luck with that, he’s not coming”.

Jayden’s P.O.V.

“It’s nice being with family during the Holiday’s; don’t you agree Lilly”, my grandfather asked, leaning back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest. We sat at the kitchen table and ate our breakfast in an awkward silence; well it was silent, up until this point.

Ignoring the fact that my mother didn’t respond, he looked at me with that creepy grin of his, “Jayden, did you sleep well”?

I shook my head no in response. I don’t see how anyone could have gotten a good night’s sleep; the damn coyotes were out in full force, howling away.

“Ah, the coyotes”, he shrugged his shoulders, “you’ll get used to them after a while”, he replied. It was like he knew what I was thinking, one of the many reasons why this man creeped me out.
I had no intention of getting “used” to the howling of the coyotes; I was ready to get the hell out of here. I was starting to believe I was going crazy.

“Did you miss me”, the voice flowed through the open window as an owl landed on the window sill.
I stared at the bird in complete shock, did I really just hear it talk, “I have to go”, I said into the phone as I hung up on Naira.

“Ah Naira, that’s exactly who I came to talk to you about”, the bird cocked its head as it stared back at me. It was official; I have completely lost my mind. My jaw dropped as I tried to come up with a reasonable explanation for what was happening. I had to be dreaming, I thought to myself.
“Geez kid, close your mouth before you start drooling”, the bird flapped its wings like a person would throw up their hands in frustration. “You’re not dreaming; I’m really here talking to you. Look, this is the form I took when I… Oh forget it, that’s not important. What matters is I’m here to help you with the problem between you and Naira”.

“There is no problem between Naira and me”, I replied, defensively.

The bird made some sort of noise, almost as if he was laughing at me, “You have a big problem, and his name is Embry. If you truly want Naira all to yourself, you need to get rid of him”.

My grandfather’s gruff voice pulled my attention back to the present, “Well seeing as it is Christmas how about you both open your gifts”, he pushed two rectangular boxes across the table, “Jayden, why don’t you open your gift first”.

The man’s eager face almost made me afraid to find out what was inside, but I opened it anyways. Inside laid a plain black lace, “Thanks”, I replied, trying to sound grateful for… for whatever it was that I just received.

I jumped at the boom of his laughter, “It’s to put the carving of your spirit animal guide on once you learn what yours is”. Noticing my confused expression, he continued, “This is mine”, he said, as he pulled out the black necklace that was tucked beneath his shirt. Hanging from it was a carving of a coyote. His “spirit animal” matched him alright; they are both creepy.

“Mom’s necklace”, my mother whispered as she pulled an identical necklace from the box that was slid to her, only the carving hanging from it was of a rabbit, not a coyote.

“I have no use for it”, my grandfather said, as he looked away in pure disgust.
Before I could even comprehend what was happening, my mother stood from the table with tear filled eyes as she angrily stormed out the front door.

“Hmmm, and I thought she would have loved to have the only thing left of her mother”, the evil man across from me replied sarcastically with a smug grin on his face. “Oh well”, he continued, “Come with me and I’ll help you learn how to find out what your spirit animal is. It is a long journey through hours of meditation, but once he reveals himself to you it’ll be worth it”.

I stood from the table and began walking towards the door, “No thanks; I’m going to check on my mom”. There was no way I wanted any part in what that weirdo wanted me to do. I don’t have the time or the patience to sit long enough to let some animal reveal itself to me just so I can put a carving of it on the piece of lace he gave me.

I found my mother in the passenger seat of my car; crying her eyes out with that necklace still clenched within her fist. I got in and closed the door, maybe this would be the final straw for her; maybe we could finally get the hell out of here. I had no idea why she kept insisting to stay in the first place; we should have turned right back around the first day we got here.

“I should have never left her”, my mother whispered; more to herself than to me.

“Left who”?

“Your grandmother”, she replied. “I should have never left her here with him”.

I tried my best to be sympathetic, but I had no idea what was going on, “Mom you got to tell me what’s going on. Where is she”?

She clenched her fist a little tighter, “She’s dead; he killed her”.

I leaned over and tried giving her a hug the best I could, “I’m sorry mom, but I don’t think you should jump to conclusions. You don’t have any proof and besides, if he did it I’m pretty sure he’d be in jail”.

She pushed me away and shook her head, “You don’t understand; the people out here are afraid of him. They all know the truth, and so do I. I can see it in those evil red eyes of his”.

It was like pulling teeth trying to get information out of her. Of course the man was a freak, but why would EVERYONE out here be afraid of him, “Mom, I still don’t understand. Why do you think he killed grandma? Why is everyone “afraid” of him, as you put it”?

