Wake the Dead

I wasn't sure how long we had been driving, but I could feel my butt start to get numb on the motorcycle. It had been a couple of days since the farm attack and when have been living on the road, trying to find a place to hold up in.

No one besides Daryl has talked to me, and I haven't talked to any of them. Hell, everyone is keeping their distance from me. I get nods from Rick or Glenn occasionally, but I can tell I'm making them ansty by not saying anything. But what is there to say? I still feel like if I open my mouth I will start screaming, crying, laughing? Or worse... my feelings.

Daryl is the only one who has gotten me even close to saying anything, but then I'm afraid I will say something that will scare him off.

Daryl hasn't left my side once the past few days, but I don't mind, I like when he is with me. I wish Daryl didn't care for me, I wish he could just let me go. I could see I was causing him pain, stress, worry, and I don't want to do that to him. But, it was too late, me leaving would only cause him more pain. But, staying in the state I am isn't any better...

I tightened my grip around him as we continued to drive off. I rested my head on his back and looked at the trees blurring by. Every time I saw the forest, I was only reminded of memories with Syd, or the forest that was behind her dead body. There was no escaping my painful thoughts like before, I couldn't push them back, my brain was fried from doing that for so long.

I tried to channel them into something else, but only ended up with massive amounts of anger that weren't good for anybody.

I gripped onto Daryl's shirt, he was my support, my anchor, and if I couldn't leave him then I was going to take the selfish route and never let him leave me.

We drove a little longer, but I eventually felt the bike start to slow. I looked up and around and I saw a decent sized house, hidden in the trees. I hoped off the bike so Daryl could get off, and Rick jumped out of his car, walking over. "We could see what's inside, hold up here for a little, it seems pretty hidden by the trees and big enough to fit us all." He said to the whole group.

Daryl nodded and grabbed his crossbow, while I grabbed my knife and we followed after Rick, T-dog, and Glenn. We slowly walked into the door and checked the first floor, it was clear. We then tiptoed up stairs and checked the multiple rooms and found nothing, until we got to the master bedroom. Inside where a man and a women, probably married, lying dead on the ground with bullet holes in their head and a gun near by. They opted out.

Rick looked around at everyone and signaled us to go back down stairs and check the basement. T-dog and Glenn went down, but came back up with looks of relief and told us they found nothing, this place was good.

I looked around and saw that it was definitely big enough to fit us all. It had a decent sized kitchen and dining area, a large living room with couches, at least 3 rooms upstairs and hopefully showers that work.

Rick walked outside and signaled everyone else inside. They all had smiles as they looked around and seemed satisfied. "There are three usable rooms upstairs, minus the master bedroom that we will have to move the bodies out of." Rick announced to everyone.

"The basement has a bed down there, it can be used, too." Glenn added in as he walked over to Maggie.

It was decided that Rick, Lori, and Carl got a room. Hershel, Beth, Maggie, and Carol got a room. And, T-dog and Glenn had one, leaving the basement for Daryl and I. No one really knew where to put me, so Daryl had to tell them I'd be with him, causing awkward looks are way, but it was also obvious people where relieved I wouldn't be with them.

Everybody went out to the cars to grab our stuff, no one really had much, but Daryl had managed to grab his and my bag from the farm. Everyone was excited to get to their rooms, so I followed Daryl down the stairs to the basement.

It was a little small for a basement, but I didn't mind. It had a small bathroom, shower, and bed. I threw my bag on one of the random tables and went into the bathroom. I immediately walked towards the shower and turned a nob to see if it worked. Miraculously water started to spit out of it, thank god.

I turned to walk out, but froze when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I barely recognized my eyes, they seemed darker, lifeless, as well as my face. I had dirt and blood all over my face and neck, but some was washed off from my tears. My hair was a mess and was matted to my face, making my cheek bones stand out. The large, dark bags under my eyes and lack of color in my face helped make me look as bad as I felt.. I looked horrifying.

I felt a warm hand on my wrist, making me snap my eyes away from my reflection to Daryl. His eyes where bright, but soft, looking into mine. He pulled me out of the bathroom and shut the door behind us. I sat down on the bed and he began pacing in front of me. "What's goin on in ya head, Fi?" He asked, stopping his pacing for a moment, but just continued when I didn't respond.

"Ya gotta talk to me, Fi!" He yelled a little. I felt selfish for not talking to him, but I was afraid of the only words that I would say if I opened my mouth to him. The words broke every rule I had every set for my self in my previous life and I was afraid they would ruin everything. "Why can't ya jus' fuckin talk to me!?!" Daryl yelled again as he stopped pacing and walked over to me.

I stood up and shoved him away as he got closer, causing his eyes to widen and shock as he took a step away from me. My mind was going crazy, all the emotions had been sucked from me, then stored there and Daryl Dixon was making everything freak out. I opened my mouth to say something, but then shut it quickly. "What, Fi? Fuckin spit it out!" Daryl yelled.

"I CAN'T BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" I yelled at him.

All the anger seemed to be washed out of his face. I quickly ran up the stairs, not wanting to stick around and watch him pack his things and go. This was Daryl Dixon, he has never loved or been loved, and he wasn't going to stay around me now. This is why I didn't want to talk!

Daryl didn't follow after me this time, so I sucked in a breath and slowly made my way over to the kitchen. "Are we safe with her?" I heard a little voice ask, Carol. I instantly felt anger rush through my veins, knowing she was talking about me. "We've all lost people before, but she is just taking this to a whole nother level!" I heard a different female voice say, Lori. Remember when I said I could channel all my emotions into anger? Yeah, well I cant control it now..

I stepped into the kitchen and everyone jumped, looking at me with wide, fearful eyes. I'll give them a reason to be scared...

I looked around at everyone standing in the kitchen. It was pretty much everyone in the group, minus Carl and Daryl. I stalked over to where Lori and Carol were standing, but didn't say anything... words couldn't express the anger I was feeling. I felt her sink under my stare as I approached her.

I noticed there was a wooden box that was holding multiple kitchen knives. "Wana see me take it to a whole nother level?!" I asked in a quiet, rage filled voice. She took a step back as I reached for one of the kitchen knives, my hands now shaking from anger.

When I grabbed the knife, I grabbed it so the blade was facing me. I looked Lori straight into the eyes as I took the knife and ran it down my lower arm and felt the numbness take me over again. I heard a few gasps through out the room, but didn't stop. Why stop? I knew because of Daryl, but I probably just scared him away.. lost him. If Trey where in my situation, would he even chose to survive anymore?

The blade reminded me of the one my father used to use on me, the one I used to kill Trey, the one I used to kill my parents, and the one the creepy man used to take away my baby.

I felt blood run down my arm and tears down my face as I thought of Syd.

The knife being smacked out of my hand and the noise of it as it fell to the ground, snapped me out of the trance I was in. I slowly started to back up as I saw Daryl next to me. The sadness became overwhelming and the anger never faded. I backed up and then quickly ran out the door, running outside as I heard Daryl yelled at them in the distance. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YA? YA DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S BEEN THROUGH! NONE OF YA!"

I just kept running, the trees blurring by me again, reminding me of Syd. I let out a body shaking sob and fell to the ground, onto my knees. I sobbed, my body feverishly shaking from each cry as I sat back, still on my knees, looking into the forest. It was dark now, but the moon wasn't as full as the last time I saw it.

I felt my stomach flip from sadness and I put a hand on it, feeling like my heart literally just fell into it. I put my other hand on the ground as I wheezed and sobbed.

I heard frantic footsteps behind me, obviously someone was looking for me. Why would anyone want to look for me? They all probably think I'm crazy, but I would never hurt them.

I felt the blood trickle out of my arm, how deep did I cut? Deep enough to make me a little woozy. "Guys! Over here!" I heard a voice call in the distance. I tried to get up and run away, but I just collapsed again onto my hands and knees. "Oh shit. Fiona!" I heard someone hiss out, then felt someone grab my arm, helping me stand, It was Rick. I then felt someone else come up and put their arm around my waist, Daryl. "Please don't take me back. They all hate me... I hate them." I said as I tried to struggle, but was too weak. "Nobody hates you Fiona." Rick assured me.