She sighed, “Jayden, remember when I told you grandpa was a well-respected Shaman, and the reason I left was because he wanted to teach me everything he knew..”, she paused, and I nodded eager to hear more of this story. “It’s not completely true. I did leave because I wanted more out of life than this, but I also left because your grandfather became obsessed with the magic. I became afraid of him, and so did your grandmother. I begged her to come with me, but she wouldn’t”. A single tear fell from her eye as she whispered, “I should have forced her to leave with me”.

I waited until she calmed down before I decided to ask anymore questions. It probably wasn’t the best time to ask, and I felt bad, but I had to know, “Why would he want to kill grandma”?

“Because he needed to”, she sobbed. “Your grandfather is… Well, he’s a monster”, she paused again. “There are a lot of things I’ve failed to tell you about our tribe and our beliefs, and I’m sorry, but I can’t. The things concerning your grandfather can’t be spoken of. Please, just let it be”.
She dropped a bomb like that and expects me to just let it be? I’ll leave it alone for now, but as soon as I get back home she can’t stop me from doing research. I think it’s time for me to learn about where I came from.

********************************************************************************** Owl Totem

Owls have been revered in many cultures as symbols of wisdom, knowledge, and unique vision. Unfortunately, they have also been feared and misunderstood by many other cultures who see them as omens of death and destruction. Due to their eerie nighttime call, they have been associated with banshees and goblins etc. Owls tend to be nocturnal, their large eyes and ability to almost fully rotate their heads give them keen night vision which makes them particularly fierce predators.
Great Horned Owls (the most common in the Americas) are easily recognized by the large tufts of feathers that look like "ears", but are not. Despite their large size, they fly silently and attack with stealth. Owls are associated with mediums, psychics, clairaudience, clairvoyance, and vision quests/journeying. Owl people are usually very psychic and in tune with or able to communicate with different dimensions and experience alternate realities. They don't fear death and darkness and tend to embrace it as part of the continual cycle of life.

Personal Reflection...

When owl comes to visit you it is because you are being challenged to open your "inner eyes and ears" and expand your perceptions of "reality". Owl people are often inclined towards metaphysical careers, philosophy, and new thought. Owls are usually heard calling at dusk and at dawn. People with owl totem also embody this twilight aspect, with the unique ability to pick up on realities that others often don't perceive themselves. Owl people are considered to be "walkers between worlds".

Coyote Totem

The coyote symbolizes playfulness, nonsense, intelligence, cunning and joy. Coyote people form strong family bonds and have strong preferences. They are highly adaptable, opportunistic, and versatile. They are often considered to be "pranksters" or "tricksters" in many cultures likely due to their cunning hunting techniques of running prey to exhaustion towards a hidden pack member who then finishes the kill.

People with coyote totems will often be cunning as well. Coyote's barks are very shrill and distinctive and how they call their pack together. Coyote people can use their own voice in ways that draw people together as well, but may sometimes have a hidden agenda.

Personal Reflection...

Coyote strengths are adaptability, communications, strong ties to family and working well with others. The challenge with coyote as a totem can be deception - either allowing ourselves to be deceived by others or being inclined to deceive or manipulate others to get our own way. The Coyote asks you to discern your true motivations and to "play fair" with others.

Fox Totem

Fox symbolizes cunning, stealth, and solitude. Fox people tend to be solitary individuals and are quite comfortable with that. Fox people have a love of home and are very adaptable. They are found in a variety of locations and hide themselves well from the outside world.
Foxes rely on their stealth and cunning to catch their prey. Fox people are also very adaptable and tend to rely on their inner guidance to navigate the outer world.

Personal Reflection...

Fox comes up to remind us of the need to be independent and self-reliant. They can warn us to watch out or be mindful of the hidden agendas of others, but not to become paranoid or close ourselves off completely. Fox speaks of the ability to tap into intuition and inner instincts to find answers to our questions.

Rabbit Totem

Rabbit represents caution, fertility, rebirth, and safety in numbers. Rabbits live in a variety of climates and habitats and are adaptable. They nest in groups and are very prolific despite their short life span. They often feed at night eating large amounts of vegetation which make them bothersome to farmers/gardeners. Rabbits are very cautious and scare easily, running at great speeds to escape danger.

Personal Reflection...

If rabbit appears to you it could indicate that you are working through current fertility issues. They also tend to appear when we are tempted to "run away" from a problem or fear rather than facing it head on. If rabbit has appeared to you, ask yourself what it is that you are afraid of and how can you address this fear in a constructive manner.