We soon approached the house again and they both helped me inside the door that Glenn was holding open. To my luck, no one was in the kitchen anymore. Daryl made Rick leave when we got to the basement door. Rick started to walk away, but then caught my eye and gave me a nod.

Daryl kept his his hand on my waist as he led me down the stairs, but when we got all the way down I grabbed my bag and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door. I turned the water on and stripped completely, jumping in to the shower. I couldn't tell if the water was cold or warm, my skin was too numb as the water washed off the blood down my arm. The blood stopped coming after a while, so I decided I was fine.

I ran my hands over my face and through my hair and then jumped out of the shower, the water was starting to burn me.

I store into the mirror at my reflection as I started to get dressed. I had my underwear on and was about to put my shirt on when I spotted my butterfly tattoo. I ran my fingers around it and thought of the day that I got it. I thought of the smile on Syd's face when she saw the finished version of it at the tattoo shop. I felt her arms around me as she gave me a hug, but then I felt them disappear and the coldness come back as I came back into reality.

I slid my shirt on and rested my hands on the bathroom counter, trying to keep my shit together, but failed. I took the little soap dispenser and through it across the bathroom, causing a loud bang to sound out. I then started sobbing again, how did I even have tears left?

The bathroom door swung open and Daryl appeared with a worried expression, but then saw me as I fell to my knees. He came to the ground and pulled me into his chest. "Let it out. Fi. Let it out." He said as he rubbed my back awkwardly. I buried my head in his shoulder as I cried out, gripping onto his shirt. I eventually cried my self out, but he still just sat there with me. "Sorry." I mumbled. "Probably gettin real sick of me cryin."
"Ya ain't got nothin to be sorry for, Fi." He said to me.

I pulled away from him and stood up, ready for him to leave, but he didn't, instead he stood and picked me up, sitting me on the bathroom counter, taking my arm in his hand. He inspected it, then dug through the bathroom cabinets, pulling out some white bandage. He wrapped up my arm in silence.

When he was finished he just looked at me, but I didn't look up at him. "Fi, bout what ya said earlier..." He trailed off, but I shot up from the counter. "Jus' forget about it." I said to him.

"Forget about it?!" He snapped at me.

"Yes! Forget about it because I can't..." I trailed off and looked down at my feet. "I can't lose ya." I mumbled.

He stepped forward to me, but I still didn't look up at him. "I ain't gona leave ya. Jus' never had no one love me before, Fi." He paused and I finally looked up at him. "Ain't ever loved someone neither. 'Sides Merle... Sometimes." He looked down to his feet and shifted uncomfortably. "Jus' sayin I don't know what it's like, but if I did love someone, it be you, Fi."

I felt like the numbness start to fade away as I felt my heart beat. Had I just gotten Daryl Dixon to basically say he loved me? I couldn't say anything, it was weird to feel something again. "Ya not gona start not talking again, are ya?" Daryl asked me, not happy that I wasn't responding.

I just walked over to him and kissed him, needing to feel his touch. He barely even tensed anymore and started to kiss back. I felt my lips tingle and the butterflies in my stomach again, I was so startled by the feeling that I shoot back away from him. I felt something, I felt something that wasn't numbness! "What?" Daryl asked in an annoyed and hurt tone.

I just threw my hands around his neck and started to kiss him more. He relaxed into the kiss and put his arms around my waist, lifting me up and carrying me to the bed. We didn't break the kiss once as he laid me on the bed, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I ran my hands in his hair and held the back of his neck, not wanting to ever break away from his touch.

He put one of his hands on my check, holding me with his calloused, but gentle hands. The kiss wasn't rough or lustful, it was gentle and passionate, making me start to feel my heart beat again. The sadness started to crawl away into the back of my mind, being distracted and taken over by love.

The sadness was still there, don't get me wrong, it will always be there, but hopefully so Daryl will be, too.